A Warblers Romance
by Ikazuchi Touketsu
Summary: When Nick finds a boyfriend in fellow Warbler Lewis, Jeff can't seem figure out why the new relationship bothers him so much. Nick was his best friend. Shouldn't he be happy for him? Or was there something buried deeper beneath Jeff's jealousy?    TRIGGER WARNING for chapter 10.
1. Distractions

**Why, yes. I actually took the time to write a Warblers fanfic based on Nick and Jeff. My own Niff fanfic! Or would that be Jeck? Jick? Neff? Oh, well. Whatever it is, here you go!**

**It's really just a fun side-story I wanted to do :) **

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><p>Jeff scowled across the classroom to where Nick sat beside Lewis, quietly passing notes back and forth. It had been at least a week since the two of them started dating, and Jeff couldn't fathom why in the world it bothered him so much. He was good friends with both of them. He should be happy for them. They made a good couple and they seemed happy together.<p>

So why couldn't Jeff just shake the uncomfortable nagging feeling he always got when he saw them together? He couldn't explain it to himself. Was he just being overprotective of his long time best friend, Nick? He knew him long enough to know that he was a tad bit emotional, and may not handle a big breakup very well. And of course Jeff wouldn't want to see his closest friend get hurt.

Somehow, though, he didn't think that was the reason why.

Across the room, Nick smiled down at the note Lewis had passed to him, scribbling down a response. Discreetly and unseen by the professor, he slid the note back over to his boyfriend. Lewis read the note with a vague smile, but before he could write a response, the teacher snatched up the note.

"No note-passing in my class, Lewis," she said loudly. "Unless it's something you'd like me to share with the class?"

Lewis's face went pale. "N-no, ma'am, Professor Jay," he mumbled, looking down at his calculus worksheet with embarrassment. In the desk next to him, Nick huddled over his paper, face beet red.

Jeff smiled sympathetically, but with slight amusement. He felt bad, knowing how self-conscious and easily embarrassed Nick was sometimes.

"I don't suppose you'll mind if I just read this out loud for the class, then," Professor Jay said threateningly, peering at the note in her hand.

Lewis looked ready to protest, but instead sunk down in his chair, averting his eyes from anyone and everyone in the room. Nick's face was redder than the trim on his blazer, and his expression said, "Just let me disappear now..."

Professor Jay opened her mouth as if to read the contents of the letter, but instantly halted as her eyes travelled along the note. Her mouth suddenly formed a stiff line and her face seemed to lose all color. "On second thought…" she mumbled. "I think I'll just give you boys a warning. No more note-passing in my classroom." She ripped up the note and walked across the room to toss it in the trash bin.

The bell rang just then. Jeff jumped to his feet immediately, grabbing his bag and moving across the room to where Lewis and Nick were gathering up to leave.

"Man, you guys sure are rebels, you know? Passing notes!" he teased. "It's unheard of."

Lewis rolled his eyes. "Next time, I'll stick to texting."

"Good idea," Jeff said. "I'm not sure I want to even know what was written in that note. Did you see Professor Jay's face when she read it?"

"It wasn't anything dirty," Nick assured. "She probably just didn't expect to stumble across any sort of love notes in an all boys' school…"

Jeff frowned to himself. So it _was _a love note. He covered up his disapproval with a laugh. "Probably not. And reading something like that aloud would have been cruel, so that's probably why she didn't."

"Thankfully!" Nick breathed fervently. "I would have just died of embarrassment if she had."

The three of them made their way out of the classroom together, headed to Warblers practice. Lewis inched closer to Nick, intertwining their fingers together. Nick smiled shyly in response, a soft blush creeping across his cheeks.

Jeff looked away, keeping his gaze fixed ahead of him. Yeah, Nick and Lewis were dating, but did they have to display their feelings so openly? Jeff was understanding and completely accepting of Nick's sexuality, but he had his limits to what he would tolerate. He didn't want to have to watch the two of them crooning to one another, holding hands, kissing… It was more than he could handle.

They arrived at Warbler's practice just as the meeting was coming to order. Jeff moved to stand against the wall while Nick and Lewis sat beside each other on one of the sofas.

Jeff watched the two of them out of the corner of his eye with rising bile in his throat. Lewis had one arm around Nick. Nick rested his head against Lewis's shoulder, listening as the council discussed their formation and choreography for their upcoming performance. Jeff barely heard the sound of Wes pounding the gavel, snapping him into reality.

"Jeff? Jeff, pay attention!" Wes ordered sharply. "Our whole performance will be thrown off if even one of us isn't prepared."

"Oh, ah, yeah…Sorry," Jeff apologized in a mumble. "I'm just…tired."

"That's not a sufficient excuse to check out during Warbler's practice," Wes said. "Get more sleep. Drink some coffee. Just, please, pay attention during practice."

Jeff nodded stiffly. "Yes. Sorry, it won't happen again," he assured. He wasn't really making promises, though. This was the third time Wes had snapped at him just this week alone.

Jeff managed to half pay attention to the remainder of the meeting. He gathered that the song choice was decided and they'd actually practice the choreography tomorrow, at least. The bell ended practice not a moment too soon.

Jeff grabbed his bag, but before he could move, Blaine approached him. He greeted Jeff with a white smile. "Hey, Jeff. I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but notice that you've been kind of…out of it this passed week," he greeted right off the bat. "Is there anything bothering you?"

Jeff's focus faltered for a moment and his gaze drifted over to Nick. His best friend was just leaving the room, led by Lewis. They were holding hands, yet again, with big smiles plastered to both their faces. Jeff scowled to himself, and responded to Blaine very distractedly, "No, I'm fine… Um, like I told Wes. I'm just, er, tired."

Blaine blinked, furrowed his eyebrows, and followed Jeff's gaze over to Lewis and Nick. He, too, watched as the couple ambled out of the choir room hand-in-hand. Once they were gone, Blaine turned back to Jeff. "Does your 'fatigue' have anything to do with _that?_" Blaine asked quietly.

Jeff narrowed his eyes, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Lewis and Nick," Blaine said obviously. "Nick's your best friend. Does his new relationship with Lewis…bother you?"

"What? Of course not," Jeff said defensively. "I'm happy for Nick. He and Lewis seem to be happy together. I support them completely."

Blaine nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. But it's kind of funny. I had no clue Lewis was gay until like two weeks ago," he said, seemingly to himself. "And I think I have pretty strong gaydar, if I do say so myself."

It almost felt like that last statement was directed at Jeff. He frowned with uncertainty before shaking away the thought. It was only his imagination. "Yeah, well, I've got to get to class. I have a test in Latin today, so I can't be late."

"Alright. Good luck, then," Blaine said. "And if there is anything troubling you, I'm always open to talk—just so you know."

"Um…Cool," Jeff said confusedly. "I'll seeya later, man."

He quickly dismissed Blaine's offer for help. He couldn't think of any reason why he'd need to talk to the dark-haired Warbler. There was nothing wrong. Or, at least, nothing wrong that Jeff could really put his finger on. All he knew was that he was overly distracted by Nick's new relationship, but he couldn't really place a reason why.

He didn't need to speak with Blaine about anything. Or, not anything he was aware of.

Yet.


	2. Dinner

After school, Nick and Lewis stopped by the Lima Bean for some coffee together. They ordered their coffee—an iced espresso for Lewis and a latte macchiato for Nick—and took their places at a table.

"So, Nick," Lewis ventured. "I was wondering if you might be able to come over for dinner at my house tonight? I want you to meet my parents," he offered.

Nick sipped at his coffee for a long moment before setting the cup down on the table. "Already?" he asked. "We've only been dating for a week. They know we're together?"

"Yeah, I told them the other day," Lewis answered.

"And they're okay with it?" A week ago, not even Nick had known that Lewis was gay, so he doubted his parents had. Coming out of the closet wasn't usually that easy and quick of a process.

"They didn't seem to care, actually…They were a little surprised, but they didn't really ask me any questions," Lewis mumbled. "I'm not even sure if they believed me."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "Why wouldn't they believe you?" he queried.

Lewis shrugged. "They never take me seriously." He took a long, thoughtful sip at his espresso. "Or, more like it, they never even notice me."

In other words, his parents just simply didn't care? Well, that could be better than coming out to parents who hated the idea of 'gay….'

"Then why do they want to meet me?" Nick asked with confusion.

"No, _I _want themto meet you," Lewis corrected. "They don't really care. But I do."

Nick hesitated, biting his lip. Sure, he cared about Lewis, but he wasn't really sure about 'meeting the parents' just yet. Nick was out and proud, yes, but he wasn't very good at dealing with homophobia. What if Lewis's parents turned out to be not-so-accepting after all?

Lewis reached across the table to take Nick's hand. "Please? It would mean a lot to me," he pleaded with big, brown, puppy-doglike eyes.

Nick hesitated a moment longer before sighing in defeat. He smiled vaguely. "Alright, fine. I'll come to dinner tonight," he agreed.

A grin broke across Lewis's face and he squeezed Nick's hand. "You won't regret it," he promised.

…

Nick arrived at Lewis's house at 6pm. He rang the doorbell and Lewis thus answered the door, smiling a greeting. "Hey, Nick," he said as Nick stepped inside. "And welcome to the Mitchell residence. May I take your jacket?" Lewis shut the front door and helped Nick with his jacket.

"Well, aren't we quite the gentleman today?" Nick teased as he handed his boyfriend his jacket.

Lewis chuckled as he hung Nick's jacket up in the closet across from the front door. "I live in a manners-first household," he explained. He shut the closet door and took Nick's hand. "Come on. My mom is in the kitchen."

He led Nick down a corridor, through a dining room, and finally into the kitchen. This house was larger than Nick had expected it to be. At the stove stood a dark-haired woman, hair tied back neatly and clad in a sleek black blazer with a matching skirt. She had her head cocked sideways to hold her cell phone to her ear as she stirred whatever was on the stove.

"Mom?" Lewis greeted warily.

She glanced at him, faltering a moment when she saw Nick, but seemed to dismiss whatever thought she'd had. She beckoned for Lewis to take her place at the stove, which he did immediately. "What is it?" she questioned, moving across the kitchen to glance out the window. "I'm on hold for the moment, so hurry it up."

Lewis sent a funny look at what she had cooking in the pot—Nick guessed it might be squash—before turning to face his mother. "Um, I want you to meet Nick. He's my boyfriend." He motioned to Nick who in turn offered up a shy smile in greeting.

"Your boyfriend?" she echoed with a start, narrowing her eyes slightly at her son.

"Yeah. I told you about him the other day, remember?" Lewis reminded her. "You said I could invite him for dinner today."

She didn't appear to recall that at all but still nodded slowly. "So, he's your…boyfriend?" she verified.

Lewis nodded with a frank, "Yep."

She looked like she was going to respond when there was a faint voice from the other line of the cell phone. She straightened up abruptly. "Yes? That's right. Uh-huh. I just needed to confirm my reservation…" she started out of the room, calling over her shoulder to them, "You boys go ahead and set the table!"

Nick sighed with relief. Glad that was over…Although she hadn't seemed angry or upset in the least. Just a little confused. He glanced sideways at Lewis, who had turned back to the cooking squash with a distinct frown on his lips.

"What the matter?" Nick questioned with confusion, tilting his head questioningly.

"Nothing," Lewis mumbled. "She always acts like that. I should just get used to it."

"Acts like…what, exactly?" Nick asked softly.

Lewis shrugged, keeping his eyes fixed in front of him. "Distracted. Too busy to bother with me. Same old, same old, I guess…"

Nick smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry," he said. "I know how you feel. Both of my parents are always busy, too, seeing how they own an Italian restaurant. It's almost as if they work 24/7."

"Yeah, sometimes I feel like they don't even see me here…" Lewis muttered. He suddenly stood straight and moved over to a cabinet. "Help me set the table?" he asked, pulling out a stack of glass plates.

The two of them set the table, and about a half hour later, everyone was sitting down to eat. Mrs. Mitchell had made squash and grilled chicken for dinner, and despite his distaste for it, Nick forced himself to eat his helping out of courtesy.

All in all, dinner time was awkwardly quiet. Both of Lewis's parents formally greeted Nick, but both of them seemed confused at the concept of 'boyfriend.' Neither of them asked questions, though, and the subject never seemed to come back up. In any case, Nick supposed that was a better reaction than others could be.

The night dragged on uncomfortably slow. Lewis seemed to fall silent as well, and Nick guessed he was upset about his parents' lack of caring. This kind of response wasn't necessarily negative, but it wasn't accepting either. It was almost as if they were just flat out ignoring the news.

But at least his parents seemed to somewhat like Nick. They greeted him with smiles and asked the basic clichéd questions of, "How are you?" and "How is school going?" and so on. When he was leaving at around 8, they saw him off with smiles, saying, "It was nice to meet you," and "Feel free to visit anytime."

At least they were trying to be accepting. Nick and Lewis hugged goodbye for the night, and with that, Nick headed for home.

…

As soon as Nick left, Lewis's parents went back to planning for their business trip, packing their things and going over reservations. They didn't ask him a single question about the fact that they just had dinner with their son's new 'boyfriend.'

It was infuriating. Nothing he ever did seemed to make them care in the very least. He felt invisible in his own home, and no matter what he did, he couldn't seem to get his parents' attention.

Now what was he supposed to do? He hadn't planned ahead at all for what he would do if this backfired. And, boy, had it backfired! He knew he wasn't gay. He wasn't even bisexual. Lewis Mitchell was completely 100% straight. Being with Nick only confirmed that to him. So now what was he supposed to do?

Being with Nick didn't even pique the interest of his mom or dad. They just simply didn't give a damn. There was no reason for him to continue with this charade. But Nick was his friend. He cared about him, and he didn't want to hurt him with the truth. He had a few options, none of which appealed to him in the very least.

1. Dump Nick and come clean. Now, there were several problems with that plan. It could potentially ruin his friendship with Nick, and none of the Warblers would look at Lewis the same way when they find out that he was using a friend.

2. Continue to fake it. But he wasn't gay, and he felt awkward pretending to be. Still, it was a more appealing approach than coming clean. He wouldn't hurt anyone of his friends this way. And maybe he could get Nick to dump him?

3. Dump Nick and stay known as bisexual. Being in Dalton, he wasn't judged for his sexuality. Claiming he was bi would be a favorable choice to avoid coming clean about using Nick. But then there was _still_ the issue of hurting him in the breakup.

For now, Lewis settled with option 2. Maybe with time, he'll get some sort of parental reaction. And if not, then maybe Nick will get tired of him and end up dumping him. It was worth hoping for, at least…


	3. Babysitting

"Jeeefffyyy!" whined the small 5 year-old girl in the doorway to the kitchen. "I'm hungry!"

Jeff groaned in exasperation. "I know, Lily," he sighed to his little sister. "I'm working on it…" He just needed to find the phonebook, hoping that the local pizza place delivered to his place.

"I want food!" she cried. "I'm _starving!"_

Why did his parents have to leave him in charge? Babysitting his little siblings was _not _his idea of an enjoyable Saturday, especially not when he had the culinary knowledge of a small child. And there were no instant meals left to microwave! Jeff turned back out of the kitchen, lifting Lily into his arms. "Come on. Why don't you go play with Kandy in the living room?" he offered.

"No, I don't wanna! I want food!" she protested, pounding her little fists against his shoulder.

"I know you do! And I'm working on it!" he assured her in an irritated snap. He set her down in the living room where his youngest sister, two year-old Kandy, sat on the floor playing with a stuffed bear. "Just stay in here with Kandy or I'll never get any food prepared."

She crossed her arms, sticking out her lower lip in a grudging pout. "Fine," she gave in.

"Good." He ruffled her hair before dashing back to the kitchen. He opened a cabinet drawer and pulled out the handy-dandy phonebook. He looked up the closest pizza places, only to curse under his breath when he read 'Pick-up Only.'

He couldn't leave a 5 year-old and 2 year-old home alone to go pick up some pizza. But Lily wouldn't quit complaining until he fed her. They didn't have anything simple enough for Jeff to cook on his own, seeing how he barely knew how to even use the oven.

He did the only thing he could do in a situation like this: Call Nick.

Nick—good ol' faithful Nick—answered the phone on the third ring. "Hello? Nick speaking."

"Oh, thank God," Jeff praised. "It's Jeff."

Nick laughed softly on the other line. "Thank God? It's nice to hear from you too, I guess?"

"No, no. I need some help. Are you at home?" Jeff asked his friend.

"Yeah. What's the problem?" Nick queried.

"My parents left me at home to babysit and I'm really failing at the whole ordeal," he mumbled. "Lily won't stop complaining, and we don't have any food that _I _can make for her. And the pizza place doesn't deliver!"

Nick laughed. "Oh, no. You're not starving your little sisters, are you?"

"I'm trying not to," he said. "You _know _how bad of a cook I am though. Mind coming over and helping a bro out?"

"Alright," Nick agreed. "But only for Kandy's and Lily's sake!"

"Thank you!" Jeff exclaimed. "Get here ASAP. Lily sounds like she just may die of starvation."

Nick's house was just behind Jeff's so he easily arrived within a couple minutes. The instant he was in the doorway, Lily dashed over to greet him with a leap-and-tackle hug. "Niiiicky!" she exclaimed happily.

Nick staggered but managed to catch the small five year-old when she leapt at him. "Ah! Heh, hey, there, Lily," he greeted her with a laugh. "You know, you're actually getting a bit too big to keep doing this every time I come over…"

She ignored him, but allowed him to set her back down on her feet. "What're you doing here, Nicky?"

"Well, I suppose I'm here to cook!" he told her. "Since it appears that your older brother isn't able to."

"Hey—I'd more than likely burn the house down," Jeff defended himself.

"Yay!" Lily cheered. "So we're finally going to eat?"

"Soon enough," Nick answered. "Just give me a little time to make something."

She frowned and crossed her arms again. "How long will that be?"

Nick chuckled. "How long has Jeff been starving you kids?" he asked jokingly.

"He hasn't fed us at all since mommy and daddy left. And he ate all the bread!" Lily complained.

Jeff smiled innocently when Nick looked over at him, eyebrows raised. "Yeah…Wish I hadn't or I would have just given them some PB&J sandwiches."

Nick rolled his eyes with amusement. "Oh, well. So, what've you got for me to make?"

"Well, my parents _expected _me to make spaghetti. But hell if I know how to make that," Jeff said.

"Ah, great. A good old _Italiano _dish." He brought an Italian accent into his voice as he said it. "I've got lots of training in that type of food. And spaghetti is very basic."

Oh, that was right. His parents owned that fancy Italian restaurant around the corner. It was called 'Breadstix,' Jeff recalled. Plus, his family was mostly Italian, hence the last name, 'Romano.'

Jeff led Nick into the kitchen, motioning for Lily to go back to the living room. As he got out the ingredients his mom had left for him, he said conversationally, "So, what goes on, bro?"

"Nothing much for today," Nick responded as he got out the needed pots and such for the meal. "Although I _did _have a very awkward dinner with Lewis's family the other night," he brought up randomly.

Jeff felt his jaw clench. "Already?"

"Yeah, I was a little surprised about it, too," Nick said. "I suppose it wasn't all that bad. But it was pretty awkward."

"Erm…His parent's knew he was...out?"

"That's the thing," Nick said. "They both seemed kind of shocked when he introduced them to me. But then they just didn't seem to care."

"Oh, really?"

"I guess that's better than what it could have been," Nick mumbled. "I felt kind of bad for Lewis, though. He seemed pretty upset at his parents' lack of a reaction."

"Well, at least they weren't angry or upset," Jeff said. But only for Nick's sake. He knew how nervously paranoid his friend could get about homophobia. It was the whole reason he joined Dalton with Jeff in the first place. He never really could seem to handle the jeers, taunting, and dirty looks he used to get as a gay teen in public school.

"I agree." Nick quickly went to work with the ingredients Jeff had set out and soon had a pot of simmering noodles and a separate pot of sauce, to which he added many of his own touches of spices and such. "I didn't expect to meet his parents so soon, though."

"You two have only been together a week, right?" Jeff questioned. "Sounds a bit too rushed…"

"I wouldn't say that, exactly," Nick disagreed. "It just seemed like he was fresh out of the closet to me. When I came out, I took things really slow, one step at a time. But I suppose he doesn't plan to do the same."

Jeff recalled that he had been the first person for Nick to come out to, back when they were both in seventh grade. It seemed only natural, as they had been best friends since sixth grade. The funny thing was that, in actuality, Jeff had been one of Nick's first 'crushes.' It didn't last too long, and Jeff had been pretty oblivious to the whole thing. Needless to say, it didn't really mess up their friendship in the least, and Jeff only learned about it a few years after it all.

"So do you…do you really like him? Lewis, I mean?"

Nick glanced at Jeff, appearing slightly taken aback by the question. Which was to be expected, since Jeff never took interest in that kind of thing, ever. Nick seemed to think about it for a moment before responding. "Well, yeah. I guess so. He's the first real boyfriend I've ever had," he began slowly. "Of course I like him. A lot, actually. I'm happier now than I've been for a long while."

"I—I see." He felt ever so slightly crushed at that. He'd been there for Nick for nearly six years, they were best friends, and he hadn't been 'happy'?

"Ah! Looks like this food is almost done," Nick announced suddenly.

"I'll set the table, then," Jeff decided, covering up his dejection. He couldn't take it too personally. They were talking about Nick's romantic relationship with Lewis. Jeff and Nick were just friends. Just. Friends.

With the help of Nick, Jeff got both his little sisters at the table with a plate of spaghetti before them. They all ate their fill, and miraculously, Kandy didn't get too much of the sauce on herself. Lucky for Jeff, he was able to put Kandy to bed right after dinner with little fuss.

Now he just had to deal with Lily for the rest of the day. He was relieved when Nick decided to stick around. He could usually keep Lily busy single-handedly, and even have fun doing it.

And so, for the rest of the night, Lily pestered Nick endlessly, forcing him to do her hair for her, play 'tea-party,' and finally to tell her a story before she went to bed. He didn't complain once and didn't even seem in the least bit irritated or annoyed by the 5 year-old girl's antics.

All in all, Jeff and Nick didn't really get to take any time aside to hang out at all, thanks to Lily. Not that Jeff was complaining about it. Nick practically took over the whole babysitting job for free, and Jeff got to take all the credit when his parents came back home.

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><p><strong>Yeah, sorry for the awkward, undetailed end. I was getting tired of writing this part, and the inspiration I started with kind of dissolved. Anyways, thanks for reading! Feel free to review, please! :)<strong>


	4. Phobias

Jeff joined Nick for coffee in the morning at their usual Warbler hangout: The Lima Bean.

But, of course, Nick just _had _to invite Lewis along.

Jeff did his best to ignore any sort of 'chemistry' that the two had, but lucky for him, they seemed to have toned it down for today. Or, just for now. As they neared the Lima Bean, Jeff noticed that clouds were beginning to gather in the sky, tinted an ominous shade of angry gray. Vaguely, he hoped it wouldn't storm, if only for Nick's sake.

The hopes were in vain, however, for just as they entered the coffee shop, thunder rumbled loudly in the distance. Instinctively, Jeff glanced to his dark-haired friend who had cringed at the sound.

Jeff knew only too well of Nick's many phobias, and thunderstorms were definitely one of them.

"It looks like it might storm," Jeff mentioned to Nick as they got in line to order. "You gonna be okay?"

Nick nodded stiffly. "Y-yeah. I'm fine," he said.

"What, are you afraid of thunder or something?" Lewis questioned, looking at Nick.

Nick frowned. "Thunderstorms in general, actually," he admitted, averting his eyes. "But I'm trying to get over it."

Lewis nodded distractedly. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you afraid of thunderstorms? They're totally cool. Seems silly to fear them."

Nick bit his lip uneasily. "I don't know… I just am. I always have been."

Jeff could see how noticeably uncomfortable Nick was talking about this. He hated to talk about any of his phobias. Which, Jeff didn't really blame him for.

He'd been friends with Nick for about six years. He knew all about his best friend's underlying issue that stemmed out into many various phobias. Neither of them ever spoke about it, since Nick hated to talk about it, but Nick suffered from something called 'Panic Disorder.' It caused him to experience random panic attacks, sometimes for no reason, and other times as a result of exposure to certain phobias and other frightening situations.

Luckily, he took medication for it, which really helped lower the number of freak panic attacks he went through. Still, phobias were another matter. The medication helped, sure, but it wasn't one-hundred percent effective in suppressing all of his panic attacks.

Jeff had seen a few of these panic attacks before. It was extremely terrifying sometimes, since there was little he could do to help in those types of situations. They ranged from a feeling of intense terror, accompanied with symptoms such as trembling, chest pain, a choking sensation, nausea, dizziness, sweating, difficulty breathing, and so on. That was according to Nick himself.

A few, however, were actually more severe.

_None_ of which Jeff really wished to recount. He was completely helpless to help his friend during those even worse kinds of panics, though Nick never remembered them anyways. He usually blacked out after the more severe, full-scale panic attacks, forgetting the entire ordeal.

So it was no wonder Jeff would be concerned for Nick when it was about to storm. Although he should probably cut Lewis a little slack since he had no idea about Nick's disorder, most likely.

He decided to step into the conversation. "Oh, well. There's nothing wrong with it. We're all afraid of _something."_

"Oh, yeah?" Lewis said, looking at Jeff. "Then what about you? What are you afraid of?"

He frowned as he considered the question. There wasn't much he wanted to admit he was afraid of. "Clowns," he decided out loud with a shudder. "They're just so _creepy."_

Lewis laughed. "Clowns? Really?"

"Have you ever seen one close up? They're terrifying!" Jeff defended himself. "But now it's your turn to fess up! What are you afraid of?"

Lewis smiled vaguely. "I'd say 'nothing' but everyone knows that would be a huge lie," he said. "Well…I suppose my least embarrassing fear is that I can't stand spiders."

"Spiders? Pfft! Those little creepy crawlies are totally harmless," Jeff teased. "Especially here in Ohio! The biggest spider around here doesn't get any bigger than a quarter."

"Oh, come on. Even the smallest of spiders give me the creeps." He nudged Nick. "You agree, right? Spiders are pretty scary, no matter what the size."

Nick managed a smile. "I hate to take Lewis's side, Jeff, but I have to agree with him. Spiders are just plain freaky."

"Oh, I'm not arguing that they're _not_ freaky. I just think clowns are much, _much _freakier!" Jeff said.

"Let us agree to disagree," Lewis suggested.

"I can agree to that."

The conversation was effectively ended there. They ordered their coffees and took a table farthest away from the window. Outside, it was beginning to rain with the occasional flash of lighting and rumble of thunder.

Each time lightning flashed or thunder roared, Nick winced or cringed at the sound. Jeff could see the fear was taking its toll on him, for he was starting to tremble slightly and his breathing was picking up pace.

Jeff whispered to him so Lewis couldn't hear, "You sure you're okay? I can take you home if you need."

"N-no. I'm okay," Nick assured in a low voice. "My therapist says gradual exposure is good…"

Jeff frowned. "Alright. But if you change your mind, just tell me. I won't mind at all." He'd actually prefer it. He didn't want Nick to end up having a panic attack out here in public. It was near impossible to prepare for that kind of thing.

Jeff kept a close eye on Nick for the mean time. So far, he seemed to be dealing with it okay, with the only noticeable symptoms coming up being the trembling and plain flashes of fear in his eyes each time there was thunder.

Good thing it was just a mild storm.

At one point, when Nick was reaching for his coffee, lightning flashed brightly outside accompanied by a crash of thunder, causing him to flinch. His hand bumped into the coffee cup, tipping it over. The lid popped off and the coffee spilled out over the table and onto Lewis, who had been sitting across from Nick.

Lewis recoiled, jumping from his chair. "Ow! God damn it, what the hell, Nick?"

Nick flinched. "I'm so sorry!" he apologized instantly.

"This is a new shirt!" he spat, looking down at the coffee stains on one sleeve and torso. "Ugh, it's ruined!"

"I'm sorry," Nick repeated. "I didn't mean—"

"Do you even know how hot coffee is? That really burned!" he interrupted Nick angrily. "Are you normally such a spaz?"

It looked as though Nick's cool was starting to falter. His breathing seemed slightly labored, he was shaking now, and sweat trickled down his forehead. Too much stress, Jeff figured. Quietly, Nick repeated, "I'm sorry," once again.

"'Sorry' won't heal 2nd degree burns, you know," Lewis muttered furiously.

Jeff stepped in. "Dude, chill out! It's just a little spilled coffee. It's nothing worth getting so pissed off over!" he snapped. "Lay off of Nick. It's not like he did it on purpose, alright?" He turned to Nick. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to get sick."

Nick closed his eyes and heaved a deep breath. "I'm okay," he said shakily.

He sure didn't look okay. "Are you sure you don't want me to take you home? You don't look well at all, man."

"No, I'm fine, Jeff," Nick assured clearly. He looked at Lewis. "I'm _really _sorry, Lewis. I didn't mean to do that. If it's really ruined, I'll pay the price of the shirt," he offered.

Lewis seemed to have cooled down now. "No, it's okay. I just overreacted," he said. "I'm sorry for snapping at you."

"It's okay," Nick said quietly. "It was understandable."

Jeff grimaced, resisting the urge to object. That outburst from Lewis was anything but 'understandable'.

"Yeah, well, I've got to go," Lewis announced randomly. "I have somewhere else to be today. I'll catch you guys later." He snatched up his jacket off the back of the chair and before either Nick or Jeff could say a word, he was gone.

"This is fantastic," Nick groaned. "Why do I have to be such a clutz?"

Jeff sighed. "You're not. Lewis blew the whole thing way out of proportion," Jeff assured him. "By the by, does he snap like that very often?"

"No, never. That's the first time he's even yelled at me," Nick answered. "He's normally so kind…Maybe he's having a bad day or something? I don't know." He dragged his fingers through his hair stressfully, cringing yet again at the distant rumble of thunder.

Jeff frowned again. "Alright, whether you agree or not, I'm taking you home now. You need to relax, and that sure as hell won't be happening here." Jeff grabbed his coffee and keys and pulled Nick to his feet. "Come on."


	5. Realization

Jeff took Nick home, where Nick's mom took over for him. Unfortunately, Jeff wasn't allowed to stick around or anything since the Romano family was 'busy' today.

Nick didn't come to school the next day, and even though Jeff had little information as to why, he found himself blaming Lewis for it. He kept quiet most of the day, mostly sulking, hardly making eye contact with anyone. He also blamed his bad mood on Lewis. What right did he have to snap at Nick like that? Who's to say he didn't do that often? Though Nick denied it, it wasn't too farfetched to assume he could have been lying about it to cover for Lewis. And Nick didn't deserve that kind of thing, not at all.

But why did it matter so much to Jeff in the first place? Nick's 'love-life' with Lewis shouldn't bother Jeff as much as it did. He told himself he was just being an overprotective friend, but deep down, he was beginning to question if that was really the reason.

At Warblers' practice, Jeff sat away from everyone else, speaking only when spoken to. Some people gave him questioning looks—he was normally more lively and energetic—but no one really said anything. At least, not until after practice.

"Hey, Jeff," Blaine greeted him out in the corridor.

Jeff paused to turn and greet him back. "Hi, Blaine."

"I couldn't help but notice that you seem a little… uncharacteristically down-in-the-dumps today. Is there anything bothering you?"

Jeff hesitated, wondering if he should confide in his fellow Warbler and good friend. He was so confused trying to figure it out on his own…but who was to say that Blaine would be any help? It wasn't like Jeff had anything to lose, though. "Actually, Blaine…Do you have time to talk?"

"Um, yeah. Sure. Of course," Blaine agreed. "What is it you'd like to talk about?"

Jeff glanced around the halls cautiously to be sure no one else was around to overhear. He didn't know what would come of this little chat, but he figured it was best to play it safe. "Um, well…you know that Nick and Lewis have been going out for like two weeks now," Jeff began uncertainly. "And, well, I guess Nick seems happy with him. But…I'm not er…I'm not really happy _for him. _And I don't know why." He could feel his heart beating in his chest. "I should be. Right? He's my best friend."

Blaine seemed to consider what Jeff said. "Well, maybe you're concerned for him as a friend? Do you think Lewis is the right person for Nick?" he suggested.

"Not at all," Jeff muttered. "At least, not at this point. But even at the very beginning, I couldn't stand seeing the two of them together. It's like…every time I did, I felt sick." He looked at Blaine. "I'm not homophobic or anything. I've been best friends with Nick for like six years, and he's been out of the closet for about five of those years. So I know it's not his sexuality that's been bothering me."

"Alright, then lets backpedal a little bit here," Blaine decided. "Why don't you think Lewis is right for Nick?"

Jeff frowned. "I don't know."

"Think about it," Blaine insisted. "Do you have anything against Lewis?"

"No, not at all," Jeff said. "Lewis is one of my closest friends. I've just known Nick for so long..." Now thinking about it, Jeff could pinpoint many reasons why Nick shouldn't be with Lewis. He spoke each one without even thinking, "I can't help but think Lewis doesn't appreciate Nick. He probably doesn't even know that Nick's favorite flower is a gardenia or carnation, depending on the time of year…Or that his favorite food is Fettuccine Alfredo, or that he's pretty obsessed with sparkling grape juice. _And_ that his favorite color is lilac because that was the color of his most cherished childhood blanket." He went on as the thoughts came to his mind. "I can only hope that Lewis will appreciate what an amazing cook Nick is, and support his future career as the new owner of Breadstix. And I hope that he notices Nick's eyes, because they are the deepest and most beautiful shade of green I've ever seen." He stopped there, realizing with a jolt at what he had just said. He thought that Nick's eyes were…beautiful? It was true, he had no doubt, but he'd never said it out loud before.

Blaine drew in a breath, a knowing look in his hazel-brown eyes. "Jeff, if you ask me…it sounds like you just might be…well… in love," he said cautiously.

"In love? With Nick?" Jeff echoed with disbelief. "Dude, that can't be right. I'm straight," he affirmed. "At least, I'm pretty sure I am…I've never really been attracted to another guy before."

"Then you might be bisexual?" Blaine suggested. "Look, I know this is…_difficult _and confusing for you... But I can see you really care about Nick, and maybe it's gone beyond 'just friends.'"

Jeff shook his head with confusion, moving across the corridor to sit down on the sofa with a sigh. "I don't even know anymore," he mumbled. "I'm so confused…" He buried his face in his hands stressfully. Did he love Nick? As…more than a friend? It would explain these annoying, nagging feelings he was having. But he'd been friends with Nick for years, and he never thought for a second that he may like him as more than that. Why hadn't he noticed these feelings before? Had they even been there before now?

Nothing made sense anymore.

Blaine moved across the room to sit beside him, touching his shoulder with a comforting hand. "I know how you feel. It's a hard thing to come to terms with, _trust me_, I know. But you're not alone," he assured. "Actually, here in Dalton, you're in pretty good company. I'm gay, and so are Kurt and Nick, and I suspect there are others."

"That's really the least of my worries, Blaine," Jeff muttered. "Besides, I don't know if I really am gay, all right? Maybe I'm just confused…" He looked over at Blaine. "Just, please, don't tell anyone about this. I need to think things through. And I'm not denying any feelings I may have for Nick…but it's pointless anyways. He's taken."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said sympathetically. "And I promise I won't tell anyone. Take all the time you need to think about this," he advised.

Jeff nodded and stood up. "Thank you, Blaine," he said faintly. Without another word, he stumbled away, eyes drawn to the ground. He didn't think it was possible to feel so lost and confused.

Did he really love Nick that way? He couldn't think of any other possibility. In fact, it was the only possibility that made sense. But how could he have been in love with his best friend without even realizing it?

He knew that making sense of these feelings would be completely pointless, though. Nick had Lewis. And he was happy. And as long as he was happy, Jeff couldn't very well complain…Even if Nick's happiness meant _unhappiness_ for himself…


	6. Argument

**Hey, thanks for the reviews, guys! Here's chapter six! Any and all reviews are welcome! :)**

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><p>Nick explained to his friends that he hadn't attended school the previous day because his mother had kept him home. Apparently, he looked 'pale' so she automatically assumed he was ill, refusing to listen to him when he told her he felt perfectly fine.<p>

He blamed her paranoia on his 'panicked state' from the day before. At the first sign of a panic attack from him, she went into protective, motherly overdrive. But it was tough to relax when she was drowning him in questions and concerns. Also, she always threatened to take him to the doctor, which was one thing he desperately avoided. He had a bit of a phobia of the hospital, among many, _many _other things.

He was worried that Lewis might still be angry with him over the coffee spill. He was prepared to apologize to him again when he went to Warblers' practice the next day, but there was no need. Lewis wasn't angry at all. In fact, it seemed to be the opposite; he actually seemed a little concerned for Nick, since he'd missed school.

When he saw Nick, he greeted him instantly with, "Oh, Nick! You're back today." He hugged Nick. "Were you sick?"

Nick smiled shyly. "Um, not really…My mom said I 'looked' sick when I got home the other day, so she made me stay home," he answered.

Lewis nodded thoughtfully. "Oh…I feel like that's my fault," he mumbled. "You seemed really upset when I left the coffee shop, not to mention a little green in the face. I felt bad for snapping at you, especially since it was hardly your fault in the first place. I just didn't know you were that scared of thunder, but that's no excuse for snapping."

"No, its fine…most people don't," Nick assured. "And it wasn't your fault at all. Don't worry."

"I feel like I just made it worse, though," Lewis went on fretfully. "Jeff is right to be pissed off at me."

"Jeff is still mad at you?" Nick frowned.

"Actually, I wouldn't know. He was pretty much sulking all day yesterday. But I did catch him glaring at me once or twice. So I think it's safe to assume he's angry."

Jeff was sulking? Huh, that didn't sound like him. He was normally the perky and energetic one, although he _did _sometimes have his off days. Nick wondered what had been upsetting him. He hadn't spoken to his friend since the Lima Bean. He shook it off for now. Jeff never seemed to tell him what was wrong when he was upset, so it was pretty pointless to even wonder.

"Trust me, Lewis, you didn't do anything wrong. It was my fault, and you reacted how any normal person would, I suppose," Nick assured sternly. "And I'll see if I can't talk to Jeff later."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, positive. Don't worry about it."

Nick and Jeff met up after school, more as a force of habit than by plan. The two of them almost always hung out right after school before either going their separate ways home or going to the Lima Bean together. For now, they were just lingering on the school grounds.

"So, a little bird told me that you were pretty sullen and bitter the other day," Nick brought up casually.

"Erm, y-yeah. I was just having a bad day," Jeff mumbled, shuffling uncomfortably. "Why? Who told you…?" He sounded a tad bit paranoid.

He didn't want to sound like a gossip. "No one in particular," he said. "Anyways, you're usually in a good mood. What's up? I don't suppose you'll tell me?"

Jeff frowned and dropped his eyes to the ground. "I'd really rather not," he said.

Hm. It didn't look like that sullen and bitter mood from the other day had worn off quite yet. He seemed genuinely upset. "I can't help at all if you won't tell me."

"Oh, trust me," Jeff said, looking at Nick. "You wouldn't be able to 'help' even if I did tell you. So it's pointless either way. And, um, I'd really like to please change the subject now."

Nick sighed with exasperation and dropped the subject. "Alright. Well, earlier today, Lewis told me that he thinks you're angry with him," he mentioned.

"Well, he's correct to think that," Jeff affirmed. "And let me guess. You are _not_ angry with him?"

"No, I'm not," Nick answered. "And I never was…So why are you? Is it because of the coffee incident?"

Jeff was silent for a long moment. "He had absolutely no right to speak to you like he did," he muttered.

"Look, Jeff—I'm not mad about it at all. Why don't we just put this behind us?" Nick suggested.

"Because he's done it once. Who's to say he won't do that again? Or, as far as I know, he could possibly act like that all the time!"

"He doesn't, I already told you," Nick said with slipping patience.

"And that's believable," he muttered.

Nick narrowed his eyes. "What is that supposed to mean? You don't trust me?"

Jeff bit his lip. "I just…can't be sure that you're not just saying that to cover for him," he said quietly.

"I'm not," Nick insisted. "Jeff, I can take care of myself, you know. What do you have against Lewis, anyways?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Then why in the world can't you just be happy for me, just this once?" Nick demanded. "Why do you have to bring me down when I'm _finally_ happy for once?"

Jeff seemed to flinch at that, but quickly recovered. "Because I can't stand seeing you with _him!" _he snapped.

"Why?" Nick demanded. "You just said you had nothing against him."

Jeff faltered for a moment, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. "I...he…um, I just think that…you deserve better than that. He acted like a jackass at the Lima Bean and you know it." He seemed to get it back under control.

It seemed to Nick that he just came up with that on the spot. Did Jeff truly care about Nick's feelings, or was he just out to get Lewis for some reason? "Why the hell can't you just forget about that?" he snapped. "It doesn't have anything to do with you anyways! This relationship is between me and Lewis; there is no place for _you_ to cut in and tell me what I should do or think."

Any light in Jeff's eyes seemed to suddenly vanish. "No place for me…You're right. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry." He swallowed hard, backing away. "I—I've got to go." His voice broke and he quickly turned away, walking briskly down the parking lot.

"Jeff—" Nick began, but broke off. He could be mistaken, but he could have sworn he saw tears in Jeff's eyes. In the six years he'd known Jeff, he'd only ever seen him cry once or twice. But Nick hadn't said anything too hurtful, had he? Nothing that would make Jeff _that _terribly upset. It was a strange reaction for the blonde.

Something else must be wrong, and Nick had probably just sent him over the edge. He didn't regret anything he said, but now he couldn't help but worry about what was really bothering Jeff. It had to be serious since he'd left so abruptly with tears in his eyes, that was for sure.

For now, though, he couldn't really do anything to help. After that fight, it wasn't likely that Jeff would even listen to Nick, let alone open up about his feelings.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Remember to review, please! <strong>


	7. Apology

**Chapter seven! I've been busy with moving and typed this on a laptop...so I'm sorry if there's any spelling or grammar errors! And thank you so much for all the kind reviews! It means a lot to me :)**

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><p>Jeff slammed the door to his car and angrily wiped the tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. He didn't think it was possible to hate himself as much as he did right now. Why did he have to snap at Nick like that? He had no right to tell Nick who was right for him, to stand in the way of his happiness. And he certainly wasn't in any place to speak lowly of Lewis, especially not after Jeff snapped at Nick like he did.<p>

Discovering his true feelings for Nick changed nothing. He never expected it would. It only made Jeff miserable knowing that Nick had Lewis. He knew that every negative thing he had to say about Lewis was only sparked by his jealousy.

He felt selfish. He wanted so badly to just be _happy _for them, but whenever he saw them together…he just couldn't muster up any kindness. And he sure as hell couldn't tell Nick how he felt. It could ruin everything they had as friends. Jeff was never meant to be anything more than Nick's friend anyways. And that was all they would be: friends.

That thought alone killed Jeff a little on the inside. But he knew he would just have to deal with it. Keeping his feelings bottled up, hiding away in the closet forever and forcing himself to pretend that seeing them together didn't tear him apart from the inside out…

It was so much easier to do that subconsciously, when he didn't know what he was really feeling deep down, but he knew he had to try, if only for Nick's sake. If Jeff loved Nick as much as he thought he did then he could, at the very least, feign support. Right?

It was worth a shot. It wasn't like he had anything to lose, in any case.

…

After hours of contemplating what to say, Jeff finally found himself at Nick's doorstep. All he was here to do was apologize, though, and nothing more. Piece of cake. Hopefully.

He drew in a breath and rang the doorbell. Nick opened the door after about a minute, and his deep green eyes seemed surprised to see Jeff standing on his porch. "Oh, Jeff," he greeted, stepping out onto the porch and closing the door behind him. "What're you doing here? You normally sulk for a few days after we have an argument."

Jeff grimaced. "Er, yeah…about that…" he started uncomfortably, standing away from Nick. "I, um, I kind of wanted to just say I'm sorry…And you're right. I haven't been as supportive as I should be. But I promise I'll try harder with that from now on." He rushed through the apology a little faster than he'd intended to. But at least it was out now…

Nick looked slightly surprised. "Well, um, that's good to hear…I'm glad that you see it my way," he said slowly. "I'm just a little shocked. That apology came a lot quicker than usual." He narrowed his eyes at Jeff questioningly.

Yep, Nick knew Jeff only too well. This kind of thing definitely was out of the ordinary for him. "Yeah, well…I just think it's silly to fight because of Lewis. It isn't any of my business, anyways…" He mumbled the last part a little bitterly.

Nick seemed to notice this. "Jeff…you know that no matter who I'm with, you'll still always be my best friend, if that's what you're worried about," he tried to reassure.

_Oh, god, please don't make me cry again, _Jeff thought to himself. It was exactly that thought that choked him up: they were friends, and they would never be anything more. But, of course, Nick didn't know that. And it was for the better. Jeff managed a pitiful smile. "Y-yeah. I know, don't worry," he murmured. He swallowed back the lump in his throat, reminding himself that he was supposed to be happy for Nick. Tears wouldn't make his artificial happiness very believable, especially since he almost _never _cried.

"Um, one other thing," Nick said. "I've noticed that you seem a little…depressed lately. And don't tell me that nothing's wrong, because I know better." He gave Jeff a warning look.

It was true that he couldn't lie to Nick. He'd most likely see right through it. "Yeah. I've just, erm, got a lot on my mind lately."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Nick offered.

_Oh, hell no. _"I'd rather not, actually," he mumbled. "Sorry."

"Jeff, I know what it's like to be depressed, you know. I've been there," he reminded him. "I'm here for you, and if there's anything I can do to help…"

"There isn't," Jeff told him. "Trust me. I appreciate the offer, but you can't help."

"You could at least talk to me about it," Nick pressed on relentlessly. "I'll listen."

Jeff shook his head. "No. I'm okay; I'll deal with it on my own. It's nothing I'm comfortable talking about." Even if he did decide to talk to Nick about his inner turmoil, what in the world would he say? _I think I'm in love with you?_ That would be suicide.

"Please, Jeff?" Nick pleaded desperately. "You're really starting to worry me. I've never seen you so upset, and there's nothing I can do to help? I tell you everything. Don't you trust me enough to do the same?"

"Of course I trust you," Jeff insisted. "I just…I can't tell you this. It's too personal. Please understand," he begged. _And please, stop looking at me like that with those emerald eyes of yours. I can't take it._

Nick sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine. If you really don't want to talk about it, I guess I can understand," he gave in reluctantly. "But if you change your mind, I'm here."

"Thank you," Jeff sighed. "And I appreciate the offer to help. Really, | do. I just need to deal with this on my own for now."

"Alright," Nick agreed unhappily.

Jeff decided he wanted to change the subject. This topic was too depressing for him. "So, maybe we can hang out tonight or something?" he suggested.

Nick frowned. "Erm, I would, but…I've, um… I've got a date tonight… with Lewis…" he said with painful reluctance. "I'm sorry." His eyes were regretful.

Jeff forced a smile even though he felt like crying. Blinking back tears, he said, "Oh, well. Maybe some other time," in a light voice. "I guess I'll just go, then…I'll see you later." He started off the porch before Nick could say a word. "I hope you have fun on your date."

It was a completely empty wish, but Nick didn't have to know that. He also didn't have to see the tears that spilled from Jeff's eyes as he headed back towards home.


	8. Emergency Meeting

**Chapter 8! Sooner than I expected I'd have it, but all I've been doing lately is type this story! And again, I can't thank you enough for all the amazing reviews! 36**

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><p>This wasn't working out as Lewis had planned at all. He continued to fake it, trying as hard as he could to give Nick some sort of reason to breakup with him. The only problem was that he sucked at being mean. Every single time he did something to upset Nick, he just <em>had <em>to apologize for it. He felt guilty for deceiving him like he was, but it felt worse to act like such a jackass around him. Nick was a nice guy and he deserved better than that.

Lewis regretted using him in the first place. When it was all over, any sort of friendship they had before would be completely gone. And there was no one to blame but himself.

Jeff didn't make this any easier with the way he glared at Lewis. It was almost like he _knew_ what Lewis was up to, somehow. But that wasn't possible. No one knew.

He couldn't tell the truth. No one would ever look at him the same way again if they found out what he was doing. If it felt so wrong for himself, imagine how the others would take it? Especially Jeff, being Nick's best friend. He was glad this school had a zero-tolerance harassment policy, or he'd be afraid that Jeff might possibly beat him up if he ever found out.

Since acting like a jerk didn't work out for him, he had a few different little plans up his sleeves to try to get Nick to break up with him. Maybe, if he was lucky enough, everything would work out for him and they could all be friends once this was over. No one would have to find out that he was lying this whole time and he wouldn't have to devastate Nick in the end.

Of course, nothing ever really went as planned.

…

The Warblers were called for an emergency meeting that Wednesday evening. Jeff and Nick went together since they lived right by one another.

Over the past few weeks, Jeff had gotten better at being supportive and pretending to be happy. It wasn't really easy, but it was worth it to see Nick smile again. Besides, this gave him plenty of time to think about his situation and come to terms with the possibility that he may be bi. Although he wasn't really sure if he'd ever actually have the chance to come out. Plus, he wasn't sure that he wanted to. So far, Nick was the first and only boy he'd ever really…felt this way about. With luck, he would remain as the only one, and Jeff would have no need to come out.

As long as Blaine kept quiet about it, Jeff had nothing to worry about.

By the time they arrived to the meeting, most everyone was there. The council was gathered in the front of the room, with Wes holding his gavel at the ready, as usual. Nick and Jeff took their places in the room, and directly after, Wes was pounding the gavel, calling for order.

"I call this meeting of the Warbler's council to order," Wes ordered. "Now, I am sure you are all wondering why I called this emergency meeting…" He placed his gavel on the table and sat up, folding his hands on the tabletop. "As you all know, the Warblers have an upcoming performance at the Gap this Friday. Warbler Blaine Anderson was chosen as the soloist in this particular performance…"

Particular? Ha, Blaine _always _got the solos. It was practically expected by now. Jeff kept these thoughts to himself, though.

Wes went on. "And, I regret to inform you that Warbler Blaine has fallen ill and will not be able to carry out this performance."

The room erupted into dismayed clamor and loud interjections. "What!"

"Now what are we supposed to do?"

"Are we going to cancel?"

"What is he so sick with that he can't sing a few songs?"

"This is a disaster!"

"Can I have his solo?"

Wes pounded his gavel. "ORDER! ORDER!" he demanded. "Warblers, calm yourselves. The show _will_ go on, I assure you," he eased. "I did not call this meeting to merely bring you this bad news. I could have waited for tomorrow if that was my only intention. No, we are not going to cancel this performance. Somebody else must go on for Warbler Blaine."

The room erupted once again, this time with excitement. "One of us is going to get a solo?"

"Me! Me! I want the solo!"

"Finally, someone else gets a shot!"

"ORDER!" Wes snapped, slamming his gavel to the stand once again. "We won't get anywhere in this meeting if you all insist on interrupting me!" The room fell silent, all eyes intent on Wes now. He cleared his throat and set the gavel down calmly. "Good. Now that I have your attention…the council plans to hold auditions for the solo, right here and right now."

An excited murmur went through the room, but most of them had the sense to avoid another outburst.

"The only rule for these auditions is that you must have the whole song memorized," Wes said. When he got groans and complaints in response, he explained, "We only have two days to prepare! We have no time to waste!"

The auditions were held privately with the council to save time. Jeff decided to try out just for the hell of it. He knew the whole song by heart, so he really had nothing to lose. And what was one more failed audition to the six he already had? Nick didn't audition, but only because he didn't have Blaine's part of the song completely memorized. After all the auditions were over with, they all met back up in the meeting room to hear the council's decision.

Jeff sat beside Nick and Lewis before thinking about it, but it was too late to move, for the meeting quickly came to order.

Wes spoke up first, seeing how he was practically the self-appointed leader of the Warblers. "Alright, so we listened to all of your auditions, and even took some time to discuss the matter privately among the council, and we have finally come to a joint decision," he began formally. He looked to Thad.

Thad cleared his throat. "While all of you were superb, we could only choose one of you to get the solo," he stated. "And the solo goes to…Warbler Jeff." He looked over at Jeff and started clapping. Everyone else in the room picked up the applause, some energetic and sincere while others were bitter.

Jeff sat up and blinked with surprise. He actually got a solo? Whoa, guess the seventh time's the charm…?

Beside him, Nick was clapping enthusiastically. "Jeff, you got a solo! Congratulations!" he exclaimed, leaning over to hug him.

Jeff felt his heart skip a beat as he hugged Nick back, a little too closely and a tad bit tighter than he'd intended. He didn't want to let go, but he forced himself to when he felt Nick pulling away.

He cursed himself when he realized he'd stepped over the 'friendly' boundary. That hug had definitely been a bit _too_ intimate, and it was evident in Nick's slightly surprised and confused eyes when he pulled away.

Lewis spoke before either of them could. "What the hell was that?" he demanded.

They simultaneously turned to look at him. He was glaring between the two of them. "What do you mean?" Nick asked.

"Don't act stupid," Lewis snapped.

Nick frowned at that. "I'm not," he muttered. "My best friend just got a solo. I'm allowed to hug him if I want to."

"I could care less if it was just a friendly hug, but that isn't what it looked like to me."

"Then what did it look like to you, Lewis?" Nick demanded.

"It sure as hell wasn't friendly, that's for sure!" Lewis spat. "Is there something going on between you two?"

"What? Of course not!" Nick snapped. "I resent that you would even _think _I would cheat!"

Jeff frowned. Had it been that obvious? Clearly, it had, or Nick and Lewis wouldn't be fighting like they were. But this hadn't been Nick's fault…Still, Jeff hesitated jumping in to take the blame. Doing so might give away his deeply buried secret.

Someone at the council table coughed awkwardly, but no one seemed to notice. Jeff suddenly felt self conscious. Had everyone else seen the hug as intimate? Or was Lewis just jumping to conclusions?

"Well, why wouldn't I? You're always hanging out with Jeff, and when he's not around, you talk about him nonstop!" Lewis looked at Jeff directly. "And I'm sick and tired of you always tagging along as a third wheel. Don't you know he's taken?"

That kind of stung, but Jeff covered it up. "Dude, chill out! There's nothing going on between me and Nick, alright?" he snapped. "We're just friends. So just drop these crazy accusations."

"You expect me to believe that?" Lewis said incredulously. "Ha! I've seen you staring at him. I know better."

Oh, snap. Jeff faltered for a moment, completely taken aback by that statement. Had he been so obvious that Lewis noticed?

"Order!" Wes finally demanded. "Calm down, all of you! This is no place to have this conversation!"

Jeff couldn't leave it at that, though. If he did, the doubt would forever remain lingering in the air. "Are you insane?" he snapped at Lewis, standing up.

Lewis stood up as well, facing Jeff. "Not insane. Just observant," he muttered. "You should try to be more discreet when you stare, you know."

Argh! He could feel his face growing hotter by the moment. "You're making this shit up!" he snarled.

"Am I?" Lewis challenged. "Then why is your face as red as the trim on your blazer? If you've got nothing to hide, then why are you so embarrassed?"

"Order! OR-DER!" Wes shouted once again, gavel pounding.

_Stop calling for order after Lewis takes a jab at me! It's not fair! _Again, he ignored Wes. "I'm not! You're just making mindless accusations, once again!"

"One of you just admit it already!" Lewis demanded.

"There is nothing going on between me and Nick!" Jeff insisted furiously. "Why can't you believe the truth?"

"Because it's not the truth!"

"Nick wouldn't cheat on you, no matter how big of a jackass you are," Jeff shot back.

"That coming from the 'mistress!'" he taunted.

"God damnit, I'm not gay!" Jeff finally spat.

"Neither am I—!" He broke off too late.

_Silence._

Lewis's eyes were wide with dismay at what he'd just let slip out and he seemed frozen to the spot. Jeff stared at him in disbelief, mouth dropped open. Wes sat at the council table, gavel in hand, frozen just inches from the stand as he'd been prepared to call for order once again. His eyes were blinking as he comprehended what had just happened. Every other pair of eyes were intent on Lewis, confused, questioning, shocked, and bewildered.

Had Lewis just come out…as _straight?_


	9. The truth

**Chapter nine! It's longer than usual, but that's because it's like two chapters thrown in one :) Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"<em>What<em>?" Nick spoke first, breaking the stiff silence. He was standing now, facing Lewis. His eyes were wary yet stony, demanding an explanation.

Lewis opened his mouth only to close it again, biting his lip with uncertainty. He stepped back a single pace, glancing around the room self-consciously. All eyes were bearing down on him, all asking the same question. "Errr…I…" he stammered.

Apprehension dropped in Nick's chest, but he still pressed on. He needed to know. "Don't make excuses. We all heard what you just said." He took a breath, fighting to stay as calm as possible.

Lewis was silent, his dark eyes fearful and appearing trapped. He obviously had something to hide. "Lewis?" Wes said from the table. "I hate to say it, but I think you owe us all an explanation."

Lewis gulped and let his eyes fall back on Nick. "I…I don't know what to say…" he said quietly.

"Why don't you start with that last outburst?" Nick challenged with a glare. "'Neither am I?' Please elaborate on that part. I'm all ears."

Lewis frowned and sighed with defeat. "I'm sorry, Nick," he began. "I'm…I'm not gay…"

Nick clenched his jaw. "I think that's been established here already," he muttered through his teeth. "I'm looking for a different explanation…like why the hell would you _pretend _to be gay?"

Lewis hesitated, averting his eyes from Nick's. "I-I didn't mean to…It just happened. I'm sorry! I thought it might…er, it might get my parents' attention…but it didn't and I'm sorry, I never should have done this in the first place. I regret it more than you can imagine, and I know I don't deserve forgiveness…"

Nick was hardly listening. The news was only just sinking in. His mind was racing, but every thought led to one conclusion: He had been used. His throat tightened and he glowered at Lewis. "Just shut up. I've heard enough," he muttered.

"Nick—"

"You used me," he accused in a dangerous tone. "You _lied _to me." He could feel the tears threatening his eyes, but he refused to cry here in front of everyone. Without another word, he shoved passed Lewis and forced the door open to make his retreat.

"Nick!" he heard Jeff's voice this time, a protest. "Wait!"

Nick slammed the door behind him, ignoring his friend. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now. His eyes overflowed as he staggered down the hallway and he swallowed back the sobs building in his chest.

He'd never felt so betrayed and humiliated before. To think that all along, Lewis had been faking it? And Nick had been enough of a fool to fall for it!

What killed him even more was that this had been his first relationship with anyone before, and it had been a complete and utter lie. He was deceived and lied to the whole time. A breakup he could deal with, but this was so many times worse.

Just when he felt like his life was finally getting better, after all those years of torture, something like this has to happen. Why couldn't he just be happy for once? What did the universe have against him? It always felt like every force imaginable was always working against him and happiness was always just barely out of his reach.

Nick didn't stop until he was out of the school building and alone in the back parking lot. He didn't want anyone to see him crying like this.

Too late for that, though, for when he turned around, there stood Jeff a few yards back. He should have guessed that the blonde would follow him out here.

"Go away, Jeff," he rasped. His breath was ragged as he fought back the sobs tightening his chest. "I'm not in the mood to listen to petty reassurances and empty consolation."

Jeff paid no attention to what he said and stepped closer until he stood a few feet away. "I didn't plan to say anything, actually," he said softly. "I just thought you might need a friend." He opened his arms wide, offering up a comforting hug.

Nick hesitated for just a moment before he reminded himself that this was Jeff. He didn't have to hide anything from Jeff because he knew Nick just too well. Nick completely trusted his friend with everything, which right now appeared to be his mental stability.

Unable to hold it back any longer, Nick collapsed into Jeff's arms and allowed the sobs to wrack through his chest. He didn't even try to control it, and the pain overflowed as an endless stream of tears. His hands formed tight, trembling fists against Jeff's chest and he pressed his cheek against the shoulder of his hoodie, wetting the fabric with his salty tears.

Jeff enveloped the sobbing brunette tightly in his arms without a word, as he'd promised. And even though Nick was beyond comfort, it did soothe him ever so slightly. No matter what went wrong in his life, no matter how steep of a fall he took, he knew he always had Jeff. Nick didn't know where he'd be today if it weren't for him.

After a little while, Nick managed to get it under control. Or at least he stopped sobbing so hard. Somehow, the tears still fell, and he wondered just how many tears his eyes were capable of producing.

The front of Jeff's hoodie was pretty soaked, but he barely seemed to notice or care. He pulled back slightly to look at Nick. "Let me take you home?" he asked.

Nick wiped his eyes with his sleeve and nodded with a sniffle. Jeff led him over to his car and opened the passenger door for Nick. He took his seat, waving Jeff away when he tried to help with the seatbelt. Nick _may_ be an emotional wreck right now, but he could still find his way around a car seatbelt.

The whole drive home was silent. Nick only spoke once, a quiet 'thank you' to Jeff when they arrived at his house. With that, he got out of the car, closed the door, and made his way up the walkway to his front door. He managed to get into the house and get to his bedroom without either of his parents noticing him. Thankfully. The last thing he wanted to do was have a 'talk' with his parents. He locked himself in his room for the rest of the night.

…

Nick missed the next two days of school, which happened to be Thursday and Friday. Their performance at the Gap was coming up after school on Friday, and most of the Warblers occupied themselves with getting ready for that, doing their best to ignore what had transpired during Wednesday's emergency meeting.

Although Jeff had the solo and was actually pretty excited for this performance, he wasn't really sure he wanted to go. He'd barely spoken to Nick since Wednesday, and he was getting pretty worried for his friend. The brunette almost never missed school, and here he'd skipped two days. Sure, it could possibly be his mother's idea—she sometimes kept him home when he had a mild cold—but it still worried Jeff nonetheless.

He decided to stop by to visit Nick before the performance. When he knocked at the door, Mrs. Romano was the one to answer. She looked a little stressed out, but still managed to smile a greeting at Jeff. "Oh, Jeff! It's good to see you. Come in, come in," she offered, holding open the door. "Here to see Nick?"

"Yeah. I brought his homework…How's he doing?"

She sighed. "I don't know. He won't talk with me about it. He's kept himself locked up in his room these passed two days. I'm tempted to call his emergency psychiatrist…"

Jeff furrowed his eyebrows. "He has one of those…?"

"After what happened last time, we don't want to take any chances," she explained vaguely.

Now he was even more confused. "Last time? What last time?" he asked. "And what happened?"

She frowned. "Last time when he was depressed…?" she reminded him.

Jeff could recall that part perfectly fine. It was back in seventh grade, just after Nick came out of the closet. …Actually, he'd been outed by someone. He probably never would have come out on his own, considering that he was the scared and shy kid that no one else seemed to talk to. Jeff had been the only one he'd actually come out to, but somehow, someone else must have figured it out, and they told just about everyone. This was back before Dalton, and the two of them went to a regular public school for middle school, and Nick was bullied and harassed mercilessly back there. He had already been the 'weirdo' and the 'freak.' Imagine his dismay when everyone found out that he was also gay? Needless to say, it had been hell for the poor kid. The harassment escalated to the point where he couldn't even walk down the hallway without a jeer or a shove. Jeff had done anything in his power to help by standing up for him and calling the bullies out, but it hardly changed anything.

As a result to the bullying, Nick fell into a depression. He would hide away in his room for hours on end and he skipped school in order to avoid the bullies. He kind of isolated himself from everyone, including Jeff. It lasted a few months, but Nick's parents managed to take control of the situation—for the most part—by hiring therapist who specialized in depression cases and demanding that the school take more initiative in punishing the bullies. It seemed to help lessen the daily harassment Nick received there and he eventually eased out of his depressed state.

Still, Jeff was confused by what Mrs. Romano had said. _"After what happened last time, we don't want to take any chances,"? _What did she mean by that? Did something happen that Jeff didn't know about? Or was she just talking about his depression in general?

He dismissed it for now. He had to be at the Gap in an hour, so he didn't have much time here. He nodded in response. "So, is Nick in his room?" he asked.

"Yes. Maybe you can talk him into getting out of the house? His therapist says that staying locked in his room isn't good for him," she suggested.

"I'll try," Jeff promised. _Trust me, I hate seeing him like this just as much as you._

Jeff went Nick's room. The door was closed, but it wasn't locked, so he walked right on in. Nick's room was dark, the only light coming from the windows. The room was clean as usual, except for Nick's bed which was unmade and littered with random snacks and drinks and what not. Jeff could see a half-eaten bag of red vines, an empty can of guava juice, a few unopened candy bars, and a bag of chips. It seemed kind of unusual, seeing how health consciences and sugar free Nick's diet was normally, but Nick _did _tend to eat a lot more junk food when he was depressed or upset…

So…where was Nick, then? Jeff glanced around the room until he spotted his friend, huddled in the corner under a window, a thick book opened in his lap. He was hunched over reading, and he seemed pretty engrossed in the book.

"Whatcha reading?" Jeff asked casually.

Nick barely glanced at him. "Edgar Allan Poe," he mumbled distractedly.

"…Um, the poet guy?" Jeff guessed.

Nick sent a look at him. "Yes, he was a poet. He was also an author. He wrote macabre mysteries and tragedies."

"Sounds pretty morbid," Jeff commented.

"Most of it is," Nick affirmed, looking back to his book.

Jeff helped himself to a red vine from the bag on Nick's bed. "So, our performance at the Gap is today," Jeff reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. I completely forgot about that," Nick said. He looked over at Jeff again. "Good luck with your solo."

"You're not coming?"

"I'd rather not."

"Aw, come on…It's my first solo," Jeff reminded him in a pleading voice. "Don't you want to come support me?"

"Not really," Nick said bluntly.

"Ow. That kind of hurts, you know."

"Sorry," Nick sighed. "I didn't mean that. I just…I can't face the Warblers yet. Especially not Lewis."

"No one is judging you, Nick," Jeff assured him. "And Lewis is the one who should be ashamed to show his face to us anymore." He paused and added, "Which I think he kind of is. In the last two meetings, he sat in the back corner, away from everyone else."

"I'm not going," Nick said. "I'm sorry, I just can't."

"You're going to have to face everyone again sooner or later," Jeff reminded him. "Hiding in your room isn't going to help you at all. You know that."

Nick was silent, turning back to his book without responding. Jeff frowned to himself with uncertainty. This was pretty bad if Nick felt he couldn't even face his friends. Jeff understood that the situation had probably been humiliating, but why would that change how any of the Warblers looked at Nick? If anything, they would never see Lewis the same way again, but Nick hadn't done anything wrong at all.

"Alright, Nick. If you won't go to the Gap, then neither will I," he decided suddenly.

That seemed to get his attention. "What? You can't skip this! You got the solo," he protested.

"I did…but I'm sure someone else can take over for me. There were at least four of us who had Blaine's part down pat."

"Jeff, this is your first solo. You can't skip it just to join my stupid little pity party," Nick said sternly.

"Listen, Nick. You're way more important to me than some silly solo performance." The words were more sincere than Nick would probably ever fathom, and he may never know the exact meaning Jeff had in mind. "If you don't think you're up to it, then I'll stay here with you."

"If this is your ploy to try to get me to go, then it isn't going to work," Nick warned.

"It's not," Jeff assured. "I'll call Wes now to tell him I can't go if that will convince you that I'm being sincere."

"I don't want you to miss your solo because of me," Nick protested. "Just go without me, please."

"I don't mind at all," Jeff said. He wish he could tell Nick just how much he _didn't_ mind it. In fact, he couldn't think of anything he'd rather do than spend time alone with Nick. A solo, despite how much he had longed for one, seemed pale in comparison.

He couldn't tell him, though. He couldn't let Nick know how he really felt. It could ruin everything. It could destroy their six year-old friendship and Jeff wasn't sure he could handle that. He had to keep this locked up, for both their sakes.

"Trust me, Nick," Jeff said, meeting the deep emerald eyes that he was only too fond of. "I won't be missing out on anything. I prefer spending my time with you, anyways." That wasn't too personal, was it?

Nick didn't seem happy with this solution, but he still didn't give up and offer to go to the Gap. Instead, he turned his eyes back down to the book, but he appeared too distracted to possibly be reading any of the words on the page.

Jeff left the room to call Wes and explained to him exactly why he wouldn't be attending the Gap performance. Wes seemed to completely understand, which was a shocker, and simply shrugged it off and decided to give the solo to Trent. He wished Jeff luck and told him to pass a message from the Warblers onto Nick.

"So, I just told Wes I won't be at the Gap today," Jeff told Nick when he went back to his room. "He understood, and Trent is going to take over for me."

Nick looked surprised. "I can't believe you were actually serious," he said. "You gave up your first solo just to sit around at home with me?"

"But of course!" Jeff said lightly. "Why would I say it if it I wasn't serious?"

"I just figured you were trying to guilt me into going…"

Jeff shook his head. "I'd never do that to you. You're upset enough as it is. The last thing you need is me heaping some guilt onto your back," Jeff said. "Speaking of which, you don't need to feel guilty at all. This is all me. It's my decision."

"You've always been a little crazy," Nick mumbled.

Jeff smiled. "Oh, yeah. I have a message from the Warblers," he remembered out loud. "They all miss you. And we expect to see you at Warblers practice this coming Monday!"

Nick smiled vaguely and sighed. "…I'll try to get a hold of myself by then," he promised.

"Glad to hear it."

Nick was quiet for a long moment before speaking again. "Thank you, Jeff…I'm really, truly grateful to have a friend like you."

Jeff smiled sincerely. "Ditto," he said lightly. _You'll probably never know it, but there's nowhere else I'd rather be in the world than here with you… _


	10. The Past

"You never told Jeff?" Nick's mother's eyes were surprised.

"He doesn't need to know," Nick muttered. "I've put it behind me now, anyways. There's no reason to tell him."

"I almost let it slip the other day when he came over," she said. "I had no clue that you kept it a secret from him. I thought you told him everything?"

Nick tensed up. "What did you say to him?" he demanded warily.

"Nothing too revealing," she eased. "But I thought you trusted him. Why didn't you ever tell him in the first place?"

"I was ashamed," he mumbled. "I never wanted to look back on that, and I figure telling people won't do any good for me. Can't we just drop this, please?"

She sighed. "Alright. I won't bring it up again," she assured. "Unless I need to call your therapist again? You've been awfully depressed lately." It sounded almost like a threat.

"_No, _mom. I'm fine, okay? I'm going back to school on Monday," he told her. "I just needed to take a few days for my mental health. You know how screwed up it is."

She sighed with exasperation. "Alright, then. If you say so," she said.

He waved her away, and she reluctantly left his room. Once she was gone, he got up and moved across the room to close the door. He paused and touched the doorknob with his fingertips. A few years ago, this door had a lock…But like every other room Nick had access to, the lock had been removed. Only the front door, back door, and the door to his parents' room had locks still installed. His father had removed all of them, disallowing their son from ever locking himself in a room where they couldn't reach him. You could call it overbearing or overprotective, but they had a good reason for it.

Nick moved back to his bed and sat at the corner. He pushed the sleeve of his jacket up to reveal his bare wrist. The jagged scar that traveled down his wrist had paled to a barely noticeable white line, but it was still there nonetheless. It would always be there. He had a matching scar on the other wrist.

These scars brought back terrible memories to some of his darkest hours. It had been back in seventh grade. He had done this to himself with all intentions of severing the line to his own life. It was probably his greatest regret in his life, and these scars only reminded him of the unbearable pain and suffering he'd been forced to go through…

…

_His shoulders were bruised from constantly being shoved into lockers, to the point where he winced in pain when he had to carry a light load of books. People booed at him when he entered a classroom, and sometimes people threw paper wads at him. Sometimes, they had hidden messages written in them when you uncrumpled the paper, like 'freak' or 'psychopath' or 'creep.'_

_Nowadays, he was getting insults that stung far worse. He'd grown accustomed to the usual jives, and sometimes he even agreed with them. He felt like a freak sometimes. He always wished he could be normal, like everyone else. _

_Now, people shouted, "Faggot," and "queer," at him in the halls. Others gave him nasty looks. Some actually physically abused him, mostly by shoving into him._

_He had no clue who had outed him. He hadn't told anyone that he was gay, except for Jeff. He didn't want to believe that his best friend—and only friend—had been the one to do this to him. But even though Jeff had sworn he hadn't told a soul, Nick still felt a pit of doubt in his core. _

_Who else could it have been? Jeff was the only one who had known, and even though it killed him to admit it, he didn't think it could have been anyone else._

_He couldn't trust anyone. _

_One day, Nick finally reached his breaking point. The worst of his bullies, a boy named Tommy, cornered Nick after school. _

"_Oh, look. It's the freaky queer, come to peek into the boys' locker room," he taunted._

_They weren't even anywhere near the locker rooms. Nick tried to move around him, but he grabbed Nick's shoulder and shoved him back, causing him to stumble into the back wall. Terrified, Nick glanced around for help, but there wasn't anyone around who would even care. He cowered against the wall helplessly. "Leave me alone," he pleaded in a tiny voice._

"_Aw, are we scared?" he taunted menacingly. "You better be. Gays deserve to die." He inched closer, a fist held to Nick's face._

_He couldn't breathe. His heart was pounding frantically and he could feel his entire body trembling uncontrollably. The tears threatened his eyes and he clutched at his chest as it tightened painfully. "P-please," he barely whispered. What had he ever done to Tommy? Why was he doing this?_

"_Please what, homo?" he demanded menacingly. He was standing so close to Nick that he could feel Tommy's breath against his face. He slammed his fist against the wall right by Nick's face. _

_He flinched and released a terrified sob. By now, he was gasping for breath and he felt the panic gripping him, shaking him violently to his core. The world was growing dimmer by the moment and no oxygen seemed to reach his lungs. He knew this feeling only too well. It happened far too frequently for his liking, and his therapist had put a name to it: panic attack. _

"_Do us all a favor, fag, and just kill yourself," Tommy spat in his ear. "No one will miss you." He pulled away and stalked off, leaving Nick leaning against the wall, clutching at his chest, desperate for air and sobbing uncontrollably. He collapsed to the ground, trying to pull himself back together. _

_Tommy left him physically unscathed…but he'd taken a lethal blow to Nick's emotional well-being. _

_No one would miss him. No one would care._

_He was right. _

…

_Nick got it back together—for the most part—and walked the way back home, having missed the bus thanks to Tommy. He could at least breathe again, which was more than enough comfort for him. The tears were still streaming down his face, but he knew that was because he couldn't get Tommy's cold words out of his mind. He meant nothing to everyone. Maybe the whole world would be better off without him here. He already felt like he didn't belong._

_Before he walked in the front door, he'd made up his mind. He would grant Tommy's wish. He would kill himself, save the trouble for everyone else. No one would ever have to deal with him again after tonight. He would finally be out of their way._

_He grabbed the biggest knife he could find from the kitchen and locked himself in his room. He couldn't let his parents find him before it was over with. He dropped to his knees in the middle of the room, knife clutched tight in his hand. _

_He was afraid of blood, but his resolve was strong. He barely hesitated as he scored the knife along his left wrist, tearing the flesh to make way for a thick stream of bright red blood. He cried out in pain and clenched his teeth. A few salty tears slipped from his face and onto the fresh wound. It stung, but at the same time, the pain seemed to make him feel just a little better inside. He _had _read somewhere that physical pain eased emotional distress. It seemed kind of ironic to him. _

_He passed the knife to his left hand and held out his right wrist, touching the cold blade to the blue veins pulsing under his thin skin. _

_It would all be over soon. He found solace in that thought and he dragged the blade along his warm flesh. The skin tore open easily and the blood pooled up instantly, dripping onto the knife handle. He tossed his weapon aside and let his arms lie limp in his lap. The blood flowed freely, and he didn't think he'd ever seen so much of the thick red liquid before in his life. _

_It _was_ his life. Draining. Slowly…_

…

He'd woken up in the hospital the next morning. His father had come home early that day and he had smelled the blood coming from his son's room. He busted the door open and imagine his dismay when he saw his only son, passed out on the floor, blood flowing freely from both wrists? He took Nick to the hospital, and he'd woken up to his mother sobbing and his father angrily shouting at the doctors.

He was court ordered to see a therapist in order to help resolve his emotional crisis. At first, he hated himself for failing at his attempted suicide. Nowadays, however, he regretted ever trying.

He never told Jeff, and Jeff never found out. It was better that way. He didn't need to know.

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><p><strong>Just a small look into Nick's terrible past with bullies, I suppose. Hope you liked it!<strong>

**Review!**


	11. Just One Kiss

Nick was back at school on Monday, as he'd promised. It was a bit of a relief for Jeff, even if he still seemed a little duller than usual. Attending school again was a good start, though.

Nick was greeted by his fellow Warblers with smiles and "welcome backs", and some sympathy. Most of them, however, had the sense to not bring up the breakup.

It seemed like the day went smoothly, except towards the end when Lewis approached Nick and Jeff. His eyes were apologetic and pleading, but even so, Jeff kept his guard up.

"What do you want, Lewis?" Jeff demanded. Beside him, Nick crossed his arms—more of an uncomfortable gesture than hostile one.

"Okay, I know that I'm probably no better than a rat to you guys now…But I really am sorry for what I did," Lewis began. "I hate myself for it. I didn't mean to hurt you, Nick. That was _never _my intention."

"Really? I guess I had the wrong idea, then," Nick said. "You know, after you _used_ me. But if you didn't _mean _to… then that makes it all okay." His voice was dripping with bitter sarcasm.

"I know that there's no excuse for what I did," Lewis mumbled. "I don't expect you to forgive me."

"Then why are you standing here apologizing?"

"I just hoped…that maybe you _could_ forgive me…"

"Oh. Then you're wasting your time," Nick said stonily. "Now I suggest you leave me alone and stop wasting mine."

_Oh, ouch! _That was a burn if Jeff ever saw one. He almost smirked, but managed to keep his expression passive.

Lewis's face fell. "Oh, um…okay… I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I'll just go, then…Sorry for bothering you." He trudged off, looking very crestfallen and dejected.

Once he was gone, Jeff breathed a slight laugh. "Whoa, Nick, you sure showed him," he said jokingly.

Nick frowned vaguely. "It's not like I wanted to," he mumbled. "I just can't deal with him right now."

"Right now?" Jeff echoed. "You don't _plan_ on forgiving him, do you?"

"I'm not the grudge-holding type," Nick said. "You know that."

Jeff sighed. "Yeah, sure. But I really don't think he deserves to be forgiven at all."

"And you think I do?" Nick questioned. "Believe me, Jeff. I'm probably just as ticked off at him as you are, if not more."

Considering that Nick was the one who had been used and humiliated, it was possible that he was angrier at Lewis. But Jeff was absolutely furious at his fellow Warbler. How could anyone knowingly do such a thing to Nick? Lewis had been beyond lucky to have Nick, and he didn't even think twice before using him.

Jeff had already decided on avoiding lone confrontation with Lewis. He would most likely end up spilling everything that he'd taken care to bottle up and lock away in his heart in one angry outburst. He _did _sometimes have trouble controlling his emotions…

…

After school, Jeff went with Nick to Breadstix to help with some kitchen work. They did this often when Nick's parents needed a few extra helping hands around the joint, and they both got paid for their work. It was like a job that they only had to do a few times a month without worrying about losing it.

Nick helped with the actual cooking of meals, since he was an excellent Italian chef already, while Jeff usually did the more lowly tasks such as dishes and—occasionally—waiting tables.

At one point, while bringing a stack of plates and glasses to the washroom for washing, Jeff accidentally bumped into the cart, and knocked a single plate off. It shattered on the stone floor and he cursed under his breath.

He poked his head into the kitchen where Nick was adding spices to a simmering pot of sauce. "Hey, Nick," he called.

Nick glanced his way. "Hmm?"

"Um, do you know where the broom is? I can't find it…"

Nick rolled his eyes. "What did you break?" he asked as though it were a typical occurrence. Which it kind of was. Jeff could be a bit clumsy at times.

"Just a plate," he said defensively. "So, where's the broom? I want to get it cleaned up before one of your parents sees it!"

Nick chuckled at that. "So the fact that broken glass is hazardous doesn't even cross your mind?" he teased. "Oh, well. I think the broom is in the break room."

"Alright, awesome," Jeff said. "I'll get the hazardous problem cleaned up right away, then!" He moved away from the kitchen and walked down the hall to where the break room was. The door was half opened, but he hesitated before going in when he heard a voice.

"No…He actually seems to be feeling better now," said the female voice. Jeff recognized it as Mrs. Romano's voice—Nick's mother. He peered inside to see she was standing by the counter, holding her cell phone to her ear. "I know. I'll call again if he gets worse…Part of me feels like he might be pretending to feel better, just to get me off his case, though."

Huh. It sounded like she must be talking about Nick. Probably to his therapist or something. Jeff suddenly felt like he had been eavesdropping. He was about to step inside to grab the broom before she spoke again.

"I just feel like I can't be too careful. I don't want him to cut himself again. I almost lost him the first time…"

Jeff froze._ What?_ Nick had…_cut himself? _When the hell did this happen? Why didn't Jeff know about any of this? His mind was suddenly reeling and he felt sick. Nick couldn't stand the sight of blood. Had he really taken a knife to himself? Had he really physically hurt himself enough to be 'almost lost,' as his mother had put it?

Jeff drew in a deep breath and reasoned with himself. Maybe she wasn't talking about Nick? He couldn't think of anyone else she could possibly be talking about, but it would be best to not jump to conclusions. Especially when it came to a subject like self-mutilation.

He must have missed the rest of the conversation in his daze, for she suddenly clicked her cell phone off. He forced himself to compose as best he could before he straightened up and strolled into the break room as nonchalantly as possible. He calmly waved over at Mrs. Romano before he snatched up the broom and quickly made his getaway.

The rest of the work day was a blur. He only half paid attention to everything he did, which made for a lot of mistakes. His mind was too distracted by what he'd heard in the break room. He broke two more glasses, he got a few of the tables he was waiting on mixed up, and he took a couple wrong orders.

Nick eventually stopped him to ask about it. "Jeff, there's been at least 4 complaints in the past hour," he told him. "They all mentioned 'the blonde kid.' Are you feeling alright?"

Jeff hesitated before replying. "Um…yeah. I'm just, er…I think I'm just tired or something," he stammered.

Nick nodded as though he accepted that response. "Then maybe we should take a break…?" he suggested.

"Y-yeah. That sounds good," Jeff agreed. His eyes drifted to Nick's wrists, which were both covered by the sleeves of his jacket. Were there scars hidden under there, or was Jeff totally mistaken? He prayed for the latter.

They went to the break room where Nick made some coffee for Jeff. He handed it to him and said, "Here. This might help."

_I doubt it, _Jeff thought. Still, he accepted the steaming mug and the two of them sat at the break table.

"You seemed perfectly fine all day, up until a little while ago," Nick pointed out. "What happened?"

"It's nothing," he tried to assure. He couldn't very well _ask _Nick about the cutting. How insensitive and uncalled for would that be? And what if he was all wrong about the whole thing to begin with? Then it would just be plain awkward.

"Are you sure?" Nick obviously wasn't buying it.

Jeff's eyes drifted once again to Nick's wrists, which were resting on the tabletop. The only thing in the way was the sleeves to his stupid jacket…Without even thinking, Jeff reached over to take one of his hands.

"Hey—what're you doing?" Nick demanded, trying to pull his hand away. Jeff held on, though, and pushed up the sleeve slightly to expose his wrist. He turned Nick's hand over, palm up, and he saw exactly what he'd been looking for—to his absolute dismay.

There it was, a long, jagged white scar, travelling along the veins on his wrist, extending at least half the length of his forearm.

Nick froze, his eyes growing wide as he realized what Jeff was staring at. He bit his lip and leaned away uncomfortably, green eyes filling with regret and remorse.

Jeff frowned sadly, touching the scar gently with his fingertips. His worst fears were confirmed with the cold touch of the healed wound. Nick had done this to himself. "I'm guessing that you have a matching scar on the other wrist," he said in a quiet, dead voice.

Nick couldn't seem to find his voice, so he just nodded stiffly.

"…When?" Jeff asked next. He could hardly think rationally, but he needed to know.

Nick drew a shaky breath. "S-seventh grade…"

Jeff blinked a few times. In seventh grade, they'd been friends for at least a year. How had Jeff not known about this? "Why did you do this to yourself?"

"Someone told me to," he mumbled. "Tommy Baker…he told me to kill myself and that no one would miss me. I…I believed him. And so…I did this." He motioned to the scar.

Jeff had to swallow back the lump rising in his throat. "And you never told me…"

"I'm sorry," Nick whispered. "I didn't want you to know…I didn't want anyone to know. It's the biggest regret of my whole life. I never wanted to look back at it. I'm sorry…"

Jeff bit his quivering lip. "You meant to kill yourself?"

"…Y-yes…That was my plan at the time," Nick admitted.

The tears spilled over before he even felt them coming. Jeff quickly wiped them away. "I could have lost you," he realized out loud. "In _seventh grade_, I could have _lost_ you and I never even knew it…" More tears broke through the dam and he doubled over the table to cry into his arms.

"J-Jeff," Nick said with surprise. "D-don't cry, please…I'm okay, and I'll never do that again. It was a stupid, careless, thoughtless mistake." He placed a hesitant hand on Jeff's shoulder. "Don't cry because of me…"

Despite Nick's plea, Jeff couldn't hold back the tears. Besides, he wasn't crying because of Nick, per se…he just couldn't handle the guilt. Nick had been so miserable that he'd actually attempted suicide, and Jeff was only finding out about it several years later. What kind of friend was he? He'd let Nick suffer that way, for who knows how long, all alone…

And he could have lost the one he loved forever that day. That was the worst part.

"I wasn't there for you like I should have been," Jeff blubbered.

"Don't you dare even _try_ to turn this thing on yourself," Nick said in a soft yet stern tone. "This was all me, okay? I let the bullies get to me. It had nothing to do with you."

"But you thought no one would miss you," Jeff reminded him.

"I wasn't thinking straight at the time," Nick said. "I was an emotional wreck. In psychological terms, I was clinically depressed. All my thoughts were completely irrational… Basically, therapy and medication were the only outlets that even worked."

"But I never even knew about any of this!" Jeff cried. "That _proves _how careless and oblivious I was…"

"I didn't want anyone to know about this," Nick murmured. "Especially not you. I'm so _ashamed _of these scars. I never wanted anyone to find out how weak and vulnerable I was. I didn't think you'd look at me the same way ever again if you found out."

Jeff blinked away the tears in his eyes to look at Nick. "Why wouldn't I? Everyone goes through hard times…I would have understood," he told Nick.

Nick was quiet for a long moment. "I know…you always do," he said finally. "But…I didn't expect you to…cry like that…"

Jeff didn't think he'd ever cried in front of Nick before. So no wonder he was surprised. _It's only because I think I'm in love with you, and now I'm finding out that I could have lost you forever a few years ago. _How was he supposed to explain the sudden breakdown to Nick, though?

"I just…couldn't handle the thought of losing you that way," Jeff explained. It felt ridiculous to hide his feelings after learning this new information. Nick could have died all those years ago, never knowing how Jeff felt about him. Did he really want that to happen now? Because that would be exactly what would end up happening if he just bottled it up forever.

"You won't," Nick promised. "That was the first and last time I'll ever do something like that again."

Jeff nodded at that, though it brought little solace.

"…How did you find out about it, anyway?" Nick asked.

"I overheard your mom on the phone. I think she was talking to your therapist or something…"

"Oh," Nick mumbled. He lowered his eyes to the table. "I should have guessed as much. She's been pestering me for days now. But I guess that's my own fault." He looked back over at Jeff with sincere eyes. "I really am sorry for never telling you, you know."

Jeff found himself drawn to the deep emerald depths of Nick's eyes, as usual. Only, right now, he appreciated them so much more, knowing what he knew now. If Nick had succeeded in his attempted suicide, Jeff would never have the chance to stare into his eyes again…or even get to see Nick's smile, or hear his laugh, or touch his skin, or… Jeff's eyes drifted to Nick's mouth.

…or taste his lips…

Every other thought in his mind vanished. He wanted so badly to just kiss Nick, even if only once. Without thinking, Jeff leaned over, closing the space between him and Nick in a second. Their lips met with a jolt of intensity and Nick breathed in sharply, eyes widening. Jeff, on the other hand, closed his eyes and melted into the brief kiss, raising his hand caress the back of Nick's neck.

It ended too soon with Nick pushing Jeff away, breaking the kiss. He staggered to his feet and backed away, eyes filled with bewilderment and confusion. He glanced at Jeff, blinking as he comprehended what just happened. He grabbed his bag abruptly. "I-I've gotta go," he stammered. He was out the door before Jeff could say a word.


	12. Avoidance

**Here's chapter 12! I would have actually had it up sooner but my internet keeps crashing on me. Bad wifi, I guess. Well, enjoy! **

**Oh, and reviews are like crack to me...so review, please! :)**

* * *

><p>Nick shut his bedroom door behind him and moved across the room to sit at his bedside.<p>

What the hell just happened?

He'd left the restaurant immediately after Jeff kissed him in a dazed confusion, which more than likely got the attention of his parents. It wouldn't be long before they were at his door, asking him what was wrong. He had no idea what he'd tell them. He was feeling nothing but blank confusion.

Had Jeff _really _kissed him? His best friend, the one he'd known for six years, the one who was so obviously _straight_! It made no sense! Jeff _was _straight, wasn't he? He'd always said he was. He'd had girlfriends—lots of them—before. He never showed any interest in boys whatsoever. And when it came to his overall interests and personality, the boy was straighter than a yard stick!

But that kiss told a completely different story. It had been intense and passionate. That wasn't the kind of thing a person could fake even if they tried to. It felt…real.

Why had Jeff kissed Nick, though? Pretending that he could possibly be gay or whatever, what did the kiss mean? They had been best friends for years. It had never been anything more. It was never even mentioned. Did he kiss Nick on a completely mindless whim, or did any deeper feelings accompany the random action?

Nick wasn't sure he wanted to know. Either way, he would still be confused, and possibly upset. Just assuming it was some form of experimentation and nothing more, Nick would be furious and upset with his blonde friend. Although he believed that Jeff cared more about his feelings than that. He didn't think he would go so far as to play with Nick's emotions in that way.

If that wasn't the case, though, then there was only other conclusion Nick could come to: Jeff was either gay or bisexual.

It seemed absolutely absurd to Nick, though. He _knew _Jeff. He was open-minded, yes, but he sure as hell didn't seem even remotely gay. He was one of the straightest people Nick knew. He was into sports, he hated Broadway _anything_, shopping was like torture to him, he fell asleep during musicals, he played violent video games, he had no fashion sense, and most of all, he chased after girls like it was a hobby!

Could he really be gay…?

And secondly, what did this mean for Nick? What would he do if Jeff really did feel…that way…about him? He'd never really looked at Jeff as anything more than a friend.

He decided against wracking his brain with scenarios. He had no clue how to deal with any of this, and it just made his head hurt sitting here wondering what the kiss meant.

There was only one question left in his mind, and it was a question only he could answer:

_Could I love Jeff in that way…?_

…

Jeff cursed at himself once again as he slammed the door to his room. "I'm an _idiot!" _he spat out loud, gripping his hair by the roots. "What was I thinking? I've ruined everything now!" He kicked over his standing fan on his way over to his bed in his anger. It did nothing to ease his temper, so he proceeded to throwing everything off his bed stand in one furious swipe. His alarm clock busted into several pieces when it hit the ground and a glass filled with water shattered against the wall.

What had he been thinking? _Why _did he kiss Nick? How stupid could he get? What did he expect would come from it in the first place? What had been going on in his mind that made him think that kissing Nick would be a smart idea?

Nick had left Breadstix so abruptly, which wasn't a good sign at all. Now Jeff wouldn't be shocked if the brunette never spoke to him again. He had seriously stepped over the line and very possibly ruined their friendship. How could he be so thoughtless?

The kiss, if nothing else, at least erased the last of Jeff's doubts. He loved Nick in the exact way he'd prayed he didn't. He wasn't mistaken at all when he'd been questioning his sexuality.

It wasn't worth it, though. Even with Nick being gay, it didn't at all guarantee that he'd ever feel the same way Jeff felt. Jeff had been a fool to ever imagine that a kiss could have made any difference. It just complicated everything.

He should have just stayed in the closet.

The door to his room was suddenly forced open. "What is going on in here?" his father demanded at the door. He glanced around the room, eyes sweeping over the broken alarm clock, overturned fan, and shattered glass before they fell on his son.

Jeff stiffened up and clenched his jaw. "Er, d-dad…um…"

His dad gave a sigh. "What's the matter?" he asked, stepping into the room. "You came home and immediately trashed your room…Something is upsetting you."

Jeff frowned. "It's nothing," he mumbled. "Just some…drama. That's all. I can deal with it."

"Anything to do with a girl?" he asked.

Jeff shuffled uncomfortably. "Err…I guess you could say that…?" he said awkwardly. Nick wasn't a girl, but his father had the right idea. Just…wrong gender.

He wasn't sure he wanted his dad to know about that, though. His feelings for Nick…He realized he wasn't comfortable letting even his family know. He wasn't ashamed of it, was he?

No, that wasn't it. He was afraid. He'd never really been the odd one. Up until now, he'd been the typical teenage boy. How would his family and friends take it? Would they accept him? Now thinking about it…the thought that they'd reject him was terrifying.

"Ah, I see," his father mused. "Was it a breakup?"

"…Yeah. It was," Jeff lied. "But I'll get over it. It wasn't even a really serious relationship…I'm feeling better already."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Positive," Jeff insisted. "I'll, um, I'll just get this mess cleaned up now." He inched around his dad to get the broom from the hallway. He motioned his father away. "Don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine, I just needed to let some anger out."

His dad nodded slowly, appearing unsatisfied but still gave in. "Alright. If you want to talk about it, you can come to me, though," he told Jeff.

_Trust me, dad. I don't think you want to have this talk with me. Not ever._

So maybe it was for the better that things looked hopeless. How could he be with Nick if he wasn't even brave enough to come out to his own father?

…

Jeff was late to school the next day, thanks to his broken alarm clock. He skipped breakfast and didn't get a chance to fix his hair or brush his teeth. So he felt pretty gross as he walked into his first class of the day, blazer unevenly buttoned and shirt half-tucked in. He was about ten minutes late to his first class—which was British Literature—and the professor paused the lesson to greet him.

"Why, hello there, Mr. Griffin. I'm glad you could make it to class—" he glanced at the clock. "—fifteen minutes late."

Jeff sighed stressfully. "I'm sorry, Professor Wright. My alarm clock…broke." He neglected to mention that he was the one to break it. It was probably for the best.

"That's no excuse for being late to school," he scolded. "Take a seat and I'll write you up a detention slip. You'll come in after school tomorrow to serve it."

_Ugh. What a wonderful way to start my day… _"Yes, sir," he mumbled. He plodded to his seat in the back of the room and slung his bag over the back of the chair. He took out his notes as Professor Wright went on with his lecture, but his mind quickly wandered someplace else when his eyes found Nick, seated a few rows up near the doorway.

He wanted to say something to him, maybe apologize for what happened at Breadstix…but…he didn't know if Nick really wanted to talk to him at all right now. Plus, he wasn't sure he knew what to say. He would have to explain his actions…

He decided against confronting Nick for now. When the period was over and the bell rang, Jeff hesitated, standing only once Nick was out of the classroom. He got to his feet slowly and trudged out into the hallway miserably. He felt so lost and confused, even more so now that he was faced with the possibility of having to 'come out.' And especially now that he had to face up to Nick, eventually…

He got through most of the day without encountering Nick. It was around lunch time when they first spoke, with Nick approaching Jeff.

"We need to talk," was his greeting to Jeff.

Jeff frowned uncomfortably. "I know…"

"Meet me after school, then? At the library?" Nick suggested.

Jeff shrugged. "Sure," he mumbled. At least that would be a semi-private place to talk. And whether he wanted to or not, they _had _to talk. He couldn't just kiss Nick and then pretend it never happened, although he wished it hadn't.

"Alright. I'll see you then," Nick said. "I've got to get to class now…See you." He waved and retreated.

That had been, by far, the most awkward he'd ever felt talking to Nick, and based on Nick's quick departure, the feeling was mutual. Jeff prayed that their friendship wasn't too badly damaged by that stupid kiss.

Right now, though, he wasn't sure if he should try to play it off as nothing or confess to Nick how he felt. When it came to the first option, Nick might not believe him, and if he did, then Jeff would probably come off as a player and a jerk. That definitely wasn't the kind of image he wanted, especially not through Nick eyes.

But if he confessed…that could blow away any chance of healing their friendship while it was still intact. His friendship with Nick was something he cherished more than anything else… Not to mention the fact the he would be forced to come out as bisexual.

He couldn't find any pros to either scenario. He doubted that Nick could love him back. At least, not right now. It was too early and too rushed. And way too sudden. Of course, there was a chance that Nick could overlook Jeff's 'crush' on him and they could still be friends. It would just be a little awkward.

Jeff didn't know if he wanted to take the chance.

…

Nick sat at the library, impatiently checking his wristwatch for the fifth time. He hadn't set a time for them to meet, though he assumed Jeff would come right after school…But he'd been waiting here for almost an hour now, and still no sign of his blonde friend.

He decided to text him.

_Are you coming?_

He sat at one of the sofas and pulled out a book from his bag, although he had no hope of concentrating on reading it at all. His mind was all over the place and he couldn't seem to bring it back.

School had been terrible today. He couldn't pay attention to any of his professors and he'd been snapped at to pay attention several times in each class. One of his professors even stopped him to ask if he was feeling okay and if he wanted to call home.

No doubt his mother had told them about his 'mental problems.' He'd have to thank her for that later.

Worst of all, he got a D on a test in Government. That was the absolute worst test grade he'd ever gotten in his whole life. He could usually pass easily without even trying!

He had Jeff to thank for that D. He wouldn't stop crowding Nick's mind. Nick couldn't focus on anything because his mind was still trying to decipher that kiss.

His cell phone buzzed and he grabbed it—a little too eagerly—only to frown in disappointment to see it was just a text from his mom.

_Where r you? The school called, we need to talk._

He sighed. At any little sign of depression from him, his mother was all over his case, never giving him any breathing space. She was probably at home hyperventilating over whatever the school had told her. He could already foresee a few weeks of more frequent therapist appointments and no free time to himself. Of course, he only had himself to blame for that. After the attempted suicide in seventh grade, she was always terrified that he might try something like that again. He typed his response.

_I was at the library. Coming home now._

Nick checked the time. He'd been waiting here for an hour and a half. He texted Jeff again, having come to the conclusion that he wasn't going to show.

_Forget it. If you weren't going to show, you shoulda told me._

He put his book away and stood up, slinging the strap of his messenger bag over his shoulder.

Looked like he was in for one more day of torturous anxiety and mind-wandering…


	13. Detention

Nick quickly came to the conclusion that Jeff was avoiding him the next day. Every time Nick tried to approach him, he found some excuse to run off.

It was almost like a game of cat and mouse, in a pretty literal sense. And Nick was getting tired of it. There was no hope of understanding any of this if Jeff refused to talk about it.

He formulated a little plan. Jeff refused to sit down and talk about it, so Nick would just have to make him. He knew the perfect place, too, where Jeff had no choice but to attend.

Detention. Even if he didn't talk to Nick, it was worth a shot. He _had _to be there today after school, whether he wanted to or not. So all Nick had to do was get a detention.

Easy enough. Nick just decided to ditch his next class, which was calculus. That would surely get him in some trouble. He made sure that he was caught wandering the corridors by a teacher, who very promptly wrote him up a detention slip.

"I can serve that today, actually," he told the professor, peering over at the slip at he wrote it. "I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow after school."

"The sooner the better," he mumbled. "What were you thinking, skipping class? I thought you were supposed to be one of the good kids!"

"Sorry," Nick said. "I didn't study for my calculus test today, so I decided to ditch…" That wasn't really a lie. There had been a test in calc today, and he would have definitely bombed it. That was mostly because he really sucked at math, though, not through lack of studying.

"That's no excuse to skip a class! And it's your own fault for not preparing yourself. I have half a mind to go to your calculus teacher and tell him to give you a zero on that test!"

Nick winced. He didn't need a killer blow to his already slipping calculus grade. He was barely maintaining a C+ in there. "N-no, it won't happen again, sir. I promise," Nick protested.

He narrowed his eyes at Nick before tearing out the detention slip and handing it to him. "Report to room 207 today after school. Your detention is an hour long. If you don't show up, then you'll be suspended."

Yikes! "I'll be there," he assured. _I just hope Jeff shows up like he's supposed to, as well…_

…

Jeff walked into room 207, handing his detention slip to Professor Wright, the teacher who was in charge of most after school detentions. He took a seat in the empty room and looked at the wall clock. He had forty minutes to serve today, and it would most likely be all by his lonesome. No one at Dalton ever seemed to get in trouble, and it was on very few occasions that a detention slip was even issued.

Well, he was wrong. The second—and probably last—attendee entered the room, handing his detention slip to Professor Wright as Jeff had. Prof. Wright blinked in surprise. "Nick? Well, this is a first…"

Nick smiled innocently. "Hello, Professor Wright…" he greeted sheepishly.

Prof. Wright shook his head as he read Nick's detention slip. "Alright, well…take a seat. I think you're the last."

Nick nodded politely and took a seat at the opposite end of the room as Jeff, carefully strapping his bag to the back of the chair.

"I expect you two will sit here quietly and behave…I'll be back in forty minutes to release you, Jeff." With that, Professor Wright left the room, locking the door from the outside.

That was how detention worked at Dalton. You show up, and you get locked in a room for however long you need to serve. He didn't assume that Nick had ever gotten a detention before, but Jeff had been here a few times now. You could say he wasn't exactly a model Dalton student…

Why was Nick here, anyway? He was a goody two-shoes and the teacher's pet. Everyone loved him because he was quiet and obedient, never stepping out of line and never giving trouble to any of the professors. How in the world did he get a detention?

"You only got forty minutes?" Nick commented casually. "Lucky you. I've got an hour. But I guess skipping a class _is _quite a bit worse than coming into school late…"

"You ditched class?" Jeff said incredulously.

"Calculus," Nick informed him. He stood from his seat and moved across the room to take a seat by Jeff. "I figured this would be the only place where you _couldn't _avoid me." He sent an accusing glare at his friend.

Jeff frowned and sunk down in his chair. And he'd been doing such a great job avoiding him, too. Although he wasn't too surprised that he'd been outsmarted. Nick was sharp and clever when it came to just about anything. If he'd wanted to force Jeff to talk, it was only a matter of time before he got what he wanted.

"You can't just hide from me now," Nick went on. "What's done is done, but I think I deserve an explanation."

_But I don't know if I can give you one, _Jeff thought. He wasn't ready to tell the truth.

"And I'm not angry or upset. I'm just really confused," Nick assured. "Say something, please."

Jeff was silent for another moment. "…What do you want me to say?" he asked. _This is beyond awkward and uncomfortable for me!_

"Well, I'm pretty sure you kissed me at Breadstix…" Nick reminded him. "Can you explain that?"

Jeff stared at the desktop, blinking slowly.

After a long minute of silence, Nick spoke again. "You can't just pretend it didn't happen, whether you want to or not," he said. "…It _happened, _Jeff, and I won't be able to focus on anything until you talk with me about it. Please." He leaned over to make eye contact with Jeff. "I won't judge you. You know that."

Jeff flinched at the sincerity in Nick's green eyes. "I know that. That's…not what I'm afraid of…"

"Afraid of?" Nick echoed. "Then what is it you're afraid of?"

_Rejection, maybe? Or ruining our friendship? Or having to come out as bi? And not being accepted for it? There's too many to name. And I'd rather not talk about it. Call it my 'foolish male pride' or whatever you want, but I just can't share my fears out loud. Not even with you._

He shook his head. "Nothing."

Nick sighed in exasperation. "This is going nowhere, Jeff. Talk to me, please. I can't rest at all until you do."

Jeff bit his lip and hesitated. He really didn't want to, but he knew he had to…better now than later, right…? He sighed uneasily and kept his eyes fixed on the desk, averting eye contact with Nick.

"Um…I've, er…I've been really confused these past few weeks…" he began quietly. "When you and Lewis got together, I realized I was jealous…Of him… …It's why I always acted like such a jerk when it came to him or your relationship with him." His palms were getting sweaty and his heart was pounding. Still, he didn't look at Nick and he drew in a deep breath. "I talked with Blaine about it and he helped me realize…that I'm…I mean, I think… that I might be…bi." He barely whispered the last word.

"You 'might be'?" Nick echoed quietly. "You mean you're not sure…?"

Jeff looked at Nick finally. His eyes were filled with nothing but compassion and understanding, and maybe even a shred of empathy. "I wasn't sure. Not at first," Jeff said. "After I kissed you, though…All my doubts went away. I know that I'm bi."

"So…is that _why _you kissed me?" Nick asked.

"No," Jeff admitted. "After you told me about your, erm, your scars…All I could think about was how you could have died and I would have never gotten the chance to…to do that. To kiss you…"

Nick exhaled one long breath. "Oh."

Jeff glanced at him through the tops of his eyes. "It was just a stupid impulse. I shouldn't have done it. I wasn't thinking."

"What did it mean to you?" Nick asked. "The kiss."

What did it mean…? "I don't know," Jeff mumbled. "All I know is that I…I want to be with you. I've never felt this way about anyone before, and when I'm with you, I can't focus on anything else…I want nothing more than to hear you laugh and see you smile because when you do, it's like your whole face lights up and…and I can't stand to see your beautiful green eyes cry. It sounds clichéd, but it's like…when you hurt, so do I." He rambled on without any train of thought whatsoever. Once he started talking, there was no stopping him. "I've been so distracted lately by everything with Lewis…I hated seeing you two together because I wanted nothing more to just take his place. And when he broke your heart, I wanted to punch him. He had everything that I could possibly want and he didn't even care…But I was too afraid to tell you. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, if you didn't feel the same. I guess I threw the secret out the window when I kissed you, though…I wanted to do that for so long, to taste your lips…and they tasted sweet, like that sparkling grape juice you love so much mixed with citrus…" He trailed away for a moment. "I-I'm sorry for that, by the way…I shouldn't have kissed you. It was out of line and inappropriate and you probably didn't—" He was cut off abruptly when Nick leaned over, meeting his lips to Jeff's in yet another unexpected kiss.

Jeff widened his eyes in surprise but didn't hesitate kissing Nick back passionately, raising a hand to caress the back of his neck, fingers tangling slightly in his somewhat messy dark brown hair. He tasted the newly familiar sweet taste of Nick's mouth against his own and he closed his eyes to savor it.

This kiss lasted longer than the one before, but it still felt like it ended too soon. When they broke apart, Nick lingered close to Jeff's mouth, smiling faintly. "You taste like…a mixture of coffee and mint," he whispered before drawing back.

Jeff blinked with dumb confusion. Nick had just kissed him…right? He looked at Nick questioningly. "Wait. Does that mean that you…you feel the same…?"

Nick smiled. "Yeah…I wasn't really certain until you started talking, though," he confirmed. His smile widened into a teasing grin. "But then you wouldn't stop! I figured I should do something to shut you up." His green eyes were shining.

Jeff laughed quietly. "Well…it worked."

"Seriously, though. I never imagined you felt that way about me…No one has ever said things like that about me," he murmured more seriously. "And to hear it from you…it's such a wonderfully unexpected surprise."

Jeff chuckled. "I probably made myself sound like the biggest idiot ever just then…"

Nick smiled a little shyly. "No…it was…cute," he murmured. "I never thought one of your notorious little rambles would make me blush like that, though…"

"No way. I missed it," Jeff complained. "But, of course, I was a little preoccupied with mindlessly pouring my heart out…"

He'd never imagined that this could happen. He never once pictured a happy ending. He'd been prepared for rejection, heartbreak, a broken relationship, a destroyed friendship…And he'd been so terrified of those things that he'd actually gone into hiding, avoiding Nick and completely blowing off their meeting at the library. This unexpected twist was so incredibly relieving that his heart actually felt lighter. Every doubt and fear seemed to have vanished.

He looked at Nick. "Can I kiss you again?"

Nick smiled slightly. "Do you even have to ask?"

Jeff grinned as he leaned over to kiss Nick again, fighting the smile as their lips touched. He closed his eyes and melted into it. He knew that this was everything he had ever wanted. He finally had Nick. Nothing could compare to that.


	14. Coming Out

The next week went by smoothly—for a change—for Jeff and Nick. They embraced their new relationship and deeper feelings privately for now, since Jeff had yet to actually come out to the general public. It wasn't too hard to do, but it wasn't really ideal. They had to make sure they were alone before kissing one another, they couldn't hold hands around others, and it always felt like they had something to hide. For Nick, it was a tad bit discomforting to do since he'd been out of the closet for years now. It kind of felt like he was back to hiding.

He needed only to remind himself that this was for Jeff in order to reassure himself. He knew how hard it was to come out and he didn't want to rush Jeff along. It definitely wasn't easy to do, and Nick probably never would have come out of the closet in the first place if he hadn't been outed by somebody.

Jeff already had plans to tell the Warblers about it, which was really good progress to begin with. He'd even confided in Nick, asking for help, because he hadn't had any idea how to go about telling everyone. Nick gladly agreed to help, and he was thrilled that the blonde had actually confided in him for once. Jeff never really seemed to talk about his feelings, and even less often did he admit he needed help with anything.

He was also beyond delighted to have Jeff back, both emotionally and physically. He'd seemed so distant and depressed during the last few weeks, and it was nice to have his outgoing and energetic personality around again.

He never imagined that he and Jeff could actually be together in this way, though. Not once. Sure, he'd crushed on the blonde way back in middle school, but it hadn't really been too serious and he never expected anything to come from it. He figured that the only thing that could come from the attraction would be pain and rejection, so he forced himself to get over the crush and thus vowed to never look for anything more than friendship from his blonde friend. Never once did he imagine that Jeff could even possibly be gay—or bisexual, to be more precise.

Although it was unexpected, it was definitely welcomed. Nick could tell that Jeff really did care about him, unlike Lewis. Jeff had known him for years, knew everything about him, accepted him for who he was, and never abandoned him, even after going through a few of Nick's nervous breakdowns, panic attacks, social anxiety, and even an attempted suicide. He'd stuck by Nick with nothing but friendship and support. And now, it could be something more.

…

It was time for a Warblers meeting. THE Warblers meeting. Jeff's hands were clammy, his heart was pounding, and his mind was racing. Today was the day he'd promised he'd come out. And these were his friends; the one group of people he _knew_ would accept him not matter what he told them.

So why was he so freaking nervous?

He could hardly take the anxiety, hesitating outside the door to the Warblers meeting room. He didn't know what he was afraid of. Was it just because he knew that once this stage was over, there was no going back? He could never hide again once he was through here. He would forever be known as bisexual. Out of the closet once and for all, never to return. Was he really ready for that?

A warm hand touched his shoulder. "Are you alright?" Jeff turned to see Nick, green eyes compassionate. "You look like you're about to be sick."

He smiled weakly. "I'm fine. Just preparing for a life-altering occasion is all. No pressure." The words were playfully sarcastic to cover up his deep down fear.

Nick saw right through it. "I know you're nervous," he said quietly. "And you know, if you don't think you're ready to do this quite yet, I'll understand."

"No," Jeff insisted. "I am nervous, but I don't want to hide anymore. I'm tired of constantly looking out to make sure we're alone all the time. I feel _right _when I'm with you. I'm sick of feeling like I have something to hide_._" He paused. "Besides, Nick, you deserve better. You deserve a boyfriend who isn't afraid to be as open and proud as you are." _And even though I'm having a hard time being that person, I'm willing to at least try to. For you._

Nick smiled modestly. "You don't have to be that person today, Jeff," he murmured. "I just want you to know that you can take your time. I'll be here for you, no matter how long it takes."

Jeff's heart swelled at that. "How did I get so lucky to get a boyfriend like you?" he whispered with a thin smile.

"I could say the same thing." Nick took one of Jeff's hands. "We should go inside now. Are you ready for this?"

Jeff drew in a deep breath and put on a confident face. "Yep. Let's just get this over with…" He squeezed Nick's hand before the brunette let go, leading the way to the choir room.

They took their places in the room. As Wes called the meeting to order, Jeff timidly raised his hand.

"Yes, Warbler Jeff?" Wes asked. "What is it?"

"Well…there's something I'd like to say, actually," he said. "Can you just give me five minutes?"

Wes blinked once as if considering it. "All right. I'll allow it," he agreed. "You have the floor."

Jeff smiled his thanks and stood up, glancing around the room to take in every pair of eyes staring at him. When he finally came to Nick's encouraging green gaze, he spoke, "I have some news to share, and I thought since you all are my closest friends, you should be the first people I tell." He noticed Blaine in the room, and his deep hazel eyes were knowing and understanding. When Jeff made eye contact with him, Blaine nodded once in approval, prompting him to go on. Jeff nodded back and raised his head. "I'm bisexual," he announced clearly.

There were a few shocked murmurs in the room. Not too many people would expect that kind of announcement from Jeff, seeing how straight he seemed. Not to mention that he generally distanced his personal feelings and emotions from his social life. It may sound very typically boyish, but he hated to talk about what he was feeling with most people.

He looked back towards Nick who smiled up at him. Jeff held out a hand, which Nick gladly took, standing up beside him.

Blaine grinned from where he sat across from them. "Oh! So you two finally got together?" he asked. "It's about time!"

"Wait…you guys are a couple now?" Thad asked from the table.

"Yep, we are indeed," Jeff confirmed, smiling over at Nick.

Another, louder shocked murmur swept through the room, though it very quickly dissipated into "congratulations," and other thoughtful wishes. Someone started clapping, and the whole room eventually joined in.

It was flattering. Jeff couldn't help but beam with joy at this amazingly positive response. He'd known all along that he'd be accepted here, but he never imagined it would be this uplifting.

Eventually, Wes was forced to call for order, pounding his gavel. Nick and Jeff both sat down to allow him to speak. "I'm sincerely sorry to have to interrupt here, but we really should get this meeting to order," he said regretfully. "Congratulations, Nick and Jeff. I'm very happy for the both of you." He nodded to them with a smile. "Now, let us focus on the meeting at hand…"

…

"Now that you're somewhat out of the closet, I was just thinking…we should have our first date!" Nick suggested to Jeff.

"But I'm only out to a small group of close friends so far…" Jeff pointed out.

"Don't worry. I figured we could have a semi-private date…like the coffee shop and a trip to the bookstore," Nick assured. "Those places are practically vacant at certain times of the day."

"Well, I'm not too big on reading, but if it means spending more time with you…I'm in," Jeff agreed with a flirtatious smirk.

The two of them went to the bookstore as soon as school was over and grabbed some coffee there. Jeff got a double-shot mocha latte while Nick ordered a decaf macchiato. Jeff paid for both drinks, refusing to let Nick even touch his wallet.

"It was only four dollars," Nick complained as they took a seat in the café seating area. "I could have easily paid for it."

"Well, I say it's the best four dollars I've ever spent," he teased flirtatiously. "I personally can't wait to spend more! Do you want me to buy you a book? Maybe two or three?"

Nick rolled his eyes. "You're insane," he said.

"What, a guy can't freely spend his money on his boyfriend? What's up with that?" Jeff said.

"I have enough money to pay my own way, trust me," Nick said. "And I'm your boyfriend. Not your girlfriend. You don't have to pay for everything—I'm more than willing to split the cost of a date."

"Alright, I'll compromise. We can split the money on dates, but I'm allowed to buy you gifts if I want to. How's that?"

Nick considered it. "Fine, but it has to work both ways—I can buy you gifts if I feel like it, too," he agreed. "But let's agree to keep it simple. Spend no more than, oh, let's say… fifty dollars on one gift. Deal?"

"Excluding special occasions like birthdays and holidays, right?"

"Right."

"Then you've got a deal," Jeff agreed. They shook on it.

Nick smiled. "I can't believe we just compromised on how much money we're allowed to spend on each other," he laughed. "Does that happen for you often? Since you're the one with the most dating experience here…"

"Nope. Usually the girl always expected me to pay for _everything. _And then she would get angry when a Valentine's Day gift wasn't what she wanted."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "Seriously…? Maybe being gay isn't so bad after all…"

Jeff chucked and shrugged. "Not _all _of the girls I've dated were that demanding," he reasoned. "I can say for certain, though, that _none _of them can compare to you." It sounded cheesy, but it was true. He had never felt this way with any of the girls he'd ever been with.

Nick offered a bashful half-smile at that, ducking his head. Jeff couldn't help but think of how adorable he looked when he blushed like that.

Nick cleared his throat and sat up straight. "Erm, w-well…I was just wondering, Jeff…when do you think you can come out to your family? I've been meaning to discuss that…"

"Discuss? Sounds so formal," Jeff mumbled. "I really have no clue, though. I keep trying to think of what to say…but I just don't know how to actually do it."

"It isn't easy," Nick sympathized.

"I'm just…worried about what they'll think. I don't really care what the general public thinks, but my parents…they're a completely different story."

Nick smiled sympathetically. "I know the feeling," he empathized. "I was terrified to come out to my family. I avoided it as long as I could, but I was also afraid that someone else would tell them…I thought it would be best if they heard it from me."

"Yeah, probably," Jeff mumbled in agreement. "How'd your parents take it when you told them?"

"They were completely accepting. My mom hugged me and told me that she'd love me no matter what and my dad told me that I shouldn't be afraid to be who I am." He smiled vaguely. "It was actually really sweet. Despite what it may seem like sometimes, I do love my parents. They're there for me and they support me so much more than I could have hoped for."

Jeff smiled. "Maybe, if I'm lucky enough, my parents will be the same and I will have been worried over nothing," he murmured thoughtfully. "It's worth hoping for."

"Your mom and dad seem like nice enough people to me," Nick tried to reassure. "And they know I'm gay, and they haven't given me any trouble for it. I like to believe that they might actually like me just a little bit," he said jokingly.

"Are you kidding? My mom is completely smitten with you," Jeff teased. "She'd probably trade me for you in a heartbeat."

Nick laughed. "I wouldn't say _that,_" he said. "In case you've forgotten, I require a lot of maintenance. You're probably the easier to deal with and cheaper to keep around one out of us two."

Jeff knew that Nick was referring to his panic disorder and social anxiety. He had quite a few regular therapists and some prescription medication he needed to take every day in order to keep away his panic attacks and to ease his social discomfort. "In case _you've _forgotten," Jeff said. "I've been known to be a bit of a 'trouble maker.' And that's putting it lightly."

"We'll agree to disagree, then," Nick decided.

"Agreed," Jeff said lightly. "Um, well…back to the point of this—how they look at you could be totally different for how they'll react to me being gay. I'm their son and you're 'the kid next door.'"

"True," Nick admitted. "But you can't say that your parents are close-minded, either."

"I know, and that's a good thing," Jeff said. "I just can't shake the fear that they might…_not _accept me. I can't imagine being rejected by my own family…"

"I know," Nick murmured. "I worried about the same things. I kept going over possible scenarios, and almost gave myself a panic attack. But in the end, I had worried over nothing." He smiled reassuringly at Jeff. "It'll probably be the same for you."

"I can only hope," Jeff sighed. "But…I don't want to come out to them yet…I don't think I'll be able to…"

"That's okay," Nick said. "You can take your time. You can come out to your parents whenever you're ready." He reached across the table to lay one hand over Jeff's. "I'm here for you whenever you need me."

Jeff intertwined his fingers with Nick's. "You have no idea how safe that makes me feel," he murmured. "I think…that no matter what happens… as long as I still have you, I'll be okay."


	15. Lily's Drawing

**EXTRA long chapter coming at cha! Hope you enjoy it! **

**Oh, and by the way-I seem to have lost my reviewers! I miss you guys, so please come back :)**

* * *

><p>"I keep <em>trying <em>to come out to my parents…" Jeff was saying to Nick. "But I always forget what I'm going to say or I just plain freak out."

He and Nick were grabbing some coffee at the Lima Bean after school together. They'd been officially dating for a few weeks now already, and Jeff knew he couldn't continue avoiding his parents. He _had _to come out, and he was really running thin on time.

Nick winced. "I know this is hard, Jeff…but if you don't come out to them yourself, then chances are they're going to find out some other way," he warned. "You do _not _want that to happen. Misunderstandings can get in the way, and they may feel like you didn't trust them enough to tell them yourself…in short, you'll be more likely to get a negative response that way."

"I know," Jeff sighed. "It's been practically the only thing on my mind lately. I've gone over what to say a million times in my head, but when it comes to actually saying it…my mind goes blank."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Nick asked. "I could help out with the details or the best time or something…"

"I have all that figured out, actually. I'm just a coward when it comes to the real deal…" Jeff mumbled.

"You're not a coward," Nick assured. "It's only natural to be afraid."

"It's just, my life has always been so simple, you know? I've never had to do something like this. I have no clue how to deal with a negative response if I get one, and I keep picturing the worst case scenario in my head…"

"You could always come out to my parents first," Nick suggested randomly. "They'll definitely be accepting. And…well, in a worst case scenario, it'll give you someplace to go…"

In other words, if his parents kicked Jeff out, he would be welcomed at Nick's house? That wasn't very ideal…But it was a slightly comforting thought to imagine that he'd have a safety net.

"That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea," Jeff admitted.

"Then you'll come out to my parents first?"

Jeff sighed. "Well, it might be good practice for my own parents…" he said. And they couldn't move forward in their relationship while Jeff was still somewhat closeted. Coming out to Nick's parents would be a good start.

…

Nick led Jeff to the kitchen where his mom was busy searching the refrigerator. She noticed Nick immediately. "Oh, Nick. I was just looking for something to make for dinner…is there anything you'd prefer?" she asked him distractedly.

"Not really," Nick said. "You can make whatever…but I kind of wanted to talk to you—and dad."

She stood up straight to look at him, greeting Jeff with a brief smile. "Your father's working late at the restaurant," she told Nick. "But you can talk to me first?" she suggested.

Nick glanced over at Jeff. "Is that okay with you?"

Jeff shrugged. "I don't care," he said a little stiffly.

Nick offered him a reassuring smile before turning back to his mom, who now looked slightly confused. "Okay. I just wanted to let you guys know that I have a new boyfriend," he told his mom casually.

"Oh, really? But didn't you just breakup with that other boy a few weeks ago…?"

Nick cringed. "Yes, but please don't bring that up," he muttered. "I'd rather just forget all about it."

"Oh, sorry," she apologized. "Who's your new boyfriend, then?" she asked curiously.

Nick reached over to take Jeff's hand in his own, intertwining their fingers. "He's right here," he said with a smile. "Mom, meet Jeff. Jeff, meet my mom," he said teasingly. He knew full well that Jeff already knew Nick's mother.

She blinked in surprise. "Jeff?" she echoed. "I didn't know that you were—err, I mean, I didn't know you played for Nick's team?"

Jeff smiled awkwardly, ducking his head. "Er, yeah…I didn't really know either, until recently…" he said sheepishly. "It's kind of long story. But I _am _bisexual."

"And he's still working on the 'coming out' part," Nick told his mom. "And he hasn't told his parents yet…so if you could just keep that in mind next time you talk to them, that would be great," he said.

"Why haven't you told your own parents yet?" she asked Jeff.

"I'm working on that, actually," Jeff assured. "I just wanted to tell you first…because, well…"

"If things don't go well with his family," Nick finished for him. "If you get what I mean," he hinted.

Her eyes lit up with understanding. "Oh…I see," she said. She smiled brightly at Jeff. "I'm sure that they will understand…But if there's ever a need to, you are always welcome to stay here."

Jeff sighed with relief. "Thank you so much, Mrs. Romano," he breathed fervently.

"It wouldn't be any trouble," she assured. Her eyes drifted to their holding hands. "Just wondering, though…how long have you two been together?"

"Just a few weeks," Nick answered.

She nodded thoughtfully. "Ah…"

"I've been, um, having a hard time…coming out," Jeff explained. "Nick probably would have told you otherwise…"

"Yes, that's alright," she sighed. "I understand. And I'm happy that it's you and not some other boy. I feel like I can trust you more than any of the boys from your school."

Jeff smiled faintly. "Thank you, Mrs. Romano." He felt better deep down, knowing that he had a safe haven now, and knowing that Nick's mother was so accepting. Maybe his own parents would be the same and all of this worry will have been for nothing…

…

Lily held up her new drawing with a big grin. It was a picture of her and her big brother Jeff and their dog, Zeus. She felt like it was a very good drawing, compared to all her others.

She felt like showing it to Jeff. He usually seemed to like her drawings. She jumped to her feet and dashed to his bedroom, drawing clutched in her hand.

"Jeffy?" she called, peeking into his room from around the slightly opened door. He wasn't there, though. She ran downstairs and checked the living room and frowned when he wasn't there, either.

Maybe he was outside? She skipped over to the front door and dropped to her hands and knees to poke her head through the doggy door. She glanced around the porch and caught sight of him quickly. He was standing by the stairs to the wooden patio with Nick. They were standing very close that they might accidentally step on each other's feet if they weren't careful. Lily looked up and was confused to see that they were kissing.

Weren't only boys and girls supposed to kiss each other? At least, Jeffy and Tyler—her other older brother who was away at college—had only ever kissed girls like that before.

Maybe it was okay for boys to kiss, too. Nicky and Jeffy _were _very good friends. They knew each other for a long time. Although her mommy said that you only kiss a person like that if you love them. Did Jeffy and Nicky love each other, then?

That had to be it. It was the only explanation her five year-old mind could come up with. She also thought it would be rude to interrupt them, so she ducked back out of the doggy door. She skipped back to her room and put her drawing on the bed. She wanted to make a new picture. She lie flat on the floor and got to work with her colored pencils.

…

Jeff got home that night after spending the day with Nick. It had been a few days since he came out to Mrs. Romano, but he was still having trouble telling his own parents. Nick was patient, but even he was starting to get exasperated. Jeff was delaying this task much too long, and the consequences could be very bad.

Jeff was at home, sitting on the floor doing his homework on the coffee table. He didn't pay much attention when Lily came dashing out, shoving a picture at him.

"Lookie what I drew, Jeffy!" she exclaimed happily.

He barely glanced at it, passing it back over to her. "Yeah, that's nice, Lily," he said distractedly.

She frowned at his response, but perked back up when their mother entered the room. "Mommy! Look at my new drawing!" She held the drawing up to her.

She smiled and took the drawing. "Um, it's lovely, sweetie…but who exactly is it supposed to be?"

"It's Jeffy and Nicky!" she chimed.

"And are they…um…are they kissing here…?" their mother asked slowly, peering at the picture with narrowed eyes.

Jeff glanced up quickly. "What?" he nearly choked.

"Yeah!" Lily said. "Because they love each other. Right, Jeffy?" She smiled at Jeff, completely innocently.

"Uh…" _Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. What the hell does she know? And how does she know it!_

Their mother laughed awkwardly. "Lily, honey…Jeff and Nick are just friends. They don't kiss."

Lily blinked in confusion. "Yes, they do," she said. "I saw them the other day. They were kissing on the porch."

Jeff couldn't breathe. Lily saw? How? When? And now what was he supposed to do? He could barely meet his mother's questioning eyes when they fell on him.

"Jeff…? Is that…true?" she asked him quietly.

He gulped back the terror rising in his throat. _Come on, get it together! _He drew in a shaky breath. "U-um…well…" If he lied about this now, it would be impossible to come out later. Besides, this was as good a time to come out as any, while there was doubt in the air. Although it was unplanned, unexpected, terrifying, and he was totally unprepared. "It…it might be true…"

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You…and Nick?" she spluttered. "But…Jeff, I thought you were straight!"

His heart was pounding and he struggled to control his frantic breathing. "I-I thought so, too," he mumbled. "But, er…I realized that I had feelings for Nick…"

"And you never told us?" She looked angry and maybe even a little hurt.

"It happened j-just recently," he explained. "I've been meaning to tell you…! But I was…so scared…of how you'd react."

"Jeff…finding out _this_ way—" she motioned to the drawing. "just makes it so much worse. You shouldn't have hidden this from us," she muttered harshly.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Lily looked very confused. "Is Jeffy in trouble?"

Their mother looked down at Lily. "Um, Lily, sweetie…why don't do go to your room? I'm sure it needs cleaning."

She frowned with a pout, but still turned to go to her bedroom, leaving Jeff alone with his mother.

Jeff looked up at her warily. "So, you don't…approve…of me and Nick? You don't want us to be together?" he guessed quietly.

"I don't know what to think, Jeff," she sighed. "I'm finding out about it through a _drawing _of what your five year-old sister saw. How could you expose her to that kind of thing?"

"Wait, what exactly am I 'exposing' her to?" he questioned. "You and dad kiss all the time around her. So did Tyler and all of his girlfriends."

"That's different."

"Just because it isn't gay. That's what you mean," he muttered. "I didn't think you were homophobic, mom."

"I'm not," she snapped. "I just don't think that Lily should grow up around that kind of influence. She'll think its normal."

"There's nothing wrong with it!" Jeff shot at her. "I care about Nick, mom. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I never thought I'd wind up being gay, but I'm _so _happy when I'm with him. There's no one else I'd rather be with. You just _have _to understand that, please…" he pleaded.

She sighed. "Honey, of course I understand," she said finally. "I'm just angry to be finding out about it this way. Don't you trust me enough to tell me? I'm your _mother._"

"I wanted to tell you," he murmured weakly. "I just…couldn't."

She shook her head with a long sigh. "I think it's best if we wait for your father to get home to talk about this," she decided. "Just…go to your room, clean it up or something. I'll call you out when your father gets here."

He frowned. "Okay," he agreed unhappily. If his mother reacted badly, imagine his father? He never took things as calmly as she did.

Jeff went to his room and closed the door. The room was a mess, but he would never be able to focus on cleaning it. Instead, he decided to call Nick.

The phone rang twice before Nick answered. "Hello?"

"Nick," Jeff greeted painfully. "It's Jeff."

"Jeff? What's wrong? Your voice sounds strained," Nick asked with concern.

"Um, well…" He swallowed hard. "My mom knows about us now…Thanks to Lily."

"This doesn't sound good," Nick said in a mumble. "How's it thanks to Lily?"

Jeff laughed bitterly. "I guess she saw us kiss, somehow? I don't know. Whatever, it doesn't matter, the truth is out."

"You don't sound too happy," Nick observed. "Didn't go well, I'm assuming?"

"Not so far," Jeff mumbled. "My mom was kind of angry, mostly for hiding it from her…and my dad doesn't know yet."

"I'm sorry," Nick murmured.

"This is the perfect time for you to say 'I told you so,'" Jeff muttered unhappily.

"No, I understand why you were afraid," Nick reassured. "Maybe they will, too."

"I doubt it."

"You can always hope," Nick said. "And maybe you can try to explain to them why you didn't tell them?"

"Already tried that with my mom," Jeff sighed. "Didn't do much…but she at least says she understands. Maybe she can talk to my dad before he flips out on me."

"I'm sure he'll understand," Nick tried to assure, but he didn't sound so certain.

"Hope so." Jeff couldn't help but worry. His father had the worst temper when he was angry and Jeff didn't know if he could handle being reprimanded because of his feelings for Nick.

Jeff stayed on the phone with Nick for about an hour, waiting for his mother to call him out. They tried to focus on other topics aside from Jeff's current situation, since he didn't really want to sit and anxiously worry about it. It wouldn't do him any good.

Eventually, his mother called for him. "Jeff! Get out here, it's time to talk."

"There's my mom," Jeff sighed to Nick. "I've got to go…"

"Good luck," Nick murmured.

"I'll see if I can call you back later tonight," Jeff told him. "You might need to stay up a little late, though."

"I probably won't be able to sleep 'til I hear back from you, anyways," Nick said.

"Alright. I'll talk to you later, then."

"Bye."

Jeff clicked off his cell phone and put it away in his pocket. He stepped out of his room warily, walking slowly down the stairs, one step at a time. Both of his parents were there waiting in the living room. His mother sat at one end of the sofa with legs folded, while his father stood stiffly in the middle of the room, arms crossed and face stony. Jeff slinked over to sit at the opposite end of the sofa to his mother, eyes down.

It was painfully silent for a few long minutes. His father stared at Jeff unwaveringly, eyes narrowed. Jeff refused to make eye contact with him. He didn't want to feel ashamed under his father's glare. He had nothing to be ashamed of.

"Tell me how this happened," his father ordered finally.

"How…what happened, exactly…?" Jeff asked nervously.

"This…_thing _between you and that boy," he muttered harshly, spitting at 'thing.'

Jeff flinched. "I…I don't know how it happened. It just did," Jeff answered quietly.

His dad glared. "Oh, really."

"Yes…I can't help what I feel, dad," he said.

"And how long has this been going on behind our backs?" he demanded.

"Only a few weeks," he told them. "I…I haven't done anything _wrong_, if that's what you're worried about…"

"You expect me to believe that?" he suddenly snapped, starting to pace furiously. "'Only a few weeks'? The Romano's have been living there for six years. I wasn't born yesterday, Jeff."

Jeff blinked in confusion. "What are you trying to imply?" he asked warily.

"You've known that boy for all this time, and only just recently do you start 'seeing him'? I wouldn't be surprised if you two have been fooling around behind our backs for years!" he spat.

"What?" he said with a jolt.

"Jeff, is that true?" his mother demanded.

"No! Of course it's not!" he exclaimed. "How could you even think such a thing? You _know_ I'm not like that!"

"You hid this from us," his father growled. "We don't know what to think anymore."

"I'm _sorry!_" he apologized. "I didn't mean to hide it from you…I was just afraid of a reaction like _this._ But I swear it's only been going on for a couple weeks. And we haven't…done anything…"

"People don't just _turn _gay, Jeff," he snapped.

"I-I'm not…gay. I'm bisexual. And I always have been. I just didn't realize it until recently. You have to believe me…"

"How convenient," he muttered sarcastically. "I always thought you spent too much time with that boy…"

"His name is Nick," Jeff mumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"You keep calling him 'that boy'," Jeff pointed out. "His name is Nick…"

"I know what that damn boy's name is," he snapped.

"Then quit calling him 'boy,'" Jeff muttered. "I get it, all right? I'm involved with a boy. I understand that."

His father glared venomously. "Yes, but _I_ don't understand. You are supposed to be straight! What about all those girls you dated? Was that just for fun?"

"No, dad, I already told you!" he said in exasperation. "I'm not gay, I'm bisexual."

"And I find that to be just a little too convenient," he growled. "Were those girls just your insurance plan? To make sure that we don't find out about your gay lover on the side?"

"That's not what it's like!" Jeff insisted, jumping to his feet. "Dad, whatever you think about me and Nick is way off. We don't 'fool around.' He's not some cheap toy I keep around just to play with. I actually _care_ about him. Why can't you accept that?"

His father glowered dangerously. "Sit down and drop that tone of yours, Jeff," he ordered.

"No. I'm not going to just sit around and let you say these things about Nick and me," he snapped. "And no matter what you say or do, it won't change how I feel about him. I love him—!" Jeff broke off with a sudden forceful flash of stinging pain across the left side of his face. He staggered back with a cry of pain, falling back against the sofa. His father stood with his hand raised.

"No, you don't! You don't know what love is if you think you love that _boy!" _he snarled. "It's a phase, goddamn it!"

Jeff's eyes widened as he realized what just happened: his father had just hit him. His father had _never _hit him before. Jeff cupped his hand over his left cheek where the pain was still stinging from the impact and looked up at his dad in shocked disbelief.

"Charles!" his mother snapped sharply. "Calm down!"

"Do you expect me to just take it when my son speaks to me like this? I am not going to just sit idle and watch him do this to himself and to us!"

Jeff couldn't even speak anymore. He was still too dazed, trying to make sense of what had just happened. The thought that his father just slapped him across the face wouldn't sink in. It didn't seem logical. It didn't seem _possible. _

"Get up," his father ordered. Jeff obeyed, keeping his hand held to his face. "Give me your phone. Now."

Jeff blinked. "Wh-what? Why?" he asked shakily.

"Just give me your phone, boy!"

_Oh, so I'm just 'boy' to you now, too? _Jeff reached into his pocket and handed over his phone. His father clicked the screen on.

"All texts from Nick. Latest call: Nick," he muttered. "This is what we get for allowing you to attend an all boys school."

"That's not—"

"Shut up," he snapped. "You're grounded from your phone and all video games. No leaving the house for anything but school…And don't be surprised when we cancel your tuition to Dalton. You're going to public school next year."

"What? That's not fair!" Jeff protested. He turned to his mother, eyes pleading "Mom! You can't pull me out of Dalton because of this! Say something, please!"

"Maybe it's for the best," she sighed.

"Obviously, going to a school with all boys isn't good for you," his father muttered. "Besides, your grades aren't near as good as Tyler's were. Maybe you'll do better in public school."

"No! Please, I _love _being in Dalton. I've been working on my grades—you can't put me in public school, please!" he begged.

His mother frowned. "Your father and I will talk about it," she promised Jeff, sending a look at Charles.

"Don't expect anything, though," his father muttered. "Now get to your room."

Jeff wanted to protest again, but the stinging sensation from his face told him to leave. He didn't want to anger his dad even more than he was already. Without another word, he trudged out of the living room, climbing the stairs with his head down.

Could this have gone any worse? His father had never laid a hand on him like that before. And what was he mad about, anyways? It didn't seem like anything worth getting so angry over…

When he closed the door to his bedroom, he remembered he'd planned to call Nick. Too late now…he didn't have a phone anymore. And for what? For being gay? For loving Nick? It wasn't fair. But what could he do?


	16. Escape for the Night

Jeff examined his face in the mirror, going over the damage. There was a large red mark on his cheek in the shape of his father's hand, and it was already starting to bruise. He winced at the image. How was he supposed to cover this up? He had school in the morning, and the mark was only looking worse by the hour.

Maybe he would be forced to skip. Or come up with some other excuse. His father wasn't abusive, and he didn't want anyone to think he was, even if he was acting like an asshole right now. Plus, it wouldn't be too great for him to have child service people after him, trying to 'rescue' him from his violent household. His sisters would end up suffering from it, too, and they didn't need any of that. So he needed some sort of excuse.

But right now, he couldn't sleep. Like, at all. He wanted to cry, but he forced himself to keep it together. He wanted to talk to Nick more than anything. He wanted to get away from _here._

_Oh, hell. What does it matter? My parents don't care anyways. _Jeff moved over to his window and pulled it open. He was on the second floor, but conveniently for him, there was a tree right by his window. He'd used it to sneak out a few times before, tying a knotted rope to it to make it possible to climb down the branch by his window. He'd never been caught before, and he doubted he would now. His parents were probably sick of looking at him.

He climbed down the rope with ease. When he touched the grassy floor, he paused to pull the hood of his hoodie over his head. Rain was drizzling lightly right now, and the coolness of it eased some of the stinging pain on his cheek, but he didn't want to show up on Nick's doorstep all wet. He'd look even more miserable than he already did now, and he didn't want to worry his boyfriend too much. He cut through his backyard and then Nick's backyard, moving around the house to the front door.

He was about to ring the doorbell, but stopped himself. It was kind of late…He wasn't sure about waking up everyone. He settled for just knocking on the massive door.

At the windows, the curtains fluttered briefly, and a moment later, the door was opened by Nick. His eyes were nothing but concern. "Jeff? What's wrong, what are you doing here?" He seemed to notice the slap mark on Jeff's face immediately, even though it was dark. He stepped closer to him and carefully pulled back the hood to his jacket, then stood back to examine the wound with worry. "What happened…?"

Jeff swallowed. "My dad," he barely managed to say aloud.

Nick looked shocked. "He _hit _you?" he gasped in disbelief.

Jeff nodded with a shaky sigh. "Mhmm. And he took away my cell phone…" His voice broke, so he paused to keep it under control.

Nick reached his hand up to touch Jeff's reddened cheek. Jeff flinched at first, but Nick's touch was very gentle, and maybe even a little soothing. He lightly brushed his fingers over the wound with a distinct frown on his lips. "They didn't kick you out, did they…?"

"No," Jeff answered. "I snuck out. I just couldn't stay there…I needed to get away."

Nick nodded understandingly. He took Jeff's hands and gently pulled him inside the house. "Come on. Let's talk to my mom," he said softly. He led Jeff through the entryway and to the living room.

"Um—I'm not sure I want her to see…what my dad did," Jeff protested weakly.

Nick paused, but couldn't say anything before his mother suddenly appeared from the hallway, dressed in a nightgown and robe. "Nick, who was at the door?" she asked with a tired yawn.

Nick quickly whispered to Jeff, "Put your hood up and keep your left side turned away from her." He then turned to his mom. "Umm…it was Jeff…"

Jeff pulled his hood over his head hastily and turned his head away slightly, per Nick's instructions. He could still look at Mrs. Romano, confident she couldn't see his slap mark.

She blinked in confusion. "Jeff?" she said. "It's like, midnight…what are you doing here?"

Jeff opened his mouth to respond, but Nick spoke up before him. "Jeff's having a little trouble at home," Nick explained vaguely, but also hintingly.

"Trouble?"

Nick nodded. "Can he stay the night here?"

"I…I don't think I can stay at home," Jeff spoke up. "Not tonight."

She seemed to notice how strained and distraught his voice sounded. She sighed. "Alright…you can stay here tonight," she agreed. "But—" she looked at Nick sternly. "in the guest room. Not with you, Nick."

"I know," Nick said. "Don't worry. I didn't even think about that."

She nodded. "Are you all right, Jeff?" she asked him softly.

He nodded. "Yeah…I'm fine. I just needed to get away from home for a little bit…"

Nick took one of Jeff's hands. "I'll take him to the guest room," he offered.

"Okay," she said. "I'll be up to check on you two in twenty minutes. I expect you to be in your own room at that point, Nick."

Nick rolled his eyes and turned away, leading Jeff to the staircase. He brought Jeff to a plain room with nothing but a bed, a dresser, and a night stand. The typical guest room, he figured.

Nick closed the door. "It's not really ideal, but at least you've got a bed to sleep in instead of the sofa," he said.

Jeff shrugged. "Better here than at home," he mumbled.

"So…what happened, exactly?" Nick asked quietly.

Jeff wandered over to sit at the side of the bed. "Not much. My dad just yelled at me…He says he doesn't believe that we just got together recently—he thinks I've been hiding this whole thing behind their backs for years." He stared at his shoelaces sullenly.

"Why would he think that?"

"I don't know. I think he's just holding onto some gay stereotype or something. He doesn't think that our relationship is real," Jeff mumbled. "He either doesn't believe that I'm serious about my feelings, or that it's just simply a phase." His voice was starting to become uneven so he stopped there.

"Maybe he'll come around," Nick murmured as reassuringly as he could.

"I wish," Jeff mumbled. He touched the bruise on his face. "My dad has never hit me before. Tonight was the first time he's ever even laid a hand on me." His throat tightened and his vision blurred. He swallowed back the tears and forced himself to keep cool.

"I'm so sorry, Jeff," Nick said softly, moving over to sit next to him on the bed. He slipped his hand over Jeff's, intertwining their fingers and laying his head on Jeff's shoulder. "I wish I could do something more to help. I hate seeing you like this," he sighed.

Jeff smiled just barely and closed his eyes lightly. "Being close to you is all I need," he whispered. He frowned again. "Too bad you have to leave to your own room soon."

Nick smiled gently and lifted his head. "I'd stay here with you all night if I could," he said. "My mom would never let that fly, though."

"Unfortunately," Jeff sighed. He just wanted Nick's company, though. He felt so much better when he was with his boyfriend. But it looked like he'd be sleeping in this room alone.

Nick very lightly touched Jeff's bruised face. "You might want to put ice on that," he said softly. "It looks like you were slapped pretty hard. I think there's even a little swelling…"

"Yeah, it hurts," he admitted. "I'm wondering if he slapped me with an open hand or just plain clobbered me across the face."

"You don't know?"

"It happened really fast. I didn't even know he hit me at first," he told Nick.

Nick nodded slowly. "I'll see if I can slip out and get you an ice pack, okay?" he offered.

"And spend even less time with you?" Jeff protested.

"You're going to want to get the swelling down before school tomorrow, unless you want everyone to know what happened," Nick warned him.

Jeff sighed in defeat. "True," he mumbled.

"I'll be back in two minutes," Nick promised, standing up. He slipped out the door without another word.

Jeff sat in silence as he waited for Nick to return. The stinging in his face _did _beg for the cool relief of an ice pack, but he also didn't want to waste what little time he had with Nick right now. He'd have to get up early to sneak back home to pretend to wake up and get ready for school so no one would know he was gone. There was always tomorrow at school to be with Nick, but they wouldn't be alone there. And now that Jeff didn't have a cell phone, it would be even harder to talk to Nick.

Nick returned in about two minutes, as he promised, a blue ice pack clutched in his hands. He smiled at Jeff as he brought it over to him. "See? I was only gone for two minutes, tops."

Jeff perked up slightly. "And yet I still missed you," he said jokingly, although it came out a little strained. Nick took a seat at his left, carefully touching the icepack to Jeff's cheek. Almost instantly did the coldness take effect, and he sighed in relief as the pain subsided. It was only temporary, of course, while the cold lingered, though.

"Better?"

"Much," Jeff breathed. He closed his eyes for a long moment before reopening them to look at Nick. "You know…my dad also said he was going to pull me out of Dalton after this year's over," he mentioned randomly. Nick's hand suddenly slipped and he accidentally bumped the bruise under Jeff's eye. "Ow!" Jeff winced.

"S-sorry," Nick apologized. "Just…that's not fair! They can't do that based off of this!"

"That's what I said," Jeff told him. "But they said it's also because my grades haven't been near as appealing as Tyler's."

"They expect you to do as well as your older brother?"

Jeff shrugged. "I don't know." He heard Nick's mom calling from the first floor and sighed heavily. "And I think our twenty minutes is up."

Nick frowned. "Sounds like it," he mumbled. He placed the icepack in Jeff's hand. "Take care of the swelling. I hate to see your beautiful face so battered up."

Jeff smiled vaguely and leaned over, meeting his lips to Nick's in a deep kiss. His mouth was warm and sweet as usual, and Jeff closed his eyes to savor it in the short time that it lasted. When they broke apart, Jeff whispered, "Goodnight…and sweet dreams."

"I'll dream of you," Nick murmured as he stood up and made his way to the door. "I'll try to get you up early so you can head home before everyone wakes up. So try to get at least some sleep 'til then, honey."

"Same goes for you, _sweetie._" He tacked the pet name at the end a little teasingly. "Goodnight."

"Night." Nick then left the room, once again leaving Jeff all alone.

Jeff sighed out loud for the hundredth time, crawling under the covers to settle down. He might as well try to get some sleep, even if sleep seemed so unreachable right now. Besides, the bed was very soft—much softer than the one he had at home. He was comfortable here. He laid his cheek against the icepack, soothing the stinging pain that still seemed to linger there.

Now alone, he had too much time and space to think. His thoughts were instantly plagued with today's trauma and tomorrow's promised torture. What happened today wasn't over. His parents had yet to accept him and his feelings for Nick and until then, it would never be over. Would he really be forced to attend public school senior year? Regardless, his parents couldn't stop him from loving Nick. Did that mean they just planned to separate them as much as they could? Or… was there a chance that they could see this through Jeff's perspective? It didn't feel likely, but Jeff couldn't help praying.

Sleep was impossible to reach. His mind was racing too much. For a few hours, he just lied awake, torturing himself with worries and wonders, wishing that all of this could just disappear. Somehow, though, he must have fallen asleep eventually, because the next thing he knew he was being nudged awake by Nick.

"Jeff—wake up," he murmured. "Rise and shine. Um, the early bird catches the worm? I don't know, it's just time to wake up."

Jeff blinked open his eyes sleepily, suppressing a yawn. "What time is it…?"

"Like, 5:30 in the morning," Nick answered. "But I figured you should try to get back home at around 6 so you can get ready for school."

He rubbed his eyes to try to keep them open. He never really was a morning person and his body begged him to just roll over and go back to sleep. "Ah, yeah…that's probably a smart idea," he mumbled tiredly, his voice raspy.

Nick smiled softly. "By the way, I made breakfast, if you're hungry," he offered.

Jeff looked sideways at him, blinking. "How long have you been up?" he asked, somewhat surprised.

"Like an hour and a half. But I'm not sure if I even fell asleep last night," Nick admitted. "And if I did, it wasn't for very long."

Jeff sat up and smoothed down his ruffled blonde hair. "Yeah. I could hardly sleep, either," he said. "I feel like I might have slept for an hour at the _most_."

"We can meet up for coffee at the Lima Bean before school?" Nick suggested. "I have a feeling we'll need the caffeine."

"Sounds like a plan," Jeff mumbled.

Nick had made an Italian breakfast called _Frittatas, _which were kind of like Italian-style omelets. Jeff had to admit that they were pretty delicious, but what did he expect when Nick was the cook? He _was _the future Breadstix owner. It was practically a dream of his, and Jeff had no doubt that Nick would reach it.

Jeff got back home through his bedroom window just before 6. He had just enough time to change into a fresh uniform before either of his parents woke up. He left the house earlier than usual, calling through the house, "I'm going to school now!" just to make sure that they knew he'd been home. He headed to the Lima Bean with Nick first and got a triple-shot espresso to keep awake during the day. Nick had to be a little more careful when it came to caffeine thanks to his panic disorder and just got a plain medium drip with the usual amount of caffeine.

When it came to his face: the ice had really lessened any possible swelling, and there was just a little bit of a bruise visible on his pale white skin. He could come up with a believable excuse for this much easier, he figured. You couldn't even see the handprint anymore.

When people asked him, he quickly came up with the excuse: "My little sister threw a baseball at me." They didn't really have to know she was only five and probably _didn't _have a very strong arm. But hey—who knows, maybe Lilly _could _bruise his face with a baseball. They were pretty hard, after all…

All in all, Jeff did a pretty good job concealing his home problems from all of his friends at Dalton.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed this chapter! And I hope it wasn't too sappy...<strong>

**Review, please! I'm starting to get writers block due to the lowering amounts of reviews I'm getting! ;)**


	17. Encounter

**Hey, guys! New chapter! Not sure when the next one will be out, since my laptop's adaptor doesn't work anymore... I won't be able to type for a while, sadly :'( I had to steal my brothers' laptop to put this one up!**

**Let's hope _my _computer gets fixed up soon! I love typing this story! :)**

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><p>Things remained pretty tense around the Griffin household. Jeff was grounded from his cell phone, the television, video games, and the computer, and on top of all of that, he wasn't allowed to leave the house except for school, unless he was with one of his parents.<p>

He'd never really been grounded before. His parents claimed this time was for back-talking and hiding his relationship with Nick from them, but he wasn't sure that those were the only reasons. That may be the shell of it all, but deep down, he wondered if his parents just didn't want to accept him as gay. All of this seemed like their wasted attempts at keeping him away from Nick.

He always managed to get around it of course. He and Nick both left early for school every day so they could meet up at the Lima Bean. At school, they had a few classes together, and then of course there was Warblers practice. After school, they lingered at the library or school parking lot for as long as they could. Thanks to school, they were still able to see one another for a few hours a day at the most. It was less than either of them would like, but at least they got to see each other.

They worried about what to do once school was out. Final exams were coming up in a few weeks, which meant school was almost out. If his parents held to their threat, Jeff only had three weeks of Dalton left, EVER. How would Jeff and Nick see each other then? Would Jeff be forced to sneak out all the time? It seemed like the only option, but he knew that he would resort to that if he really had to. He couldn't stand being away from Nick, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let his parents' narrow-mindedness keep them apart.

Lucky for him that Nick lived so close to him. It wasn't too hard to sneak over to see him, but it was only possible late at night or any time Jeff's parents weren't home.

Nick's parents were understanding to the whole situation, but they were against the whole 'sneaking around' business going on. They didn't agree with the way Jeff's parents were handling this issue, but they weren't going to stand in the way of their 'parenting' method. It made seeing Nick even harder than it already was because every time they caught Jeff sneaking over to see Nick, they sent him back home. It was so frustrating.

Jeff held onto the hope that his parents might change their mind and see things his way. It didn't look like it would happen very soon…His mother wouldn't talk about it at all while his father seemed constantly angry with him for one reason or another.

Bottom-line: Jeff and Nick loved each other, but the whole world seemed to be against them being together.

…

Nick and Jeff left school a little late that Friday, as usual. The parking lot was pretty much vacant, apart from a few cars and a couple of hoodlums lingering by the outside wall of Dalton, laughing like hyenas as they colored the walls with graffiti.

As disrespectful as it was, Jeff figured it would be best not to confront them. There were at least four of them, and if they were violent, Jeff would be toast. Clad in a Dalton blazer, he wasn't exactly 'intimidating.'

They seemed to immediately notice Jeff and Nick, however, and they dropped their spray cans to come over and 'greet' them. Jeff stopped and held his ground, wondering if he should just go back inside to avoid the encounter all together.

Nick suddenly gasped and hid behind Jeff hastily, clutching the sleeve and collar of Jeff's blazer with trembling hands. "Th-that's…" he barely whispered. "Jeff, that's T-Tommy…!" he hissed urgently.

"What?" He tensed as the leather-clad gang stopped in front of them. He barely recognized Tommy Baker smirking at him.

"Jeff? Jeff _Griffin?" _greeted Tommy, eyes glittering with menace. "I knew you left public school, but I didn't know you went to _Dalton Academy, _school for gays!"

"Ha ha," Jeff muttered sarcastically. "Very funny. Now go away, you aren't welcome here." He was seething with fury deep down at just the sight of this guy. Tommy Baker was the one who told Nick to kill himself back in seventh grade. He was a snake.

Tommy smirked. "And who is this cowering behind you?" he jeered, peering around Jeff. "That's not the freak Nick Romano, former school fag, is it?"

Nick edged away from Tommy's gaze, his breathing becoming frantic. The poor guy was utterly terrified of this hoodlum. Jeff glared at Tommy. "Back off, Tommy," he warned, spacing himself out protectively in front of Nick.

"Aw, isn't that so _disgustingly_ sweet, boys?" Tommy sneered to his friends. "Protecting his spineless little freak of a boyfriend. Looks like he caught the gay disease, too."

Some of them pretended to gag at that. Jeff frowned, unsure of what to do. It didn't look like these guys were going to leave them alone, but it sounded like Nick was about to have a panic attack behind Jeff. These black-hearted snakes _lived _off of fear, and Nick was so obviously terrified.

"I'll call the police if I need to," Jeff threatened. "You're trespassing _and _vandalizing private school property." _I just wish my parents hadn't taken away my phone! _

They just laughed. "Oh, yeah. We're so scared of the threats from a schoolboy," Tommy mocked. "Do we need to teach you queers a lesson?"

Jeff tightened his jaw. "Look—we don't want any trouble, okay? We were just leaving," he eased, holding up his hands.

Tommy turned to his posse, talking a beer bottle from one of them. He held it by the neck and smashed the bottom on the concrete, leaving the edges broken, yet sharp and jagged. Jeff backed up a pace, dread filling his chest. He couldn't face up to four guys, especially not when one had a broken-bottle weapon. Still, he refused to move from where he stood in front of Nick. He wouldn't let Tommy hurt Nick more than he had already.

Tommy stalked close to him. "You know, I have a just a bit of a bone to pick with the homo standing behind you," he muttered.

"Nick has never done anything to you," Jeff snapped. "Just leave him alone already!"

"Ha! You're wrong there," Tommy growled. "After that kid went and tried to kill himself, I ended up getting suspended and sent to Juvie Hall for three months! And the stupid faggot didn't even die." His eyes were burning. "He can't do anything right."

"Shut the hell up!" Jeff spat. "No one gave you the right to determine who deserves to live or die. Neither of us has ever done anything to you—so what do you have against us?"

"Gays deserve to die and rot in hell, where they belong," Tommy shot back. He suddenly shoved Jeff aside roughly, causing him to stagger and fall.

Nick scrambled back with a strangled gasp and Tommy grabbed his wrist like a snake suddenly lashing out at a mouse. Tommy smirked. "Well, I see scars," he laughed. "Too bad you didn't die." He placed the neck of the bottle in Nick's hand. "Well, you know what they always say: Try, try again!"

Nick looked completely out of his wits. His eyes were wild and panic-stricken, his entire body trembled uncontrollably, sweat trickled from his forehead, and his breathing was close to hyperventilation. It was a wonder he was still standing straight. The bottle quivered in his weak grip and he looked at with uncertainty and fear.

"Well? Go on. Kill yourself already—you failed before, it's time you finally took care of it once and for all," Tommy prompted menacingly.

Jeff scrambled back to his feet and shoved Tommy back fiercely. "I said _back off!_" he snarled furiously. When Tommy staggered back, Jeff took the broken bottle from Nick and chucked it halfway across the parking lot. It shattered when it landed.

Tommy whirled on Jeff. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Jeff's hand formed a tight fist and without a second thought, he swung it, full brunt, across the left side of Tommy's face. He stumbled back and fell with a cry of pain and surprise. He sat up, holding his nose with a moan. "Ugh…He-he broke my nose!" he stammered furiously, wiping away the blood. "Get him! Make him pay! Now!" he ordered his gang.

Maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to do…Now it was four against one. Nick grabbed Jeff's shoulder urgently. "Jeff…!" His voice was edged with alarmed panic.

Jeff motioned him away frantically. "Don't worry about me, Nick, just _stay back,_" he ordered. He pushed Nick back a few feet before one of the gang members grabbed the lapels of Jeff's blazer, jerking him closer to the other three. He didn't have a moment to fight back before someone gripped his hair and forced his head down so they could knee him square in the chest. The breath was knocked out of his lungs and he felt a tight, sharp pain around his ribcage. He gasped painfully at another blunt force striking the side of his head, causing him to stagger and fall to his knees. Somebody else threw a kick to his side, and he was sent sprawling to the concrete with a cry of pain.

He had no chance to fight back, let alone defend himself. They were on him in an instant with a flurry of fists and sharp kicks. Jeff did his best at deflecting them and protecting his face from damage with his hands, but their blows slipped right through. He was already in too much pain to keep track of any of his injuries, and he was starting to feel extremely light-headed and dazed for some reason. He couldn't focus and everything in front of him was blurring into a mess of bleeding colors.

"Hey, hey, hey!" someone said. "That's enough guys. We don't want to get busted for murder, do we?"

The pummeling abruptly stopped, to Jeff's vague relief, although the damage was done. He was hurting and aching all over. Four against one really wasn't a fair match at all.

"Let's split—just leave the fag. We've wasted too much time here." There was Tommy's voice. There was a murmur of agreement. As each of them made off, they each took care to spit in Jeff's face with smug triumph, sending insults back at him as they stalked away.

Jeff wiped away the sickening residue with the torn sleeve of his blazer. His vision cleared a little, although everything with color seemed to melt together awkwardly. He felt the worst of the pain deep in his chest, to the point where it hurt to simply breathe.

The moment the gang was gone, Nick raced to Jeff's side. "Jeff! Oh my God, Jeff, are you okay!" Nick was crying and trembling madly, although he seemed to have pushed his terror away for the moment. He dropped to his knees beside Jeff, wincing at the bruises and blood.

Jeff wanted to respond with an 'I'm fine,' but he knew for a fact that he wasn't. He was in so much pain that he could hardly move and he winced with each inhale of breath.

Nick went on shakily. "Y-your head…it's bleeding…" he quavered. He unbuttoned his own blazer and took it off quickly. Very carefully, he slipped one hand under Jeff's neck and raised his head so he could hold the cotton fabric of the blazer against the wound Jeff assumed was there. Although, he couldn't really feel anything on the back of his head. There, he felt a strange numbness, which probably wasn't a good sign in the very least. Nick shuddered involuntarily as he pressed the blazer against the injury. "Are you okay?" he asked again. "What hurts?"

_Everything? _Although he figured he should be specific. "Mostly my chest," he managed to answer with a moan.

Nick frowned. "I-I think you really need to go to the hospital," he said, his voice still quivering.

Probably. It would be smart. But who would take him? Nick was still in a bit of a panic and Jeff was the one in need of hospitalization. Neither of them was fit to drive at all.

He didn't regret facing up to them, though. And getting a nice right-hook in on Tommy felt amazing. He really deserved it, too. After all the things he did to Nick, and still trying to come back for more? He was an appalling and twisted human being.

Even though in the end, Jeff was the one who ultimately lost…

Nick touched Jeff's face with a soft hand, and Jeff guessed he must have some pretty ugly bruises and scratches and whatnot covering most of his face. It sure felt like it, with the pain and heat throbbing throughout his features. Nick's deep green eyes were filled with torment. "I'm so sorry, Jeff," he whispered. A warm, salty tear landed on Jeff's cheek, stinging whatever open wound that was there. "This is all my fault. If it wasn't for me, this would have never happened."

He was blaming himself? How the heck was this Nick's fault? Just because he was Tommy's target of torture? Or because Jeff had been trying to protect him? Jeff managed a weak smile and touched Nick's hand. "Hey—I was the one who had to go and punch the gang leader," he joked feebly. "Not really one of my smartest ideas ever…"

Nick sniffled. "No…not really," he agreed half-heartedly. "I'm going to go get the secretary inside—stay here and don't move, okay?" he told Jeff.

_Trust me… I won't be moving anywhere on my own at all. _"'Kay," he agreed weakly.

Nick kissed him, a quick peck on the lips, before standing and darting to Dalton's doors.

The office secretary came outside to check on Jeff and immediately agreed to take him to the hospital. It wasn't easy getting up and limping over to the car, but he managed it with Nick's gentle aid.

Once at the hospital, the doctors took over. They were calm and collected, which was a much nicer atmosphere than any of the rest he'd seen for a while. They put him through a number of simple tests and examinations and they cleaned and bandaged the worst of his injuries. He even got some pain medication, but only after they were done examining his injuries. Turns out, he had a few cracked ribs (which was why it hurt so much to breathe) and a broken finger. On top that was several bruises, a blackened eye, some scratches, and he'd busted open the back of his head. The doctors kept asking him silly questions like, "What's today's date?" and "What is your name?" and "Where are you?"

Turned out that he had a concussion, too, if there weren't already enough injuries on the list. It was only a minor one, though, and they said he was fine to rest and sleep if he wanted to. And by the end of all the tests and examinations, Jeff was utterly exhausted. There was nothing he wanted to do _but_ sleep.

Sleep would just have to wait a little longer, though, for just as he was settled down in a scratchy, uncomfortable hospital stretcher bed, his parents rushed in.

His mother, crying and breathless, threw her arms around him in an instant hug. "Oh, Jeff, honey! What happened to you? Who did this?" she demanded immediately.

"Owwww! Ow, ow," Jeff winced at her tight grip around his ribcage. "Mom, cracked ribs," he told her in a pained mutter.

She pulled back quickly. "I'm sorry!" she exclaimed quickly. "I didn't know. Does it hurt?"

_Only a whole freaking lot. _"Just a little," he lied, grimacing. "I got some painkillers."

"Who did this to you, Jeff? Tell me what happened," she demanded fretfully.

"Umm…" He blinked a few times to clear his clogged mind. With the concussion, thinking straight was even harder to do than usual. "Some guys in the Dalton parking lot," he answered. "They were messing with us."

"Us?" she echoed.

"Nick and I." He didn't care if his parents knew that he'd been with Nick. He wasn't about to hide it. "They were threatening Nick, so I punched the main guy. Needless to say, it didn't go down well with the rest of the gang," he mumbled.

"Is Nick hurt, too?"

"No. I don't think so," Jeff replied. "He was just really shaken up. But I think they were _going _to hurt him. They had a broken bottle with them, and they told Nick to…to cut himself…If he didn't, I'm not sure what they would have done. I stepped in before anything happened," Jeff explained. "Well, to him, at least."

His mother blinked at him. "Wait. You did this for Nick…?"

He frowned. "It isn't his fault. Those guys were nasty hoodlums. They wouldn't have left until they tasted blood, and I wasn't about to let it be Nick's. You can't blame him for what happened to me," he said strongly. Nick had been through more than enough with Tommy as it was. "It was all on my own free will."

She stared at him for a long minute. "You really do love him, don't you?" she said finally.

"That's what I've been telling you," he said. "I would never have said it if I didn't mean it."

She smiled gently at him, brushing his bangs out of his black eye. "I believe you," she murmured. She looked back at Jeff's father, who stood near the door. "Is there anything you'd like to say, Charles?"

He looked at her blankly for a moment before clearing his throat and crossing the room. "So…how many guys were there?"

Jeff frowned. That wasn't really what he'd wanted to hear from his father. "Four," he muttered.

"You took them all on?"

"More like they all dogpiled on me," he corrected. "But I guess I started it. I threw the first punch, literally."

"In order to, um…to protect Nick…?"

"I guess," Jeff sighed. "They were old bullies who just had it out for him for whatever reason."

His father nodded thoughtfully. "I see." He paced to the opposite end of the room and back slowly. "I suppose…I may have, um, _overreacted… _a little when you first…came out," he said slowly. "I can see that you do really care about Nick after today. I don't doubt that. And I think, perhaps, we can talk about your grounding…"

Jeff brightened up. "R-really…?" he gasped. "You mean I'm allowed to be with Nick?"

"That's what it sounds like," his mother said with a smile. "We should have been more understanding in the beginning, Jeff. I'm sorry for letting you down. I don't want you to think for a moment that I'd ever love you any less, no matter what you tell me." Her eyes were completely sincere.

Jeff grinned. "Thank you!" he breathed, beyond overjoyed. _And all it took was me being mauled by some wannabe gangsters to make you realize this!_

"Now you should get some sleep," she decided. "You look totally exhausted."

He nodded in agreement. "What about Nick?" he asked. "He's not still here, is he?" It had been a few hours now since Jeff was admitted and he kind of wanted to share this good news with his boyfriend.

"I think Mrs. Romano took him home," his mother answered. "Like you said, he was pretty shaken up."

Jeff nodded. "Oh."

"The doctors only want to watch you overnight, while you have that concussion. If you fare well, you can come home tomorrow morning," she told him.

"That's good," Jeff said. He was just feeling a little concerned for Nick. He didn't still think that this was his fault, did he? Guess Jeff could find out tomorrow. He was half-asleep sitting up. The pain medication was a real knockout.

His parents left so he could rest. For the first time in weeks, he fell asleep quickly and slept soundly through the night. Whether he had the painkillers, the fight, or the fresh acceptance from his parents to thank for that, he didn't know, but he welcomed it nonetheless.


	18. Tyler Griffin

**I finally got my hands on another computer so I could type again! So here ya go: chapter 18!**

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><p>The pain medication knocked Jeff out for the night and half of the next day. He woke up, very groggily, sometime around 3 pm. His head was pounding and felt incredibly fuzzy. He could hardly remember anything that happened the day before. The events were hazy and unclear, like it had all been a dream, though the wounds that covered his entire body told him otherwise.<p>

He knew he'd slept way longer than usual, but he still felt completely exhausted. In spite of it, though, he sat up, confused to find himself in his own bed. He didn't remember coming home, although the concussion _had _left him very disoriented and forgetful…

His first thought was of Nick. Was he doing okay now? He had seemed really shaken up and he'd been blaming himself for this whole incident last Jeff remembered. He also thought he remembered his parents finally coming to terms with his and Nick's relationship, although that could just be some crazy dream he was mixing in with reality. He couldn't be too sure in his currently jumbled state.

He glanced around for his phone to call Nick, trying to remember if he'd even gotten it back yet when an unexpected familiar face appeared at his doorway.

"Tyler?" Jeff greeted in surprise. "What are you doing here?" _Or am I having some insane concussion-induced hallucination?_

"Oh, what's up, bro? Mom said you'd still be sleeping," Tyler greeted very casually. "I came up the stairs all quiet for nothing." He had a suitcase in one hand and two overstuffed gym bags slung over his shoulders. "She told me what happened, by the way. Next time you get into a fight, bro, don't take on so many guys at once! You're scrawny enough as it is." He tossed all of his bags on floor in the middle of the room. "Those guys really beat you up, man. You're completely wrecked!"

"What are you doing here?" Jeff demanded, ignoring everything else Tyler said.

"What a way to greet your big brother," Tyler said with fake hurt in his voice. "I'm not taking any classes this summer, so I'm home for the next few months," he explained. "Mom says we have to room together, since my old room went to Kandy."

Oh, great. Sharing a room with Tyler again? It hadn't been fun the first time, and it wouldn't be fun this time, either. "You can't share with one of the girls…?"

"Nope. I'd rather not live in a nursery or a 5 year-old girl's 'magical-pink-unicorn-princess-palace' of a bedroom. But if you want to room with one of them while I'm home, go ahead. And I missed you too, by the way," Tyler finished sarcastically.

Jeff frowned. "Sorry," he mumbled. He hadn't seen his brother in over a year. Maybe he'd finally matured a little? Although Tyler looked exactly the same as he did last time Jeff saw him. His hair was a dark, tousled mess under a flat-cap, and his skin was slightly tanned, bringing out his bright blue eyes. "I just woke up and I'm still suffering from a concussion. I'm not really 100% here right now…"

"Yeah, remember the first time I got a concussion. I felt both hungover and drunk at the same time," Tyler sympathized.

Not really the best example, but it was pretty accurate, at least. Jeff _did _feel a little of both. He crawled out from under the covers and got to his feet, only to stumble into the wall unsteadily when a wave of lightheadedness hit him. "Uuughh…"

"See? There's the drunkenness," Tyler pointed out with a laugh. "Lie back down, bro. No matter how comic it is, you're in no shape to be up and about. If you need something, I can get it for you."

"My cell phone," Jeff told him. "I think dad still has it."

"Still has it?" Tyler echoed.

Jeff sat at the side of his bed. "Yeah. I was grounded for a little bit, but they ungrounded me last night." _I think… _"I need it back now so I can call a friend." He guessed Tyler probably didn't know about his relationship with Nick yet, and he really didn't feel like telling him about it right now. He knew Tyler probably wouldn't take the news badly, but he didn't want to deal with the stress it could bring just yet.

"Oooh, you got grounded? What for?" Tyler asked eagerly. "Ditch school? Throw a wild party? Did you get an F on your report card? Miss curfew? Sneak out late?"

"No, Tyler, none of those things," Jeff mumbled. _Those were the kind of things YOU used to do, remember? _Except the F on the report card part. Tyler was practically a genius when it came to academics, even though it really didn't seem like it. He couldn't get an F if he tried. And he never really _tried _at anything, thanks to his laziness. He excelled in his years at Dalton without even making an effort. "Just get my cell phone, please," Jeff sighed.

"Fine, fine," Tyler said, backing out of the room. He was gone for no more than three minutes, Jeff's cell phone in hand. "Mom says to stay in bed and she'll be up to check on you in ten minutes," he told Jeff, tossing the phone to him.

Jeff caught the phone. "Thanks," he said, immediately dialing Nick's number.

"Yeah, well I'm only doing this because you're injured," Tyler said. "Once you've healed, you're going to have to pay me back!"

"Gee, you're such a loving older brother," Jeff muttered sarcastically.

"Aren't I?"

Jeff brought the phone to his ear, motioning Tyler to be quiet. It rang several times, answered just before it hit voicemail accompanied by Nick's warmly familiar voice. "Hello? Nick speaking…" He sounded a little uncertain.

"Nick! Hey, it's Jeff," Jeff greeted brightly. "I got my cell phone back," he explained.

"Jeff! How are you doing? Are you okay?" Nick burst out instantly. "Did they let you out of the hospital yet? My mom wouldn't let me stick around… Are you at home now?" He sounded extremely relieved and worried all at once.

"Yes, I'm home," Jeff said. "Although I honestly don't remember coming home… You can come over, by the way."

"I can?"

"Yup. Turns out all I had to do was get beat-up for my parents to come around. I'm ungrounded and they're ready to accept 'us'," he informed Nick happily. "Assuming I didn't dream the whole thing up. And I'm pretty sure I didn't. I mean, I got my cell phone back already."

"I'll be over in five, then," Nick decided.

"Then I guess I'll see you in five." The line clicked off and Jeff set his cell phone aside.

"Well, that sounded like a…strange conversation," Tyler commented from where he stood by the door. "Should I even ask?"

"No," Jeff answered simply.

"Alrighty, then! I'll just get to unpacking," he announced. He moved over to Jeff's dresser to pull out one of the drawers. He dumped the contents—a few t-shirts and a hoodie—on to the floor, and then replaced the drawer. He proceeded to do the same thing to the rest of the drawers on the left side of the dresser.

"What are you doing…?" Jeff asked irritably.

"Making room for my stuff," Tyler answered casually.

"Those are my clothes you're dumping on the floor!" Jeff snapped.

"Relax! I plan to put them in the closet," Tyler eased.

"Why not put your own stuff in the closet?"

"What if our clothes got mixed up?" Tyler challenged. "I can separate them more easily with the dresser."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Okay…whatever you say," he gave in. There was no point in arguing with Tyler. It wasn't a battle Jeff could win in his current state. Jeff lied back against his pillows.

Tyler knelt down and unzipped his suitcase and thus began to deposit his clothes into Jeff's dresser.

When Tyler was about halfway done with unpacking, Nick finally arrived. He went straight for Jeff, leaning over the side of the bed to hug him tightly. "Jeff! Thank god you're okay," he breathed fervently.

Jeff smiled and hugged Nick back carefully. The pressure against his chest pained his cracked ribs, though the bliss of just simply holding Nick in his arms again dulled the pain. "Did I not sound okay on the phone?" he asked a little teasingly.

"I can't _see _you over the phone," Nick pointed out. He leaned back a little and touched Jeff's face gently. "Believe it or not, you look a lot better now than you did last night."

Jeff frowned. He felt like crap right now—he could only imagine how horribly bruised and hideously swollen he must appear. And if he actually looked 'better' now, imagine how terrible he looked last night? "Good to know," he mumbled.

"How do you feel?" Nick asked with concern.

"Like shit," Jeff answered honestly. "But better now that you're here." He offered a smile at Nick.

Tyler sent a questioning glance towards Jeff from where he knelt by the dresser, but didn't say anything. When Jeff ignored him, he turned back to his bags, shaking his head.

Nick sighed and dropped his hand from Jeff's face. "I'm so sorry this happened to you, Jeff," he murmured. "If it weren't for me, then this never would—"

"Hey—don't you dare start on that again," Jeff warned sternly. "It wasn't your fault." He met Nick's deep green eyes evenly.

For a moment, Nick looked ready to protest, but seemed to give up quickly with a sigh. "You're the only one who got hurt…"

"I know," Jeff said. "That was my intention. I don't think I could bear it if I let Tommy hurt you any more than he already has. I'd honestly rather it be me than you."

Nick shook his head slowly, blinking. "You're crazy," he murmured softly. He looked Jeff in the eye and smiled very slightly. "And I love you."

Jeff grinned almost involuntarily at that, feeling his chest swell with joy. "I love you, too," he whispered without hesitation.

Green eyes dancing with delight, Nick leaned in to meet his lips to Jeff's in a sweet, warm kiss. Jeff closed his eyes and smiled into the kiss, drawing his arms around Nick. It was a perfect moment…

"Whoa! What the heck!" Tyler suddenly exclaimed.

Scratch that. It was an _almost _perfect moment…

Nick and Jeff broke apart to look over at Tyler, who was now at his feet, jaw dropped open and eyes wide and questioning. "Whoa. Holy crap. Tell me, did I just see that right?" he demanded. "Did you two just _lock lips_?"

"Err…yeah?" Jeff responded a little uncertainly. He'd totally forgotten that Tyler had been in the room.

"I didn't know you were gay, Jeff! When did this happen?" Tyler asked. "Before I went off to college, you were dating girls, weren't you?"

"Um, I'm not gay—I'm bi," Jeff explained in the easiest way he could. "It's actually a pretty long story…"

"So, you're dating a dude…?"

"I am," Jeff said. "I have been for a few weeks now."

Tyler looked at Nick. "Aren't you the kid who lives in the house behind ours?" he asked. "The Italian guy. Nick Romero or something like that?"

"Romano," Nick corrected.

Tyler snapped his fingers. "Yes. That," he said. "I thought you guys were just good friends?"

"We were," Jeff said. "And now we're boyfriends." He paused. "You don't…have any problems with that…do you…?" he asked hesitantly.

"Problems?" Tyler echoed. "Nah, I'm not a homophobe. But you could've at least warned me! When I looked up, the last thing I expected to see my brother making out with another guy!" he exclaimed. "Although with the way you two were cooing and gushing over there, I should've seen the smooch coming a mile away…"

"Sorry," Jeff apologized. "I'd have called you to tell you, but it hasn't been very…'easy' around here lately."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say mom and dad didn't take the news as well as you did," Jeff explained. "They're starting to come around now, but when they first found out, they basically put me on lockdown."

"Well, that sucks. Why would they do that? I didn't think they had a problem with that sort of thing."

"Me neither," Jeff said. "But it's getting better around here now. So I'd rather forget about the recent drama."

Tyler nodded thoughtfully. "Wait. Those guys didn't beat you up _because _you're gay, did they?" he questioned, actually looking a little serious for a change.

"I'm not sure they knew, actually," Jeff admitted. "But the main guy, Tommy, has been known to be pretty violently homophobic."

"I see…" Tyler mused. He smirked. "Well, I'm here for a few months. Maybe I'll get a chance to _'meet'_ this Tommy guy…"

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><p><strong>So, what do you think of Tyler? :) Review, please!<strong>


	19. Trouble with Tyler

**Hey guys! Chapter 19 finally here! Terribly sorry for the wait. I started school recently, and it's taking up all of my time. But I promise to keep writing if you promise to keep reviewing!**

**And sorry if this chapter seems a little choppy or uneventful. I wrote it in spaced out time intervals and forgot a lot of what I'd been working on...And its a bit of a filler chapter. Next one will be a lot better! (I hope :))**

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><p>Jeff missed half of the next week of school in order to heal up a bit. With exams coming, though, he didn't want to miss too many classes, so he ended up going back on Thursday.<p>

Needless to say, he got a lot of stares. The Dalton uniform did well to cover most of his half-healed bruises and injuries, but there wasn't much he could do to cover his face. Sunglasses were against school policy, so he couldn't conceal his swollen black eye, and he couldn't wear a hat to hide the scar on the back of his head.

A lot of his friends had already heard what happened from Nick, so he didn't have to explain his injuries to them. Still, there were some people who gawked in the hallways, and it made him feel uncomfortable and maybe even a little self-conscious.

School finally wrapped up after an agonizingly long day of chest pain and awkward stares. Jeff wasn't really the type of guy who thought that scars and wounds made him look tough or cool. It actually made him feel unapproachable, and he was normally a very laid back guy—no one was ever afraid to talk to him on a normal day. Right now, he probably looked like he'd gotten into a fight, something unheard of for a lot of Dalton students.

Nick was one of many who suggested Jeff try concealer to cover up the bruises and such. He just said that he'd rather not.

He may be bi and all, but he wasn't really ready to start wearing makeup…

Besides, most of his injuries were already healing nicely. He might stop getting strange looks everywhere he went in just a week or so.

Good thing, too. Junior year was coming to a close, and that meant one thing: The Warblers Annual End-of-Year Party. It'd been a tradition for as long as the Warblers had existed in Dalton. It was meant as a way to say goodbye to the senior members and elect a new council for next year…although those were becoming minor details nowadays. Now all anyone looked forward to was the party itself.

Every year, someone had to volunteer their home for the party, since they weren't allowed to throw the party at school. In Jeff's sophomore year (when Tyler had been a senior and a part of the council) the party was held at the Griffin household. Tyler made sure that the party was epic, being the party-animal that he was, and there were several details about the whole bash that Jeff would rather forget about. Needless to say, there was quite a bit of alcohol, which led to some…crazy incidents. Warblers were a lot less dapper when drunk.

Before every party, some of the seniors gave speeches. Then each council member elected a junior to take their place at the table next year. Everyone voted—normally effortlessly and without any arguing—and then the real party began. The ones hosting the party always determined the type of party it would be; wild, social, boring, classy, or just plain crazy.

With a host like Tyler, the party was most definitely wild and crazy. He lived in the now, never thinking of the consequences of his actions. And who doesn't love a good party every now and again?

Who knows how this year's party will go. It was all up in the air for now. Jeff just hoped he'd be healed up enough to attend.

…

Life with Tyler was complicated, just like before. Jeff quickly realized that Tyler hadn't really changed much, if he'd changed any at all. He was the same obnoxious and lazy older brother he'd been before. Once Jeff was up and walking around again, it became pretty evident. First of all, he took over the bedroom he _insisted _on sharing with Jeff, claiming the bed for himself and leaving Jeff a spot on the floor at the foot of the bed. When Jeff complained, he argued simply with, "I'm older."

Like, by that merit, he can do whatever he wants? Well, Jeff hadn't expected anything different. Tyler had always been like this. He _did _have his good traits, but it was kind of hard to acknowledge them when he acted like this all of the time.

A few other problems: Tyler threw his laundry in with Jeff's and insisted that he wash his clothes, even after 'worrying' about their clothes getting mixed up. Whenever Jeff tried to make any food for himself, Tyler always ended up eating it instead. And he literally did _no _chores at all if he could help it. Whenever mom told him to do something, he just passed the task on to Jeff.

Yeah, he was extremely lazy. Although Jeff just might be a little bit of a pushover for just putting up with it…He just knew that arguing with Tyler was like yelling at a brick wall. And the worst part was that Tyler never really seemed to realize when he was getting on someone's nerves. He was completely oblivious, no matter how many hints you dropped. You had to tell him straight up. For a while, Jeff thought he was being oblivious on purpose to get his own way or something, but nope, Tyler was just _that _dense.

Another irritating thing about Tyler was how inappropriate he was sometimes, even without meaning to be.

For example, the other day when Nick was over, Tyler came right out and asked, "So, how exactly do you guys…you know, 'do it'?"

"Tyler!" Jeff snapped, mortified.

"What? I'm just asking," he said defensively.

"Why would you even _think _to ask something like that?"

"Just wondering. I've never known any gay guys before," Tyler went on. "So, how exactly does that work? Is it all just oral, or—"

"Tyler!" Jeff snapped again. "Shut. Up." He glared daggers at his brother, silently begging him to just zip his lips. He could feel his face frying, though, and he didn't think he'd ever felt this embarrassed before in his life. And from the looks of it, Nick seemed just as uncomfortable, biting his nails and staring at the ground, blushing madly.

Tyler held up his hands. "Chill out, bro, it was just a simple question. No need to get all ticked off at me."

"If you're so curious, then look it up," Jeff muttered. "Don't ask me about it." Besides, he and Nick had only been together a few weeks. Did Tyler really think they'd gone that far already?

Tyler had left them alone after that, but it was just too awkward. Nick made up an excuse to leave, and Jeff didn't really blame him.

Today, Tyler was insisting on going to the Warblers meeting with Jeff. Even though he really didn't want to have to deal with his older brother, Jeff agreed. There was rarely a point in arguing with Tyler, and besides, he was a former Warbler. Why shouldn't he be allowed to see some of his old friends?

At the meeting, everyone seemed pretty happy to see Tyler. He was always kind of popular everywhere he went…

Everything seemed fine at first…but Jeff quickly regretted his decision on letting Tyler come.

"Now, let us get to the point of this meeting," Wes announced from the table. "As you all know, exams are coming up next week. And you all know the Warblers end of year tradition."

Thad took up the announcement. "Right now, all we need to focus on is where this year's party will take place," he said. "Are there any volunteers?"

Tyler was the first person to speak up. "We could have it at my place again this year," he suggested.

"What?" Jeff choked. Before he could protest, the room broke into excited chattering. Everyone remembered last year's party well, probably. Or, at least, they remembered it had been crazy and epic. Most of them had been too drunk to remember the fine details.

Tyler knew exactly how to make a party wild.

"Are you sure?" Wes asked Tyler.

"Totally," he said. "I love a good party with my Warbler brothers!"

"Alright, then it's decided!" Wes agreed. "We'll have the party at the Griffin household again this year." He slammed his gavel down once.

Jeff cursed under his breath. While a great party was nice once in a while, a TYLER party was too much. And now that it was going to be in his own home, it would be impossible to not attend.

Last year, their father's liquor cabinet had been totally cleaned out and drunkenness ran rampant. Jeff couldn't recall too much from the party itself, but he remembered the cleanup effort. Tyler hadn't helped at all and just slept off his hangover for the next two days after the last party. Jeff cleaned the whole house up, with some help from Nick. There'd been a ridiculous number of empty cans and bottles and cups all over the house, inside and out. Somehow, there'd even been some bottles on the roof. Not to mention the scattered snacks and food all over the floors, staining the carpets and walls with a variety of colors. The curtains to the dining room windows had been torn down and went missing. Someone broke one of the dining room chairs, an upstairs window, and two lamps. It was tough cleaning that mess up and leaving behind no evidence for his parents to find.

Of the stranger things they found around the place during the cleanup: food on the ceiling (which was really hard to clean up), a pair of pants hanging over the TV screen, and pieces of some Dalton uniforms floating in Nick's backyard pool.

Jeff couldn't recall anyone leaving without their clothes…Even being as drunk as he'd been, he thought he should remember something like that.

Jeff hoped that Tyler wouldn't be able to top last year's party. The last thing he needed right now was another major cleanup operation.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading :) 36<strong>


	20. Dad's Rules

**New chapter, guys!**

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><p>Jeff was just heading out the door to go over to Nick's house when his dad stopped him and called him to the living room to 'talk.'<p>

Things were still kind of tense when it came to Jeff's father, even though he had kind of come around to the idea of Jeff being bi. He still seemed really uncomfortable when Jeff even mentioned Nick's name, however, and he left the house if Nick ever came over.

Jeff closed the front door a little reluctantly, fighting the urge to just pretend he hadn't heard his father. Any sort of 'talk' with him usually wasn't a good thing. Jeff warily stepped into the living room where his father was sitting in the armchair.

"Yes?" Jeff said. "You wanted to talk to me?"

He motioned for Jeff to sit down, which he did without question. Ever since his father had lost his temper and slapped Jeff, he'd been a little…overly submissive. He did everything he could to keep from getting on his bad side. "I thought it was about time that we discussed…um…having certain boys over at the house," his father began.

Jeff was immediately uncomfortable. "Er, I don't think that's really necessary," he tried to protest.

"Just be quiet and listen," he ordered. "There are a few ground rules I feel I should lay down."

Jeff frowned but resigned himself to this awkward lecture without question. "Fine," he said. "Go on."

"First of all: no boys allowed in your room."

"All all?" Jeff questioned. That sounded just a little outrageous. "All of my friends are guys, dad."

"I know. And none of them are allowed in your bedroom. What about that is hard to understand?"

Jeff hesitated before speaking. "Well, it's just…I'm not into any other guys 'like that.' If anyone was in my room, it wouldn't be for anything…" _gay? _He couldn't find the right word. It just seemed like his father thought that now that he was bi, he would be out for sex with every guy he crossed paths with. He'd been in an all boys' school for three years already, though, so that definitely was not the case.

Hell, he probably wouldn't even do anything with Nick if he was given the 'opportunity.' Their relationship went deeper than the physical, and Jeff was more than willing to wait.

Too bad his father couldn't realize that. "I don't care. It's like the 'no girls in the bedroom' rule, just extended to boys," his father stated. "You _are _bisexual, as you have put it countless times. It's only natural that I'd feel the need to amend the rules."

Jeff sighed. "Okay. Fine," he agreed grudgingly. "Anything else?"

"Just one more thing," he said. "I'd really appreciate it if you would have enough class to just act normal around me."

Enough class? To act _normal? _Oh, god. This was not going to be good. "What does that even _mean_?" Jeff demanded.

"It means no gay activity around me. No holding hands with boys, no hugging, no cuddling, no sexual talk, and _no kissing _boys around me." He said it so blandly, so straight-forward. "I don't care who you're with, just don't force it on me."

Jeff almost couldn't speak. "What?" he choked. "That's ridiculous! You're basically telling me to act straight if you're in the room. That's like denying my feelings. That's a step back toward close-minded bigotry."

"Watch your mouth," his father barked, standing up. Jeff snapped his mouth shut and leaned back. It was pathetic how scared he was of his own father. "I'm entitled to my own opinions, and my opinion is that homosexuality is immoral and unnatural. I don't want to have to be exposed to it. It's disgusting."

Jeff flinched at that. _So, you thing I'm immoral and unnatural? You think I'm disgusting? I thought we were making progress! But I guess I was mistaken._

"I'm not forcing my opinions on you. I'm letting you stay together with that…er, with Nick. So you could at least respect my view on all of this."

_You mean have the 'class' to act 'normal?' _Jeff remained silent. He wasn't willing to speak up. Besides, his father wasn't likely to change his view on this, anyways. And at least he remembered to use Nick's name instead of 'that boy.' That was some sort of microscopic progress, right? Right?

"Understood?" he demanded.

Jeff nodded. "Understood," he mumbled. "I won't act 'gay' around you. Can I go now?"

"Good," his father grunted. "Go on."

Jeff stood up and dodged out of the living room as fast as he could. He didn't know if he could stand another minute in there with his father. He exited out the back door and cut through his backyard and Nick's backyard, and made his way around to the front door. At his knock, Nick answered the door.

He smiled a greeting at Jeff. "Ah, hello, _amore mio,_" he greeted endearingly. He leaned up to kiss him.

Jeff tilted his head. "What's that mean? Ah-morey Me-yo? Is it Italian?"

"Yup," Nick said. "It's a name I picked out especially for you, among others. That way I can use pet names without you teasing me for it."

"What? I would never!" Jeff pretended to act offended.

Nick rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. Come on inside," he said, taking Jeff's hand to pull him through the doorway. "My mom hates it when I leave the door open. It's a waste of cold air or something."

Jeff smiled. Just a few seconds with Nick could completely brighten up his day. "So you aren't going to tell me what it means?"

"Nope."

"Darn. It's at least a good thing, right?"

"Maybe," Nick mused teasingly.

"Now I'm worried."

"You know I wouldn't call you anything offensive. Or mean, or bad, or whatever," he assured. Nick led Jeff through the front hallway to the living room. They sat down on one of the sofas and Nick turned to look at him. "So, what's wrong? You look troubled."

Wow, Nick could tell that already? Then again, it _had _just happened. The initial anger and distress was probably still a bit evident in Jeff's face. "It's my dad," he mumbled.

"Again?" Nick frowned. "What'd he do?"

"Just…he set up some stupid rules for me now that I'm bi," Jeff explained. "I can live with no boys allowed in my room, but he actually made a rule that I'm not allowed to act 'gay' in front of him."

Nick furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What the heck does that mean?"

Jeff shrugged. "Bottom-line is, if you come over and my dad is in the room, we have to pretend we're just friends," he muttered. "He doesn't want to be exposed to my gayness, apparently."

"That's…really cold," Nick murmured. "He didn't actually say that, did he?"

"He did. He also used the terms immoral and disgusting. Oh, and don't forget unnatural," Jeff muttered. "He's so homophobic."

"I'm sorry, Jeff," Nick said softly. "I wish I could do something to help."

"It's just his view on things…There's always going to be homophobia around. Hell, there's still racism and sexism around, so I guess bigotry never really goes away, unfortunately."

"It's sad just how true that statement is," Nick said.

Jeff nodded. "Well, I'm done sulking. What do you want to do today?" Jeff said. "I'd like to get my mind off of my father."

Nick smirked flirtatiously. "Well, that shouldn't be too hard," he said. He leaned in closer to Jeff, drawing his arms around him and kissing him, one long and passionate kiss. When he broke the kiss, he whispered, "Working yet?"

Jeff smiled slyly. "I'm not sure. Maybe you should try again?" he murmured playfully.

Nick breathed a laugh and kissed Jeff again deeply. The sweet taste of his lips enveloped Jeff's senses, and he closed his eyes to savor it. Jeff drew Nick closer and eased back against the arm of the sofa, refusing to break the delicious contact.

His mind was _definitely _in a much more blissful place now…

Nick was especially careful to keep his weight off of Jeff's ribs, which Jeff was thankful for. Though he probably wouldn't even notice the pain if he did lie against his ribcage right now. He found Nick's waist with one hand and slid his fingers through his dark wavy hair with the other, counting every second in his mind.

So perfect.

But like every perfect moment for them, it just had to be interrupted. Mrs. Romano walked into the room. "Nick!" she gasped.

That effectively broke the kiss and Nick pulled away, off of Jeff. He licked his lips and grinned sheepishly at his mother. "Err, hi, mom," he greeted innocently.

She sighed, crossed her arms, and narrowed her eyes at the two of them. "I don't have to have the _talk _with you two, do I?" She said it almost threateningly.

_Oh, God no, _Jeff said silently. _I'm good!_

Nick shook his head. "No. We're fine," he protested. "We were only kissing."

"Looked pretty heated to me," she said. "Nick, you know the rules."

Nick looked embarrassed. "It wasn't anything like that, really," he said uncomfortably.

Though it probably had looked a little incriminating. Heated make-out session plus Nick had kind of been on top of Jeff… now, where could that have gone? Not that they couldn't control themselves if they needed to or anything, just that it probably looked that way to Nick's mother.

"Alright, then. I'll give you a warning," she decided, shifting a stern look between Nick and Jeff.

Jeff nodded. "Sorry, Mrs. Romano. Won't happen again." _At least, we'll make sure you aren't home next time? _He could hope.

"I can live with that," Nick said. He stood up and motioned Jeff to his feet. "We were actually just going out." He looked at Jeff. "Dinner at Breadstix sound good?"

"Sure," Jeff agreed. They always got a nice discount there, and Jeff didn't really have much money on him right now.

Besides, he definitely didn't want to go home. He felt he couldn't even meet his father's eyes anymore. It was almost like he didn't even know him anymore. He never imagined his father would take his coming out so negatively, and now the damage was done.

Jeff wondered if it would ever be the same again. Would dad really just deny his sexuality forever? Would Jeff just have to deal with it up until he moved out? He was willing to put up with it, in order to stay with Nick.

Little did he know, he was in for a rough year with his father. Things would get far from better. In fact, things were going to take a horrible turn for the very worst.

* * *

><p><strong>I felt the need to throw in some foreshadowing :)<strong>

**I'd love some input, guys! Review! :D**


	21. PARTY!

**New chapter! I tried to get it finished last weekend, but I couldn't. But here it is now! I finished typing it when I was supposed to be doing homework. :)**

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><p>Conveniently, Jeff's parents' anniversary was placed towards the end of the school year, right at the last week of school. They usually went out, but this year, they were going out of town to tour around Chicago.<p>

Why is this convenient? The Warblers party, that's why. Tyler had already volunteered their house, and it was lucky for them that their parents would be gone for the next three days to give them the chance to throw it.

And it gave Jeff enough of a chance to cleanup afterwards.

The party was tonight, and Tyler kicked Jeff out of the house so he could prepare with the council. Jeff went to Nick's house to wait for the time of the party, which was 8 pm.

Jeff found himself reminiscing about last year's party. Or maybe regretting? It was a little of both.

For Jeff, he'd drunk so much that he ended up hungover for two days. Not to mention the fact that he had to clean the whole house. He didn't remember much from the party itself; only a few details. For example, he made a fool of himself singing bad karaoke, which was a Warbler party tradition. Without karaoke or singing, it wouldn't be a _Warbler's_ party. But a lot of Warblers ended up drunk, singing embarrassing songs and dancing like an idiot. Even for Jeff, dancing was hard to do while drunk.

As for Nick, last year had been his first time drinking. The alcohol hit him pretty hard, and he'd actually gotten even drunker than Jeff. He said he hardly remembered anything at all from that party. He'd done some pretty embarrassing things drunk and vowed to never drink again.

Like, for example, he had his _very _first kiss at that party. …With Jeff.

It was a hazy memory for Jeff and Nick claimed that he couldn't remember it at all. Their clarification was from other Warblers who swore that Nick had, indeed, kissed Jeff. It had been a completely random act. Towards the end of the party, Nick just came up to Jeff and, out of the blue, planted one on him, right on the lips.

So, their first kiss ever had been in sophomore year. Jeff couldn't remember what he'd felt about the kiss, being drunk and all, but he ended up teasing Nick about it for months after the party.

Now it was a new year and a new party, with new drunken mistakes to make and new embarrassing songs to sing.

Bring on the party!

…

At 8 pm, Jeff and Nick were the first ones to arrive, having been in the house just behind Jeff's.

The house was decorated with streamers and ribbons hanging from the walls, matching the colors of their Dalton uniforms. Every room was dark and flashing with colorful strobe lights and sparking confetti dusted the floors. Over the hallway entryway, there was a large banner that read "WARBLER PARTY!"

In the kitchen, there was a table set up with a huge assortment of snacks and several varieties of alcoholic drinks.

Set up in the living room—which was cleared of most furniture—was an impressive stereo system attached to massive speakers and a monitor. Beside it was a makeshift stage, complete with three sets of microphones.

"Looks like you're prepared for some karaoke," Jeff commented to Tyler, who stood at the monitor.

"You bet! It wouldn't be a party without some music," he said. "Wanna start off the karaoke?" he offered to Jeff.

"I'll pass," Jeff said. "Besides, there's hardly anyone here yet…"

Tyler just shrugged. "What do you guys think of the place? Awesome, huh? David and Thad brought the decorations. Wes brought the snacks. I, of course, am providing the alcohol." He grinned at that like it was some sort of accomplishment. Which for him, it probably seemed like it. He had a fake ID since he wasn't 21 yet and every time he successfully bought alcohol, it was like a new victory for him.

"Yeah, the place looks pretty awesome," Jeff agreed. _Not looking forward to cleaning it all up afterwards, though…_

He shook away the negativity. Right now it was party time. He could worry about the consequences later.

…

First things first: saying goodbye to the seniors and electing a new council. David, Wes, and Thad took their place in the front of the room to begin their final Warblers meeting.

"As you all know," Wes began clearly, "David and I are seniors and will be graduating from Dalton in the next few days. It is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye, and we wish you all the best of luck in future Warblers performances."

"It was an honor to work with all of you," David put in.

There was a quiet murmur around the room before Wes spoke up again. "Now to address the new council." He looked to David. "Who do you wish to elect for next year's council?"

David cleared his throat and glanced around the room until his eyes met Jeff's. "I elect Warbler Jeff Griffin," he announced, smiling in Jeff's direction.

Jeff blinked in surprise, sitting up. "Me?" he said incredulously. Someone thought that _he _was council material? Whoa.

Wes nodded. "All of those in agreement?" he asked the room. Everyone raised their hand without hesitation. "Opposed?" Wes asked. All the hands went down. Wes smiled and rapped his gavel once against the sound block. "Alright, it's decided. Warbler Jeff shall take David's place on the council table next school year."

Applause filled the room and Nick nudged Jeff's shoulder. "Congratulations!" he said enthusiastically, leaning over to hug him tightly. Still dazed, Jeff hugged Nick back, feeling a vague case of déjà vu at the whole thing.

Wes called for order after a moment with his gavel. He turned to Thad. "Thad, who do you wish to elect?" he asked.

Thad smiled. "Well, call it a coincidence, because I had no clue who David was going to choose…But I elect Warbler Nick Romano," he announced. He grinned warmly at Nick.

Now it was Nick's turn to be shocked, eyes wide and mouth dropped open. Wes sort of chuckled and said, "Alright. All of those in favor?" he asked the room. Again, everyone raised their hands. "Opposed?" All hands went down again. "Then it's decided. Warbler Nick Romano shall take Thad's place on the council table next year." Once again, Wes rapped his gavel.

Jeff applauded instantly and everyone else joined in just as fast. "Congrats, Nick!" he exclaimed happily. He hugged him again, giving him a quick kiss before pulling away. "Don't look so surprised. You're totally council material. _I_ should be the one who's flabbergasted…" Jeff said. Who knows what David was thinking!

Wes called for order once again, speaking once the room quieted down. "As for me, I wish to reelect Junior Warbler Thad to take my place at the council table next year," he said clearly. Thad glanced in Wes's direction, breaking into a grin. "All of those in favor?" Everyone, including Jeff and Nick, raised their hands in unanimous agreement. "Opposed?" Every hand went down, as expected. Wes smiled vaguely. "Then it's decided. Thad shall take my place at the council table next year." He rapped his gavel once, and then turned to face Thad. "And with that, I now hand my gavel over to you," he said quietly. Resting his gavel in both hands, he held it out to Thad. "I trust that you will take good care of it."

Wes actually looked pretty sad to be saying goodbye to his gavel. He reluctantly placed it in Thad's hands and released a long breath once he let go of it. "Don't worry," Thad assured. "It's in good hands."

Wes nodded. "Of course," he said.

"And it's an honor that you decided to let me take your place," Thad went on. "I hope I can live up to your expectations, Wes. Thank you," he said sincerely, dipping his head.

Another longer round of applause swept through the room. All together, they raised their glasses in a toast for the seniors.

And thus, the real party began.

…

Karaoke started off pretty calm and 'normal' at first. Blaine kicked it off since he was this past year's top soloist. (Or ONLY soloist…) He sang _Get This Party Started_ by Pink.

Shocker, right? Blaine Anderson singing a Pink song? That never happens!

But the song successfully got the party started. The real drinking kicked off and the games began. The main game they played was a shot game where if the song currently being sung had certain words in it, you had to take a shot. Favorite words were 'party,' 'rock,' 'dance,' 'kiss,' 'baby,' 'love,' and so on. Everyone got to pick a word, and the person who took the most shots by the end of a certain song wins.

Yeah, it was pretty stupid, but it was also pretty fun. When Blaine finished up his first song, four of the Warblers began this special drinking game by picking their words.

Thad chose the word 'kiss.'

Jeff chose the word 'dance.'

Tyler chose the word 'party.'

Blaine chose the word 'music.'

Unluckily for both Tyler and Blaine, the song ended up being _Last Friday Night_ by Katy Perry. Jeff and Thad each got three shots while Tyler only got one, and Blaine got none.

"That's not fair," Tyler complained. "The _whole song _is about a party. Can't that count for something?"

"Nope!" Jeff said boastfully. "It has to say the word." He was already feeling really dizzy from the shots he'd already taken and his speech was already slurring slightly.

Nick, who wasn't drinking, rolled his eyes at Jeff. "You are going to wind up getting _so _drunk…" he sighed.

"Yeah, well…I think I'm done with this game," Jeff mumbled.

"Good idea," Nick said.

The two of them retreated to the side to watch the game continue with the next few songs. It was pretty entertaining actually. Some Warblers quickly got drunk while others just completely failed at the game.

When it was over, the drunken Warblers took it upon themselves to start off a game of Truth or Dare. Jeff joined the group mostly out of amused curiosity. What kind of truths or dares would there be?

They played it like a game of spin the bottle, taking turns on giving out truths or dares. Thad spun first, and it landed on Blaine. "Hah…Truth or Dare, Anderson?" he asked.

"Dare," Blaine decided.

Thad seemed to stop and think about it before smirking. "I dare you…" he began mischievously, "to refer to Kurt as 'sexy beast' for the rest of the night."

That provoked a decent amount of laughter and hooting from the Warblers gathered around. Blaine's face went a little pale, and Kurt, who was seated at a sofa, perked up. "What? Don't drag me into this!" he complained.

"Sorry, Kurt—" Blaine began to apologize, but Thad interrupted him.

"Ah! The dare, remember?" He looked at Blaine expectantly.

"Er…" Blaine shuffled uncomfortable. "Sorry…um…sexy beast."

Everyone laughed at that and Blaine's face flushed red. Kurt just rolled his eyes, looking more annoyed than amused.

"My turn to spin, then," Blaine announced, leaning forward to spin the bottle. It stopped on David this time. "Truth or dare?" Blaine asked.

"Dare," David decided without hesitating. None of the Warblers picked truth, like by picking dare they were proving something. At least everyone got a good laugh out of most of them.

Blaine smirked. "Then I dare you to kiss Wes," Blaine began, "for at least five seconds!"

The whole room cracked up as soon as the words were out of Blaine's mouth. David's jaw dropped and he stared at Blaine in disbelief. "What…?"

"Wait! Don't I get a say in this?" Wes protested. "I'm _not _kissing David!"

"Oh, come on. It's a dare," Blaine said. "If you do it, then you can get out of your next truth or dare, Wes."

"No thank you," he said.

"Aw, don't be such a prick, Wes!" Tyler said. "Go on, David! Kiss him!"

"Uh…I have a girlfriend, actually," David mumbled.

"So? It's just truth or dare."

"I've already said no to this dare," Wes reminded them.

"Why? Afraid you'll like it or something?" Blaine taunted.

"Do it! Do it!" Jeff chanted.

Several Warblers joined in until everyone was chanting. "Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!"

David groaned and looked over at Wes, like, 'what am I supposed to do?'

Wes sighed in defeat and suddenly turned towards David, gripping the front of his shirt and pulling him in for the kiss. Half the room cheered and whooped while the others started counting.

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three…"

Four…"

Four lingered for a moment before everyone finally said, "Five!"

So really, the kiss was like 6 or 7 seconds. Wes broke the kiss and lightly shoved David back before swiping a sleeve over his mouth. "Happy now?" he said to everyone.

In response, the room cheered and applauded. David took his place back and said, "My turn!" He reached for the bottle and spun it. It spun around several times, eventually slowing and stopping on Jeff.

"Ahah! Revenge!" David laughed evilly. "Which will it be then, Jeff? Truth or dare?"

"Um…" Either way, he was in for a challenge, coming from a vengeful David. "Dare," he decided. He didn't want to appear scared by choosing truth.

David smirked, rubbing his hands together vindictively. "Okay, Jeff. I dare you to…" he paused to think before continuing, "sing Adam Lambert's _For Your Entertainment_ to Nick!"

Jeff felt the color drain from his face. Of all songs, did it have to be that one?

Yeah, it had to be. That's what you get from a vengeful David. "Can't it be _any _other song?" Jeff pleaded.

"Nope, that's the song that you've gotta sing," David said, smirking victoriously.

"What if I said I didn't know the lyrics?"

"It's karaoke. The lyrics are on the screen."

_Drat. _Although he _did_ know the lyrics. He was a pretty big fan of Adam Lambert.

"Oh, no," Nick mumbled. "Don't do it, Jeff. I'm embarrassed just thinking about it."

"You're embarrassed? I'm the one who has to sing it!" Jeff groaned.

Tyler was already at the Karaoke machine. "Come on, little bro, times a wastin'!" he teased. "The song's all ready for ya." He held out a microphone.

"This isn't happening," Nick muttered.

Jeff sighed and stood up. "Hey, it's a good song…Just ignore the overall message, and it'll be fine," he tried to assure himself as much as Nick.

"Like that's possible."

"Well, time to get this over with," Jeff mumbled, taking the microphone.

Maybe truth or dare wasn't such a good idea after all.

* * *

><p><strong>Note: Yeah, I decided to make Thad a Junior. Why? Cause I felt like it :) And I love Thad! I wanted to keep him around for Senior year! (Plus, Juniors are considered upperclassmen too :D)<strong>

**Also, this chapter turned out pretty long. I'm thinking of extending the party into two seperate chapters. What do you guys think? If not, then I'll just cut it off here. And sorry for not typing out the lyrics, if you were disappointed about that. But there were too many songs! Plus, I don't really write song fics ^^'**

**PS. I love reviews! (Hint hint ;))**


	22. Busted

**Yes, new chapter! Finally! I've been working on this for weeks. School has been so demanding and overwhelming, so sorry for the wait! **

**I'm definitely going to keep writing, so just hang with me, guys :) You'll have to be patient while school is in. But thank you for sticking with me and waiting so long for me to update!**

* * *

><p>The drunkenness dragged on. Out of all of the Warblers, it seemed the Nick and Kurt were the only two who were still sober.<p>

Up on stage, Wes, David, and Thad sang and danced to Katy Perry's _California Girls. _As hilarious as it was, Nick found himself feeling sort of embarrassed for them. He doubted any one of them would do that sober…

Others danced sloppily and sang along to songs in semi-coherent voices. The games were over since none of them were sober enough to even remember the rules of any of the games, so the party seemed to be reaching its last few hours. A lot of Warblers were beginning to crash now. Most years, they all just stayed over at the party host's home since none of them was willing to be the designated driver for all the other drunks…

Meanwhile, Nick kept an eye on Jeff. You'd think he would have learned his lesson from last year's party, but nope. He was probably just as drunk now as he was then. Maybe more. The Adam Lambert ordeal had been just plain embarrassing. Jeff probably won't remember it tomorrow, but, unfortunately for Nick, it was burned into his memory. He'd never be able to listen to _For Your Entertainment _again without blushing madly.

Too bad. It had been one of his favorite songs. He loved Adam Lambert. Like, _really_ loved Adam Lambert. He'd had a crush on him back when he was in _American Idol._

Anyways, Jeff was being pretty clingy, staying close to Nick the whole rest of the party, right next to him. Maybe even in the way, a little. He was flirting excessively and repeatedly tried to kiss Nick, no matter how many times he tried to turn the blonde down. Believe it or not, alcohol breath wasn't really much of a 'turn on.'

At one point, he kept rambling nonsense about the numbers 'three' and 'six,' because his favorite number happened to be six and he just seemed to assume Nick's favorite number was three.

It went something like, "3+3=6. 6 squared equals 36. The square root of 36 is 6." And other problems got a lot more complicated but still incorporated the two numbers. Even completely drunk, Jeff was still a bit of a math whiz. Nick just let him ramble on about it until he eventually ran out of smart math problems to show off with.

Then he just kind of crashed on the sofa, like many of the other Warblers, sprawled across Nick's lap. The karaoke was through with, as many of them were too worn out to sing anymore, and most of them were just finding some place to sleep off the party.

Kurt was the only other sober Warbler, and he was helping an extremely drunk Blaine into his jacket. To Nick, he said, "I think I'm going to take Blaine home."

Nick couldn't help but wonder, _Yours or his? _He smiled at Kurt. "Alright, then good luck," he said.

Blaine laughed a loopy giggle and staggered against Kurt's shoulder. "Oh, _hey!_" he greeted brightly, as if he hadn't seen the brunette all night—even though he had literally _just _helped him with his jacket. He patted Kurt's shoulder. "Are we going somewhere…" he paused for a moment, "…sexy beast?" Blaine laughed as though he just told some hilarious joke.

Kurt laughed softly, probably a mix of amusement and exasperation. "Yes, Blaine," he said, a little patronizingly. "You need to go home and get some sleep."

"Aww, but I'm not tired," Blaine complained whiningly.

Kurt sighed and Nick stifled a snicker. "I wish you _a lot _of luck," he teased Kurt.

Kurt led his drunken boyfriend to the door. "Same to you!" Kurt called back to him, motioning to the sleeping Jeff in his lap.

As they exited out the front door, Blaine shouted loudly, "Best party ever!" followed by Kurt shushing him sharply.

It was around 3 am, after all. Don't want to wake up the neighbors. Nick glanced around the room where not a single Warbler was still standing. Most of them were crashed out on the floor or on one of the two sofas, and Nick noticed Thad and Flint in particular each sleeping on a table. And, of course, Jeff was fast asleep and snoring loudly across Nick's lap.

He was probably going to be soooo hungover tomorrow…

Nick didn't want to wake the blonde up, so he just stayed put where he was and let Jeff sleep. It wasn't like some kind of sacrifice on his part, at least. Jeff was pretty warm and soft. The only thing he Nick could do without was the snoring.

Because of how late it was, Nick ended up drifting off as well, half sitting up on the couch.

Screaming from another room woke everyone up the next morning. Jeff woke with a start and fell off the couch at Nick's feet and winced at the noise. Nick sat up, immediately alert. Flint practically jumped from the dining room table, knocked over a chair, and landed on the floor with a thud. He groaned and covered his ears. "What the hell!"

Wes bolted from the hallway screaming, shirtless but otherwise clothed. He grabbed a pillow from one of the sofas to hold over his torso, breathlessly blubbering something about David.

"Wes—calm down," Nick eased. "What's wrong?"

"And stop screaming!" Jeff muttered hoarsely, rubbing his temples. The other Warblers grumbled in agreement.

Before Wes could calm down enough to explain, David stumbled from the hallway, also shirtless, a dazed and bewildered expression across his face.

That clicked in Nicks mind. "Whoa," he said, sitting up. "Whoa, hold on. You two didn't…"

"I don't know!" Wes said shrilly. "I woke up…and _he _was sleeping there, right next to me!" He shuddered.

"No, I woke up and you were sleeping next to me!" David countered.

"Yeah? Well you had your _arms _around me!" Wes shot back at David.

"Well…your head was on my shoulder!" David snapped.

"No, you were holding me to your shoulder!"

"Stop fighting!" Jeff snapped. "Just shut up. My head is killing me."

Tyler was laughing where he was sitting up in the corner on the floor. "This is better than last year!"

Wes shot a glare at the older Griffin brother. "You think this is funny?" he challenged dangerously.

"Admit it, Wes. If it wasn't you, then you'd probably think it was hilarious, too," Tyler said.

Nick couldn't help but feel kind of bad for Wes and David, and he hated to admit that this _was_ actually slightly amusing. He wouldn't let that show, though. "Tyler, don't be so obnoxiously insensitive," he mumbled. "Imagine if you were in that position."

"Oh, believe me," Tyler said, "I know. Been there, done that. You know the drill."

"Um…what?"

"Yup. That has totally happened to me before."

"Don't even ask, Nick," Jeff advised. "Never ask."

Nick nodded slowly. "Right," he said.

"Hello?" David cut in. "What about us?"

"Maybe you guys didn't do anything?" Nick suggested, if only to calm them down a little. "I was awake longer than most of you. And trust me, I didn't hear _anything _like that going on anywhere in the house." _Thank God…_

"You don't remember doing anything, do you?" Jeff asked.

"No," David answered.

"Me neither," Wes said. "But then again, I can't remember most of that whole party."

"Well, then, you probably didn't do anything," Nick said. "Everyone just fell asleep where they happened to land. I mean, Flint and Thad slept on tables, so…"

David shrugged, looking a little more at ease while Wes seemed to be considering what Nick said.

"Were you clothed?" Tyler piped up.

Wes shot daggers at him, eyes narrowed. "What does it look like to you?" he muttered, motioning to his bare chest.

"I mean your lower half," Tyler corrected himself. "I don't know about you, but _I_ sleep shirtless all the time."

"Yes, we were wearing our pants," David responded awkwardly.

"Then I don't know what you're freaking out about," Tyler said. "You're obviously still clean. You just happened to wake up in an incriminating position."

That seemed to satisfy even Wes. They agreed to forget about the whole thing and everyone started to head home. Jeff crashed on the sofa again once everyone was gone, moaning about how badly his head was hurting. Nick got him some aspirin and a bag of ice for his headache before leaving for home before either of his parents woke up and figured out he'd been out all night long.

…

Jeff managed to sleep off his hangover most of the day in peace. He was pretty glad Tyler was busy dealing with his own hangover, or he'd probably find sort of game out of irritating his little brother.

The house was a wreck, but Jeff couldn't even think about cleaning it up today. His parents weren't due back for a week. He had time.

Or so he thought.

At around 8 pm, a car pulled into the driveway. Tyler checked out the window. "Shit!" he muttered. "It's dad."

"What?" Jeff scrambled from the sofa to the window. "He's not supposed to be home 'til Monday!" It was like his heart dropped out of his chest and he suddenly couldn't seem to breathe straight. The place was a mess! It was so obvious there was a party here. Empty alcohol cans and bottles littered the floor, streamers hung from the walls, and the place was a complete wreck. His dad wasn't supposed to come home yet!

He wondered if this was what a panic attack felt like, because he was definitely panicking right now.

There wasn't any way to clean up before he came in so Jeff just had to wait for what was coming.

"Dude, chill out. You look like you're going to puke or something," Tyler said. "You'd think you've never gotten in trouble before. I say we're looking at…summer grounding and a lot of chores?"

Oh, Tyler had no idea why he was freaking out. Last time Jeff did something 'wrong,' he wound up getting slapped across the face by his father. Now that he actually broke the rules, how would his dad respond? Would it be worse? His mind was racing, and it was all he could do to keep from completely freaking out.

Jeff stumbled over to the sofa and sat down, feeling dizzy. His heart was pounding in his ears and he had a strange urge to flee. To get out before his dad came in. He was pretty damn scared.

It was all Tyler's idea to have the stupid party here! Why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut and let someone else volunteer? Then Jeff wouldn't be in this mess right now!

The front door clicked open in the entryway and Tyler sat by Jeff on the sofa. He didn't seem worried at all, and he sent a questioning look at Jeff.

It was silent for a moment. The front door closed. Keys touched a tabletop with a jingle. Jeff's heart raced as he waited for a response to the mess. He prayed his dad was in a good enough mood to just yell at them and ground them. He willed it.

There was a sudden crash in the kitchen, like someone threw something at a stack of plates. Jeff's heart skipped a beat at the sound of glass shattering and he leaned back against the arm of the sofa. Next thing he knew, his father was storming into the room, face blood-red and eyes furious. "What did you do?" he demanded gruffly. He didn't wait for a response and immediately went for Jeff, grabbing his arm and forcing him to his feet with a painful jerking motion.

"Ow!" Jeff winced. "Dad—!"

"You threw a _party?" _he demanded furiously. "I left you alone for _two days _and you threw a party!" His voice rose with each word, his grip tightening on Jeff's arm.

Tyler got to his feet. "Wait, dad—" he started.

"You have the nerve to go behind my back!" his father continued harshly. He drove Jeff halfway across the room and he staggered against the far wall. "After all the shit I've done for you? This is how you decided to repay me?"

Jeff couldn't say a word. He was petrified.

"I can _smell _the alcohol on you! As if the bottles _everywhere _doesn't give it away. You had those Dalton boys over here, didn't you? You're sick! You should be ashamed!" his father went on, his voice at nearly a scream now. "What did you do? Huh?"

What! Was he actually trying to imply that Jeff would have actually used the party just as some 'gay opportunity?' A chance to sleep around with a bunch of guys? He had a twisted view of homosexuality, that was for sure.

"Dad!" Tyler repeated, louder this time. "Quit freaking out on Jeff. I'm the one who organized the party."

His father whirled around, releasing Jeff. "Don't you _dare_ try to take the blame for him."

"I'm not!" Tyler said. "Since when do I 'take blame' for anything Jeff does? Hell, I hardly take the blame for what I do."

"I know that those Warbler boys were over here! How can you claim that you threw a party for Jeff's friends?"

"I was a Warbler too, you know," Tyler pointed out. "And the seniors were juniors when I was there. So a lot of them are still friends of mine."

His father glared a moment longer. "Then you're both grounded. Forget television, video games, cell phones, computers… everything. 4 months."

There goes summer.

"Wait. You can't ground me from _my _phone," Tyler protested. "I pay for it myself…" he trailed away when their father sent an icy, threatening glare at him. He laughed uneasily. "Actually, I can just cancel my payments for the next few months…" He reached into his pocket and handed over his cell phone.

Jeff did the same with his phone without hesitation. "I'll clean the house up, too," he offered quietly.

"You sure as hell better clean it up!" he snapped. "I expect it to be spotless before you're mother gets home tomorrow morning."

So basically he'll be up all night cleaning… "Why isn't mom with you?" he asked his father.

"We canceled the trip because her aunt Sheila is ill," he grumbled.

Jeff frowned. "Oh," he mumbled. Yeah, he felt a little bad about that, but he hardly knew his great aunt Sheila. He was more upset about the fact that his father had come home so early.

"Start cleaning," his dad ordered. He glanced between Jeff and Tyler. "Both of you. I'm going to the hospital to check on your mother. I expect the whole living room to be spotless before I get back." He didn't wait for a response and stalked back through the kitchen and out the door in moments.

Jeff sighed in relief and headed to the closet to grab a broom. "I knew he'd take it all out on me," he said shakily.

"Er, yeah. Sorry about that," Tyler said sheepishly. "I never imagined he'd get so angry. I don't remember him having anger issues like that. It looked like he was about ready to hit you or something."

Jeff muttered, "It wouldn't be the first time."

Tyler sent a look at him. "What?"

"Nothing."

"No, did you just say, 'wouldn't be the first time'?" Tyler pressed on, his voice serious. "Jeff?"

Jeff didn't reply and silently began to sweep the beer cans, bottles, loose steamers, and trash into a pile on the floor.

"Dad has actually _hit _you before?" Tyler concluded. "He's never hit me! And I was probably ten times worse than you when I was living here. What did you do?"

"Nothing," Jeff said. "Forget it. Forget I said anything."

"Seriously, Jeff," Tyler pressed on. "What happened?"

Still, Jeff didn't speak. He didn't want to dredge up that memory. He didn't want Tyler to know. He'd done a good job at burying it. Even Nick knew better than to bring it back up. It was history. Long gone. Forgotten.

Except, it wasn't forgotten at all. Jeff was actually afraid of his own father now since that incident, and today just told him that his fears were real. His father wasn't below getting violent with Jeff. He could very well hit him again, or worse.

"Jeff!" Tyler said again, impatient.

"You really want to know _why_ he hit me?" Jeff snapped, whirling on Tyler. "Well, here it is; he's homophobic! He found out that I was bi. He got pissed off. And then he slapped me across the face. I guess the thought of me kissing a boy is just too _sickening _for him to handle." Once that was out, Jeff immediately turned back to cleaning without waiting for a response.

That seemed to shut Tyler up, at least.

For hours, they did nothing but clean in silence. Jeff was pretty surprised that Tyler was even helping. He was so lazy normally. Maybe it was the guilt trip. They got the living room clean in record time. Jeff was glad that he'd spent the day sleeping because they still had the whole rest of the house to go…

They had a long night of cleaning ahead of them.

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><p><strong>Remember: reviews make the world go round! Tell me what you think :) <strong>


	23. Tyler's Girlfriend

**Here you are! New chapter! It didn't take too long, did it? **

**Enjoy! **

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><p>Even though Jeff and Tyler were grounded from just about everything entertaining for the summer, they were still allowed to leave the house.<p>

Thankfully! Jeff hated being home now. Or, at least when his father was home. He spent as much time out as he could just to avoid his dad.

Jeff didn't tell Nick about his dad's reaction to the party. He didn't want to burden his boyfriend with his home troubles. And besides, his father hadn't even hurt him this time. Just drove him against a wall and terrified him a little.

Fear wasn't something Jeff liked to admit.

All Nick needed to know was that Jeff was grounded, and Jeff was even a little light on the details there. All he said was his dad found out about the missing alcohol, not the party itself.

When Tyler suggested a double date with his girlfriend and Jeff and Nick, Jeff didn't hesitate in agreeing. He hated the tension at home. He wanted to forget all about home. Namely, his father, of course.

Apparently, Tyler had been dating some girl named Vivian. Exclusively. Something very unusual for the older Griffin brother. He'd never been in a serious relationship with anyone before. Jeff almost couldn't wait to meet this girl, figure out what might be so special about her.

They decided to go to Breadstix, where they would most definitely get a decent discount on their food, thanks to Nick. None of them had all that much money to spare.

They all met up outside the Italian restaurant at around 5pm where Tyler very happily introduced Nick and Jeff to his girlfriend. "Hey, guys! Meet Vivian," he greeted them cheerfully, motioning to the girl beside him. "Vivian, this is Jeff, my brother. And that's Nick, his boyfriend."

She smiled at them. "Hi! It's nice to finally meet you guys," she greeted brightly, shaking each of their hands. "Tyler has told me a lot about you, Jeff."

Jeff smiled awkwardly, unsure if that was a good thing or not. You never know with Tyler. "It's nice to meet you, too," he greeted politely. "And, um, Tyler has told me a lot about you as well." That was a lie. Jeff hadn't even known Vivian existed until today.

Vivian was pretty, like all of Tyler's old girlfriends, but in a different way. Jeff couldn't really place it, but she seemed…unlike the girls Tyler normally dated. She was kind of tall, reaching almost to Nick's height. Her black hair was long and straight. Long bangs fell over her forehead, almost covering her light brown eyes.

Maybe Jeff was just used to all the week-long flings Tyler used to have back in high school with thin and beautiful blonde haired and blue-eyed girls. None of those relationships had been serious in the least. Perhaps Tyler _had _matured, in the sense of who he dated.

Of course, Jeff had been practically the same way before he got together with Nick. Maybe Vivian was 'the one' for Tyler?

They went inside and were seated at a booth by a window in the corner of the restaurant. They ordered only two plates of food, each couple splitting one. Nick was too health conscious to accept an entire plate of food. He said he'd be content splitting whatever Jeff got, and since Nick's favorite food was Fettuccine Alfredo, Jeff ordered that. Tyler and Vivian got Chicken Cacciatore, which Jeff thought was slightly odd since Tyler hated mushrooms. Wasn't chicken Cacciatore made with mushrooms?

Oh well. They chose to split a meal because Vivian claimed that she wasn't very hungry. For some reason, Tyler didn't seem to like that too much and told her he would split a meal with her as long as she promised to eat at least half.

Yet another odd thing for Tyler to say and do. Tyler was normally such a pig when it came to anything he ate. Sharing was like torture to him. At least, that was how Jeff remembered it.

The meals were huge here at Breadstix, though, so no one really had to worry about not getting enough to eat.

While they ate, they got to know each other.

"So, how long have you and Tyler been together?" Jeff asked Vivian first off.

"Well, we met in the first few weeks of college," Vivian answered. "We both take Business Administration. We got together a few months after we met…So almost a year, I think."

Well, that was probably a new record for Tyler. Jeff was a little surprised. Maybe college had changed Tyler? Even though he seemed pretty much the same on the outside, there were a lot of smaller differences in him now, at least when it came to Vivian.

"What about you two?" Vivian asked, motioning to Jeff and Nick. "How long have you been together?"

"We just recently got together," Nick answered before Jeff. "It's only been a few weeks now."

"But we've been best friends since 6th grade," Jeff put in.

"Wow, that's a long time," she said with a smile. "What took you so long to get together?"

"Um. Let's just say it took me a long time to realize that I was bi," Jeff said simply. "Coming out isn't easy, either."

Vivian nodded understandingly. "Oh, I know. I have a cousin who's gay, and he had a pretty rough time about it in high school. People can be really mean sometimes."

Nick nodded solemnly at that one. He knew that was true from experience. Jeff had yet to experience anti-gay harassment. Or, at least, from someone other than his father.

All in all, the double-date went well. Vivian was one of the nicest girls Tyler had ever gone out with, and she was completely open-minded about Jeff and Nick. Jeff got to know her well enough to decide that he approved. Plus, Tyler acted like a totally different person around her. He was more socially aware, losing his inappropriate nature all together with her around, which was a nice change.

Tyler had a bit of a problem with that. He never seemed to realize when he said something offensive or inappropriate about or around someone. Sometimes, Jeff wondered if Tyler's brain was actually wired correctly. He never meant wrong, but he could insult someone right to their face without realizing it. He'd called Nick 'weird' before, he told one of Jeff's old friends that they should 'lose some weight,' and he gave his _honest _opinion on things like bad haircuts and clothing styles.

Needless to say, not too many people were willing to put up with him. People often misjudged him as a jerk, when he honestly never meant any harm. It was just the way his mind worked.

Somehow, though, he wasn't acting like that at all around Vivian. Jeff couldn't help but wonder about that.

The date ended on a pretty good note. Jeff found himself actually liking one of Tyler's girlfriends, so that was a plus for him. They all paid their share and then Tyler took Vivian home.

Nick decided to stick around Breadstix for the remainder of the night to help around the kitchen and catch a ride home with his parents. The two of them kissed goodnight before Jeff left for home.

It occurred to him that this date had only been his second one with Nick, and it had been a double-date. The first one had been in a library's coffee shop before Jeff had even come out. Maybe next time, they should try for a _real _date…

He got home just before 8pm. His parents were both home, so Jeff went straight for him room. His father was still angry with him about the party, and Jeff didn't really want to face him.

Tyler arrived home shortly after and crashed in their room as well, on Jeff's bed. He had long taken over Jeff's room, and the blonde was now forced to sleep on a makeshift bed on the floor.

Tyler sighed dreamily. "So, what'd you think of Vivian?" he asked Jeff. "She's amazing, isn't she?" He smiled at the ceiling.

"Yeah, she was nice," Jeff agreed. "You seem to really like her," he pointed out.

"Are you kidding?" Tyler said, looking at Jeff. "I think she's the love of my life. She's perfect. I've never met anyone like her before."

Wow. Tyler had never sounded like such a hopeless romantic before! Jeff smiled slightly. "I noticed you act really different around her," Jeff commented.

"I figured _you'd _notice that," Tyler mumbled. He sat up straight. "I've been working on my…social problems, I guess you could call it?" he said. "It's not as easy to 'just deal with' in a world of people who don't know me as it was back in Dalton."

"Oh," Jeff said. He could see where that would be a problem. Tyler functioned too well too pass his awkwardness off as a mental disability, so most of the time, he simply came off as a big jerk. His friends understood his odd social skills, but complete strangers probably would not. That would likely cause a few problems in his personal life. "So, are you seeing a therapist or something?"

"A counselor," Tyler told him. "Only once a month. Basically, I just have to learn 'social norms' so I can fit in better."

"How's that going for you?"

"It's…going well, I suppose. It's something I probably should have worked on before college, but better late than never, right?"

"I guess so," Jeff agreed. "What made you decide to do this?" Jeff asked. The Griffin's were known to be stubborn people. None of them like to talk about what they were feeling, let alone admit they had any sort of problem. Counselor was probably an easier-to-use term for Tyler to admit to since it had a slightly more positive connotation than therapist did.

Not that they had anything against therapists or people who needed a therapist. Just that they themselves were too…proud…to admit a problem, let alone try to work it through. So, in a way, Jeff was kind of proud of his older brother for actually managing to take this step. He wasn't sure he himself would ever be able to do that.

"Vivian was a huge part of it, actually," Tyler admitted. "I love her, and I don't want to mess anything up."

Yep, Tyler was definitely in love.

Looked like both of them found someone they'd do anything for. Tyler had Vivian, who he was willing to actually see a counselor for, in order to work out his social awkwardness. And Jeff had Nick, who he had been willing to practically change his whole life for, just to be with him.

And everything really was different. Jeff was out of the closet, which was a huge change from his very normal teenage life before. That alone had a lot of consequences. While he could be with the person he truly loved now, he was subject to a whole new kind of treatment. He had to deal with homophobia from strangers, friends, and even his own family.

Not to mention he had to live in fear of his very own father.

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><p><strong>Review, please! I would love any input.<strong>

** So far, it looks like the next chapter will be a lot better. So if this one was a disappointment, bear with me :)**


	24. Church

**Look! New chapter out, in record time! (I don't know why I always announce this...I think it's a little evident.)**

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><p>"Wake up!" barked a gruff voice at the doorway.<p>

Jeff blinked his eyes open drowsily, lolling his head over to look toward the door. His father stood there, hand over the light switch. "What time is it?" Jeff mumbled, his voice a little hoarse.

"9 in the morning. Get up."

Jeff sat up groggily and smoothed down his ruffled hair. "Why?" Jeff mumbled. "Are we going somewhere?"

"Yes. We're going to church. Now get up and take a shower. And dress yourself appropriately!" He turned away before Jeff could respond.

Church? What? The Griffin family almost never went to church. Maybe only on Christmas and Easter. And that was just because their religious extended family always came to visit at that time, and they were all dragged to church with them. Why the heck would they go to church today? It wasn't even Sunday!

Jeff wasn't even sure what his family's denomination was. Showed what he knew about religion. The subject had never really interested him. Jeff chose to not ask any questions and stood up. "Tyler, get up." He grabbed a pillow at threw it towards the bed. "We're going to church."

Tyler groaned and pulled the covers over his head. "Church?" he questioned sleepily. "Ugh. You know, you go have fun without me. I'm going to sleep in."

Jeff rolled his eyes, although he wished he could do just that. He was a little apprehensive of this whole church thing. Who decided that they were going to go to church on a Thursday?

Jeff got ready without question, and he even managed to get Tyler up and moving eventually.

"What a nice way to start my birthday," Tyler was mumbling sarcastically from where he sat at the corner of the bed, buttoning up his dress-shirt.

"Oh, I didn't even realize that was today," Jeff said. "You haven't even mentioned it before now…"

"Yeah, well, it isn't such a big deal. Plus, I was wondering if anyone would remember without me going on about it days before." He sent a teasing look at Jeff. "Don't tell me you forgot my present?"

Jeff laughed. "Since when do I ever get you a present?" he teased. "Happy Birthday, though. Do you have anything planned?"

"Well, I _was planning _on sleeping in late," he said, "at_ least_ til noon. And I'm going out to dinner with Vivian tonight," Tyler answered. "I suppose it wouldn't kill me to go to church…"

The whole family gathered up to leave for church, including Lily, Kandy, and their mother. On the car ride there, their mother kept going on and on about how nice it was that they were finally going to church again as a family. Meanwhile, Lily and Tyler both complained about having to wake up so early.

They met up with their Aunt Gracie and Uncle Timothy at the church. They were regular church patrons, and Jeff only really saw them during the holidays. Their father spoke with them privately for a little while. Jeff was feeling even more anxious being here.

"Jeff," his father called to him. Jeff broke apart from his mother and siblings to see what he wanted. "Your aunt and uncle wanted to say hello."

Jeff looked at them uncertainly. "Hi, Aunt Gracie," he greeted. "Hi, Uncle Tim."

"_This _is Jeff?" said Uncle Tim. "He's gotten so big!"

"Last time we saw you, you were only this tall," Aunt Gracie said, holding her hand in the air to about to where Jeff's chest reached.

Jeff smiled awkwardly. "It's nice to see you two again."

"Jeff, why don't you sit with them for the service?" his father suggested.

What? Why? He didn't want to protest out loud, for it would be rude, but…it would be so awkward to sit with the aunt and uncle he hardly knew during a church service he attended maybe twice a year.

"That's a great idea!" Aunt Gracie said cheerfully.

Jeff hesitated. "Um, okay…" he gave in reluctantly.

"We'll meet up after the service and we can all go out for lunch," his father decided. With that, he said goodbye to Aunt Gracie and Uncle Tim before heading back to rejoin Jeff's mother and siblings.

Jeff felt strangely isolated now. As if he could feel any more out of place at church than he already did, now he had to sit through it with his religious aunt and uncle. This promised to be a long and awkward church service.

The service was incredibly boring. Jeff hardly paid any attention to the preacher the whole time, just trying to stay awake. As it was wrapping up and people were passing around the donation bowl, Aunt Gracie spoke to Jeff. "So, you're 16 now, right?"

"17, actually," Jeff corrected her. "18 in November."

"You're almost a grown man!" she exclaimed. "How is school going for you? You're going to that all boys' school still right?"

"Dalton Academy, yes," Jeff told her. "And it's going well."

She nodded thoughtfully. Suddenly, she queried, "I hear that you recently started dating a boy…?"

Jeff froze. "Did dad tell you that?" he asked stiffly.

"No, actually, I heard it first from your mother," she said. "So, you _are_ dating a boy?"

Jeff felt instantly uncomfortable. "Yes, I am," he muttered. "Why does it matter to you, anyways?"

"Don't get so defensive," she eased. "I just…your family is worried for you, Jeff."

"Worried for me?" Jeff echoed.

"Homosexuality is a sin. You know that." She looked Jeff in the eyes. "None of us wants you to suffer the consequences of such a choice."

Jeff clenched his jaw. "Is that why dad dragged us all out here?" He was struggling to contain his anger. "To get you guys to preach to me about how I'm going to hell?"

"Jeff, honey, that isn't what this is about," Aunt Gracie said. "We love you. But you don't want to go against God for a little crush, do you? You're a teenager. You don't realize the mistake you're making."

He almost told her to shut up, but managed to contain himself. "I'm not making a mistake," Jeff muttered. "I love him. And if God is against love, then I don't know if he's the God I want to believe in."

"It's not love, Jeff! It's the devil, filling your mind with lies. Find God and fight this lust. God can save you."

Jeff stood. "Maybe I don't want to be 'saved!'" he snapped. "I hoped my family could _accept_ me for who I love, but I guess that sure as hell won't be happening. You're a bigot, that's what you are. All of you!" The last part was directed at everyone in the room. He whirled around and stormed off. Heads turned to stare at him in shocked silence and he didn't stop until he was out the church doors.

…

Jeff walked home instead of waiting for his parents to reprimand him for his behavior. He was still seething from the whole ordeal. He would never go to church again.

Just as he arrived home and unlocked the door, his father pulled the car into the driveway. Jeff didn't bother to close the door behind him and moved through the house to the living room. He contemplated retreating to his room before his father came inside, but too late for that.

"_Jeff!_" came his father's voice at the door in a near scream. He heard his father's pounding footsteps through the entryway and kitchen until he came into the living room, red faced and fists clenched. "The _hell _is wrong with you, boy?"

Jeff backed up as his father approached him. "You're that desperate to fix me?" Jeff challenged a little timidly. "By threatening that I'll go to hell?"

"If you continue this way, then yes! You _will _go to hell!" his father snapped furiously. He grabbed Jeff's wrist and held him in place. "And when you do, you'll regret this. I won't feel a shred of sympathy for your sorry ass, either. You'll deserve it."

His voice was almost menacing. It took a lot of self-control to keep from shaking and to meet his father's eyes straight. "If the devil will accept me, then I'd rather go to hell!" he spat.

His father abruptly shoved him, hard, towards the floor. Jeff staggered and hit the floor with a thud. "You're sick! You're a sick bastard!" he screamed at his son. It looked as though he completely lost his cool. "If you want to live your life as a sick pervert, go ahead! I don't give a god-fucking-damn! While you're at it, why don't you molest your little sisters, too?"

"_What?" _Why would he even _say _that!

"Why stop at just being homosexual? Why not go all the fucking way? Live your perverted life to the fullest!" His father glared at him venomously.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jeff snapped. "I'd never do that!" His views were the most warped out of all of them!

"Don't you _dare _speak to me in that tone of voice!" his father rounded on him.

Jeff pulled himself back to his feet. "Why are you treating me like this? I'm the same as I always was! Why can't you accept me? You're my father!" His voice was becoming hoarse. "You're treating me like I'm some sort of monster, like I'm not even your son anymore…"

"I didn't raise you to be _gay!_" his father muttered. "No son of mine is going to be a homosexual."

"So, what? You're disowning me?" Jeff guessed. "You're just going to pretend that I'm not your son?"

"If that's what I have to do," his father said coldly.

Jeff's throat constricted and he swallowed hard to fight the emotion building up. "You're the worst one of them all."

"Shut your mouth," his father grunted.

"I'm not going to change just because you don't like who I am," Jeff said. "Stop trying already."

"I said shut up!"

"I love Nick, dad," he said. "That isn't going to change, no matter what you do."

That was a mistake. His father seemed to snap at that one. He whirled around and heaved one of the dining room chairs into his arms. Before Jeff knew it, the heavy wooden chair was flying in his direction. On instinct, he threw his arms in front of him to deflect it, protect his head and face. The chair, however, was a lot heavier and harder than he had initially hoped it was. The impact was painful, and his arms did little to protect him. He was thrust back to the ground and he felt an incredibly sharp pain shoot up his right wrist. He cried out in pain and hurriedly pulled his right arm close to his chest and out of any more harm's way.

Everything suddenly seemed really dim compared to the burning pain in his wrist. He groaned and rolled over to one side, clenching his teeth. He heard his father's heavy footsteps storm back out through the kitchen and front door.

"What in the world happened in here!" he heard his mother gasp. She sounded so far away, even though Jeff could see her standing across the room from where he lied on the floor.

"Jeff?" Tyler was suddenly kneeling by him. "Are you okay?"

Jeff closed his eyes tight. "No," he winced. He couldn't control his gasping breath. His wrist felt like it was on fire. "My wrist hurts." And that was a major understatement.

"Let me see it," Tyler said. Jeff hesitated before loosening his grip on his right arm, letting Tyler see the damage. It must be bad, because Tyler winced at the sight. "Damn. I think it's broken."

"Oh, really?" Jeff muttered between his teeth.

Tyler helped Jeff sit up against the wall. "It's already really swollen. Do you want some ice?"

Just simply nodded yes, and Tyler stood and headed for the kitchen. Jeff sighed shakily and opened his eyes to examine his wrist. It was hideously swollen already to maybe twice its usual size and bruised badly. Probably definitely broken.

Jeff's mother came from the hallway where Lily and Kandy's rooms were, probably coming back from sending them to their rooms to clean or something, pretending like nothing was wrong at all. She hurried across the room to pick the chair up, but it was broken now. One of the legs was completely broken off and another was hanging on by a thread. She sighed sadly, as if it was some sort of loss on her behalf. "Do you need me to take you to the hospital, Jeff?" she asked him.

What, so no comment on the fact that his father had just done this to him? That was just like her, always pretending that nothing was wrong.

"I'll take him," Tyler announced, returning from the kitchen. He had a bag of ice in one hand. He helped Jeff to his feet and handed over the ice pack.

Their mother hesitated. "Are you sure you don't want me to go…?" she asked, a little hopefully. Her eyes were nervous.

"Don't worry, Mom," Jeff muttered. "I won't rat dad out." _Because I know that's what you're worried about here. Not me._

She frowned and nodded at Tyler. "Go on."

…

Tyler took Jeff to the hospital, where they spent a large amount of time. They had to wait for a doctor to examine Jeff's wrist. The doctor x-rayed his wrist to find it was broken in two different places, and eventually, casted the injury.

"So, how did you even manage to hurt yourself so badly?" the nurse asked as she wrapped the dark tape around his bandaged wrist.

"Um…I was skateboarding. And I wiped out," Jeff lied.

"Ah," she mused, nodded sympathetically. "Well, that should do it for the cast…" she said as she finished.

"Thank you," Jeff said. He looked across the room where Tyler stood against the wall, cell phone to ear. He'd planned a date with Vivian tonight, but thanks to this unfortunate setback, he was forced to cancel. The nurse had let him borrow her cell phone to make the call.

"Vivian? Yea, it's Tyler." Jeff could barely make out his whisper. "I can't make it tonight. Jeff broke his wrist, and I had to take him to the hospital…" A pause. "Yeah, he's fine. Skateboarding accident…Maybe we can do something tomorrow?…Sounds great. Thanks…Love you. Bye." He hung up the phone and handed it over to the nurse. "Thank you," he said.

Jeff was feeling pretty miserable, for a number of reasons. "I'm sorry, Tyler. I'm sure this isn't your idea of a good birthday," Jeff apologized. "I'm sorry you had to miss your date with Vivian."

"It's no big deal," Tyler assured. "I go out to dinner with Vivian almost every night I'm free. I wasn't even planning a birthday dinner until tomorrow night."

"Oh…"

Tyler looked at Jeff. "Honestly, I think _you're _the one having the bad day." His voice was slightly teasing.

No kidding. "Thank you, Tyler," Jeff murmured. "I'm really glad to have you around." He never thought that he'd ever be so thankful for his brother, but he was. He didn't know how he'd cope with this if he didn't have Tyler around. He felt almost like his whole family was against him, so it was nice to have his brother, who accepted him no matter who he was deep down.

He doubted Tyler would ever detect the amount of sincerity in that one thank you. It went a lot deeper than his words alone could express. Which was probably a good thing. He liked his normally unserious relationship with Tyler.

Right now, it was just nice to have someone there for him.

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><p><strong>Review, please! Tell me what you think! <strong>

**And don't worry about the lack of Niff. There will be more next chapter :)**


	25. Doubt

**Hello, friends! Here is the next chapter. Enjoy!**

**And remember to review, please! **

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><p>The doctor prescribed Jeff some painkillers for the first week or so of his injury. Of course, they made him extremely drowsy, and helped him sleep soundly through the night.<p>

Good thing. Without them, he didn't know if he would have ever gotten to sleep, what with all the chaos swimming around in his mind. What his father had done to him this time was far worse than an innocent slap across the face. And if _that _hadscared him, then this utterly terrified him.

How far would he go next time?

Jeff didn't want to think about it. He stayed in his room for most of the morning, until well passed noon, just lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. The cast suffocated his wrist, and no matter how hard he tried to imagine it gone, he could still feel it there. Clinging to his skin, hot and itchy and constricting…

It was haunting him. Skateboarding accident? Really? Who would buy into that? He had no other scrapes or bruises other than his broken wrist. What if the nurse or the doctor saw through his lie? What about Nick?

He couldn't tell him the truth. He wasn't going to. Nick didn't need to worry about Jeff. Jeff would go with the skateboarding accident. Simple enough. Nick wouldn't have to know about Jeff's wretched home life.

He didn't feel like he needed to worry about Tyler. His 'secret' seemed safe enough. And speaking of Tyler…

"Are you ever going to get out of bed?" said his older brother at the door to their room.

"Maybe later," Jeff mumbled. _Maybe…_

Tyler sighed. "Dad's not home, you know," he told him. He walked into the room and closed the door behind him. "I tried to talk to him about what he did yesterday, and he got angry and stormed out. I wonder if he's been drinking or something…"

Drinking? It was possible. Maybe he only hated Jeff in his drunken state? Jeff could hope… "Just forget it," Jeff said.

"Forget it?" Tyler echoed. "He _broke_ your wrist, Jeff. And, according to you, this isn't even the first time he's laid a hand on you."

_Oh, really? I never noticed! Thanks for clearing that up for me, Tyler. You're the best big brother ever. _"I knew I shouldn't have told you about that," Jeff muttered.

"You always do this," Tyler said, exasperated. "When you need help the most, you shut everyone out."

"I wonder where I got that from?" Jeff said dryly, sending a look at Tyler.

"Hey—I'm working on that now," he defended himself. "Besides, neither of us has had to deal with something like this. I hate to say it, but you got the hard end of the deal, bro."

"No kidding," Jeff muttered. Next to Jeff's life right now, Tyler's had been just about perfect: likable, got all the girls, _liked _girls, and he was a genius in school.

Jeff was kind of similar, at first. He'd always had a little trouble in certain subjects at school, though, but he never got lower than a C in anything. But, now, in addition to liking girls, he also liked boys, evidently—one Nick Romano in particular.

That one thing sent his entire home life into an avalanche, crashing down around him, taking everything away with it… But Nick was worth it.

Right?

No, he couldn't question that. Never his love for Nick. It would _always _be enough. No matter how bad it got around home, he still had Nick, and Nick was completely worth it.

"You know, if you ever wanted to talk about it, Jeff, you can talk to me," Tyler told him, his voice sincere.

Jeff glanced at his brother disbelievingly at first, but allowed his gaze to soften. Tyler was actually offering to _help _Jeff. Not just pretend everything was fine, like their mother. He wasn't trying to sugarcoat anything, emptily assure that everything would be fine, or just hope that things would sort themselves out.

Maybe Tyler really had matured. "Thanks, Tyler," Jeff said. "I'll keep it in mind."

He nodded in acknowledgment. "Are you going to tell Nick?" Tyler asked.

"No," Jeff said. "And don't you dare tell him. I don't want him to know. He can't know," Jeff said, looking at Tyler almost pleadingly. "Don't tell him anything."

"Alright, alright," Tyler eased, holding up his hands. "I wasn't going to. Chill out." He paused. "Oh, by the way, he's called twice this morning. Eleven and one o'clock."

"He did?" Jeff said. "Did you answer? What did you say to him?"

"Um…That you were sleeping?" Tyler said it like it was obvious. Which it kind of was.

"Why didn't you bring the phone to me?" Jeff demanded, springing to his feet and rushing passed Tyler to the living room. What if Nick figured out something was up now? Sleeping in so late was never a very good message to send.

He grabbed the home phone from the coffee table and quickly dialed Nick's number. It rang three times. Nick's voice greeted him on the other line, "Hello? Nick speaking."

"Nick," Jeff greeted, trying to sound enthusiastic. "It's Jeff."

"Oh, hey. Finally wake up, sleepyhead?" he teased.

Jeff breathed a fake laugh. "Yeah," he said. "I had a…rough day yesterday."

"What do you mean?"

"Um…" Jeff hesitated. He hated to lie to Nick, but he didn't want to burden him with the truth. It would be better for him and Jeff both if he was left in the dark on what had actually happened. "I hurt my wrist. Skateboarding trick gone wrong," he explained simply.

"Oh," Nick murmured. "So…that made you sleep in so late…?" He questioned confusedly.

"No," Jeff said. "The painkillers did. Doctor gave them to me, and they're practically a sedative."

"Painkillers?" Nick echoed. "How badly did you hurt yourself?"

"Well, it's broken," Jeff informed him. "I got a cast. But it's no big deal."

"You _broke _your wrist?" Nick gasped. "Why didn't you call me?"

"It was kind of late," Jeff said. "And I don't have a cell phone at the moment. I was stuck at the doctor's office with Tyler for hours. By the time I got home, it was late. I didn't want to wake you if you were sleeping. Besides, it's nothing, really. It hardly hurt." That was a huge lie, of course. One that Nick could probably very easily read through.

"Hardly hurt? And yet you needed painkillers?" he challenged.

Yep, he could read through it all right.

Nick sighed on the other line, not waiting for a response. "Can you come over?"

"Probably," Jeff answered. His father wasn't home and his mother wouldn't care. "Yeah. I'll be over in 10 minutes."

"Good," Nick said. "See you in a few."

"Bye." Jeff hung up the phone. He quickly returned to his room to change into a fresh set of clothes, though it was awkward with his casted wrist.

Just as he was about to leave, just his luck, his father came in the front door. Jeff went back to his room quickly and closed the door, waiting for the coast to be clear. He did not want to face his father. Maybe not ever again.

He waited by the door, listening. He could hear his father's footsteps around the living room. Then coming closer. Jeff backed up to sit at the corner of his bed when the footsteps came towards him. The doorknob turned and the door was pushed open by Jeff's father.

Jeff held his breath. "Dad…?"

His father cleared his throat awkwardly. "Jeff…I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" _I REALLY don't want to talk to you, though…_

He leaned against the doorway and looked the other way. "Erm…Well, I wanted to…apologize for what happened yesterday."

Jeff blinked in surprised. Apologize? He wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel. An apology wouldn't change a thing, but at least he was admitting he'd done wrong…

"I'd already told you that I am…_fine_…with you being bisexual. And I meant to hold to that. But part of me still isn't comfortable with this whole thing," his father went on. "I know that doesn't excuse my actions the other day, however. I'm sorry for what I did. I…I hate to admit it, but I had been drinking a little yesterday morning. That probably had a little to do with how I acted."

Jeff still wasn't sure how he should react. He didn't know how he felt about this and he felt extremely uncomfortable. "It's okay," Jeff lied. "I understand." He really didn't, but he wanted to get out of here.

His father nodded. "Good," he said. He stood there awkwardly a moment longer before standing straight and walking off.

And that's that. One half-bit apology and now everything would be forgotten. By his father, at least. Jeff would never forget.

That had been a poor excuse for an apology, but what do you expect from another Griffin? They never liked to admit they were wrong, or had done wrong, no matter what the situation. Stereotypical men, in other words. Jeff wasn't sure if he should take this apology to heart or just assume that they were empty words. He wasn't typically a pessimist, but these days, it was hard to predict anything his father would do or say.

He shook his head and stood. He didn't want to think about these things. He wanted to see Nick.

He left the house and cut through his backyard to Nick's house. He didn't even have to knock on the door before Nick opened it, probably anticipating Jeff's arrival.

"You're six minutes late," Nick teased in greeting. He motioned Jeff inside.

Jeff smiled. "Sorry." He stepped inside the door.

Nick sent a look at Jeff's cast. "So, skateboarding accident?"

Jeff nodded, worried Nick might see through the lie. "Yeah. I'm a little out of practice…"

Nick nodded silently for a moment. "I thought you lost your skateboard, though?" he questioned. "Last summer."

"Yeah, I did…but I got a new one," Jeff lied quickly. "A while ago. I guess I forgot to tell you."

Nick seemed to accept that response. "You need to be more careful, caro," he murmured, shaking his head. "You keep on getting hurt. I worry what you'll end up injuring next time."

"Caro?" Jeff echoed. "I'm guessing that's Italian?"

"Yep," Nick answered. "If you want to know what it means, look it up."

Jeff breathed a laugh. "I think I will," he said with teasing threat. Being with Nick, as usual, cleared his mind of all stress. He was already feeling less tense and more comfortable.

And yet, indirectly, Nick was sort of at fault for Jeff's stress and confusion in the first place. Jeff's father wouldn't be treating him this way if he wasn't with Nick. His life would still be normal. His wrist wouldn't be broken. His father wouldn't hate him.

_Stop._

He was letting himself think like this again. He _could not _question what he had with Nick. If he did…then he'd have nothing left.

Nick is worth it.

He told himself this, but there was still that nagging pit of uncertainty and doubt in the back of his mind. No matter what he said to himself, it wouldn't go away. It stayed there, taunting him, forcing him to question the thing most sacred to him.

Without really thinking about it, Jeff leaned in towards Nick and kissed him. An impulse to push away the doubt. To make his mind just shut up already. To prove to himself what he already knew—that Nick _was _worth it.

Nick seemed lightly taken aback by the random kiss, but didn't pull away. He instead kissed Jeff back. It was a passionate kiss, more intense than usual. Although it worked. The nagging doubt vanished as the taste of Nick's lips took over Jeff's senses.

He was definitely worth it.

When they broke apart, Nick gave Jeff a look of mixed bewilderment and mystification. "What was that for?" he asked, somewhat questioningly.

"Nothing," Jeff said. "Just… I love you, Nick."

Nick's eyes—his bright, beautiful, green emerald eyes—met Jeff's and he smiled softly. "I love you, too, Jeff."


	26. Summer

**Yes, I'm back! I am SO sorry for my prolonged absence. I was suffering from writer's block, which doesn't go well with a big heap of busy honors classes in school.**

**But here's the newest chapter! I hope it's worth the wait. The next chapter will be out soon, I promise!**

**Also, if you want, you should follow my sister's Tumblr. I might post there sometimes about my fanfictions, just in case I accidentally take another one of these 'breaks.' (Not that I plan to, of course!) Her Tumblr NiftyNiffler.**

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><p>Summer break didn't go as hoped. Jeff often stayed away from home to avoid his father even though he seemed to have gotten over his disdain at having a gay son, at least so far. He was less explosively angry, in any case. He was always in a somberly bitter mood, but at least he wasn't losing his temper all the time anymore.<p>

Nick's birthday came and went in the summer month of June. Jeff had spoken to Nick's mom about a great gift idea he'd had…

In the years Jeff had known Nick, it was obvious that the brunette loved animals. (except for dogs.) He'd always wanted a cat, but couldn't have one due to his mother's allergies.

So, naturally, Jeff went for the next best thing. He talked to Mrs. Romano and managed to get her permission to get Nick a pet rabbit. The night before Nick's birthday, Jeff went out to the pet store and adopted a small and fluffy baby bunny. It was white with black splotches of fur. He also got a cage and an outdoor pen. The day of Nick's birthday, Jeff built the pen outside in the Romano backyard.

As an understatement, Nick was very happy with his gift. He called the bunny 'Patatina' after a few days of it being nameless, which was Italian for potato chips or something like that. Jeff wasn't entirely certain, since Nick had forced him to look it up in an online translator instead of just telling him.

Sadly, Nick and Jeff weren't able to spend much of summer break together. Nick's parents decided to vacation in Italy to see their Italian relatives the last month and a half of summer.

And of course, soon after Nick left for Italy, Jeff's father took up drinking…

…

Jeff found himself tagging along with Tyler and Vivian on yet another one of their dates in his usual attempts to stay away from home. He did this a lot since Nick left for Italy a few weeks ago. Vivian was nice about it and Tyler understood, but Jeff could tell that the two were getting irritated with him.

He didn't know what else to do. He had no other choice and nowhere else to go during the day since Nick wasn't around.

Tyler finally talked to Jeff about it after tonight's 'date.'

"Look, Jeff," Tyler started in an exasperated tone. They were still in the car after Tyler dropped Vivian off at her home. "This isn't really working out. You can't keep following me and Vivian around every night like a lost puppy."

"It's not like I want to," Jeff muttered. "You know I can't stay at home."

Tyler sighed. "I know, but Vivian is starting to wonder. I don't know what to say to her. You won't let me tell anyone," Tyler said. "Not to mention the fact that we have no privacy if you're always here. Imagine if I followed you to every one of your dates?"

True, that would get very annoying… "Then what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Hang out with other friends?"

"Most of them are either on vacation or live too far away," Jeff answered.

"Then do something by yourself. See a movie or something. You don't have to be with another person."

"That would cost a lot to do every night," Jeff countered. Plus he didn't particularly like being alone. Of course, he wasn't going to admit that to Tyler.

"Get a fake ID and go to a bar," Tyler suggested. "I've got like four of them. You could borrow one. It's fun and free, unless you want to buy a drink or go to an expensive club."

It was hard to argue that. It was illegal, yes, but that hadn't stopped Jeff from drinking before. It wasn't really appealing, but neither was being the third wheel for Tyler and Vivian.

Maybe it was worth a shot. At least it would kill time when he needed to be away from home. "Alright," he said to Tyler. "I'll try that and leave you alone."

"Great!" Tyler exclaimed. He grabbed his wallet from his pocket. "Who do you want to be; Eliot Addams, or Dorian Rice?"

…

The next night, Jeff found himself in his car alone, driving to the nearest bar he'd Google'd, which happened to be a gay bar called Scandals. It was close and he figured he could try it out. If he didn't like it, he didn't have to go back.

He'd take any excuse to stay away from home while his father was drinking.

He pulled into the parking lot and got out of his car. It was 7 pm, so he had a few hours to kill before it would be safe to go home. He headed to the front doors, readying the fake ID—Eliot Addams—that Tyler had lent to him.

The bouncer stopped Jeff outside the door, and Jeff calmly showed the man his ID. There was a long moment's pause as he examined the ID where Jeff started to second-guess this whole thing. What the hell was he doing here, anyways? He'd never been to a bar before in his life, no less a gay bar. What would this look like to Nick if he found out?

He didn't have much time to change his mind before the bouncer handed back his ID and said, "Alright. Have a good time."

Jeff walked on inside, figuring it'd be rude to just turn and leave now. Maybe he could leave out a side door or something. Upon entering, loud music of techno and bass met his ears, drowning out the conversations at every corner. The inside was dark and very drab next to the sparkles and glitter adorned by some of the visitors here. There were a few drag queens here and there, and a few guys dressed in wild arrangements of feathers and bright colors.

For a moment, Jeff felt instantly out of place. He turned to find the exit again when someone else approached him.

"Hey," the other guy greeted in a voice of silk. He was tall—even taller than Jeff, but only slightly—with moussed-up hair and a clean white face. His eyebrows were thick and his forehead was broad, but the look went well with his long face. "Noticed you standing out here like a deer caught in headlights… I'm Sebastian." He held out his hand for Jeff to shake, offering up a wolfish grin.

"Umm, hi," Jeff greeted uncomfortably, shaking Sebastian's hand. "I'm Jeff."

"You're new here, aren't you?" he guessed. "I've never seen you around before."

Jeff nodded. "Yeah. Just trying it out. But I was getting ready to leave…"

"You just walked in the door," Sebastian pointed out. "Come have a drink. I'll introduce you to a few friends of mine."

_So I don't have a say here? _Jeff didn't argue, though, and allowed Sebastian to lead him across the room to the bar. They approached a group of two girls and one guy.

"Hey, guys," Sebastian greeted cheerfully. "I caught that guy you were checking out, Jonah," he said to the other boy, motioning to Jeff. "Tah-dah."

Jonah flushed. "Sebastian!" he snapped, though it was good-humored. To Jeff he said, "Don't mind him. He likes messing with people. We don't take him seriously most of the time." Jeff wasn't sure what to say, so he just smiled awkwardly and nodded in understanding. Jonah gave him a welcoming smile. "So, you already know that I'm Jonah," he said. "That there is my sister, April." He pointed to a girl who looked a lot like him with short dark hair and hazel eyes. The only physical difference—apart from gender, obviously—was that April was more tanned than her brother. "And her girlfriend, Erin." Next to April sat the pretty blonde-haired and blue-eyed girl Jeff assumed was Erin.

"Nice to meet you," Jeff said to them.

"Hello," Erin greeted kindly. "Good to meet you, too."

April nodded a greeting. "You don't look 21 to me," she observed thoughtfully. "Fake ID?"

Jeff glanced around warily before nodding at April. "I'm 18."

"Same with us," she said.

"All of you?"

"I'm the oldest, and I'm only 19," Jonah told him. "But shh… Don't tell anyone." He grinned and winked teasingly.

Jeff could already feel himself warming up. Maybe coming to Scandals wasn't a bad idea after all.

"Well, I'm going to hit the dance floor," Sebastian announced. "Who wants to join me?"

…

Jeff had a great time at Scandals. He forgot all about any worries he may have had before walking in the doors. Most of the time he spent in the bar he was with Jonah since Erin and April were preoccupied with dancing together half the night while Sebastian seemed to be very busy flirting with all of the attractive guys in the room.

Jeff didn't mind spending time alone with Jonah, though. He was fun to hang out with. The two of them had a good time on their own, singing and dancing along to the music and, in Jonah's case, enjoying a few drinks. The hours breezed by and at 2 am, Jeff decided it was probably time to head home. He said goodbye to Jonah, who stopped him to ask for a phone number.

Jeff hesitated. He didn't have a cell phone anymore and he definitely didn't want Jonah calling his home phone. What if his father answered? He probably wouldn't tolerate any other gay friends and Jonah's voice was…a little obvious. Like Kurt's voice, just not as soft. "I actually don't have a phone number I can give you at the moment," Jeff answered. He hoped Jonah wouldn't wonder about that. "But you could give me your number instead?"

"Sure," Jonah agreed without question. He fished a pen from his pocket and took Jeff's hand to write his number on the palm. This close together, Jeff couldn't help but notice how good he smelled.

Jonah clicked the pen and put in away again. "There. Call me anytime so we can meet up again sometime."

"I will," Jeff said. "I had a good time."

"Me too," said Jonah. "Next time, you'll need to teach me some of those wicked dance moves of yours!"

Jeff laughed. "Maybe," he said. "Well, I'll see you later, then," he said. They waved goodbye and Jeff turned toward the exit.

…

On the drive home, Jeff could feel guilt settling in. For a while, he wasn't sure why. What was he feeling guilty for? He'd done nothing wrong. He knew his dad would disapprove that he'd gone to a gay bar, but he definitely wasn't feeling guilty for his father's sake. He could care less what his father thought as long as he was unscathed in the process.

He didn't think Nick would really mind that he'd gone to Scandals, either. Not that it was anything anyone would expect from Jeff, but that was beside the point. Nick was easygoing enough to accept it.

Along that train of thought, however, he realized why he felt guilty.

He was attracted to Jonah.

So he really _was _bisexual. He'd never really found other guys appealing like he did Nick, but obviously there were a few out there… There had always been some stupid thought—or hope—in his mind that the only guy he liked was Nick and he was otherwise straight.

There goes that theory.

But why should he feel guilty for a petty attraction to some other guy? It wasn't like he'd done anything wrong. Not to mention he probably wouldn't be feeling this way if it was a girl he found attractive.

Maybe he still wasn't completely comfortable with his sexuality? That was no doubt true, especially thanks to his dad for refusing to accept it. Still, he couldn't bring himself to feel guilt for anything his dad thought.

He _had _been questioning his relationship with Nick lately, though. That was where the guilt was coming from. Somewhere in his mind, he wasn't sure if being with Nick was worth it…

Yet being with Jonah might be? That was just a ridiculous thought. If he ever broke up with Nick—which he never, ever wanted to do—then he'd probably pretend to be straight with the hope of pleasing his father. So this guilty feeling he was having was nothing but a displaced emotion. He managed to convince of this and effectively pushed it out of his mind.

It was nearly 3 am by the time he crept into the house. He fell into bed and was asleep almost instantly.

That night he dreamed about Jonah.


	27. Vivian's Secret

**Yes! I am back! (again). Sorry for my lack of focus on my fanfictions lately, guys. I've been SO busy at school. But summer break is in a week and I promise to give you lots of new chapters over summer! For now, enjoy this new chapter, which took me months to complete thanks to school, homework, and writer's block.**

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><p>Jeff sat in the living room the next morning, staring down at the smeared and faded phone number written on his hand. He was debating whether he should wash it off or not. With his boyfriend away in Italy for now, Jeff felt like spending any more time with Jonah would be unfaithful to Nick, somehow.<p>

On the other hand, he didn't want to completely blow Jonah off. That would be rude, plus he had a good time with Jonah and he felt that they had the potential of being good friends.

Tyler came into the living room from the kitchen with a piece of toast in hand. "Oh, you're awake?" he said to Jeff. "I figured you'd probably be sleeping all day."

"I didn't drink anything last night," Jeff told him. Since his father took up the habit, alcohol had become more than unappetizing to Jeff. Sure, it had yet to make his father violent, but Jeff had a feeling that it was only a matter of time.

"Still, you were out half the night."

Jeff shrugged. "I couldn't sleep." Or more like he was afraid he'd dream about Jonah again…

Tyler seemed to accept that response without question. He flopped down on the sofa by Jeff and took the remote to channel-surf. "So, where'd you go last night?"

"Just some bar," Jeff said as vaguely as he could. "It's in Lima."

"Which one?"

Jeff hesitated. What were the odds that Tyler would know that Scandals was a gay bar? "Um, it was called Scandals or something like that…"

"You went to a gay bar?" Tyler sent a look at Jeff.

Of _course_. Jeff had yet again misjudged his brother. "Yes," Jeff mumbled. "Just for curiosity's sake," he explained uncomfortably.

Tyler shrugged. "I've been to gay bars before and I'm not even gay. I'm not judging."

"Of course you have," Jeff said, rolling his eyes. He fell silent for a long moment, once again glancing at the number written on his hand. Without thinking, he said, "…I met someone there, too."

Tyler raised an eyebrow at Jeff. "What was that?"

"Don't look at me that way," Jeff said defensively. "It's not like it was anything serious. We didn't do anything."

"Are you going to break up with Nick…?"

"No, of course not," Jeff said. "I told you it's not serious."

"Then why bother bringing it up?" Tyler questioned.

Jeff shrugged. "He gave me his number," he answered. "I'm not sure if I should call him or not."

"So you asked for his number?" Tyler guessed.

"No, he asked for mine. But you know I don't have a cell phone. So he gave me his."

"And you like this guy?"

"No," Jeff answered reflexively before realizing that was a lie. "I mean, not exactly…"

"…Not exactly…?" Tyler echoed.

"Okay, yes. I like him," Jeff admitted. "Not seriously, though. Not the same way I feel about Nick, not even close." He was surprised how easy it was to say these things to Tyler. He always assumed it would be too awkward to talk to _anyone_ about these sorts of things, let alone his straight older brother.

"Then don't call," Tyler advised simply. "I'd assume you don't want to cheat on Nick, so…better safe than sorry."

Jeff nodded slowly. "But he's a nice guy. I'd feel guilty for just completely blowing him off…"

"Then you'll just have to decide if the risk if worth it. I don't know how serious it is with this guy, though, so I can't really help you there."

"Well, I _did _dream about him last night," Jeff confessed ashamedly.

Tyler winced. "Then I'll say the sooner you lose his number, the better."

Jeff sighed. "That's probably the best decision," he agreed.

The doorbell suddenly rang and Tyler jumped up. "That's probably Vivian," he said. "We're supposed to go to the bookstore today. Some author she likes is doing a book talk or something…" his voice faded as he hurried to open the front door.

When Tyler opened the door, he greeted Vivian with a hug and a kiss. "Good morning, beautiful," he said.

She smiled weakly. "Good morning." No sooner did she walk in the door did Jeff notice how pale her face was and how dull her eyes were.

Tyler seemed to notice this as well. "Are you feeling alright?" He touched her forehead, but she pulled away.

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm just a little tired."

Tyler didn't seem to buy that for some reason. "Are you sure?" he asked worriedly. "Have you eaten today?"

She nodded. "Although I wouldn't mind skipping the bookstore today. Maybe we could stay here and watch some movies or something?" It seemed like talking was an effort for her as she was beginning to sound a little breathless.

"Why? I thought you were looking forward to this?" Tyler asked.

She shrugged. "I didn't get much sleep. And he's not my favorite author or anything."

Tyler frowned. "If that's what you want…" he agreed reluctantly. "Why don't you sit down? I can get you an apple or make you some toast…"

"No, I'm not hungry," she insisted. "I already ate."

"What did you eat, then?"

She hesitated before saying, "Cereal," as if she had to think about it.

"What kind?"

"Um. Cheerios?"

At first, Jeff couldn't figure out why Tyler was so focused on what Vivian had eaten for breakfast. She looked too sick right now to eat anything, really. She was also looking pretty disoriented.

"Come sit down," he told her gently, offering a hand which she didn't take, or even seem to notice.

Without any warning whatsoever, Vivian suddenly collapsed. Tyler sprang to catch her before she hit the ground, which he only just barely managed. It all happened in maybe 5 milliseconds.

"Vivian!" he gasped. "Vivian, are you okay? Can you hear me? Vivian?" He checked her pulse briefly and then leaned forward to listen for her breathing.

"Is she okay?" Jeff asked in bewilderment.

"She just passed out, what the hell do you think?" Tyler snapped.

"What do you want me to do? Should I call an ambulance or something?" The situation was catching up to him and he was suddenly freaking out. People don't just faint out of the blue unless something is very wrong.

"Not yet," Tyler said. Somehow, he seemed calm. "She'll probably come to in a minute. Just…get me a wet towel."

Jeff nodded and darted for the kitchen. He retrieved a towel from a drawer and hastily ran it under cool water. When he returned to the living room, Vivian was lying on her back on the carpet with her legs slightly elevated by a small stack of pillows on the floor. Tyler was lightly fanning her with a folded page from the newspaper.

He seemed to really know what he was doing. As Jeff handed him the wet towel, he said, "You're really on top of things, Tyler…Has this happened before or something?"

"Once," Tyler admitted, laying the rag over her forehead. "Not to mention I passed my first aid exam with 100%."

Jeff couldn't imagine being so calm if this were him in such a situation. How would he react if Nick randomly fainted out of the blue? Not well, probably. "So this _has_ happened before?" he confirmed. "Does she have some sort of illness?"

Come to think of it, Vivian _did _seem awfully thin…

Tyler ignored Jeff's question and went back to focusing completely on Vivian. "Vivian? Can you hear me? Wake up…"

After enough coaxing and nudging, Vivian stirred. She turned her head to one side with a soft moan and opened her eyes halfway. The relief that shone on Tyler's face gave away just how worried he'd really been. "Glad to have you back, beautiful," he said softly to her. "You really shouldn't scare me like that."

She seemed confused and still disoriented. "Did I faint?" she asked in a nearly inaudible voice.

"Yes," Tyler answered honestly. He looked to Jeff. "Can you get a glass of water?"

Jeff nodded and turned back for the kitchen. He wasn't sure he wanted to intrude here anyways. He brought Tyler the glass of water and stepped aside for the meantime to let Tyler handle things from there.

Within the next half hour, he got Vivian to accept the water and eat half a piece of toast, and now she was resting on the sofa. When she fell asleep, Tyler stepped outside briefly to phone someone—probably Vivian's parents or something. Jeff followed him outside and stepped out on the patio just as Tyler ended the call.

Tyler turned back toward the door and noticed Jeff. "Vivian's sister is coming to get her," he informed his younger brother.

"That's good," Jeff said absentmindedly. He had an idea of what was wrong with Vivian, but he was hesitant to ask about it. Obviously, this was a personal matter, but still. The girl passed out right in front him—of course he was curious. "Um, Tyler?"

"What?"

"Um, well…I was just wondering…" How does a person go about asking this sort of thing? It was insensitive and rude and not really much of Jeff's business. But he couldn't just forget it and pretend that this didn't happen. He decided to just blurt it out. "Is Vivian anorexic?"

Tyler frowned but didn't seem surprised by the question. He nodded almost sadly. "She wanted me to keep it a secret. But I figured you'd figure it out after _that._"

"So she is?" Part of him suddenly regretted asking. This was a personal matter that he wasn't meant to know. He felt like he was intruding.

"…Yeah," he mumbled. "It's something she's been dealing with for a long time now. Before we even met."

"And this has happened before," Jeff stated.

"Yes, but that was several months ago. I thought she was getting better lately. Shows what I know…"

He seemed really unhappy about this. Jeff didn't think he'd ever seen his bother so distraught. "It's not your fault, you know," Jeff tried to reassure him.

"I _know_ that," Tyler said sharply. "It's not like her therapist hasn't told me that countless times. That's not even the issue. No, the issue that there is absolutely _nothing_ I can do to help her. I just have to watch and hope that things work out, because she's too sick to see how beautiful she truly is. All I can do is give 'moral support,' whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. It obviously doesn't help, because she keeps relapsing."

"I'm sorry…" Jeff murmured, unsure of what else he could say. He wasn't used to this kind of thing. Tyler _never_ told anyone what he was feeling, so Jeff pretty much assumed that nothing was ever wrong. Evidently, that was a stupid assumption, especially since no one in the world had a perfectly carefree life.

Tyler shook his head. "It's nothing you can help anyways," he said. "I'm going to go check on Vivian."

Vivian slept soundly until her sister arrived to take her home.

…

Nick always felt better the moment his feet touched solid ground. He'd never been very fond of flying, even though he should be used to it by now. His family flew to Italy almost every other year, sometimes more.

What's more, he was more than thrilled to be back in the United States. He couldn't wait to see Jeff again. The two of them hardly spoke in the time that Nick was away due to the lack of communication devices, like cell phones or computers. Nick had access to both while Jeff had access to neither. Returning to the US (finally) meant that they could see each other again at last.

Jeff was there waiting when Nick got out of the car at home. He gave Nick no chance to speak before he drew him into tight embrace.

"I missed you," Jeff said without letting go.

Nick smiled and breathed a laugh. "I missed you, too," he said. "Have you been waiting out here all day?"

Jeff laughed, too. "Maybe," he said softly. "Would you call that creepy or romantic?"

"Well…" Nick pretended to think about it. Jeff still wouldn't let go of him. "Let's go with romantic," he decided.

"Then yes, I've been waiting out here all day," Jeff said.

"I _would've_ come straight to your house, you know," Nick told him.

"But that would mean waiting at least one minute longer to see you than I'd have to," Jeff pointed out. "My summer was awful without you," Jeff went on. "You're not allowed to go on vacation next year. Or ever again."

"Believe me," Nick said, "if I have any say in it, I'm staying here." He pulled out of the embrace finally, since Jeff showed no signs of releasing Nick. His parents were unloading the car now.

"I can help you unpack," Jeff decided.

Nick had no objections there. He wasn't very keen on letting Jeff out of his sights anytime soon. "Sure," Nick agreed. "We packed up half the house, so I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind the extra help."

Unpacking took a great deal of time, since Nick had packed almost his entire wardrobe for his trip to Italy. He liked to over-prepare for things rather than under-prepare.

By the time everything was in its rightful place in his room and closet, it was around 4 o'clock. Thanks to the jet-lag, Nick was completely exhausted already.

When he expressed his fatigue, Jeff suggested he go to sleep.

"I can't," he responded. "It'll mess up my whole sleeping routine."

Jeff smiled. "And then you'll become nocturnal?" he concluded.

"Exactly," Nick said. "It's almost the end of summer, too. I have to get my sleeping pattern under control." Just at the word 'sleep,' Nick couldn't suppress a yawn. He was still running on Italian time, which was six hours ahead of Ohio time. His internal clock was set at 10 pm right now, and he'd woken up really early for his flight, too.

"Then take a nap," Jeff suggested. "There's still a few hours before it'll be a suitable time to go to bed for the night."

Nick tried to say, "No, I'm fine," but the words were obscured by yet another yawn.

Jeff breathed an affectionate laugh. "I'll wake you up in like an hour," he offered.

Nick still hesitated, although he knew he probably wouldn't even last to 9 pm, he was so tired. Maybe if he drank a lot of coffee, he could, but he liked to avoid too much caffeine because it triggered his anxiety more than anything else and he _really_ didn't want to set off a panic attack in his first few hours home. "Fine," he agreed finally, "but only because I've been awake for nearly 20 hours straight."

"What, you didn't sleep on the plane?" Jeff asked.

"I couldn't," Nick said. "Flying isn't exactly my favorite thing to do," he said vaguely. In short, he couldn't even relax completely until his feet were back on solid ground, let alone sleep on a flying airplane constantly hit with bouts of rough turbulence late into the night and early into the morning. He was actually pretty surprised he didn't get very bad panic attacks every time he was forced to fly. Maybe he was just too used to it.

Jeff seemed to accept that answer and didn't ask any further questions. He knew all about Nick's anxiety issues, so there was no need to inquire deeper than necessary.

It wasn't long before Nick finally allowed himself to relax, per Jeff's wishes, especially warm and comfortable wrapped in his arms on the bed.

It occurred to him that his parents would probably have a conniption if they walked into his room right now, but it felt so good to be in Jeff's arms again that Nick didn't spend any time on the thought. Besides, it wasn't like they were doing anything _wrong_.

Nick was only just beginning to drift off to sleep when Jeff suddenly spoke. "Hey, Nick?"

"Hmm?" Drowsily, he lifted his head from Jeff's shoulder to look at him.

"I have to tell you something." Suddenly, he appeared very serious.

Nick sat up to listen. It wasn't too often Jeff sounded so serious, so this must be something important. Although _why _he was choosing now to say it, Nick had no clue. "Yes?"

Jeff hesitated to think about what he was going to say. "Um. . . Well, the other day, Tyler gave me a fake ID. And I went to a bar. Er, a gay bar."

He blurted the whole thing out so fast that Nick—in his currently drowsy and weary state—had to pause a moment to take it in. "Alright," he said slowly. He couldn't think of why this information was so urgent for him to know. It wasn't like it was any secret that Jeff occasionally drank, and it was even less of a secret that Jeff fell into the 'gay' category. "So? Is that all?"

Jeff blinked as if this wasn't the response he expected. "Well, no," he mumbled. "I. . . I met this guy there."

This caught Nick's attention and he was suddenly wide awake. "_What_?" he demanded.

"N-no, it wasn't like that," Jeff said quickly, holding up his hands. "Nothing happened. I swear. I don't even like him. He may have liked me, I don't know, but I'm _perfectly _happy being with you."

Nick stared a moment longer before relaxing. Jeff would never cheat on him. Maybe the lack of sleep was getting to his head. "So why bring it up?" he asked in a less severe tone.

Jeff shrugged. "Well. I sort of thought—I don't like him at all—but I kind of thought he was. . . Erm. . ."

"Attractive?" Nick guessed.

"Yeah. . . " Jeff admitted ashamedly.

Nick managed to smile at that. "So?" he said. "It's not like you're not already attracted to plenty of girls as it is—trust me, I've seen you stare at the French teacher. Do you think you're not allowed to find other guys attractive, too?" Granted, Nick wasn't too happy knowing his boyfriend was attracted to people other than himself, but it wasn't like he expected anything else. He was a teenage boy.

"What, you're not upset?" Jeff seemed surprised.

."No," Nick said. "You _are _bisexual, after all. It just comes with the territory, I guess. You don't have to tell me every time you see somebody you think is attractive—guy or girl," Nick assured. "I mean, it's not like I don't notice other guys, too, but that's a far cry from cheating."

Jeff seemed comforted by this. "I just felt like I had to tell you," he admitted. "I don't know why, but I felt guilty for it."

Nick smiled. "Well, thank you for being honest with me," he said. "And you don't need to feel guilty for anything. I know I can trust you to be faithful." He dropped his head back to Jeff's shoulder. "Now shut up and let me sleep."

Jeff laughed softly. "I love you, Nick."

Nick smiled and closed his eyes. "I love you, too, Jeff."


	28. Senior Year Begins

**See, told you I'd update more often during the summer! This chapter is longer than most, so enjoy! **

**If it takes me a while to update this one again, it'll probably be because I'm writing in my other Niff fanfic again, too, and I may be uploading another new one in the near future.**

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><p>Senior year was finally here. All his life, Nick had longed for senior year to come and go, to get him out of the school system once and for all. But now, he was sad. Dalton Academy had changed his perspective of school. Before Dalton, he was constantly bullied and harassed and he'd wanted nothing more than to leave school and never return. The end couldn't have come quick enough back in his Middle School days.<p>

But High School had been completely different, thanks to Dalton. No one bullied him here. In fact, violence was unheard of for most students. He'd made loads of friends.

180 days was all he had left of Dalton Academy.

Nick shook the thoughts away. He had all year still. He could reminisce when school was over. Right now, he still had 9 months of school to get through.

Nick got ready for school in his usual fashion; shower, uniform, breakfast, go. His parents had left for Breadstix by this point, and his mother had left a sticky note on the front door that read, "Have a fantastic day at school, Nick! We love you!"

He took the note as he headed out the door and stuck it in his pocket. He locked the door behind him and hopped off the porch and made his way through the backyard to Jeff's house. The blonde Warbler was making his way out the back door just as Nick reached the driveway. He had his Dalton blazer slung over his shoulder along with his messenger school bag and he carried a piece of toast in his mouth so as he could close the door behind him. His hair was still a little ruffled and his white dress shirt wasn't tucked in.

"You look like you woke up 10 minutes ago," Nick pointed out teasingly.

Jeff laughed sheepishly as he stepped off the back porch. "I think it was more like 5 minutes ago."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Want me to drive?" he offered.

"No, I'm good. I'll drive. I just slept in a little, it's not like I'm intoxicated or anything," Jeff said. He headed to the driver's side of his car and threw his bag inside so he could put on his blazer.

Nick didn't argue and got into the passenger seat. It took Jeff a little longer to finally get settled into the driver's side. "If we're late, I'm blaming you," Nick teased.

Jeff smiled half-heartedly at that as he started up the car. "I had a long night," he said vaguely. He immediately changed the subject before Nick could respond. "Tyler's leaving tomorrow. You know, back to college." He pulled the car out of the driveway and out onto the road.

Nick stared at Jeff for a moment, trying to decide if this was good news or not. His blonde-haired boyfriend tended to complain about his older brother more than anything else. "So you'll be getting your room all to yourself again," Nick remarked carefully.

"Yeah," Jeff said. "But I don't know. I think I was getting used to having Tyler around."

"Really?"

Jeff shrugged. "I guess," he said. "I think I might actually miss him when he leaves."

Nick smiled good-naturedly. "Wow. What happened while I was away in Italy?"

Jeff smiled in turn, but it didn't seem too sincere. Nick could sense that Jeff's mood this morning wasn't as bright as he was letting on. Was he really that sad to see Tyler leave again? He couldn't remember the two brothers being all that particularly close, but who knows. Maybe they'd bonded more this summer?

The drive to school was subdued for the most part. Nick had no trouble keeping up a conversation, but Jeff didn't seem very attentive or responsive. His excuse was that he was "still tired."

Nick was forced to accept this excuse since he had no other reason to believe anything different. Once they arrived at Dalton, they parted to their first class of the day. Unfortunately, their schedules were very different—the only time they'd see one another in a school day this year would be at Warblers practice and perhaps lunch.

Nick especially dreaded Calculus, which was his first class of the day. _How _he was expected to do this kind of math so early in the morning was beyond him. He'd struggled enough as it was with Pre-calculus, which was the math class he'd taken in junior year. Jeff, who was taking Advanced Placement (AP) Calculus this year, promised tutor Nick in it if he struggled, which was inevitable.

The day went by as the first day back to school normally went—rules, requirements, school supplies needed, and teacher's threatening failure if students neglected their homework.

The last period of the day was show choir, more commonly referred to as Warblers practice. Nick entered the choir room, but was stopped by Thad before he could find a seat.

"You sit at the council table now, Nick," Thad reminded him. He was sitting in the middle council chair where Wes once sat, and he motioned to a chair beside him.

"Oh, yeah." Nick changed direction and took his place at Thad's left. "I completely forgot, actually," he said with a small laugh.

Thad smiled. 'Yeah, I did the same thing last year when I first made the council," he said reminiscently.

The bell sounded. The room was filled with Warblers, new and old, all trying to find a seat somewhere in the room. As the sofas filled, some blazer-clad Warblers were forced to stand.

Nick glanced to the empty council chair. Where was Jeff? He usually wasn't late for a Warbler meeting. . .

Thad sighed and shook his head. "He just better be glad I'm not Wes. If David and I were ever late, he would have kicked us off the council with no regrets." He said it almost nostalgically.

Nick frowned. "He probably just got held up by a teacher or something," he decided. "I'm sure he'll be here in a moment."

As if on cue, in came Jeff, bursting into the room at a run. Once inside the room, he halted so suddenly that you'd think he'd run into an invisible wall. "Sorry I'm late," he said breathlessly to Thad. "I got my schedule mixed up."

Thad sighed but smiled kindly. "It's fine. It _is _the first day back to school, after all."

"Thank you," Jeff breathed thankfully. "It won't happen again."

In the few moments it had taken Jeff to arrive, the Warblers in the room had begun to speak to one another so the room was filled with the buzz of conversation. As Jeff took his place on Thad's right side, Thad picked up his new shiny gavel to call for order.

Almost immediately, the room fell silent. Thad cleared his throat. "I call this first meeting of the Warblers' council to order." He looked around the room. "It's good to see so many familiar faces returning here for this new school year. It's even better to see so many new faces. Welcome, all, to the Warblers."

The meeting went by with a lot of talking done by Thad. It was customary for the Head of Council to conduct each meeting, as Wes had done the year before. The first meeting was always the most important, and Nick had to admire Thad's newfound leadership abilities. Last year, Nick never would have guessed that Thad would make such a great speaker. Wes hadn't been wrong in electing Thad to take his place.

The first Warblers meeting of the year went without a hitch. Thad went over the rules and expectations all Warblers were to go by, and at the end, pet canaries were distributed to newcomers.

Nick remembered his own canary. As a new warbler, it was pretty much an unbroken law that you had to accept the bird. Unfortunately, Nick was not allowed to keep his own canary. He accepted his canary just to appease the council. After school, he was forced to return it to a local pet store.

Still, that was much better than what had happened to Jeff's canary. He left the cage too close to the ground one day and his dog, Zeus, had gotten to it. The poor yellow songbird was eaten whole.

Was it any wonder that Nick didn't like dogs?

After practice, Jeff and Nick met up in the hallway. "Nice going," Nick teased, "being late to the first meeting of the year. Lucky Wes isn't the head of the council anymore."

"True," Jeff said. "If it were up to Wes, tardiness would be punishable by death."

Nick laughed. "I don't know about _that,_" he said fairly. "Now a few years in prison, maybe. . ."

Their playful conversation was cut short by another voice. "Hey, Jeff!"

Jeff and Nick turned simultaneously to see one of the newer Warblers. He was a tall brunette with a long face and handsome features carrying a canary cage.

"Sebastian!" Jeff greeted in surprise. "Er, I didn't know you went to Dalton."

"I can say the same thing about you," Sebastian said smoothly.

Nick frowned. "You two know each other?"

"Totally," Sebastian said. "We met at Scandals. Speaking of which, my good friend Jonah was _sure _you would call him, Jeff. Don't tell me you lost his number?"

Nick sent a scorching look at Jeff. When they talked about this, names and numbers surely weren't mentioned. . . The way Jeff spoke, Nick had assumed he had just _seen _an attractive guy in passing. He didn't even imagine they'd been on a first name basis, let alone exchanged numbers.

Jeff frowned uncomfortably, avoiding Nick's gaze. "Yes," he mumbled in response to Sebastian. "I lost it."

"Oh, well," Sebastian said. "Just give me your phone and I'll add his number to your contacts." He held out his hand to take Jeff's phone.

"I don't have a phone," Jeff said.

Sebastian dropped his hand. "No?" he said. "Well, then, just stay here for a moment and I'll go fetch some paper to write it down for you." He disappeared back into the classroom.

Nick crossed his arms. "So, this 'Jonah' gave you his number?"

Jeff grimaced. "I was only trying to be nice when he gave it to me," he explained. "I was never going to call him."

"Then you were just leading him on," Nick pointed out. "Which, in my opinion, isn't very 'nice.' You should have told him you weren't interested."

"I know." Jeff didn't even attempt to argue.

Nick frowned, this time out of concern. Jeff seemed so lifeless today. "Are you feeling alright?"

Jeff looked quickly at Nick with narrowed eyes as if the question was the most random thing he'd ever heard. "Of course," he answered. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Of course that would be his answer. Jeff never talked about his feelings. Nick just sighed. "If you need to talk about anything, I'm always here to listen, Jeff," Nick assured. There was no point trying to force Jeff to talk.

"I'm _fine,_" Jeff insisted.

"Alright," Nick said, holding up his hands in defeat. "I believe you," he lied.

Sebastian came back out of the classroom, a folded sheet of paper held in his hand. "I'll make sure Jonah knows to expect a call from you soon," he said as he placed the paper in Jeff's hand. He walked off and waved goodbye to them coolly. "See you in Warbler practice tomorrow."

Jeff stared at the paper in his hand for a moment and then glanced at Nick. "What should I do?"

"Call him and make sure he knows you already have a boyfriend," Nick said matter-of-factly.

Jeff nodded and stuffed the paper in the pocket of his blazer.

. . .

Jeff's mother was working late again.

Not in the mood for homework or company, Jeff spent much of his time after school in his room with his dog, a chocolate lab named Zeus. They'd had him for seven years since he was just a puppy, and he'd taken an instant liking to Jeff. His mom used to joke that they were inseparable, but lately, Jeff hadn't been spending as much time with his dog as he would like to. There had been so much wrong with his life lately that he was starting to neglect Zeus.

Jeff promised to take the chocolate lab on a walk next chance he got. With the way Zeus wagged his tail in response, it was almost as though he'd understood.

It was nearly 9 pm when Jeff was alerted by a _crash _downstairs and the sound of the house alarm going off. Zeus scrambled down the stairs, howling furiously, ready to face the source of this racket. Jeff followed closely behind Zeus to the living room.

The window beside the door was smashed and Jeff's father was trying to crawl through the opening, arms flailing with a large bottle of some sort of alcohol clutched in one hand. When he spotted Jeff, he quit flailing. "Jsheff!" he slurred almost incoherently. "Open the goddamn door!"

Jeff almost wanted to push him back out the window and hope he didn't get back up, but settled for obediently opening the door. Zeus seemed rather confused and sat down by the staircase, realizing that there was no intruder.

Tyler came down the stairs as their father staggered in the doorway, halting at the last few steps. He exchanged a look with Jeff which very plainly said what they both were thinking: "Not again. . . "

Tyler went to assist their father. "Here, let me help." He reached for the beer bottle, but their father shoved him back with unnecessary roughness.

"I don't need no one'sh goddamn help," he muttered. He stumbled against the wall and took a swig from the bottle.

Tyler glanced at Jeff uncertainly.

"Dad, you're drunk," Jeff said.

"No I'm not."

"Yes, you are," Tyler insisted. "Give me the bottle."

"Don't you dare tell _me _what to do, boy," their father snarled at Tyler, who had reached out to take the bottle once more.

They watched soundlessly as their father staggered across the room to the kitchen. He anchored himself against the counter and took another swig from the bottle. "I ain't drunk," he repeated. "I would know it if I wush drunk."

Maybe he'd pass out and hit his head and never wake up?

Jeff shook away that awful thought. He couldn't wish such a thing on his own father. "Dad, maybe you should go lie down now," Jeff suggested.

"I'm not drunk!" his father retorted in a shout.

"I didn't say you were," Jeff assured.

"Don't patronize me, boy!" he shouted. "I lose my goddamn job, I'm allowed a few fucking beers, but I'm not drunk, you mark my words."

"You lost your job?" Jeff echoed.

""I just said that, are you fucking deaf?" his father snapped. "Now leave me the hell alone."

Jeff looked to Tyler anxiously. Could they really leave him alone in this state? Jeff didn't think he'd ever seen his dad so drunk. He turned back to his dad and stepped toward him cautiously. "Just give me the bottle," Jeff said carefully. "You've had enough."

"Get away from me!" his father snapped furiously, as if Jeff was contaminated with some horribly repulsive disease that he was afraid to catch. He shoved Jeff away so forcefully that he was thrown to the ground feet away. At once, Zeus sprang to Jeff's aid. Snarling, he lunged at Jeff's father and fastened his teeth into his leg. Their father howled in pain and, clutching the beer bottle by the neck, swung it down on the dog. It smashed into Zeus's head with a sickening _crack. _Zeus's shrill yelp of pain was cut short as he dropped to the ground like a deadweight.

"Zeus!" Jeff cried. The dog lay limply on the ground. Still, their father continued to thrust the bottle down on the already disabled canine, over and over in an almost mechanical motion, grunting each time he made contact. "Stop it! You're going to kill him! Please! STOP IT!" Jeff begged. He threw his hands over his face to shield his eyes from the horrific sight.

"Dad!" Tyler snapped. Jeff heard his brother's footsteps rush across the room and the sickening pounding sound ceased. Jeff snuck a look through his fingers to see Tyler had forced the bottle from their father's hands and was holding him away from Zeus's limp figure on the ground. "That's enough!" Jeff caught a glimpse of the bottle to see it was coated in a thin layer of blood.

Their father cursed under his breath and shoved passed Tyler without another word blundered down the hallway, either to his office or the bathroom.

Jeff couldn't bring himself to examine at the damage. "He's dead, isn't he?" he barely whispered to Tyler. He covered his eyes again just in case he accidentally looked. "How bad is it?" His voice was quavering almost to incoherence.

Tyler was silent for a very long minute. When he finally spoke, it was very close by. "I'm sorry, Jeff."

Jeff uncovered his eyes to see for himself, but Tyler was in the way, kneeling in front of Jeff. "It's bad, isn't it?" He tried to look around his brother, but Tyler made sure to keep his view blocked.

"You don't want to see that, Jeff," Tyler said softly. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

Jeff willed the tears to stay back. "I can handle it," he insisted.

"No, you can't," Tyler said bluntly. "Trust me."

Jeff almost protested again, but he couldn't get another word out even if he wanted to.

Zeus was dead.

He knew he wouldn't be able to hold back the tears for long, and he didn't want to break down in front of Tyler. Silently, he pulled himself to his feet and pushed open the front door.

"Jeff—?" Tyler called weakly after him, but he didn't follow his little brother out the door. How could he? He couldn't very well leave this mess in the kitchen for one of their innocent little sisters to see if they happened to wake up in need of a late night glass of water.

Jeff shut the door behind him and absentmindedly walked around the side of the house to the wooden back porch. There, he sat on the stairs and hunched over his knees and let the tears fall.

. . .

The telephone rang.

Nick quickly placed his toothbrush back on the sink counter and grabbed the hallway phone. The caller ID read Jeff's home telephone number. Nick pressed the 'talk' button and brought the phone to his ear.

"Hello"

"Is this Nick?"

Nick recognized Tyler's voice. "Tyler? Er, yes, this is Nick," he answered. "What's up? Is something wrong with Jeff?" he guessed. Why else would Tyler be calling him so late? Why else would Tyler be calling him _at all?_

"Sort of. I mean yes. Probably," Tyler answered, sounding flustered. "Something happened over here, and I think he might need some company, and wel you know me, I'm not the comforting type."

"What happened?" Nick asked, feeling a sense of dread.

The other line was silent for a long moment. "Something happened to Zeus," he answered at last. "Jeff's out on our back porch. You should talk to him or something. . ."

Nick subconsciously went to look out one of the back windows to Jeff's house. The back porch-light was off but he could just barely see a figure huddled on the stairs of the Griffin back porch. Nick could only assume it was Jeff. "Alright, I will," Nick answered Tyler on the other line. He hung up the phone and dashed downstairs to pull on a pair of sneakers. He went out the front door and jogged around the side of the house to the backyard.

Nick quietly approached the Griffin's back porch until it became obvious that the 'figure' was, indeed, Jeff. His upper body was folded over his knees, head bowed, and face buried in his arms. His shoulders quivered and he was sobbing softly, the sound muffled by his shirt sleeves.

It actually _hurt _to see Jeff like this.

Nick stopped at the foot of the porch stairs. "Jeff?" he said softly.

Jeff didn't look up but his shoulders went rigid.

"Are you okay?" Nick went on, placing himself beside Jeff on the stairs. "Tyler told me something happened to Zeus."

Jeff wiped the tears from his face vigorously with one sleeve and sat upright, but still avoided meeting Nick's eye. "He's dead," Jeff said quietly in a hoarse voice. He stared at the ground and swallowed hard. ". . . Hit by a car."

"I'm so sorry," Nick murmured. He couldn't help but think, with the way Tyler had worded it, something worse than that had happened. Not to say that Jeff losing his pet dog wasn't bad, but he'd gotten the impression that 'something happened to Zeus' was too vague to imply that he'd simply been hit by a car. It sounded like Tyler had been trying to hide the whole truth from Nick by being purposely elusive about the details.

The circumstances were beside the point right now, though. Jeff was upset, and that's all Nick should be focused on. He seemed to have forced himself to quit crying and was staring intently at the ground. "I'm here, Jeff," Nick said softly. "You don't have to act strong around me. I know you loved Zeus, you shouldn't bottle this up."

For a long moment, Jeff was silent and unmoving, as if he hadn't heard a word Nick had said. Then, without warning, he flung himself into Nick's arms and broke down sobbing. For a moment, Nick was stunned at this uncharacteristic act, but he quickly recovered and folded his arms around Jeff as soothingly close as possible. Jeff burrowed his face into the front of Nick's shirt, which muffled the sobs that shook his core but effectively soaked it in tears.

For a long time, no words were exchanged. Nick just held Jeff and let him cry it out all over the front of his shirt.

Not too long ago, the roles had been reversed. Jeff had been there to hold Nick while he cried once, when he needed it the most. Nick didn't imagine he'd ever be on the emotionally sound end of this sort of thing. Jeff never let go of his feelings like this.

Eventually, Jeff's uncontrollable sobbing died down to just sniffles.

"We had him for almost 8 years," Jeff murmured hoarsely after a long, dragging silence. "He was 16 weeks old when we adopted him."

Nick was absent-mindedly stroking Jeff's hair. "That's a long time," he said softly. "I'm sorry you had to lose him so suddenly."

Jeff was silent for nearly a minute before whispering, "It was all my fault."

Nick frowned. "No, I'm sure it wasn't," he said gently.

"Yes, it was."

"It was completely out of your control. You can't blame yourself."

Yet again, Jeff fell silent. Nick, still idly stroking Jeff's hair, listened to the sound of crickets chirping as the night grew darker and darker. Stars speckled the sky at this point and fireflies danced through the air. Nick wondered what time it was now.

Jeff suddenly pulled out of Nick's embrace and rubbed his eyes with one sleeve. "It's late," he said quickly. "We have school tomorrow. You should go home."

They stood up at the same time. "Are you going to be alright?" Nick asked anxiously.

Jeff simply nodded. "I'm sorry for keeping you up."

"Don't apologize," Nick told him. "I'll always be here when you need me, Jeff."

Jeff didn't look at him. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"_Jeff,_" Nick said sharply. He waited until Jeff finally looked at him before continuing. "You _know _you can always talk to me, right? No matter what?"

"Yes, I know," Jeff said quietly.

"Whenever you need me and forever long you need me," Nick added sincerely. He pulled Jeff close for a new embrace. "I love you."

Jeff didn't struggle and instead drew his arms around Nick to return the hug. "I love you, too," he murmured. He pulled away just enough to look Nick in the eyes. "I'm sorry I'm so distant can't help it," he admitted. "It isn't that I don't trust you. I trust you more than anyone in the world. I just. . . I'm no good at talking about how I feel. It has nothing to do with you." There was a ghost of a smile on his face as he added, "_This_ is hard enough for me as it is."

Nick managed a smile. "I know," he said. "I just can't help but worry about you. I need to know that you'll be alright. . ."

"I'll be okay," Jeff answered. "I promise. I'm not going to do anything drastic."

Nick was somewhat reassured by this response, yet still uneasy. "Alright," Nick sighed. "You'll come to me if things ever get that bad, though, won't you?" He knew firsthand what depression was like, and he also knew firsthand what it felt like to want to end it all. And while he was pretty certain Jeff would never kill himself over the death of his pet dog, Nick had a feeling there was something else going on with him, but he wasn't sure exactly what.

"Of course," Jeff said. "I would never leave you like that."

"Good."

"So, I'll see you tomorrow at school," Jeff said again. "I promise." He hugged Nick one last time before heading back inside through the backdoor. Nick didn't move from the porch until the door closed. With a heavy sigh, he headed back for home.

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><p><strong>Remember to review!<strong>

**Also, I apologize for the sadness and angst of this chapter. Hope I didn't overdo it!**


	29. Nightmare

**Here you go! New chapter, out later that I had hoped it would be, but it's here nonetheless :) ****It's quite long compared to most of my chapters on this story, if that makes up for anything?**

**I have a Tumblr for my fanfictions now, so follow me! My URL is Ikazuchi-Touketsu. I'll post spoilers on there for new chapters, answer questions, and maybe accept prompts for one-shots :) And check out my other stories if you like! I've been working on a few new niff fics lately you might enjoy.**

**Anyways, hope you like it, and be sure to review! **

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><p>Senior year was off to a terrible start.<p>

Tyler took care of Zeus's body singlehandedly to save Jeff the trauma of the ordeal. Things were bad enough as it was. Jeff couldn't stand the thought that his beloved dog was gone forever.

And what's worse, they couldn't even do anything about it. All they could do was bury Zeus and deal with it. What was done was done, and they couldn't very well call the police on their own father.

But Jeff knew he'd never forgive his dad for this. He murdered Zeus.

That night, since Jeff couldn't sleep, Tyler stayed up with him and they talked. They stayed away from the topic of Zeus and their father since it was too sensitive for Jeff to handle without breaking down. Tyler came up with lighthearted subjects and told humorous stories about his college life so far.

It was comforting. Jeff was grateful to have Tyler around right now, especially as he became more and more aware of the fact that he was leaving again in a matter of hours.

It was 5 am and Tyler was in the middle of telling a story about a failed prank on a stingy professor when Jeff blurted out, "I'm going to miss you."

Tyler stopped midsentence and smiled faintly. "I'm going to miss you, too, bro," he murmured in return. "But it's not like I'm going to be away long. I'll only be a few hours away. I'll come visit on the weekends when I'm available."

"I doubt that," Jeff muttered.

Tyler blinked and furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?"

"That's what you said last time," Jeff pointed out, "when you first went away for college. Yet I can count the number of times you actually visited on one hand."

Tyler frowned. "That wasn't intentional," he mumbled.

"Is college life 'harder than you expected'?" Jeff guessed skeptically. With Tyler's IQ, nothing was hard for him academically.

"No," Tyler answered. "No one ever invited me back home."

"It's your home, Tyler," Jeff said. "You don't need an invitation, you know."

Tyler hesitated before speaking again. "I didn't think anyone wanted me around," he admitted quickly and almost too softly to hear.

"Why would you think that?"

"Like I told you—I've been seeing a counselor," Tyler began uncomfortably. "So I'm…more _aware_ of how people react to me. And last time I visited, I realized _everyone _was visibly annoyed with me. And when I stopped to think about it, I couldn't remember a time when you didn't seem irritated with me. So I figured it would be better if I just…left everyone alone," he said quietly. "And frankly, you weren't so welcoming when I came home for the summer, either. You wanted to stick me in one of the girls' rooms, if I remember correctly."

Jeff frowned guiltily. "I'm sorry about that—but you can't really blame me. You took over my room! I've been sleeping on the floor for the past two months," Jeff pointed out reasonably. "But that doesn't mean I don't want you around. You're my brother. And, honestly…I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have you around this summer."

Tyler managed a slight smile. "It's been rough," he sympathized. "I hate to leave you alone here with dad…"

"I'll be fine," Jeff said, although he wasn't sure if he was telling the truth. Would he really be fine when Tyler left?

Things weren't getting better. But hopefully they wouldn't get any worse.

…

The only thing that motivated Jeff enough to drag himself to school that morning was the fact that he'd promised Nick he'd see him at school last night. Having gotten no sleep, he went to the Lima Bean and ordered an espresso with as many shots of caffeine as they would allow before heading to school.

Even with the excess caffeine, he ended up sleeping through most of his classes. He figured that was a good thing, though, since he couldn't accidentally burst into tears while fast asleep.

He only saw Nick finally at the end of the day in Warblers practice. He greeted Jeff with a warm embrace. "Jeff! I wasn't sure you came to school today…"

"I almost didn't," he admitted with a yawn.

"I would have understood if you felt the need to skip a day or two…"

"I'd rather be here than at home," Jeff said, "because I know after school, I'm going to have to tell Lily and Kandy about…what happened."

Nick frowned. "I could help, if you need it," he suggested.

"Sure," Jeff said. Lily and Kandy loved Nick, and he was much better at solace than Jeff was. Maybe he'd deal better with the aftermath of the news when Lily and Kandy would be no doubt sobbing hysterically. "That actually might make things a lot easier…"

Thad cleared his throat at the council table. "Nick, Jeff? We need to get this meeting started," he urged quietly.

"Oh, sorry," Jeff said. He couldn't seem to get this council thing right, and it was only the second day back to school. Maybe David had been wrong to elect him in his place after all. He and Nick took their places on either side of Thad and allowed him to bring the second meeting of the year to order.

"Order!" The banging of the gavel silenced the room. "Good afternoon, Warblers. Let's get down to business…" He looked to Nick.

"Um…while Sectionals is still a while away, we should begin preparations immediately if we hope to make it to Nationals this year," Nick went on in a clear voice. "First of all, the council will be holding auditions for soloists in about a week, and we'll also be looking at requests for duets, so feel free to suggest some."

"Once we've figured out our song selection, Jeff and a group of our best dancers will work on the choreography," Thad added.

_I will? _This was the first he'd heard of this. But it made enough sense. Of the council, he _was _the best dancer.

Sebastian, who was seated on the arm of a sofa, spoke up. "Will there be auditions for the best dancers?"

Thad glanced at Jeff, as if expecting him to answer. "Sure," Jeff responded. "I can hold auditions if you want."

"We'll set up audition lists for everyone to sign at the end of today's meeting," Nick announced. "If you're interested in trying out, we expect a signature by tomorrow."

"I believe that is all for today," Thad said conclusively. He rapped the gavel against the sound block. "Dismissed."

With that, all of the Warblers began to gather their things. Most of them were talking excitedly about what songs they were going to audition with and conjecturing who will be the soloist this year now that Blaine had transferred.

Nick quickly wrote up a dance audition sheet on a piece of notebook paper and tacked it up onto the bulletin board along with the already-made song audition sheet. The moment he stepped away from the board, the Warblers lined up eagerly to sign their names.

There was still some time left before the final bell sounded. Jeff dropped his head onto the council table tiredly and closed his eyes.

He wished he could sleep here. He didn't want to go home.

The exhaustion was worse than he expected. Within seconds, he drifted…

He was suddenly right in the place where he didn't want to be. The living room walls surrounded him. The front door was replaced by bare wall. He was closed in.

Jeff's father was standing over the sofa, bellowing terrible curses as he swung a beer bottle the size of a club in his hand.

Zeus's body was crumpled at Jeff's feet. His beloved canine companion was mangled beyond recognition. Blood oozed from his ears, eyes, and nose. His skull was bashed in so badly that his brains were gushing out of the cracks and maggots writhed in his torn ribcage.

Jeff would have screamed if his attention wasn't diverted elsewhere. Sitting on the sofa, cowering under their father's rage, was Lily and Kandy. They were crying.

"_Jeffy, help!"_

His father raised the beer bottle club above their tiny heads, ready to smash their skulls in the same way he'd done to Zeus.

"_No!" _Jeff screamed. He tried to run at him and stop his father, but he couldn't move. He looked down, horrified to see the maggots from Zeus's chest were crawling up his legs and chewing through his still-living flesh. _"No!"_

"Jeff!"

The living room dissolved and Jeff's eyes flew open. He was back at the council table again. Nick was standing next to him with a hand on his shoulder.

"You fell asleep," Nick said quietly. His green eyes were full of concern. "I think you were having a nightmare…"

Jeff could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his limbs were trembling. He was breathing heavily as though he'd just run a mile, and he couldn't get it under control. _It was just a nightmare, _he thought. Despite this realization, he couldn't seem to calm himself down. His mind was still panicking.

When he felt the tears coming he pushed himself to his feet and embraced Nick closely, burying his face in the shoulder of his blazer and closing his eyes tightly to fight the waterworks.

He just knew everyone was staring. He was the worst council member ever.

Nick held him close and murmured, "It's okay…"

Jeff swallowed back the sobs building in his chest. He couldn't break down again, especially not here in front of everyone.

Thankfully, the bell rang. Jeff heard Thad's voice, "Well? That was the bell, get out of here!" followed by the shuffle of feet and murmuring voices as the Warblers ambled out of the choir room.

The images from the nightmare were still there, clear behind his eyelids. He opened his eyes—which didn't help much, since all he could see was the up-close navy blue of Nick's blazer—and they instantly brimmed with tears. He blinked them away. _It was just a nightmare, _he told himself again. Just being in Nick's arms made him feel safer, somehow, and he could feel the terror of the dream ebbing.

"What's wrong?" Thad asked once the room was empty. "What happened to Jeff?"

"Um…" Nick hesitated.

Jeff would have explained himself, but he was afraid if he spoke or even simply pulled out of Nick's embrace, he might breakdown again like he had last night.

"Jeff…just hasn't been having the best week," Nick answered carefully. He rubbed Jeff's back soothingly and added, "His dog passed away last night…"

That was only half of the story. If they only knew the rest of it, Jeff's behavior would probably be a lot more acceptable. But he couldn't let anyone know.

"Oh," Thad said softly. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Could you give us a moment?" Nick asked.

"Of course," Thad answered. "In fact, I think I'll be going home now. I'll see you tomorrow." To Jeff, he added, "I hope things start looking up for you, Jeff." Then he left, leaving Nick and Jeff alone in the choir room.

Jeff drew in a breath, relieved that he'd managed to avoid falling apart completely in front of everyone. While he no doubt got everyone's attention, at least he didn't end up sobbing hysterically at the front of the choir room.

Confident he wasn't going to cry anymore, he pulled out of Nick's arms and brushed his sleeve over his moist eyes.

"Are you okay?" Nick asked gently.

Jeff sat down in his council chair. "Yeah," he said quietly. "…I think so."

"Was it a nightmare?" Nick guessed.

Jeff nodded stiffly. "That's what I get for falling asleep in class," he mumbled. He looked up at Nick. "They were all staring, weren't they?"

Nick frowned. "Sort of…" he answered reluctantly.

Jeff sighed shakily and dropped his head. "I don't think I've ever done anything half as humiliating at that. No one is going to take me seriously now. I should just quit now while I still can."

"Don't say that," Nick protested sternly. "You deserve to be on the council. David thought so."

"Maybe David was wrong," Jeff muttered.

"It's only been two days," Nick pointed out. "You're having a bad week. Things will get better. You can't quit yet."

Jeff sighed. "I guess you're right." He didn't want to argue. The nightmare was still fresh in his mind and he wanted to go home and make sure his sisters were okay. "We should get going. Are you still coming with me…?"

"Of course," Nick answered. "Why would I have changed my mind?" He held out his hand for Jeff to take.

Jeff smiled slightly and took Nick's outstretched hand as he stood up. "Just making sure." He intertwined their fingers, thankful for the warmth that Nick's touch brought. Especially now that his life just seemed to be getting darker and darker every day.

Would things ever get better?

…

Both of his parents' cars were in the driveway. At first, Jeff didn't think much of it. His father _had _lost his job, as he stated so last night before murdering Zeus. Of course he'd still be home.

The bars weren't open at this hour.

But now he was feeling uneasy. Nick hadn't been over since the beginning of summer break, _before _his father started drinking. What if his father was on another binge? What if Nick noticed the ridiculous number of beer cans and bottles in the trash and refrigerator? He prayed his dad was still sleeping off hangover.

Jeff stopped at the front door and made a show of digging in his pants pockets for his keys, listening closely at the door for any sign of conflict. Nick raised an eyebrow at him.

"You know you put your keys in the pocket of your blazer like three seconds ago, don't you?"

Jeff laughed a fake, awkward laugh. "Oops…" He grabbed his keys from his blazer. "You know I'm tired."

Nick nodded understandingly as Jeff turned to unlock the door. He pushed it open slowly, peering inside warily as he did so. He had a feeling Nick was probably looking at him strangely, but better that than for him to witness Jeff's father in his violent drunken state.

He spotted Tyler across the living room in the kitchen drinking a soda by the counter. To Nick, he said, "Wait out here for a moment!" Before Nick could respond, he closed the door in his face and dashed over to Tyler. "Tyler! Is anything going on? Where are mom and dad? And Lily and Kandy? Are they okay?"

"Whoa, slow down," Tyler protested.

"Hurry! Nick's waiting at the door—I wasn't sure if it was safe to invite him inside."

"Oh, well…um…Dad's been pretty quiet today. I think he's still sleeping," Tyler answered. "Mom took Kandy to some Mommy and Me class with grandma or something…They took grandma's car. And Lily is off in her bedroom, drawing as usual," he finished. "Why wouldn't they be okay?"

"No reason," Jeff said. He hastily made his way back to the front door to let Nick inside. "Sorry," he apologized as he opened the door. "I had to check on something."

Nick seemed confused as he stepped inside. "Right…"

"Kandy isn't here right now, but Lily is," Jeff said. "You haven't told her about Zeus yet, have you, Ty?" Jeff asked his brother.

"No," he answered. "I'm the _worst _person to break bad news to people. I was hoping someone else could…"

"That's why Nick is here," Jeff said. "He's going to help me break the news to her."

Nick waved in greeting but said nothing.

"Great," Tyler said. "Then I don't have to do it." He stopped himself. "Err, that was insensitive, wasn't it? Sorry."

Jeff managed to smile. Tyler really _was _trying to be more 'socially acceptable.' Jeff said, "Don't worry about it." He took Nick's hand. "Well, we should get this over with."

He led Nick down the hallway to Lily's bedroom. He peeked inside to find his little blonde haired 6 year-old sister sprawled out on the floor, coloring a picture.

"Hey, Lily," Jeff greeted quietly.

Lily looked up. She noticed Nick and Jeff suddenly became invisible. "Nicky!" she exclaimed delightedly. She scrambled to her feet and raced to greet him.

Nick dropped to his knees before she could leap into his arms as she normally did and greeted her with a hug. "Hey, Lily!" he crooned. "Were you drawing something?"

"Yeah!" she said happily. She pulled away from him and grabbed her drawing from the floor. "Look! It's a unicorn. Ellie at school told me stories about them today, so I wanted to draw it."

Nick smiled. "That's a very good drawing," he praised.

"Do you want it?" she asked.

"No, that's okay. You keep it. You should hang it on your wall," Nick answered. "But first, Jeff and I want to talk to you about something."

"Okay," she said. "Do you and Jeffy still love each other?" she asked innocently.

Nick laughed softly. "Yes, we do," he answered patiently. "Very much."

"That's good," she said seriously. "I was worried, because Jeffy was in lots of trouble when mommy and daddy found out. Mommy is okay now, though." She looked at Jeff, appearing extremely upset all of the sudden. "I'm sorry I made daddy hate you, Jeffy."

_Ack! _Nick sent a questioning look at Jeff and Jeff dove forward and scooped Lily into his arms to place her on the bed and away from Nick. "Dad doesn't hate me, Lily," Jeff assured, except he wasn't so sure himself. "It's okay."

"But he always yells at you," Lily protested. "And after church that one day—"

"Lily!" Jeff interrupted hastily. He prayed Nick didn't wonder about that. "It's okay. Dad doesn't hate me. But right now, we really need to tell you something important."

Lily looked like she wanted to protest again, but she remained silent. Nick stood up and moved around Jeff to sit next to Lily on the bed.

"Are you listening?" Jeff asked softly.

"Yes," Lily answered.

Jeff drew in a deep breath. He could do this. "Okay, Lily… Zeus…passed away last night." He said it slowly and deliberately, trying hard to keep his own tears back.

Lily took a moment to comprehend this. "What?" she squeaked. "He died?"

"He was hit by a car," Jeff said gently. While this lie wasn't so comforting, it was like a feather pillow next to the truth. "But he's in a better place now."

Lily's lip trembled. "But he was so happy with us!" she cried. She hiccupped and began to cry. Nick leaned over and gently pulled her closer to him.

They'd dealt with pet deaths before, which was almost a relief. Jeff didn't have to deal with the denial or bargaining. By now, all Lily knew to do was cry out her grief.

Jeff was finding it difficult to cover up his own emotions at the whole thing. Lily sobbed very openly into Nick's Warbler blazer, occasionally crying out Zeus's name. Nick hugged her soothingly and murmured, "It's okay, Lily. He's probably up in heaven now, playing with all the other dogs! I bet he's really happy, and I bet he'll still be looking after you from heaven."

"Really?" she sniffled in a trembling voice. "You think he's in heaven?"

"Of course," Nick said. "He was a very good dog. He never even growled at people."

Lily smiled through the tears. "That's true," she said. "Do you think he'll make lots of new doggy friends?"

"Sure," Nick agreed.

"And do you think he has wings now and can fly?"

"Maybe."

And this went on for a little while. Lily was cheered up pretty quickly, although she was still really upset. Before long, she drew a new picture of Zeus with Nick's help. He was in heaven, had angel wings, and was playing in the clouds with a few other angel dogs. Lily went through and named all of them and she made Nick put the picture up on her wall.

Soon, though, Nick managed to get her to go to bed. Once she was definitely sleeping, Nick and Jeff quietly slipped out of the room.

"I can't even imagine how badly that would have gone if you weren't here," Jeff whispered thankfully to Nick as they walked to the living room.

Nick smiled vaguely. "It helps that Lily is such a cheerful little girl," he said. "But what was that she said about your dad? He still shouts at you?" He turned serious eyes on Jeff.

_Among other things. _"It's nothing," Jeff assured. "He can get angry sometimes, but it's not a big deal."

Nick stared at him incredulously. "Are you sure? Lily seems to think he hates you," Nick pointed out uneasily. "Jeff, please. If there's something going on, tell me. I can't stand not knowing."

_It'd be worse if you knew. _"It's _fine," _Jeff insisted. "Lily is a six year-old girl. The occasional shouting must seem like World War III to her, but it's really hardly anything." He trailed away and suddenly asked, "Did you mean those things you said to Lily?"

"What things?"

"The stuff about Zeus being in heaven," he answered. He couldn't help but feel curious about it. Was he just trying to cheer Lily up, or did he believe it, too?

"Of course I meant them," Nick said. "I wouldn't lie. I know there's some debate about whether or not animals go to heaven and all, but I personally believe that they do…"

"No, I wasn't wondering about that particular detail," Jeff said. "It's just… I didn't know you were religious." It seemed strange. Nick? After everything he'd been through in his life, and the fact that he was gay, still believed in God?

"You didn't?" Nick sounded surprised. "My family is Catholic. I thought you knew that."

"I knew your _family _was," Jeff said. "I just didn't know you were."

"Oh," Nick mused. "Well…That's a reasonable assumption, I guess. But, yeah, I am. We don't go to church much, since my mom thinks a lot of them are corrupt, but we're still Catholic."

"And you've always…?"

"No, not always," Nick said. "Back when…when things were bad in 7th grade, I stopped believing for a while. I thought that all those things that were happening to me was proof that God didn't exist. And if He did, He must hate me. But in my support group after I…um…" he faltered for a moment and drew in a breath, "After I attempted suicide, I met some people there who helped me recover. Especially this girl called Summer. She was going through the same kind of things I was, so I could relate to her. She told me how her faith was what helped her overcome a lot of her problems, and she convinced me to try it. She convinced me that God didn't hate me, or anyone else."

"Wow." Jeff thought he knew everything about Nick… He couldn't bring himself to voice his own opinion. The last time he went to church, he ended up with a broken wrist before the night was over.

"I assume you don't believe…?" Nick guessed. "You seem surprised."

Jeff shook his head. "My household has never been particularly religious. We go to church twice a year to appease the rest of our more religious family members, but that's about the extent of our faith."

"Maybe someday I'll teach you about my faith," Nick suggested. "I won't ask you to believe the same things I do, but it wouldn't hurt to just talk about it..."

Jeff shrugged. "Maybe," he agreed. He wasn't holding his breath for any religious breakthroughs. His experience with the whole subject was a bad one. "You're not going to get all preachy on me, are you?" he asked warily.

"No, not at all," Nick said with a breathy chuckle. "I don't preach. Everyone is free to believe what they want to believe, in my opinion."

"Good." He didn't _expect _Nick to become preachy, but he couldn't help but worry. Being preached to about heaven and hell never did much to help Jeff believe anything.

But how could Nick believe in something that supposedly condemned him? At least, every _other_ religious person seemed to think homosexuality was an offense punishable by an eternity in hell. Jeff's aunt and uncle were a good example of such people.

Nick suddenly backtracked. "You distracted me from our _original _subject," he said, "about your dad."

"I told you already it's nothing," Jeff insisted.

"She said he _always _yells at you," Nick pointed out mildly. "I thought you said he was okay with this now?"

"He's never been 'okay' with me being bisexual," Jeff admitted. "He's dealing with it, and accepting that it's true. But he'll never be okay with it. And yes, it's a source of conflict between him and me. But it's really not as bad as Lily said."

"He isn't abusive, is he?" Nick asked worriedly.

"Not at all," Jeff lied. "I'd tell you if he was." He felt a stab of guilt when those words left his mouth.

He had to lie. Nick would never believe him otherwise, and it was better for them both if nobody knew the truth.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

At that moment, Tyler tiptoed into the room. "Am I interrupting?" he asked quietly, glancing between Nick and Jeff. Behind him were his packed bags—a suitcase and two gym bags.

"No, not at all," Jeff said, relieved for the subject change, yet he felt his heart drop remembering Tyler was leaving tonight.

Tyler motioned to his things. "I have to get going," he said half-heartedly. "I want to hit the road before it gets dark."

"Do you two want me to leave?" Nick asked politely. "If you need a moment…"

"If you could," Jeff said gratefully. "Thank you for your help with Lily. I love you." He kissed Nick briefly.

Nick nodded once and smiled. "I love you too," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow at school. And get some sleep tonight, okay?"

"I'll try," Jeff said skeptically.

"Call me if you can't sleep," Nick ordered. He kissed Jeff once more before he turned to leave.

Jeff turned back to Tyler, who jokingly said, "I still haven't gotten used to that."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "I'll get the gym bags?" he offered, starting for Tyler's things.

The two of them brought Tyler's things outside to his car and loaded them up in the trunk. Tyler hesitated, however, before getting into the driver's side. "Are you sure you're going to be alright around here without me?" he asked concernedly.

"If I said no, you'd still have to leave," Jeff pointed out. "But, yeah, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"I'm only a few hours away," Tyler went on. "Call or text whenever. I'll visit every weekend when I can."

"I expect nothing less," Jeff said.

Tyler suddenly hugged him, although it was very short-lived and Jeff didn't even have a chance to return the hug before his brunette brother pulled away. "I know I don't say it much—or ever, really—but I love you, bro."

Jeff was taken somewhat by surprise. "I can't even remember the last time you said that to me," he said with a laugh. "But I love you too, Tyler."

Tyler chuckled uncomfortably. "I'm not touchy-feely. You know that."

"Yeah," Jeff agreed. "I'll miss having you around. Lily and Kandy are great and all, but they aren't the best company."

"I'd imagine," Tyler sympathized. "Listen, if something happens at all around here with dad, call me. Alright?"

"Sure," Jeff agreed. He wasn't entirely sure whether or not he'd hold true to it. While it was nice to have someone close who knew what was going on, Jeff hated to have people worrying about him.

"I'll see you soon." Tyler opened up the driver's side door and got inside the car.

Jeff stood back and waved goodbye as Tyler pulled the car from the driveway. He didn't move from the driveway until the car disappeared around the corner down the block.

Alone, he wandered back inside his broken home and went straight for the safety of his bedroom.

At least now he had the bed all for himself again.


	30. Blackmail

**Woo, I made it to chapter 30! Hope no one is tired of me yet :)**

**If not, then reviews are great motivators to make me update!**

* * *

><p>The first few weeks weren't the best, but once they passed, senior year began to flow as it should. For the most part, Jeff seemed to have gotten over Zeus's death (as far as Nick could tell) and carried on as a council member. None of the Warblers brought up his little episode during the second Warbler's meeting, thankfully for him.<p>

They held auditions for solos as planned. Nearly every single Warbler auditioned and the council came to the unanimous decision that Sebastian was their best bet as their soloist for sectionals.

They announced it at the next Warbler's meeting.

"Auditions were held two weeks ago, as you all know," Thad began the meeting. "The council discussed it, and we have decided that Warbler Sebastian Smythe will take over as the soloist for sectionals this year."

The room applauded their congratulations and hopeful's smothered their disappointment at being passed by. Sebastian, who was sitting on the arm of one of the sofas beside Jon, looked completely surprised. "_Me?" _

"We believe you are our _best _shot at winning sectionals," Thad answered. "Congratulations. The council will come up with a set list soon and we'll inform you what songs you'll perform."

Sebastian shook his head. "I really don't think I was the best," he protested. "May I suggest giving the solo to somebody else?"

Thad blinked and glanced between Jeff and Nick uncertainly. Nobody ever rejected a solo, so this was very much unheard of. "Er. Do you have anyone in particular in mind?"

"Yes, actually," Sebastian said confidently. "Everyone here has incredible singing voices, but I think _Nick _deserves this solo." He looked to where Nick sat at the council table with a white smile.

Nick sat up with surprise. "What?" He was the _last_ person he expected Sebastian to name!

Sebastian nodded assertively. "He was awesome! Who agrees?" He directed the question at the room. There was a murmur of agreement in response, and Sebastian added, "Who thinks Nick should get the solo?"

Everybody raised their hands. Thad laughed awkwardly. "This is a first. It looks like the council has been overridden." He looked to Nick. "What do you think, Nick? Want to take the solo?"

It seemed like an odd response considering the circumstances, but Nick suddenly felt intensely embarrassed. "Erm, I uh. . . I-I don't know what to say," he stammered. His face felt hot and he was afraid of just how noticeably he was blushing right now. He wasn't used to having so much attention drawn to himself all at once.

"Say yes!" Jeff urged from where he sat at Thad's other side.

"You should," Thad agreed. "Sebastian's right. You're awesome. I think you'd be _perfect _for a solo at sectionals." He grinned.

Nick smiled self-consciously and said, "How can I say no?" Not that he didn't want a solo—_every _Warbler wanted a solo—but he honestly didn't think for a moment that he'd actually get one.

"Great!" Thad grabbed the gavel and struck it once against the sound block. "It's decided. Warbler Nick Romano will be our soloist at sectionals."

The room applauded enthusiastically and Nick looked down at the tabletop to cover up his embarrassment. Thad congratulated him and quickly brought the meeting back under control. "Now that that's settled. . ." He looked to Jeff. "Will you announce the dance choreographers?"

"Ah, yeah," Jeff said distractedly. He shuffled through the papers in front of him until he found what he was looking for. "To help me with the choreography, I chose three of our best dancers—Trent, Jon, and Sebastian."

"Alright," Thad said. He rapped the gavel. "You three will work on the choreography with Jeff. Congratulations."

With that decided, the meeting was quickly wrapped up. Thad dismissed soon after and everybody gathered up to leave. Nick and Jeff walked out together and headed for the parking lot where Jeff's car was parked.

"So, you got the solo!" Jeff exclaimed when the left the choir room. "Congratulations!"

Nick smiled vaguely. "Thanks. . . It was really nice of Sebastian to give up the solo. He deserves it more than I do."

"Nonsense," Jeff protested. "You're amazing. We've got sectionals in the bag!"

Nick looked to the ground, blushing yet again. Jeff said, "And there's the blush again!"

Nick shoved Jeff playfully. "Shut up. I'm embarrassed enough without you pointing it out," he said. "Is it really that obvious?"

Jeff grinned. "Right now? Nah. But in the choir room. . . Well, let's just say it wasn't exactly subtle."

"Well, you know I'm socially inept. I can't handle being the center of attention, especially when I least expect it."

"You're on the council. You're always the center of attention," Jeff pointed out.

"Not completely. You and Thad share the spotlight with me then," Nick pointed out.

"Well, you're the center of attention when you sing," Jeff said. "You handle that perfectly fine."

"That's different," Nick answered. "Singing is nothing like social conversation. People just listen when I sing—they don't ask questions or try to talk to me, so I don't have to come up with responses that only ever make me come off as socially awkward and weird."

"Aw, I don't think you're weird at all," Jeff said. He leaned over and kissed Nick on the cheek.

Nick smiled at his boyfriend playfully. "Maybe you're just weird, too."

"That's probably true," he agreed jokingly.

Nick laughed quietly at that. "So, it looks like Sebastian is quite the powerhouse," Nick said randomly. "He's a great singer _and _one of our best dancers, according to you."

"Yeah. He may even be better than me," Jeff said. "I haven't seen enough to tell."

"Well, we'll probably see eventually." Nick stopped at the exit doors. "Wait. Crap, I think I left my binder in the choir room," he said as he checked his bag. "Wait here, I'll just run and get it." He didn't wait for a response before turning back for the choir room at a brisk walk.

When he entered the choir room, he found it wasn't empty. Sebastian was still here, as was Trent. Sebastian stood by the coffee table while Trent sat at one of the sofas. When Nick entered the room, Trent nearly jumped out of his seat with a look of terrified surprise.

"Are you okay, Trent?" Nick asked concernedly, stopping just in the doorway. "Is something wrong?" He glanced warily at Sebastian.

"I was just asking the same thing," Sebastian said smoothly. "Trent seemed upset, so I decided to stay behind and talk to him."

Trent nodded vigorously in agreement. "Yes, that's all. D-don't worry," he stammered. His voice shook and his body was trembling uncontrollably, which made Nick think otherwise.

Nick ignored his binder, which was lying at the council table, and instead moved across the room to sit beside Trent. "You look like you're having a panic attack," he pointed out gently. He placed a hand on Trent's shoulder and felt just how badly he was shaking.

"No, I-I-I'm fine!" Trent protested, except his breathing was becoming faster and faster to the point where he was gasping for breath.

"You're hyperventilating," Nick said calmly. "Concentrate on your breathing. Try to slow down your breaths to one every five seconds, and breathe through your nose."

Trent did as he said and didn't protest again. It seemed to be working a little—he at least stopped gasping. Nick rubbed his back comfortingly. Trent ran his fingers through his neatly gelled hair stressfully and said weakly, "I feel like I'm dying."

"You're not," Nick assured. "Just breathe. Do you have asthma?" Trent shook his head and Nick said, "Then you're okay. Try to think of something positive. Relax your muscles."

Sebastian just stood by and watched without a word. Trent seemed to be coming around fast, thankfully, and within two minutes, his breathing sounded about normal.

It wasn't long before Jeff wandered into the room, no doubt wondering what was taking Nick so long. He noticed Trent and Nick and asked, "What's going on?"

"I think Trent's having a panic attack," Nick answered quietly. "But I think he's doing better now. . ."

Trent nodded. "Y-yeah. I'm feeling a little better," he mumbled. "Thanks Nick. You sure know what you're doing."

"I have panic disorder," Nick confessed. "So I have way too much experience with panic attacks."

"Do you need a ride home?" Jeff asked Trent.

Trent shook his head. "No, it's alright."

"How do you plan on getting home?"

"I usually walk, it's just right around the corner," Trent answered. "I don't want to put you out of your way. . ."

"It's really no problem for me, actually," Jeff insisted.

"We're not leaving you alone," Nick said resolutely. "Jeff will drive you home. Come on." He stood up and pulled Trent to his feet.

Sebastian followed them out of the choir room door. "Hey, Trent," he said. He patted the round-faced Warbler's back and said, "Feel better. I'll see you tomorrow at Warbler practice." With that, he waved and set off in the opposite direction.

When they reached the parking lot, Nick asked, "Can you tell me _why _you had a panic attack?"

Trent shook his head. "No," he said. "It's. . . um, it's personal."

"Did it have anything to do with Sebastian?" Nick asked.

"No," Trent answered confidently. "He was just trying to help me."

Nick nodded. He didn't _think _Sebastian would have anything to do with this, but anything was possible. Jeff fished his car keys from his blazer pockets and unlocked the car doors. Nick and Trent each took a backseat and Jeff, of course, got in the driver's side.

Trent gave Jeff the directions to his house and the car ride there was spent with Trent and Nick quietly talking in the back seat.

"So, you said you had 'panic disorder'?" Trent asked carefully. "What is that?"

"It's an anxiety disorder," Nick answered casually. "Basically, I'm susceptible to panic attacks. I used to have several of them a day before I was diagnosed and went to therapy. Now, I might get one or two every month, sometimes less."

"I didn't know that," Trent said. "It sounds awful."

"I don't tell many people about it," Nick admitted. "But I guess you and Sebastian _both_ know about it now." Trent frowned and Nick said quickly, "Oh, but don't worry. It wasn't a secret or anything. I just never have any reason to tell anyone about it."

Trent nodded. To Jeff, he said, "Take a right turn here. My house is the third one on the left side of the street."

Jeff followed Trent's direction and parallel parked in front of Trent's house. "Here we are!" he said.

"Thanks a bunch, Jeff," Trent said sincerely as he unbuckled his seatbelt and opened his car door. "I hope I didn't put you out of your way too much. . ."

"Nah, I'm not in any rush to get home," Jeff said. "It's no problem."

Nick unbuckled his own seatbelt as Trent climbed out of the car. "I'll see you guys tomorrow," Trent said. "Thanks again, Nick."

"Happy to help," Nick answered. "Bye, Trent." Trent shut his car door and Nick got out of the car to take the empty front seat beside Jeff. As soon as he was seated and had his seatbelt buckled, Jeff reached over and slipped his hand around Nick's.

"I love having you next to me," Jeff said with a small smile.

Nick returned the smile and said, "Me too." He leaned over to kiss Jeff before he put the car back in drive and started for home.

They held hands throughout the whole rest of the car ride. Nick couldn't imagine having a better boyfriend.

. . .

Trent was acting peculiarly.

Ever since the panic attack, he seemed excessively wary of everyone and everything. He became very jumpy and never made eye-contact with anyone if possible and he spent a lot of time plastered to Sebastian's right side, along with Jon. They became a very unusual trio—the extremely flirty Sebastian, the overconfident Jon, and the timid Trent.

Trent didn't speak to Nick or Jeff much since the panic attack, and when he did, it was usually strictly Warblers business. Neither of them thought too much of it, though—it wasn't like either of them were very close to Trent in the first place.

Soon, a quiet-yet-popular Flint was added to the unusual trio to create an even more unusual quartet of sorts.

Warbler's practices went smoothly for a couple weeks. The choreography was coming along well, the set list was decided, and they were on their way to sectionals.

Then, Thad began to act strangely. His poised confidence and assertiveness disappeared all of the sudden. Every decision he made was made with an air of uncertainty. He started avoiding Nick, and the few times they _did _speak, Thad seemed immensely uncomfortable.

Nick couldn't help but wonder if he'd done something wrong or offended Thad somehow. They were great friends just days ago, and now he couldn't even talk to his fellow councilman without getting the feeling that Thad wanted away from him. When Nick asked him what was wrong, Thad denied that there was any problem and either changed the subject or made an excuse to leave.

Nick soon realized just _what _had gotten into Thad.

It was like any other Thursday. Nick was home after school working on homework when there was a knock at his door. He got up and went to answer the door, half-expecting it to be Jeff, but was surprised to find Sebastian at his doorstep.

"Oh, Sebastian," he greeted with surprise. "What's up? I didn't know you knew where I lived. . ."

"Oh, I knew Jeff's address, and it came up in a conversation once that you lived behind him," Sebastian said casually. "I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by to say hey."

"Is that all?" Nick asked.

"Well, not entirely," Sebastian admitted. "I was actually hoping that you might be able to help me out with my Italian homework. I didn't much understand today's lesson, and well, I figured since you're such a _pro_, _you _could help me out. So what do you say?" He smirked and said, "How about a little one-on-one study session?" He winked.

"Sure," Nick said. "As long as it's really just a study session and nothing more." It was sometimes hard to tell with Sebastian.

"Of course," he answered. "You know I kid."

And so Nick let Sebastian into his home. They went to Nick's bedroom and worked on homework together. It was as innocent as you'd expect, aside from a few flirtatious remarks made by Sebastian, but that was just the way he was. He flirted with _everyone _so Nick didn't take him seriously.

Nick left the room once to get drinks—iced tea—per Sebastian's request. But when he returned, Sebastian was suddenly in a rush to leave. "My mom texted. She wants me home so I can let the dogs outside since she's working late. But I'll see you tomorrow." With that, he gathered up his school things and left.

It wasn't until the next morning that Nick discovered Sebastian's ulterior motive. He was stopped in the parking lot just before school started by the tall, meerkat-faced Warbler. He said nothing and merely reached inside his blazer to pull out a notebook. He waved it at Nick. "Remember this thing?"

Nick's entire body went ice cold. He recognized the composition notebook only too well, with its tattered edges, bent corners, and wrinkled pages. It was his old therapy journal he used to keep back in 7th and 8th grade. He wrote _everything _in there—including in-depth details about his depression, suicidal thoughts, and deepest secrets.

_Why did Sebastian have it!_

Nick couldn't speak. He could only stare, horrified, at his darkest possession, now held tauntingly in Sebastian's hand.

"Ah, it seems like you recognize it!" Sebastian sneered. "Your hiding place wasn't really original, tucked behind the books on your bookshelf. It was one of the first places I checked." He flipped through the pages uncaringly. "It's a good read. This journal is a lot like you, really. It seemed unremarkable and boring on the outside, but when you start to _delve _into it, you find things you would have never expected."

_Good read? _What and insensitive jerk! Nick wrote about his _suicide attempt _in that journal, and Sebastian thought it was a _good read?_

Still, Nick was too petrified to speak. He seemed to have forgotten how. His heart pounded against his ribcage like a caged bird.

"I take it you would just _hate _for anyone to know what you've written in here," Sebastian drawled on. "I know I would."

"What?" Nick managed to get out. "Are you. . .threatening me?"

"Look who catches on fast!" Sebastian chimed patronizingly, a snake-like grin plastered to his face.

"But why?" Nick demanded desperately.

Sebastian gave a soft laugh and tucked Nick's journal away in his satchel. "That's what the others said. Trent was especially pathetic. You're all just so naïve."

"_Why_?" Nick demanded more strongly.

"I need to make sure no one questions me," Sebastian stated casually. "I need an absolute, unquestioning following so the other's don't doubt me. And that following is you, Thad, Trent, Flint, and Jon."

No one on that list was less than a junior. So he went for all the central members, except. . . "Not Jeff?" he said without thinking.

"No," Sebastian spat as if the idea itself was repulsive. "Why would I want that blundering idiot anywhere near me? He's too stupid and empty-headed for me to even bother with."

Against the urge to defend Jeff to Sebastian, Nick was relieved. Jeff wasn't being blackmailed. He was safe.

"Then what do you want from me?"

"Not much," Sebastian answered dismissively. "Your secrets will be safe with me just as long as you give me your complete and unquestioning loyalty."

"That's it?" Nick said. So, what? A solo at regionals? Deciding on the Warbler's set list? If that was all, then this should be simple enough.

"Yep, that's it," Sebastian answered. "So, are you in?"

Nick scowled. "It's not like I have another choice," he muttered.

Sebastian smirked. "Excellent."

. . .

The next day, Sebastian called for a Warbler's meeting after school with his little group of blackmailed 'followers.'

Nick really didn't want to go. Ever since his encounter with Sebastian in the parking lot, he felt like he was constantly fighting an anxiety attack. In Warbler's practices, Nick could scarcely meet Sebastian's eyes without feeling a sudden rush of horrible panic.

This first meeting was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. Nick sat in his usual seat at the council table and stared at the table. Thad sat where Jeff normally sat, leaving the middle chair empty. Trent lingered fearfully in the back of the room. Flint sat at one sofa, face buried in a book that he probably wasn't reading a word of.

They all knew why they were here. No doubt, everyone was wondering the same thing: What was Sebastian blackmailing the _others _with? What could innocent Trent possibly have to hide? What had Sebastian dug up on Thad? What dark secret did Flint have to hide?

If they were lucky, none of them had to find out.

Sebastian entered the room with Jon at his side. "Alright, let's get this meeting together," Sebastian announced. Jon sat across from Flint on the other sofa and Sebastian remained standing. "I've called you here to discuss our first order of business—the council."

Thad went white and Nick felt himself tense up. "What about the council?" he asked warily.

"Jeff is on it," Sebastian spat matter-of-factly. "Why you guys voted him onto the council in the first place is beyond me."

"You want us to kick Jeff off the council?" Nick gasped in disbelief.

"Yes, and vote me in his place," Sebastian confirmed with an evil smirk. "Let's face it—the kid is useless. He never has an intelligent thing to say, he can't sing, and he follows Nick around blindly like a lost puppy. The only talent I've seen in him is his dancing, and even that need serious improvement."

It took all of Nick's willpower to stay silent. The fear probably helped, too, but Nick wanted nothing more than to speak up and defend his boyfriend. Jeff _could _sing, he was definitely smart, and he was an incredible dancer. But saying these things out loud could have terrible consequences, so Nick held his tongue.

"Thad and Nick, as councilmembers, you will have to be the ones to propose Jeff's replacement on the council," Sebastian went on.

Nick's heart sank in his chest like a rock in water. "B-but I can't do that to Jeff!"

Sebastian rounded on Nick. "You can, and you _will _unless you want everyone to know about your journal," he snapped in a menacing snarl.

Nick fell silent and dropped his gaze to the table, terrified to meet anyone's eyes. Sebastian had mentioned his journal. Everyone now knew more about Nick secret than anybody else's. Sure, it was vague, but it was information he would have rather kept to himself.

Fear hung thickly in the air as Sebastian went on. "I would like this done in the next Warbler's meeting. Understood?"

Thad nodded. "We'll do it," he said. He glanced at Nick uneasily and added, "Don't worry."

. . .

Nick seriously considered skipping the next Warbler's meeting, but he knew Sebastian would never let him get away with it. So he hurried to his seat at the council table and immediately busied himself with pretending to look through the Official Minutes as everyone settled down for the meeting. To Nick's absolute relief, Jeff took his place at the council table without saying anything to Nick.

The anxiety was killing him. His heart fluttered in his chest like hummingbird wings knowing what he was about to do to Jeff.

Thad glanced almost apologetically at Nick before pounding the gavel for silence. He met Sebastian's eyes with a brief nod. "Before we begin," Thad announced to the assembled Warblers, "there is...a small matter we must first address."

Nick and Thad exchanged nervous glances. Some Warblers looked confused, others attentive and curious. The blackmailed Warblers' faces were grim with dread.

Thad went on, saving Nick the pain of having to say it. "It has come to our attention that the council this year is inadequate. We are ill-prepared for sectionals and it is the council's duty to make sure we are fully prepared."

Confused mumbling buzzed through the room. Sebastian called out from the sofa, "What are you getting at?"

"I believe it is time that we replace Warbler Jeff Griffin from the council with somebody a little more competent," Thad said quickly in an unwavering voice.

Jeff wasn't the only one who was shocked. The room burst into loud interjections, questions, and many "_What!"'s._

Jeff stared at Thad with burning hazel eyes, but Thad refused to meet his gaze. "What the hell are you talking about?" Jeff demanded furiously.

"The Official Warbler Rule Book states in chapter 394 that we may replace one councilmember as long as the other two agree and a majority vote is counted," Thad informed him in a business-like manner. "Nick and I both agreed to put it to a vote."

"_What?" _Jeff looked at Nick. "Nick? Is that true?"

Nick couldn't speak. He tried to nod assertively, but he only managed one short, quick nod. The immediate hurt in Jeff's eyes was almost too much for him to bear. He almost took it back before he noticed Sebastian glaring threateningly in his direction.

"Why?" Jeff asked in a small, plaintive voice.

"We can't afford to lose regionals again this year," Thad answered, once again saving Nick. "No offence, Jeff, but your participation on the council is very _insignificant_. We need the best of the best of here, and that isn't you." Before Jeff could respond, Thad called out, "All in favor of removing Jeff from the council?"

Jon instantly raised his hand, followed by a tentative Trent, then Flint. Slowly, other raised their hands as well. Almost every Warbler raised their hand, although many seemed uncertain or unhappy about it.

Jeff stood up abruptly. "Fine," he spat. "I see what you all really think of me." His eyes swept the room accusingly until they fell on Nick. "I quit."

With that, he snatched up his schoolbag and stormed out of the room.

"Jeff—" Nick called after him, but it was no use. The blonde ignored him and slammed the door shut behind him when he left.

"I say we vote Sebastian onto the council," Jon announced suddenly.

Sebastian smiled with fake sincerity. "Oh, I couldn't possibly..."

"Come on!" Jon urged. "You'd be perfect!"

"I agree," Flint spoke up. "Sebastian is one of the best singers and dancers we have."

"I have no objections," Thad said. "All in favor of voting Sebastian to fill the empty council chair?"

And just as the plan called for, everybody raised their hands in favor.

. . .

"I'm so sorry, Nick," Thad said distraughtly to Nick after the meeting. "I shouldn't have been so harsh. Maybe if I'd gone about it more nicely, he wouldn't be so angry."

"I don't blame you," Nick assured. "You did what we had to do. I actually should be thanking you. I could have never said those things to Jeff, but we both know the consequences if we hadn't."

Thad shuddered at the thought. He stared at the ground for a long moment before blurting out, "I should have warned you."

"What?"

"About Sebastian. I knew what he was doing. I should have warned you. But I couldn't. I was too afraid. And now we're both stuck, and it's all my fault—"

"Thad, it's okay," Nick interrupted reassuringly. "I understand. And I _don't _blame you. This is completely Sebastian's doing."

Thad nodded in agreement, but he still seemed extremely unhappy. Nick said, "I have to go find Jeff. I'll see you later, Thad. And don't beat yourself up, alright?"

"Okay," Thad said. "Good luck."

Nick waved goodbye and hurried out of the choir room. He instinctively headed for the parking lot where Jeff's car was parked, and sure enough, he found the blonde brooding just outside the school doors.

"Jeff?" Nick greeted fearfully. "Are you okay?"

Jeff glared at him. "You really have the _nerve _to ask me that after what you did?"

Nick winced. "I'm so sorry, Jeff. I didn't want to do that—"

"Then why the hell did you?" Jeff demanded. His face was flushed red with anger and he tugged at the sleeve of his blazer agitatedly. "You and Thad _humiliated _me in front of everyone. So if you have an explanation, I'd _love _to hear it!"

Nick wasn't sure what to say. He couldn't tell Jeff about the blackmail. There were things in that journal that not even Jeff knew about, things Nick would rather take to the grave with him. And what if Sebastian found out Nick had told someone? He couldn't risk it.

But how was he supposed to explain this to Jeff?

Jeff sighed. "You know what? Forget it." He turned for his car.

"Jeff, wait!" Nick protested.

Jeff whirled around to face him once again. "You stabbed me in the back!" he snapped. "I thought I meant something to you?"

"You do, Jeff," Nick insisted. "You mean the whole world to me."

"Apparently winning a show choir competition means more," Jeff muttered.

"That's not true!" Nick cried. "Jeff, I love you. I'm sorry for what happened. I didn't want to do it, but. . . . . . . . . I'm sorry..."

"But what?" Jeff demanded.

"Nothing. I just..." He couldn't come up with an excuse. How could he possibly justify kicking his boyfriend off the council? "I wasn't...thinking..." His voice was faint, knowing what a pitiful excuse that was.

"You weren't thinking," Jeff echoed incredulously. "Don't even try to act stupid. That's bullshit and you know it."

Nick flinched at the raw anger in Jeff's voice. "I'm sorry, Jeff. I really am," he said softly.

"Sorry doesn't cut it," Jeff muttered. "I don't know if I can forgive you for this."

Nick unconsciously held his breath, trying to swallow back the cold rock lodged in his throat. He didn't think he'd ever seen Jeff so angry before. And to make it worse, it was his fault.

"I'm done with the Warblers," Jeff went on. "And I'm done with you."

Nick froze as soon as the words left Jeff's mouth. As he struggled to remember how to breathe again, the blonde-haired ex-warbler turned and stalked off.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh, no! Did Niff just break up! <strong>

**...Remember to review ;)**


	31. Double Date

Nick couldn't breathe. It was like a pair of invisible hands were clasped around his throat, choking him. He instinctively gasped for breathe, but somewhere in his mind he knew that he was only hyperventilating. He clutched at his chest and backed up into the stone wall of Dalton Academy, sliding down into a sitting position on the ground.

He tried to calm himself down, but his head was reeling. He felt like throwing up. The sobs tearing from his throat didn't make it any easier to breathe normally and tears streamed down his face, drenching his cheeks. He buried his face in his hands and tried to shut out the world around him.

_This can't be happening. This can't be happening. God, please, this can't be happening…!_

He never imagined Jeff would ever break up with him. He considered everything else. _Everything _else. But not this.

But why not? He was selfish, really, for hurting Jeff just to save himself. But even now, he couldn't imagine disobeying Sebastian. He couldn't let anyone know what was in his journal.

If he told Jeff about the blackmail, would he understand? Would Nick really rather keep the contents of his journal a secret and be without Jeff altogether? If he told Jeff about the blackmail, Sebastian might find out and spill everything to everyone. Nick didn't know if he could handle that.

Nick took deep breaths and closed his eyes, trying desperately to calm down before he let this panic attack take over completely. "You're okay," he told himself shakily. "You're okay… Breathe…" Maybe it wasn't over? Maybe Jeff didn't really mean it, maybe his anger had just gotten the better of him? It was a soothing thought. Jeff only needed to cool down, then they could work this through.

It was wishful thinking, but Nick had to think positively or the panic might overwhelm him. There was always a chance.

The door beside him opened and Thad stepped out.

"Nick?" Thad greeted with surprise. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Nick drew in a deep breath before speaking. "I'm fine." His voice came out nearly incoherent it was shaking so badly. He covered his eyes with the palms of his hands. "Panic attack," he explained simply.

"Did you talk to Jeff…?"

Nick nodded into his hands, his chest tightening as he fought back more sobs. "I think we broke up." His voice broke.

_We can still work it out, _he told himself mentally, willing himself not to breakdown in front of Thad. _It's not over yet…_

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Nick," Thad breathed regretfully. He knelt to the ground beside Nick and touched his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Nick shook his head honestly and wiped the tears from his face, but more tears quickly replaced them.

"I can give you a ride home," Thad offered sympathetically. He stood and offered out his hand, which Nick gratefully took. Thad helped him to his feet and brushed dirt from the shoulder of Nick's blazer thoughtfully. "My car is over here." He led Nick across the parking lot to a modest, blue, four-door car and he opened the passenger door for Nick. "Do you have all your things?"

Nick nodded. "Thanks," he said softly. He couldn't speak without fear of crumbling, but he didn't want to come off as rude or ungrateful. Clutching the strap of his satchel, he climbed in the passenger seat. He knew he probably wasn't in the best shape to be driving right now, and he was thankful for Thad's friendship.

Right now, he really needed it.

Thad dropped him off at home where he tried to pull himself together before his parents came home. He didn't want them worrying about him, and he didn't want to break the news of his and Jeff's breakup unless he knew it was really over. If worse came to worst, Nick might end up spilling everything about his journal, however unlikely it seemed right now.

He couldn't imagine life without Jeff. He'd been Nick's best friend since 6th grade. He was part of the reason Nick was even alive to this day. He was Nick's first true love. And for all of that to be thrown away because of some blackmail?

He would have gone over to Jeff's house to explain, or try to, or come up with an excuse, or beg for forgiveness—whichever happened first—but Jeff wasn't even home yet. His car had yet to pull into the Griffin driveway.

But what could he say to justify this? He put his own wellbeing before Jeff's. He'd been selfish. Did he really deserve Jeff?

...

Jeff stopped his car around the corner from his house. He couldn't go home right now—his father was always there.

Things never could seem to work out for him lately.

His emotions were at war. On the one hand, he was furious and upset. He never imagined Nick was capable of something like this. He never thought, of all people, his _boyfriend _and best friend would stab him in the back. On the other hand, he was already regretting their argument and thought, maybe somehow, he really _didn't _deserve to be on the council.

But couldn't Nick have warned him before dropping the bomb on him? Couldn't he have talked to Jeff about it? It came out of nowhere. And Nick had no excuses. He didn't even make one up, aside from he "wasn't thinking."

There _had _to be another reason. Nick had never done anything to hurt Jeff before. Their relationship had been nothing short of perfect until now.

_And I just ended it._

He dropped his head against the steering wheel and closed his eyes tightly. Did he overreact? Did he let his anger get the better of him?

He couldn't forget the humiliation. Called out in front of everyone, labeled as incompetent…useless…And everyone seemed to agree, for there wasn't a single Warbler who wasn't in favor of removing Jeff from the council. Maybe he was disillusioned to think he had any talent in the first place. What other reason could there be for his own boyfriend to turn on him? Nick hadn't been able to come up with one.

But did that mean he deserved what had happened?

Part of him wished he hadn't broken up with Nick—he never would have done it if he hadn't let his anger get the best of him—but on the other hand, he felt wronged. How could he work things out with Nick if he couldn't even tell Jeff the truth?

Jeff wasn't sure exactly how long he sat there in his car, but the sun was lowering in the sky by the time he finally started the engine back up and drove the rest of the way home. He went straight for his room, ignoring his father who was passed out on the couch with empty beer cans littering the coffee table and floor around him.

In his room, Jeff couldn't seem to focus on his homework. He found himself constantly peeking out the back window at Nick's house, wishing more than anything to erase today from his memories.

The worst part about all of this was the fact that Jeff couldn't comfort himself by thinking about Nick. Every time something went wrong, he always knew he still had Nick and that Nick was always there for him. But now…now he had no comfort. Because now he didn't have Nick.

…  
>Saturday morning, Jeff didn't want to get out of bed. He stared at the ceiling for nearly an hour after waking up, contemplating rolling over and sleeping the day away. It'd be easier on his emotional health if he did.<p>

Before he could decide, however, the home phone rang. Jeff was almost surprised it was still hooked up—his father had been neglecting the bills lately so the Griffin household no longer had cable or internet—and he heaved himself out of bed to go answer it. A tiny part of him prayed it was Nick, calling to explain everything. He pressed "talk" and brought the receiver to his ear. "Hello? Jeff speaking."

"Hey, bro! It's Tyler," his brother greeted on the other line.

"Hi, Tyler," Jeff greeted, trying to sound cheerful. He was a little disappointed it wasn't Nick, which made him feel guilty. "What's up?"

"Well, I don't have class tomorrow and I was wondering if it'd be cool if I came over tomorrow?" he asked.

"Absolutely!" Jeff agreed eagerly. Hanging out with Tyler may lift his mood a little. "I have no plans."

"Great!" Tyler said. "Maybe we could do dinner or something. Vivian is tagging along, so we should double date."

"Sure, that sounds great," Jeff answered without thinking about it. Just as the words left his mouth, he remembered that he was single. He didn't have a chance to say anything, though, before Tyler spoke again.

"Alright, so I'll see you sometime tomorrow! Now I've got to go. I have a paper to write. Seeya." And the line went dead.

Jeff sighed and hung up the phone. Well, now it looked like he was going to be Tyler and Vivian's third wheel again, unless he and Nick somehow miraculously made-up before dinner tomorrow, but it didn't seem likely in the least. Every other time he'd been a third wheel back when Nick was away in Italy, it'd been awkward and he felt like a burden.

But he wanted to see Tyler again, and it'd be nice to see Vivian again too…

He suddenly got an idea. He grabbed the phone receiver once again and brought it to his room. He grabbed his school bag and dug around inside until he found the small scrap of folded paper. He unfolded it and entered the number on it into his phone.

It rang three times before the other line picked up. "Hello? Jonah speaking."

"Hey, Jonah! It's Jeff," Jeff greeted cheerfully.

"Jeff?" he echoed with surprise. "The guy from Scandals? Damn, I didn't think you were ever going to call me…"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," Jeff mumbled. "Your number got too smudged on my hand to read," he lied. "Sebastian gave it to me again earlier this month, but I've been really busy with school and…other things."

"Nah, it's alright," Jonah assured. "It's understandable. I was afraid I wasn't ever going to hear from you again." He laughed lightly. "So, what goes on?"

"Not much. Hey, do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Jeff asked.

"Not that I know of," Jonah answered. "Why?"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me?" Jeff asked. He was surprised how easy this was, asking Jonah out. He thought he would feel a lot more nervous than he did.

"Sure!" Jonah agreed readily. "That sounds great. What time and where at?"

"I'm not sure yet," Jeff answered. "Er, is it alright that it's a double date with my brother and his girlfriend?"

"That's fine, it's no problem at all," Jonah assured.

"Cool," Jeff said. "We'll pick you up at around 6 or 7," Jeff told him. "Where do you live?" He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled down the address Jonah gave him. He clicked the pen and said, "Great! I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright, see you then."

Jeff ended the call and placed Jonah's address on his nightstand for safekeeping so he wouldn't lose it.

What was the harm in going on just one little date with Jonah? It wasn't like Jeff had any other option. He was single now, anyways. He wasn't doing anything wrong.

He told himself this, but he wasn't really convinced of it himself. He couldn't push away the guilt he felt, knowing he had _just _broken up with Nick yesterday and he was already dating someone else. Jeff wasn't looking to hurt Nick, but he _knew _it would be upsetting for him if he found out about this.

Maybe he didn't have to find out. Jeff was still hoping deep down for Nick to come up with a good excuse for why he did what he did. Jeff didn't care if it was true or even believable; he just wanted to know Nick cared enough to try to get him back, because now it was suddenly hard to tell if Nick cared about Jeff_ at all._

…

Tyler arrived home at a quarter before 6 with Vivian. They came inside and greeted Jeff casually.

"It's good to see you again, Jeff," Vivian greeted kindly. "How have you been lately?"

Jeff smiled in greeting. "I've been alright," he answered. It occurred to him that the last time he saw Vivian, she had passed out in his living room. She seemed a lot livelier today, however, and he guessed she must be doing better.

"Hey, Jeff!" Tyler cut in. "Ready to go? Where's Nick?" He glanced around as if expecting Nick to appear in the room.

Jeff frowned. "Erm… Nick won't be coming," Jeff said awkwardly. "He and I sort of…broke up."

"_What?"_ Tyler look surprised. "How? When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?"

"We had some relationship problems we couldn't work through," Jeff explained vaguely. "And I would have told you, but it happened not that long ago." _As in three days ago. _

"But you seemed so happy with him," Tyler pointed out.

_Oh, I was. _"Don't worry about it," Jeff said. "I still have a date for tonight. Do you mind stopping by his house so we can pick him up? I told him to expect us around 6."

"Another guy?" Tyler deduced. "Is it another Warbler?"

"No. It's that guy I told you about, who I met at Scandals over summer."

"He isn't the reason why you and Nick broke up, is he?" Tyler guessed thoughtlessly.

"Of course not!" Jeff snapped. "It was nothing like that. I didn't cheat on Nick. How could you even think that?"

Tyler held up his hands in submission. "Well, _sorry. _But you can't blame me for asking. You're not exactly being very generous with the details, and you _did _say you liked this guy back when you first met him…What's his name, anyways?"

"Jonah," Jeff answered. "He's a really nice guy. You'll give him a chance, won't you?"

Tyler said, "Sure. Why wouldn't I? I just didn't think you and Nick would break up so soon, or at all, really…"

_Neither did I._

They got in the car. Tyler and Vivian sat in the front and Jeff took a back seat. He gave Tyler Jonah's address and his brother had no problems finding his way there. Jeff got out of the car and made his way up to the front porch to ring the doorbell. He was somewhat surprised at what a nice neighborhood this was. The houses were easily twice the size of his home.

Jonah answered the door. He was dressed in a white button-down with a black tie, purple cardigan, and dark skinny jeans. Jeff smiled at him and said, without even thinking about it, "You look fantastic."

Jonah grinned. "Thanks. You look pretty cute yourself," he returned the compliment bashfully.

"Do I?" He'd dressed simply in a light blue collared shirt and jeans. He breathed a small laugh and said, "Thanks. Are you ready to go?"

"Yep." Jonah stepped outside and closed his front door behind him.

Jeff led the way to Tyler's car and opened the back door for him courteously. "After you." He gestured inside the car.

Jonah smiled at him once again, appearing impressed. "I didn't know you were so gentlemanly."

_Neither did I, _Jeff thought. He was never like this on dates with Nick, now that he thought about it. Those dates were always so much more…casual, almost unromantic in a sense.

For a split moment, Jeff thought he should try being more romantic with Nick before he reminded himself that he wasn't _with _Nick anymore. If he was, then this date with Jonah would be a BIG no-no.

Jonah ducked into the car and scooted across the back seat so Jeff could get in. Jeff closed the back car door and buckled his seatbelt unconsciously before introducing everyone. "So, Jonah, that there is my brother, Tyler." Jeff pointed to Tyler. "And that's his girlfriend, Vivian. Vivian, Tyler, this is Jonah." He gestured to his left where Jonah was sitting.

Vivian twisted around in her seat to face Jonah with a welcoming grin. "It's nice to meet you, Jonah."

Jonah dipped his head gratefully. "Likewise," he said.

"So he's the dude you met in the bar?" Tyler guessed, peering at Jonah through the rearview mirror.

Jeff flushed. "Yes," he mumbled.

Vivian spoke before Tyler could go on. "_So, _where are we going to eat?"

There was a short discussion about where to eat: Breadstix was mentioned, but Jeff quickly shot down that idea. He would hate to accidentally run into Nick or his parents while on a date with another guy. It would be… potentially awkward. Instead, they settled on eating at a Chinese buffet, ironically named 'Chopstix.'

They arrived, were seated, and got their food. Jonah sat on the inside of the booth with Jeff beside him. Vivian sat across from Jeff and Tyler across from Jonah. Once they were seated Tyler cursed. "They only gave us chopsticks!" He picked up the long wooden sticks.

"Well, this place _is _named after them," Jeff pointed out teasingly.

"You don't know how to use them?" Vivian guessed.

Tyler shook his head and demonstrated for everyone: holding the two little sticks awkwardly, he attempted to pick up a dumpling, and somehow, it ended up getting flicked off his plate, and flew through the air onto the floor feet away.

Jeff had always relished the fact that something so simple tripped up his genius of a brother. It was one of the few things that Jeff could do that Tyler could not.

Vivian giggled and said, "Maybe I can teach you?" she suggested.

"Good luck with that," Jeff warned. "No one has ever had any luck." If something didn't come naturally for Tyler, it didn't come at all.

So while Vivian attempted to teach Tyler the art of chopstick use, Jonah and Jeff talked quietly to one another. Jeff learned a little more about Jonah: His only sibling was his sister, April, who was a lesbian—Jeff had met her at Scandals. Jonah wanted to become an interior designer. His birthday was days away, on September 4th. He'd gone to school in North Lima, and now he was a freshman-going-on-sophomore at Ohio State University.

_This _was where Tyler decided to check into the conversation, having failed all of Vivian's instructions on how to use his chopsticks. "Wait, so you're a college student?"

Jonah nodded brusquely. "Yep. I'm majoring in interior design, and minoring in theatre."

"How old are you?"

"Turning twenty on the fourth," Jonah answered.

"_Twenty?" _Tyler echoed. He sent a look at Jeff.

"It's only a two year age gap," Jeff pointed out. "Chill out."

"Two years plus a few months," Tyler argued. "It's illegal for you guys to 'do it!' And it will be for, like, another two months!"

"Tyler!" Jeff and Vivian snapped at once. Jeff could feel his face burning with embarrassment.

He seemed to realize his mistake at once. "Er…not saying that you _would_…just pointing the fact out…"

"Well, don't!" Jeff ordered. "This is the _first _time I've even seen him since Scandals."

Tyler looked like he was going to say something, but thankfully stopped himself. He turned his attention to his food and stabbed a piece of chicken with his chopsticks to eat it.

But as Jeff turned to Jonah to apologize for Tyler's behavior, Tyler spoke again. "So, been with many other guys, Jonah…?"

Jeff groaned and covered his eyes with the palms of his hands as if that would hide the embarrassment. Jonah laughed softly. "It's alright, Jeff," he assured to Jeff before answering Tyler's question. "I've only ever been in a semi-serious relationship with one other guy, but that didn't work out."

"And that's it?"

Vivian nudged Tyler. "Can I speak to you for a moment?" She stood from the booth and motioned for Tyler to follow her, which he did reluctantly.

Jeff mouthed "Thank you!" to her, which she acknowledged with a slight smile before she walked away with Tyler in tow. He turned to Jonah. "I am _so _sorry about him," he said quickly.

Jonah laughed and shrugged. "It's fine," he said. "He's your older brother. He's just being protective of you."

"Protective?" Tyler wasn't the protective type. "He's never given the third degree to anyone else I've ever dated…"

"And have you dated many other guys?" Jonah asked curiously.

"No," Jeff said. "I've only been with one other guy. But I dated a handful of girls from seventh to eleventh grade that Tyler had no problems with…"

"You're bisexual?" Jonah demanded suddenly in a severe tone.

Jeff frowned worriedly to himself. "That's not a problem, is it?"

"No, no, no," Jonah said quickly. "I have no problem with it. But does Sebastian know about it…? You two go to the same school."

Jeff was suddenly confused. "Er, I don't know. Maybe. It's not like it's a secret or anything. Why does it matter if Sebastian knows?"

"Sebastian has this weird thing against bisexuals," Jonah explained quietly. "He can't stand them, especially bisexual guys. He says they're greedy, sex-addicted—excuse my language—whores who'll hook up with anyone and anything. And he says these things _loudly_. If he knew you were bisexual, I guarantee he'd be doing everything he could to make your life a living hell."

"Er, well, he hasn't really done anything to me as far as I know," Jeff said. Besides, his life wasn't exactly a dream right now anyways. "In fact, he seems pretty friendly to me."

"Then maybe you're safe," Jonah said. "Try not to let it slip, if you can."

Easier said than done. All the Warblers knew he was bisexual. "Why does he think so badly about bisexuals?" Jeff asked. "As a bisexual person myself, I can testify that I am none of those things you said."

Jonah sighed. "Well, Sebastian was in a really serious relationship with a bisexual guy once. His name was Aaron, and I think Seb really loved him. It was his first—and so far, only—really serious relationship with anyone. They did _everything _together for almost two years. But…Aaron cheated on him with a girl, and then heartlessly dumped Sebastian weeks before their two-year anniversary over email because he got the girl he was seeing behind Seb's back pregnant."

"Ouch," Jeff winced sympathetically. "That sounds awful…" He was still torn up over his breakup with Nick, and they'd only been together for a few months. Imagine two _years _thrown away?

"I know," Jonah said. "Sebastian hasn't been the same since. He's untrusting of everyone, and he's more controlling. He keeps people at an arm's length, and he can be conniving if it means getting what he wants. He's not a _bad _person on the inside. He's just been hurt worse than most people can comprehend."

"And he's out to punish every other bisexual for what that Aaron guy did?" Jeff concluded.

"It's his strange way of coping," Jonah said in Sebastian's defense.

"It's just something I should keep in mind whenever I'm around him, I guess," Jeff shrugged. _If _he was ever around him again, since he'd quit the Warblers.

Tyler and Vivian returned shortly, and for the rest of the night, Tyler asked no more questions. The rest of the double date went smoothly for the most part. Jonah insisted he had a good time despite everything and said he'd call Jeff. Keeping up the gentlemanly act, Jeff walked Jonah to his front door and they hugged goodnight.

Tyler hit the road again once he dropped Jeff off at home. He had to be back on campus for class tomorrow, so he had no time to lose.

The house was quiet. His father was passed out on the sofa, as usual, having wasted away his Sunday drinking store-bought beer. Jeff took a few moments to clean up the empty cans that had accumulated all over the living room and kitchen for the past week before heading to bed.

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><p><strong>I hope you all liked it! Review, please! Tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome!<strong>

**School starts for me again in a few weeks, so my updates may become more spread out... :(**


	32. Replaced

**Chapter 32, chock full of niff-y drama!**

**Follow my Tumblr, please! I post spoilers there before uploading sometimes and I'll answer questions and maybe take requests for one-shots and whatnot :) I changed my URL to AWarblersRomance.**

**Also, I wanted to thank whoever made the picture I've been using as my story cover. I hope its alright that I'm using it. Message me so I can thank you personally! **

**(Speaking of my penname, I was considering changing it... Ikazuchi Touketsu is a little complicated and I made it ages ago. What do you guys think?)**

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><p><em>I have to tell him the truth.<em>

Nick got out of his car in the Dalton Academy parking lot with his mind set. He had a little time before classes started, so he started inside to find Jeff. He knew it wouldn't be easy to do, but he had to tell Jeff about the blackmail. Nothing was worse than losing Jeff—he could handle the consequences, as long as he got Jeff back.

He remembered Jeff's first class was Latin II. He started down the corridors leading to the foreign language wing of Dalton. Just his luck, it was practically on the other side of the school from his first period Calculus. If he actually caught Jeff in enough time, he would surely be late for class.

He was almost there when someone stopped him. "Hey, Nick!"

He recognized the voice. He almost ignored it, but instead turned around to face Sebastian. "Yes? What is it?" he demanded a little impatiently. "I was just about to—"

"—talk to Jeff?" Sebastian guessed, cutting him off.

Nick frowned and nodded. "Why does it matter to you?"

Sebastian clicked his tongue with disappointment and shook his head. "Pathetic. You can't even go one weekend without him before you go crawling back? It's disgraceful," Sebastian muttered. "I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear, but _he_ seemed to be having a pretty great time without _you_."

Nick clenched his jaw. "What?" he asked warily. "What do you mean?"

"Your beloved little Jeff had a _date_ over the weekend," Sebastian answered coldly. "He's already replaced you. I guess you mean less to him than you thought."

Nick's entire body seemed to go cold. "A date…?" he echoed. They had only _just _broken up! They still had a chance to fix things. Jeff wouldn't do this. "I don't believe you," Nick said bravely.

"Aw, it hurts that you don't trust me," Sebastian murmured. Nick could have sworn he heard a hint of malicious pleasure in his voice. "But I prepared for such a reaction. You see, I have proof."

Nick had a sudden insane urge to run away. He didn't want to see proof. Ignorance was bliss, right? He'd rather live in denial. Yet he couldn't seem to look away when Sebastian took out his phone and showed him a picture.

It was of Jeff and another guy. The background was too dark to tell where they were at, but their faces were nearly touching, they were so close to one another. Nick bit his lip to hide the frown that had set on his mouth. Did Jeff have his arm around that other guy? It was hard to tell, but…

"This doesn't prove anything," Nick decided, determined to deny himself the truth.

"Oh?" Sebastian said. "The other guy is my good friend, Jonah." He smirked when he noticed Nick's reaction to the name. "I see you recognize the name. He and I met Jeff at Scandals a while ago, and your boyfriend hit things off _real _well with Jonah. You should have seen them, talking and dancing together… Of course, Jonah can do _much _better, as can you." His coldly mischievous expression hardened. "Face it, Nick. He doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself."

"That's not true," Nick protested weakly. He still couldn't process the idea that he had already been replaced. This had to be one of Sebastian's sick jokes. He was only trying to mess with Nick's head. Nick _knew _Jeff. They'd been best friends for years. This wasn't the kind of thing Jeff would do. Was it?

The photo was incriminating, but it wasn't proof.

Sebastian sighed with exasperation. "You're hopeless. But I suppose I should expect this sort of self-loathing, self-destructive behavior from _you."_

Nick clenched his teeth but said nothing. He knew that was a reference to his journal.

"Just ask him. He might actually tell the truth," Sebastian suggested. "Or call up his hotter older brother. He was there, too." He motioned to his phone. "Needless to say, Jonah kept me well updated through Facebook." The bell sounded and Sebastian waved goodbye. "Anyways, take some time to let this sink in… Catch you in Warbler's practice." He continued down the foreign language hall.

Nick shook his head vigorously as if to clear it and turned around to rush back to Calculus.

He hunted Jeff down during lunch period. The blonde wasn't in the lunchroom or the lobby, so naturally, Nick checked outside for his ex-boyfriend. After sweeping almost the entire outside of Dalton, Nick finally found him all alone in the garden, seated at the edge of an elegant, rounded stone fountain. He was sitting at the outside rim of the fountain cross-legged, idly picking the petals off of a pink carnation and dropping them into the water.

He didn't look much happier than Nick felt… Maybe Sebastian really had been messing with his head? Nick approached Jeff quietly and stopped a few feet away when Jeff seemed to notice him. He tossed the remains of the desecrated carnation in the fountain and swung his legs around the outside of the fountain to face Nick.

"Nick," he greeted with a hint of surprise. There was no hostility to be heard in his voice or seen in his eyes.

Nick drew in a deep breath. He couldn't be weak. As much as he hated to admit it, Sebastian was partially right. This morning, Nick would have probably let Jeff step all over him if it meant getting him back, but would that really fix things? Jeff had to be just as committed as Nick if their relationship had any chance of surviving, and right now, there was a lot of doubt on Jeff's end.

Nick said in a clear voice, "We need to talk."

Jeff raised his head slightly. "What about?"

"What else?" Nick frowned. "Things weren't exactly settled between us on Friday. Are we going to just stay like _this? _Broken up, not speaking?"

Jeff said quietly, "I would rather we didn't," he admitted. "But I didn't exactly do anything wrong." He narrowed his eyes at Nick.

"So you broke up with me because I agreed with Thad on the council change?" Nick concluded.

"No, I don't care about the council," Jeff answered. "But you didn't even give me a heads up or an explanation or anything. And do you know how humiliating that was for me?"

Nick looked at the ground. "I'm sorry. Believe me, it wasn't an easy thing for me to do. If I could have stepped down instead, I would have."

"But I'm the one who's not 'council material.' I'm the incompetent one," Jeff said bitterly.

"I never said that," Nick defended himself. "That was Thad."

"This isn't solving anything. Do you have an excuse or don't you?" Jeff demanded.

Nick frowned. "I don't owe you any explanations," Nick answered evenly.

"Then we're just wasting time out here," Jeff muttered coldly.

"You act like it's completely up to me to fix this!" Nick snapped. "I'm not going to beg for your forgiveness. I made one mistake. It's not like you haven't made any yourself."

"I can't be with someone I can't trust," Jeff argued. "Either you're hiding something from me or you just don't give a damn about me. So which is it?"

"I'm hiding something from you," Nick answered honestly.

"And you don't trust me enough to tell me what it is?"

"It has nothing to do with trust," Nick said. "I just can't tell you. It's for the best."

"And my being on the council jeopardized your secret?" Jeff challenged.

"In a way. It wasn't my idea to remove you from the council, though." Any more information and Nick might end up accidentally telling Jeff about Sebastian's blackmail scheme and his journal. He decided to change the subject. "I know about Jonah."

Jeff appeared completely taken aback. "Know _what _about Jonah?"

"You know what," Nick's voice was hard. "You had a date with him last night. We broke up on _Friday _and you already had me replaced by Sunday. And yet you have the nerve to say that you don't trust _me?"_

"We _broke up!" _Jeff defended himself. "I was going out with Tyler and Vivian, and I didn't want to be a third wheel."

"So, naturally, you call up the guy you met at a gay bar," Nick muttered. Jeff really had replaced him, after _one day. _Sebastian had been telling the truth. "While I spent my weekend crying in my room, you were out with another guy." His throat felt tight as he tried desperately to keep up this tough act.

"I did nothing wrong," Jeff snapped. "Stop trying to make me feel guilty."

"We _just_ broke up!" Nick shot back at him. "I thought we could work things out. I woke up this morning with full intentions of trying to fix this until I found out about Jonah. And now I'm starting to wonder if you care _at all_ about me."

"I refuse to take the blame here," Jeff muttered. "It's your fault that we broke up in the first place, and now you're trying to turn it all on me. I did _nothing _wrong," he repeated.

"You're angry because I'm hiding something from you, but I _know _you've been hiding things from me for weeks now," Nick retorted. "Like you think I don't notice how differently you've been acting, or how defensive you get when I ask you if something is wrong?"

Jeff faltered for a moment, as if trying to decide whether or not to retort. He seemed to decide against it and snatched his schoolbag from the ground next to the fountain angrily. "Fuck this," he spat. "I'm done." He stormed off in the opposite direction.

"You always run away. This is why nothing ever gets resolved!" Nick shouted after him, his voice breaking. He walked after Jeff for a few paces but stopped at the fountain. There was no point following him.

He dropped to his knees beside the fountain and leaned over the edge to look into the rippling blue waters. The pink carnation petals danced with the gurgling flow of the fountain, many converging close to the edge, safe from the spring of water pouring from the center. The carcass of the torn carnation had sunk to the bottom and now lay on the stony floor of the fountain. The once beautiful gem of a flower was now tattered beyond recognition and left to drown, robbed of its beauty.

…

The rest of the day was a blur. Nick couldn't concentrate on the rest of his classes or even Warbler's practice. It didn't matter, though, because Sebastian took charge as he normally did and Nick didn't even have to speak one word in practice.

The other Warblers seemed to have taken well to Sebastian's new reign. No one questioned it and it had only taken a few days for everything to fall in order. Sectionals were just weeks away and Nick had handed his solo back to Sebastian. He didn't _have _to—despite everything he'd done so far, Sebastian had actually been willing to let Nick keep it—but he didn't want it anymore.

After practice, Nick lingered in the choir room. He didn't want to go home. But he didn't want to stay here, either. He felt so lost. He wanted things to be _right _again. He wanted to be walking out of the choir room, hand-in-hand with Jeff like he usually did. But Jeff wasn't here, and Nick could think of no one to blame but himself.

Thad stayed behind for a few minutes as well, appearing concerned. "Nick?" he greeted carefully. "How are you doing?"

Nick sighed as he placed this binder in his satchel. "Awful," he mumbled. "But don't feel like you need to waste your time here worrying about me. I know you probably have better things to do."

"Cheering up a friend is never a waste of time!" Thad protested lightly. He sat back down beside Nick in his own council chair. "Is there anything you want to talk about? I'll listen."

Nick glanced at Thad uncertainly. His deep golden-brown eyes were compassionate and understanding. "I don't know," Nick said with a sigh. "I'm dealing with a lot of things, but I'm not sure I want to talk about it."

"Talking about it might help," Thad suggested. "I know Sebastian hasn't made things easy on any of us… But you got the worst end of this whole deal, if you can even call it that. Getting some of it off your chest could do you some good. And it can just be between us—I won't tell anyone."

Nick sighed again and looked down at his satchel, which sat in his lap. Maybe Thad was right? Talking could help. "Jeff has a new boyfriend," he said quietly without looking up.

"Already?" Thad's tone was soft although he sounded surprised.

"He had a date last night," Nick answered. "With some guy he met at a bar a few weeks ago.

"A few weeks ago?" Thad echoed, shocked.

"He didn't cheat," Nick assured. "They didn't do anything at the bar, and I knew about him. I just didn't imagine Jeff would end up replacing me with him…" Tears pooled in his eyes and he quickly blinked them away.

"I'm sorry," Thad apologized softly.

"I confronted him about it today, and he didn't seem to think he did anything wrong," Nick went on. "I mean, we _did _break up. We're both single now. Was I being irrational?"

"Not at all," Thad reassured. "I'd be upset, too, if I were you. You just broke up, you still could have worked things out."

"That's what I said," Nick said. "That was my plan, anyways. But now things are even more complicated. Jeff and I had a big fight today, and I'm afraid everything is too messed up to fix anymore." His voice shook a little now and the tears spilled from his eyes.

"If Jeff doesn't realize how amazing you are, then it's his loss," Thad said. "I don't mean that to be insensitive. But I know that other guy couldn't possibly compare to you. The sooner Jeff realizes that, the sooner you two can work it all out."

Nick dried his eyes with his sleeve and looked at Thad. He wasn't so sure about that—as far as Nick could see, Jonah had been very attractive—but he was grateful for Thad's words nonetheless. "Thanks," he sniffled appreciatively. "But honestly, anyone could do better than me. I'm more complicated than you might think." Not too many other guys dealt with anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and a suicidal history. He often thought Jeff could do much better than him, and now, Jeff had Jonah and Nick had no one.

"That's ridiculous," Thad protested. "Anyone would be lucky to be with you, no matter how 'complicated' you think you might be."

Thad's eyes burned with sincerity that took Nick by surprise. He smiled faintly. "Thank you, Thad. That means a lot..." Their eyes met, and for a long moment, neither of them said anything. Nick's mind blanked as he stared into Thad's dark eyes. Without a single thought as to what he was doing, he leaned in towards his fellow Warbler. When their lips connected, Thad flinched back very slightly in surprise. He didn't break away, however, and within a moment, he was kissing Nick back.

It was nothing like kissing Jeff. This was a brand new sensation, completely unlike the familiar feel and taste of Jeff's kiss. The unfamiliarity of Thad's mouth set Nick's heart pounding in his chest like the wings of a hummingbird.

It was…_exciting_.

Nick closed his eyes to relish this strange new sensation and cupped the side of Thad's face with one hand.

It ended after just a few seconds when Thad suddenly broke away from Nick and pushed himself to his feet. "No, this isn't right," he protested, backing away from Nick.

Nick sat back in his council chair. "What? Why not?" he demanded. Thad had kissed him back! It had been passionate and real. What could possibly be wrong about it?

"You aren't thinking clearly, Nick," Thad answered.

Nick frowned. "What makes you say that?"

"You're upset about Jeff. You feel like he replaced you, and now you're trying to replace him." He stopped and looked Nick in the eye. "Nick, I like you. I _really _like you." He paused to let that sink in before adding, "But this isn't right. If I go along with this, I'll feel like I'm taking advantage of you, and I can't do that."

"I can handle myself, Thad," Nick snapped indignantly. "I'm not trying to replace Jeff with you. What if I actually like you and want to be with you? Can't you picture _that _for a moment?" Except now that he thought about it, Thad was partially right. He definitely wasn't thinking clearly and maybe somewhere in his head, he was just trying to get back at Jeff…

"If that's how you really feel, then we can wait a little while before we let anything happen," Thad answered steadily. "But…I don't think that's what this is."

"Why not?" Nick demanded. "You really think I can't even organize my own emotions? That I'm _that_ irrational and weak?"

"That's not what I'm saying," Thad objected. "Believe me, Nick, I would _love _to be with you. But what if we _do _get together and then Jeff decides to work things out with you? Could you honestly say you wouldn't leave me for him in a heartbeat?"

"I wouldn't know," Nick muttered grudgingly. "You won't even give me a chance." Somewhere in his mind, though, Nick knew Thad was right. Jeff had been his best friend since sixth grade, and he'd only really known Thad since the start of high school. If it came down to the two of them, he would very likely choose Jeff.

"I'm sorry, Nick," Thad murmured. His eyes were painfully regretful. "You have no idea how much I wish it would, but I just don't see this working out for us right now."

Nick released a long breath of defeat. "You're probably right," he admitted reluctantly. He looked up at Thad. "Maybe I am a little out of it today… I'm sorry. That kiss was probably a mistake."

"Probably," Thad mumbled in agreement.

Nick stood up and slung his satchel over his shoulder. "I should go home," he announced. "I'll see you tomorrow." He considered hugging Thad, but figured he'd gone too far already, and settled for saying, "Thank you for being there for me."

"I was glad to do it," Thad said quietly. "And I hope you work things out with Jeff soon. You two are a good couple."


	33. Missing

**Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, if anyone is actually still with me. If you are, THANK YOU for your dedication to my fanfiction! I appreciate you all immensely!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! I've got a new fanfic in the works, and I'm working on updating my existing ones a little faster. Feel free to pester me about it on my twitter/tumblr if I take too long. **

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><p>A few weeks dragged by and life went on despite everything. The Griffin household was dysfunctional, yet they were (just barely) getting by. Jeff's father wasn't even attempting to get a new job since he was fired from him last one for BEING DRUNK ON THE JOB.<p>

And still, he swore he didn't have a drinking problem. No one dared question him, either, because he became violent when anyone tried to even imply that he was an alcoholic. Just the word "alcoholic" blew his lid off some days.

Needless to say, money was really tight. Jeff's mother was working overtime several days a week just to pay the electricity and phone bills and buy food for her children. The cable and internet was shut off weeks ago.

Jeff took up a part-time job at a local pizza place as a delivery boy. It didn't pay well, but it was enough that he could help around the house a little while also keeping himself busy after school. Some days, he even got to take home the occasional free pizza when it was made incorrectly and sent back by the customer. He fed his sisters once or twice a week, at least, and that meant a little less work on his poor mother.

She was so overwhelmed lately that Jeff worried she might end up working herself to death.

With everything else going on, Jeff's grades at Dalton began slipping. Normally, he maintained straight A's with an occasional B, but lately, he could hardly manage a C. His midterm came back with two A's—in Calculus and Statistical Analysis, of course—one C, three D's, and an F. Almost all of his teachers asked him if he was feeling alright, and his counselor suggested that he speak to her.

He did a very good job at pretending everything was fine.

Before when he struggled with something in school, he got help from Nick. In turn, he helped Nick with mathematics, something the brunette could never really fully grasp a lot of the time.

Jeff wondered if Nick was having trouble, too.

Next to everything else wrong in his life, Jeff's argument with Nick seemed ridiculous. He wanted more than anything to forget all about it and tell Nick that he'd been wrong and stupid and that his life was a living nightmare without him…but his stupid pride and overwhelming schedule got in the way.

And so he kept himself preoccupied. He spent his rare free time with Jonah either at Scandals, the Lima Bean, or at Jonah's apartment. He told himself that the college student made his life easier to deal with, which was mostly true, but he couldn't escape the thought that he just couldn't compare to Nick.

Tyler visited every other weekend, but he never stayed longer than a few hours. Jeff missed having his older brother around. He was stronger, like a rock to lean on when things got really bad. He was never afraid of their father even at his worst, and although it was childish to think, Jeff felt a little safer with him around.

And since he couldn't deal with his dog-murdering, homophobic, alcoholic, failure of a father alone, he ran away. Jeff spent as little time at home as possible, knowing he was neglecting his baby sisters in the act. But he wasn't as brave as Tyler. He couldn't protect them either way. Most of the time, he wasthe _cause_ of his father's rage just by being around, so in a way, he was helping his entire family by staying away.

Some nights, he seriously considered leaving forever. What if he just packed up and ran away? He was eighteen now, so he had every legal right to do so. Maybe he could start a new and better life and leave this one behind him.

Jeff came home one night after working to a living room littered with an assortment of empty and half-empty beer cans and bottles. Since he had a lot of homework to do tonight, he decided to clean up a bit to make room for himself.

He threw away the last three cans in the kitchen and turned back to the living room to see his dad standing in the entry between the two rooms. He looked angry—but when didn't he?

Jeff backed away unconsciously with surprise. He had assumed his father was sleeping in his room by now, like he usually was.

"What do you think you're doing, boy?" he demanded.

"I was just cleaning up," Jeff explained quickly.

"You threw away all of my booze."

"No, I just threw away the empty cans."

"I wasn't done with some of them," he snapped.

"If they had anything left in them, I put them in the refrigerator," Jeff told him, for once grateful that he hadn't simply thrown them away. "The living room was just getting really cluttered, so—"

"Are you trying to say something about me?" his father barked suddenly. "I don't drink that much! You act like the whole room was covered in beer cans."

"I never said that," Jeff said quietly. He didn't dare raise his voice to his father.

"Sure as hell sounded like that was where you were going!" His voice rose to a raspy shout. "Don't lie to me, boy. I know exactly what you were thinking."

"I was only tidying up!" Jeff protested. "All I was thinking about was making space on the coffee table for my homework."

His father glared for a moment in silence. It was as if he was trying to think of something else to blame on Jeff. This time, though, there was absolutely nothing he could blame him for.

So, grumbling, he slouched over to the refrigerator and took out the two half-empty cans of alcohol and drained them both in a few moments. He belched loudly and tossed the cans in the garbage with the other twenty cans and he turned back to Jeff. "You just got off work, right? I need like forty dollars," he demanded suddenly. He held out a hand as if he expected Jeff to just fork over forty bucks.

"What? Why?" Jeff protested.

"I'm out of cash," he said simply, "and that was my last six-pack. I need to go buy more."

"My paycheck goes to the bank," Jeff told him.

"Then give me your card."

"No," Jeff objected. "I need that money so mom can get groceries tomorrow." _I don't work all night just so I can waste it all on your alcohol addiction!_

His father's eyes became stony. "Give me the goddamn card!" he snapped. "I won't say it again. I fed and clothed your greedy-ass for eighteen years. The least you owe me is a couple fucking dollars!"

Even with the sirens going off in his head, Jeff felt a wave of indignity come over him. "Why don't you get a job and waste your own money on twelve cases of beer?" He regretted voicing this aloud before the last word even left his mouth.

His father rushed at him suddenly and clasped sweaty fingers around his neck. Jeff staggered backwards until his back hit the wall. "Don't you _dare _speak to me in that tone of voice!" he spat uncomfortably close to Jeff's face. "You wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for me, you ungrateful bastard!"

Jeff closed his eyes tightly and tried to shrink away from his father, but because he was pressed up against the wall, it was physically impossible. He instinctively reached up to grab at his father's hands around his neck, just in case he decided to constrict those slimy fingers too tight. Jeff said nothing, but he was sure his father could hear his heart pounding against his chest.

"I'm ashamed to even call you my son," he muttered. "Faggots go to Hell."

His father, appearing suddenly drained of energy, let go. Just like that. He grabbed a can of beer—an unopened one—from the refrigerator and slouched out of the kitchen. Jeff was left pressed against the wall, bewildered and wide-eyed like an injured animal.

With homework out of the question, Jeff locked himself away in his own room, still shaking slightly. His father had gone out of his way to come up with the tiniest of excuses to punish him. Most times, he got angry for _almost_ legitimate reasons. But now he was searching for excuses to be angry?

And Jeff was the target, as usual.

Without any forethought, Jeff went for his closet and pulled out an old suitcase…

…

Even as a high school senior, Nick still shied to his bedroom when there was a knock at the front door. His parents, by now, didn't expect their son to open the door to anyone unless it was a friend from school. And now that he and Jeff weren't exactly speaking, Nick didn't expect any company most days. So, naturally, when there was a knock at the door that evening after school, Nick retreated up the stairs immediately.

He lingered in the upstairs hallway, far enough away from the loft railing that no one could see him from downstairs. He heard the door open.

"Ellen?" he heard his mother's greeting. "What's the matter? Come inside, let's sit down."

Ellen? Ellen as in Ellen Griffin, Jeff's _mother _Ellen? What in the world could she be doing here? Nick approached the wooden railing that enclosed the loft and knelt down to try and listen. Individual words were impossible to pick up from here, but he could swear that Ellen was crying.

_Oh, God. _Nick bit his lip as if to bite back the panic that suddenly rose in his throat. What was wrong? Had something happened to Jeff? Why else would Ellen be here?

Nick nearly had a heart attack when his mother suddenly called his name. "Nick! Come here for a moment!"

Nick took a moment to catch his breath. "C-coming!" he called back weakly. He pulled himself to his feet and walked stiffly down the stairs, counting each individual step on the way.

In the dining room, his mother sat beside Ellen at the table with her hands on her shoulders comfortingly. Ellen was crying into a tissue quite hysterically and didn't seem to notice Nick when he stopped at the entrance to the dining room. "Yes, mom? You called for me?" he greeted warily. He didn't dare look at Ellen.

"We need to ask you if you know where Jeff is," his mother said seriously.

"He's missing?" For a moment, Nick was overwhelmed with relief. Jeff was only missing. Not…not something worse.

"He ran away!" Ellen cried. "I didn't even notice he was gone. Not until Lily brought me the note he left."

"Do you know where he went, Nick?" Nick's mother demanded. "Or where he may have gone?"

Nick shook his head. "No. I-I don't even know why he would run away in the first place," he said quickly. "We haven't spoken in days."

Ellen looked confused. "You haven't?"

"No. We broke up like a week ago," he told her. "Jeff didn't tell you?"

Nick's mother sent him a look of surprise. _Oh, right._ He hadn't told his own parents about the breakup either.

Ellen blinked and suddenly looked even more distraught. "I don't know," she whimpered. "I've been so busy lately…he might've told me. I don't remember."

"It wasn't that long ago," Nick said quickly. "It wasn't official until a few days ago."

"Nick didn't even tell me about it," his mother told Ellen. "You know how teenagers can be."

Who better to comfort a distraught parent than Nick's mother? She went through quite a bit of drama with her own son, from expensive therapy to depression to an almost-lethal suicide attempt.

"Can I see the letter?" Nick asked suddenly. He even took himself off-guard with the question. How insensitive could he get?

Ellen didn't seem fazed, however. Sniffling, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a creased and badly folded piece of notebook paper and handed it to Nick.

Ignoring the disapproving look from his mother, Nick unfolded the paper. There was no addressee; he just jumped right into the note:

_I can't take it living here anymore. I cause nothing but trouble for everyone, so I'm leaving. Since I'm 18, just think of it like I'm moving out a little earlier than planned. Maybe once I'm gone, things can go back to normal at home. Maybe dad will stop drinking and get a job again. I know he's only like this because of me. So it'll be good for everyone when I'm gone. _

_I'm sorry for everything._

_-Jeff_

Nick felt a growing ache in his chest as he read the note. He had no idea that Jeff had felt this way… He had no idea his father had been drinking. Jeff had never told him.

But shouldn't he have known? Nick had ignored all of the signs. Had his father been abusing him, too?

Nick wanted to ask more questions, but he was afraid that Ellen wouldn't be able to handle it. She seemed so broken.

Quietly, he asked, "Do you think Tyler might know where he went…?"

"I called him first," Ellen whimpered. "He said Jeff hasn't called him in over a week. He's coming home to help find him."

Nick nodded, feeling almost numb. Why wasn't he freaking out or, at the very least, breaking down in tears like Ellen? Jeff was his best friend and the love of his life. And he was _missing. _Shouldn't he be having a panic attack right about now?

Once Ellen had calmed down, she and Nick's mother made a few phone calls. They couldn't report Jeff as missing since he was legally an adult, so they decided to report his car as stolen.

Nick wasn't sure that was fair, but Ellen was clearly desperate to get her son home soon. She called everyone Jeff knew using contact numbers on Nick's cell phone.

Not even Jeff's new "boyfriend," Jonah, knew where he was.

It wasn't too long before Tyler arrived. He caught himself up on the situation with his mother, appearing much calmer about the whole thing.

He didn't doubt that Jeff was okay. In fact, he didn't even seem upset about his disappearance, although he did promise to help look for him.

When Ellen sent Tyler home to check on Lily and Kandy, Nick followed him out the door.

"Aren't you worried about Jeff?" Nick asked him.

"Sure," Tyler answered. "But, if I'm going to be perfectly honest, I was more worried about him when he was still home."

Nick furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?" He hesitated, and added, "Is it because of your dad…?"

Tyler stopped and looked at Nick. "You know about that?" He sounded surprised. "Jeff said he wasn't going to tell anyone."

"It was in his letter," Nick told him. "It said something about him drinking a lot." Nick noticed the dark look in Tyler's eyes and said, "There's more to it, isn't there?"

Tyler sighed. "Yes. A lot more."

"Was he abusive towards Jeff?" Nick guessed warily.

Tyler nodded solemnly. "He wasn't nice to any of us, but he really took his anger out on Jeff. Jeff tried to cover it up and he made me swear not to tell anyone, too. But…do you remember when he broke his wrist?"

A feeling of dread came over Nick. "That was your dad…?"

"Yep," Tyler answered darkly. "He got pissed off and threw a dining room chair at him."

"_What?" _Nick gasped. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"He didn't want you to worry," Tyler said. "That's not the only thing he was covering up, either. Want to take any guesses?"

Nick felt sick to his stomach. "Zeus…?" he suggested.

"Exactly. Dad killed him in our kitchen, right in front of Jeff. He smashed his head in with a beer bottle—"

"I don't want to know the details!" Nick protested quickly. He already felt sick. If Tyler went on, he might puke on his shoes.

"Sorry," Tyler said. "I forgot that you were squeamish."

Nick said nothing and they walked on to the Griffin house in silence.

Kandy was sleeping when they checked on her, and Lily was exhausted enough that it didn't take too much coaxing to get her to bed. She was worried about "Jeffy" but Tyler managed to convince her that he was okay and would be home soon.

While they were here, Tyler took Nick through Jeff's room to look through his things. It was unlikely that there was anything left here to tell them where he'd gone, but it didn't hurt to look.

"Are you sure it's alright for me to be here?" Nick asked warily as Tyler shut the door to Jeff's bedroom.

"Jeff isn't exactly here to tell us otherwise," Tyler pointed out matter-of-factly.

"No, not that," Nick said. "I mean your dad… I'm going to assume he doesn't like me very much."

"He's not home," Tyler assured Nick. He began rummaging through the drawers of Jeff's dresser. "You should check the nightstand."

Nick sighed and moved across the room to where Jeff's bed was. It was unmade and the pillows were lying on the floor. Nick took his time picking them up; he wasn't comfortable going through Jeff's things. He didn't feel like he had the right.

When he picked up one of the pillows, a piece of paper slipped out of the pillowcase and fluttered to the floor.

Great. He was trying to _avoid _finding something.

Nick picked up the paper. It was a Dalton report card. The most recent once they'd gotten, it seemed. It was littered with D's and F's. The notes by his teachers were all the same: missing homework, skipping classes, poor performance, and failure to stay awake in class… Many of them seemed concerned and outlined dates for parent-teacher conferences.

He had no idea that Jeff was struggling this much. What kind of friend was he? Jeff always knew when something was wrong with Nick. And here Jeff had been suffering for weeks on end, and Nick had been blind to everything.

His tough act dissolved in an instant. He suddenly couldn't breathe or see straight. He collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath as he clutched to the nightstand with uncontrollably trembling fingers.

Well, here was that panic attack he'd been expecting.

Tyler seemed startled. "No, no, no, Nick, you can't fall apart in front of me!" he protested. "I can't handle these kinds of things!"

"I'm sorry," Nick blubbered. His throat felt like it was getting tighter with every breath and no oxygen was getting to his lungs. He felt like he was underwater and the surface was just out of reach. He wanted to cry for help, but he knew somewhere in his mind he wasn't really in danger.

He felt Tyler kneel down next to him. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Didn't Tyler know he suffered from panic attacks? Nick tried to gather his voice back. "I'm okay," he wheezed. He pressed his forehead against his arm. "I'm okay." He was trying to tell himself as much as he was trying to tell Tyler.

"You sound like you can't breathe," Tyler pointed out. "You don't have asthma, do you?"

"No," Nick answered sharply. Desperation clouded his mind and he grabbed at his chest as if it might help him breathe. He could feel his heart pounding with his own hands.

He couldn't pull himself together. It was all his fault that Jeff was gone. If only he had noticed sooner! If only he hadn't been so selfish. If only he'd cared a little more. If only he hadn't been so wrapped up in himself.

He couldn't stop gasping for breath. He _knew _he was hyperventilating, but he still couldn't calm himself down enough to realize he wasn't dying of oxygen deprivation. The room spun around him even though he wasn't even standing. Everything seemed to be getting darker and darker and darker…and suddenly, the world went black.

Nick reopened his eyes what felt like only moments later. His heart was still pounding, but he could breathe again.

"Awake?" he heard Tyler's voice nearby.

Nick sat up with a soft groan. Tyler was sitting on his knees beside him. "I passed out?" he guessed. It wasn't the first time that had happened to him. It was just the first time it had happened in years, since he went to therapy and learned how to handle his panic attacks.

"Yeah," Tyler answered. "What the hell happened?"

"I have panic disorder," Nick told him weakly. "I thought you knew. Sorry if I freaked you out."

"Nah, its fine," Tyler assured. "I just had no idea what to do."

"Most people don't," Nick said. "I can usually handle them myself, anyways. They're not deadly for most people. They just feel like it."

"You came around pretty quick," Tyler told him. "I was afraid I was going to have to drag you home, but you were only unconscious for a minute or so."

"I've never been out for too long," Nick said. "Fainting is pretty much my body's final method of calming me down. It works better and faster than therapy." He looked at Tyler. "You seem really calm all of the sudden," he pointed out.

Tyler heaved a small sigh. "I deal better with someone fainting than I do with… consoling someone," he admitted.

"That's alright," Nick said. "If I couldn't handle it, I doubt someone else could help." The report card was a trigger, sure, but fainting over it? He felt ridiculous.

"I think you should go home and get some rest," Tyler said. "All of this might be a little too much for you right now…"

"No," Nick protested quickly. "I'm fine, honest. It used to happen to me all the time; it's not a big deal."

Tyler seemed uncertain. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," Nick said. "I want to help find Jeff." _And I need to set things right! _

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you think!<strong>


	34. Columbus

**I'm sorry I didn't have this out sooner. I meant to get it done around Christmas, but I got writer's block towards the end of this chapter. But here it is now! Hope you like it!**

* * *

><p>Nobody had any leads. A week went by without a word from Jeff. When his mother consulted with the police, they said they couldn't do anything about it. Jeff was legally an adult now and had every right to disappear without so much as a word to anyone, apparently.<p>

Something good _did _come out of it all, though, when Ellen finally decided to kick her husband out of the house. Nick only heard about it after the fact when Tyler told him. Apparently, he hadn't shown any concern for the fact that his son was missing and had even gone far enough to say it was Jeff's own fault for pursuing his "perverted lifestyle."

"I was going to tell him off for that one," Tyler said. "But I didn't even get a word in before my mom completely blew up. She screamed at him to get out of the house. We packed his things for him and tossed him out on the front lawn. He was _furious, _but you know what? It serves him right. Maybe he can come back once he gets his act back together. I know he's my father and all, but I think my mom should have kicked him to the curb months ago. He isn't the same man he was when I left for college, that's for sure."

"You're happy about it?" Nick was surprised.

"Sure. It _is _a little sad, I'll admit. I wish things could just go back to when we were a happy family, but that didn't look like it was going to happen anytime soon. This is the next best thing, really," Tyler said. "And maybe now Jeff will feel safer to come home."

"Maybe," Nick mumbled. "But I think he might blame himself for your parents splitting up." He'd known Jeff long enough to know how he thought. He would see the split as something else that he had caused by being somehow not good enough for his father. It was why he left in the first place.

"Yeah, probably at first," Tyler admitted. "But I really think he'll realize—eventually—that we're all better off without our dad."

"If he ever actually comes home…" The thought of never seeing Jeff again seemed to eat away at Nick's heart. The ache seemed to grow with each day he was gone.

"He will," Tyler insisted. "We might have to track him down first, but he will come home eventually."

"Where in the world could he be?" Nick demanded. "It's been a _week _now. We're not getting any closer. I'm trying to be positive, but I haven't even been able to eat a whole meal since Jeff ran away, I'm so anxious."

Tyler's eyes suddenly lit up. "You just gave me an idea!" he said. "A few weeks ago, Jeff got a job at a pizza place as a delivery boy. Maybe we can find some leads there?" he suggested. "Now if I could just remember the name… It was something like Pizza-zaz-something?"

"…Pizzazzle?" Nick guessed.

"Yeah, that place! Have you eaten there before?" Tyler asked.

"No, I just know the place. My family doesn't eat 'fake' Italian food, as my dad calls it," Nick said distractedly. "I didn't know Jeff got a job there."

"He told me on the phone a little while ago," Tyler said. "He was helping mom pay for things like food since our dad lost his job and wouldn't find a new one. And if he's living alone now, he has to maintain some income, right? So maybe he's not far."

"It wouldn't hurt to check it out," Nick said hopefully.

And so Nick and Tyler took a trip to Pizzazzle. It was a 10 minute drive and in the middle of what you might call Downtown Westerville. Nick's parents had told him he wasn't allowed to drive around downtown _anywhere_, but he decided this would be an exception to the rule. Westerville was far from shady, and these were dire circumstances.

"Welcome to Pizzazzle Pizzeria, may I help you?" the woman at the counter greeted Nick when he approached with Tyler.

"Is there a manager around?" Tyler asked.

The woman suddenly looked nervous. "Er, manager? Did we deliver another…_bad _pizza?"

"Um, no…" Tyler answered confusedly, "we just wanted to ask about one of your employees," Tyler said.

"Oh, phew! That's good. Another lawsuit and we'd be out of business!" The woman laughed airily. "I will be right back with our manager."

When she was gone, Tyler turned to Nick. "I wonder what they mean by 'bad' pizza?"

"Oh, um… I read once that a woman found a mouse head in her pizza at another location," Nick said. "She's probably rich now." Luckily Breadstix hadn't had any problems like that before. Sure, some of their food wasn't the _best, _but at least they abided by food safety standards.

"Sweet," Tyler mused. "Maybe I should order from here…"

Before Nick could think of a response to that, the woman reappeared with a well-dressed man at her heels. He greeted Tyler and Nick enthusiastically. "Good afternoon, gentlemen. You asked to speak with me?"

"Yes. We were just wondering if you happened to have someone named Jeff Griffin working here for you?" Tyler asked politely.

"Jeff Griffin?" he echoed. "No, he's no longer working for me. It's a shame, since he was such a great worker. I think he had his job transferred last week, actually."

"Transferred where?" Nick blurted out a little louder than he meant. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, he added, "If you don't mind telling us…"

"I _think_ he transferred to Columbus," the manager answered. "He seemed to be in a hurry about it, too. I helped him out since it seemed so urgent and he was one of my best workers, even if he only worked here for a few weeks."

"Columbus?" Tyler echoed. "How many Pizzazzles are there in Columbus?"

"I'm not really sure. Three or four, maybe," the man answered. "I don't know which one Jeff was transferred to."

"Alright…That narrows it down. Thank you for your time," Tyler thanked him.

"Do you mind telling me what this was about before you go?"

"Oh. Um…it's a long story, really," Tyler said uncertainly. "It's a bit of a family issue. Sorry."

"Oh, I see," the man said. "Well, whatever it is, I hope it gets resolved soon."

As Nick and Tyler turned to leave, all Nick could think was, _Me too…_

…

Columbus was less than a half-hour drive from Westerville. Nick didn't tell his parents where he was going for fear that they might forbid him from going. Tyler still seemed a little wary around Nick, thanks to his panic attack earlier in the week. But so far, he managed to keep his anxiety and panic at bay, at least when Tyler was around.

He and Tyler drove separately. They figured they could cover more ground faster that way. Since there were three Pizzazzles in Columbus, they were going to each check one and meet up at the third if neither of them found Jeff.

Nick prayed that they would find him.

Nick found his assigned Pizzazzle before long in the middle of downtown Columbus. His heart was pounding as he got out of his car and walked up to the front doors.

Jeff could be here, right behind those doors. Nick was almost nauseous from the somersaults his stomach was doing as he reached for the handle.

_Ding. _The bell above the door jingled as Nick pushed it open. A rush of warm air that smelled of tomato and garlic threatened to empty Nick's stomach of its miniscule contents, but he managed to hold it back.

Nick staggered to the serving counter where a friendly young woman with brown hair pulled back in a ponytail greeted him. "Hello, sir. Welcome to Pizzazzle. May I help you?"

Nick shook his head. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but it suddenly occurred to him that he had forgotten to plan what he was going to say. His mind blanked and he forgot how to speak. For an agonizing moment, he stood there with his mouth half-open in stricken silence.

Maybe he still wasn't quite ready to be out in public by himself…

The woman still smiled at him, although she seemed a little confused. "Are you alright, sir? Would you like to take a seat? You don't look well." Her voice was concerned.

"I'm alright," Nick stammered, his voice trembling, but least he managed to say _something_. "I'm sorry. I'm not here to order anything."

_Good job, Nick, _he thought to himself. _You're a high school senior and you still can't talk to strangers! _But to be fair to himself, he wasn't really in the best state of mind right now, either.

"Oh?" The woman waited for him to go on.

"I was just wondering if Jeff happens to be working here today?" he asked quickly. It completely slipped his mind to say Jeff's full name, since it was a pretty common and for all he knew there were a dozen Jeffs working here.

"Jeff?" she echoed. "Jeff Griffin, you mean?"

"Yes!" Nick exclaimed almost before the words left her mouth. "I'm sorry," he apologized quickly, although he wasn't entirely sure what exactly he was apologizing for. "Do you know him? Is he here?"

"No, his shift just ended around ten minutes ago," she answered. "Do you need me to take a message for him or something?"

"No," Nick answered. A message would be horribly insufficient under these circumstances, and even if he _did _leave a message, what would he say? "But do you have any idea where he might be staying?"

She glanced around uncertainly. "I might," she said. "But I would like to know who you are, first. Why do you need to know where Jeff is?"

"I'm his—" Nick stopped himself. He really wasn't sure _what _he was to Jeff anymore, and he didn't know if Jeff wanted anyone here to know of his sexuality. "I'm his best friend," Nick said finally.

She seemed to consider that for a moment before nodding. "Alright. I just wanted to make sure that you're not some crazy guy out to get him for some reason," she said. "But I heard that he was staying at some hotel around the corner. I think it's called _E-Z Life_ or something."

"You're sure?" Nick suddenly had to urge to tear out of here and go find that hotel, but he contained himself.

"I heard the boss talking about it," she said. She seemed to notice Nick's sudden impatience. "I'm guessing this is something urgent?"

Nick nodded. "Very," he said honestly. "I have to go find him now, but thank you so much for your help." He backed away from the counter.

"No problem!" she called after him. "I hope things work out for the best."

Nick didn't even buckle his seatbelt before he started up his car and pulled out of the parking lot.

It didn't take long to find E-Z Life, whichwas an extended stay hotel a few blocks away from Pizzazzle. It wasn't the _nicest _place you could stay—the parking lot was cracked and faded and the building was eroding away with age—but it definitely wasn't the worst. Compared to his home life, this place could feel a haven for Jeff…

Nick found the front lobby and approached the desk with as much confidence as he could muster in himself. The man behind the counter, dressed in a black button-up shirt, greeted him tiredly. "Welcome to E-Z Life," he said in a monotonous voice. "Would you like to rent one of our rooms? Starting fee is only $30 a night for a studio suite."

"No thank you," Nick said. "I'm here to see someone, actually… Can you by any chance tell me what room Jeff Griffin is staying in?"

Nick was pleasantly surprised with himself. He managed to speak coherently, he remembered to say Jeff's last name, and he'd kept his stammering to a minimum. Considering how he acted at Pizzazzle, that was a huge improvement.

"One moment," the man said blandly as he turned to the computer at his desk. There was a long, unbearable silence broken only by the tapping of keys on the computer keyboard. Finally, he said, "Room 216. Second floor."

"Thank you!" Nick said. He backed away from the counter and took the stairs two at a time to the second floor. Halfway down a long hallway, Nick found room 216. He stopped right outside the door and hesitated before knocking.

He had no idea what he was going to say to Jeff. He knew he had to convince him to come home, and he _had _to tell him all about Sebastian's blackmail in order to make things right. He couldn't stand being apart from Jeff any longer.

_But what if it makes no difference?_

Nick knocked on the door and took a step back. Several seconds ticked by before Nick heard the _click _of the door unlocking. The doorknob turned…

Nick's heart skipped a beat when Jeff appeared on the other side of the door. He looked tired and confused, but his blonde hair was still neatly brushed with his bangs sweeping across his forehead as usual and he still had on his work uniform from earlier. The confusion in his eyes turned to bewilderment in an instant. "Nick?" He didn't seem to believe what he was seeing.

"Jeff!" Nick had the urge to hug him in his relief, but he held himself back. He pushed his way inside Jeff's hotel room before the blonde had a chance to object "Thank God! I was starting to think we might never see you again…"

"What are you doing here?" Jeff demanded, closing the door and turning to look at Nick.

"You disappeared on us!" Nick exclaimed. "Did you think we were just going to shrug and move on? We've been looking for you for a week. Your mother is beside herself with worry, and Tyler has been skipping school so he could stay home and help look for you."

"You can't guilt me into going home," Jeff said indignantly. "I'm eighteen and I have every legal right to live my life the way I want to."

"Is _this _how to want to live your life?" Nick motioned around them to the studio hotel suite. They stood in what could be called the kitchen with a stove, oven, and refrigerator. Just a few steps away was a black cloth sofa and a small box-television, and directly across from the living room was the queen-sized bed, a dresser, and a door which led to a small full-sized bathroom. The carpets were stained, the walls were fading from white to dull beige, and there was a gaping hole torn in the drywall above one of the kitchen counters.

"So what if it is?" Jeff challenged. "It's none of your business anyways. We broke up."

Nick flinched at the harshness in Jeff's voice. He should have figured he'd get defensive, but it still stung. "I know we did…But I wish we hadn't," Nick murmured honestly. Before Jeff could respond, he went on. "I know it was all my fault, too. I should have been more honest with you, and I shouldn't have kicked you off the council, and I should have told you the truth before things got out of hand. And I'm sorry that I flipped out about Jonah. You have every right to date who you want…even if it's not me. But I'm ready to tell you the truth now. It's the least I can do after everything I've screwed up between us."

Jeff hesitated uncertainly. "You don't have to do that," he protested. "I didn't leave home because of you."

"I know," Nick said. "I…I know about your dad. Tyler told me everything. I'm _so_ sorry I didn't realize what was going on, Jeff. I should have been there for you more… like I said, the least I can do is tell you the truth."

"Tyler told you?" Jeff's voice was weak.

"Only because I saw the letter you left," Nick explained. "I made him tell me, but I guess I always suspected something was wrong…"

Jeff recovered quickly. "Then…then you should understand why I can't go back home, and it doesn't matter what you tell me. I won't change my mind."

"That's not what I'm trying to do," Nick objected. He couldn't tell Jeff that his mother had kicked out his father. Not yet. It was too soon. "I _have _to tell you everything, why I didn't stick up for you in the Warblers, even if it doesn't change anything between us. I was selfish and I have to make it right," he said strongly. "I know you demanded to know the truth before. Will you listen now?"

"I don't even care about why you took me off the council anymore," Jeff said. "Sebastian deserves my spot anyways. You don't have to explain anything."

"But there's so much more to it," Nick protested. "It's not even about the Warblers. It's about us. There are some things I've been hiding from you that I should have told you about. And now that I know about your dad, I feel like I _have _to tell you," he repeated.

Jeff hesitated a moment longer, appearing uneasy. "Alright," he agreed finally. "I'm listening."

"Let's sit down," Nick offered. _You might want to be seated when you hear some of this… _Jeff said nothing and led Nick across the room to the sofa. Nick sat down, and Jeff sat at the other end, turning to face Nick.

Nick drew in a breath. _This is it… _"Well…I guess I'll start with the reason why we voted you off the council and work backwards," Nick began nervously. "Sebastian isn't as nice as he likes for people to believe, and well…he's been blackmailing a few of us Warblers."

"_Blackmailing_?" Jeff echoed.

"Thad, Flint, Jon, Trent, and I," Nick answered. "He dug up some dirt on all of us and he threatened to reveal it to everyone if we didn't 'obey' him. At first, I didn't think it'd be so terrible. We're _a show choir_. I thought he'd just demand all the solos or something. But the first thing he ordered us to do was kick you off the council. I was too afraid to object." _And everything went to Hell._

He wasn't sure if Jeff believed him or not yet. "What does he have on you?" Jeff asked.

"He stole my therapy journal," Nick replied quietly. "He came over to my house for 'help with Italian homework.' But he was only looking for dirt. And he found a whole lot of it," Nick mumbled. "All of my secrets are in that journal, the darkest one being my…my suicide attempt." His voice faded when he said it.

"But I already knew about that," Jeff pointed out. "Why couldn't you have told me about the blackmail?"

"I didn't want you to freak out about it," Nick said. "And…there's something in that journal that I've never told anyone. Not even you. And I was terrified that Sebastian would tell you about it if I ratted on him."

"What is it?" Jeff asked. His voice was soft and Nick thought he might have heard some concern there.

"Please don't look at me differently when I tell you," Nick pleaded. "You know it was a really dark time for me. But…after my failed suicide attempt, I didn't just suddenly get better. I was still depressed. I still wanted to… to kill myself... But I was on 24/7 suicide watch. My parents _still _keep the knives locked up, and they used to keep my medication on strict lock and key too. But I was desperate. And I had a plan to try again."

"I don't know if I want to hear this," Jeff said suddenly. "You don't have to go on. I get the picture."

"Are you sure?" Nick asked. "There's…a lot more to this than I think you realize. And I want you to hear it from me, not Sebastian."

Jeff hesitated. "Okay," he mumbled apprehensively. He suddenly reached over and took one of Nick's hands in his own and squeezed gently. "Go on."

The feel of Jeff's hand in his own made his heart skip a beat. "I'm not telling you this so you'll feel sorry for me," Nick said. Honestly, he'd rather not be telling this to Jeff at all. His heart was beating against his ribcage like a bird fighting to escape its cage and it was a struggle to keep his voice even. He was afraid his palms were so sweaty that Jeff would regret touching his hand, but he wasn't pulling away yet, at least. "But anyways, as you already know, my first attempt didn't go so well. And I planned to overdose the next time. I figured it'd be cleaner and less painful. But like I said, I was on 24/7 suicide watch and my medicine was locked away. I started saving my pills and stashing them away, but after a few weeks of that, I decided that it was taking too long." Nick hesitated. "So I asked my mom if I could go to your house. It was the first time I'd seen you since before my first attempt and my mom took it as a sign that I was recovering. But…I had an ulterior motive."

Jeff's expression was dismayed. "You stole from our medicine cabinet?" he guessed, horrified. His grip on Nick's hand tightened a little.

"I knew it wasn't locked like mine," Nick said quickly. "And yes, I stole some prescription painkillers and aspirin when you left the room, but I never used any of it. I never made a second suicide attempt."

"Did someone catch you…?" Jeff guessed.

"No," Nick said. "I _didn't _take the medicine thanks to _you. _I went to your house for a means to end my life, but I remember that we started talking. You were worried about me. You said I seemed really sad, even when I smiled. You said you could see the sadness in my eyes because they weren't as bright as they used to be. And when I was away in the hospital, you said you missed me. You _missed _me. And I started thinking, if I killed myself, at least one person would miss me when I was gone. And that was all I could think about when I was at home that night with all of those pills, because you were my best friend and I couldn't imagine how you might feel if I actually did it. Even if you were the only person besides my own parents who would care if I was gone, it still gave me a little more reason to live." By the time he finished, Jeff was practically cutting off the circulation in Nick's hand, he was squeezing it so tightly.

"I remember that day," Jeff said softly. "Why were you so afraid of telling me?"

"I _stole _from you," Nick pointed out. "And I planned to kill myself with what I stole. I didn't even want you to find out about my original suicide attempt, and this was ten times worse."

"But you didn't take any of the pills," Jeff pointed out. "You were stronger this time. I don't care that you got them from my house. If you'd stolen them from anywhere else, you might not be here today…" his voice faltered at the end. "Sebastian is _blackmailing _you about this?" he suddenly demanded in furious disbelief.

"Yes. And he's blackmailing some of the other guys, so I'm not the only one with something to lose," Nick said. "So you _can't_ tell him that you know."

"But it's _horrible_ to use something like _that _to blackmail someone! What kind of sick person is he?"

"I thought the same thing," Nick mumbled. "I don't know if he would _actually _tell everyone, but none of us wants to take any chances."

"What does he have on everyone else?" Jeff asked.

"I don't know. And I hope I don't find out," Nick said. He looked at Jeff uncertainly. "Are we okay now?" he asked anxiously.

Jeff smiled very slightly. "We're okay," he decided. He leaned closer to Nick and hugged him close. "I've missed you so much."

Nick closed his eyes and held Jeff tightly. "I've missed you, too," he murmured. He was weak from the relief that Jeff forgave him and it felt like an incredible weight he hadn't even known was there was lifted from his heart. He didn't know if this meant that they would get back together or not, but right now, he didn't care. A few minutes ago, he doubted Jeff would ever forgive him for what he'd done, and just to know that they were alright now was more than he could have hoped for.

Now he had no secrets with Jeff.

Nick's cell phone rang in his pocket suddenly and he was forced to pull away from Jeff to retrieve it. He read the caller ID. "It's Tyler," he told Jeff. "Shoot. I forgot about him… Is it alright if I tell him where we are?"

Jeff shook his head. "I don't mind. I guess I do have some explaining to do…"

Nick answered the call and brought the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Where the hell are you?" Tyler demanded on the other line. "I texted you like eight times! I was beginning to worry that I was going to have to tell everyone that you were missing now, too."

"Sorry," Nick said with a small laugh. "I found Jeff."

"Seriously?" Tyler exclaimed. "Where? At Pizzazzle? Did you talk to him? Is he there now?"

"Not at Pizzazzle. We're at a hotel called E-Z Life near downtown. And yes, I talked to him. We're in room 216."

"I'll be there in five minutes," Tyler told him. "Don't go anywhere!" And then the other line clicked off.

"He's coming now," Nick said. He put his phone back in his pocket. "Are you still completely against coming home?"

Jeff frowned. "I already told you. I can't go home," he said seriously.

"It's not your fault, Jeff. You didn't do anything to deserve those things your father did to you," Nick said softly. "You shouldn't have to leave home because of him."

"What else am I supposed to do?" Jeff demanded. "And if it's not my fault, whose is it? Everything was fine until I came out of the closet. I don't regret being with you, but maybe things would have been better if I'd just kept my mouth shut. It has cost my whole family nothing but pain."

"No one else blames you for anything, Jeff," Nick insisted. "Your mom doesn't think you've done anything wrong and she was more upset than I've ever seen her this past week. And…" he trailed away uncertainly. Jeff had a right to know about what was happening with his family. But would it push him further away, or make him feel safer about returning home?

"And what?" Jeff pressed.

"She kicked your dad out of the house," Nick answered quickly.

"_What?" _Jeff gasped. "Why?"

_Maybe because he's a jackass? _Nick didn't think he was really in a place to say this out loud though. "Because she wants you to come home," Nick said. "She thought you'd feel safer with him gone."

"I left to _keep _that from happening!" Jeff protested.

"Don't you think your family is better off without him?" Nick reasoned. "He didn't have a job and he was stealing money from your mom to pay for alcohol! He was the one with a problem, Jeff, not you. You did _nothing _wrong."

"My parents have been together for _twenty _years," Jeff said slowly. "And they're going to split up now thanks to me."

"It's _not _your fault!" Nick insisted. "And maybe they won't split up. Maybe your dad will take this ultimatum and get over his alcohol addiction. You know he wasn't getting any better before, and your family deserves better than that."

"He never drank until I came out of the closet." Jeff was determined to make this entire thing his fault. "So he wouldn't even have a drinking problem if it wasn't for me."

Nick thought he saw a tear sparkle in Jeff's eye, but he blinked it away so fast it was difficult to be sure. Before Nick could say anything more—which he wasn't really sure _what _to say anymore with Jeff insistent on blaming himself—there was a knock at the door. "That's probably Tyler," Nick said as he went to answer it.

Sure enough, Tyler was on the other side of the door, appearing stressed yet relieved when he saw Jeff. He didn't say a word of greeting and went straight for his younger brother, drawing him into a big embrace. "I thought I told you to come to me if anything went wrong at home with dad," he said softly. "You scared the hell out of all of us, running off like this."

Jeff made little effort to hug Tyler back, but he did bury himself in Tyler's shirt. "_Everything_ was wrong," he choked.

"I told him that your mom kicked your dad out," Nick told Tyler quietly. "He thinks it's his fault."

Tyler sighed and pulled back to look at Jeff. "Why would you think for a moment that it's your fault?"

"Dad never even touched alcohol before I came out of the closet," Jeff echoed what he had just told Nick moments ago in a weak and tired voice.

"So you think that your sexuality ruined our family?" Tyler figured. "You know, I think it was dad's bigotry that ruined our family. And now that he's out of the picture, we can fix the mess he made of our lives."

"You don't understand," Jeff protested.

"Maybe I don't," Tyler admitted. "We don't think the same way. But I know _I_ don't blame you for the kind of person dad has become, and neither does mom or Lily, either. We just want you to come home."

Jeff still seemed uncertain, but it looked like Tyler might be getting through to him.

"Don't you want to come home?" Tyler asked softly.

Jeff sniffled and dropped his gaze to the ground. "Yes," he finally admitted in a small voice. "I do. I want to go home."

Tyler placed his hands on Jeff's shoulders gently and said, "Then let's go home."

* * *

><p><strong>What did you think? Please review!<strong>

**Also, do you think it's too late for me to write a Christmas themed chapter? I had planned to write one but I was too slow with writing. (Sorry!) Should I write a Christmas/Holiday themed chapter, or are you guys sick of the holidays? **


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